sheldonbbt:
As a married man, what do you do when you realize your wife is self centered? Marriage is just a year old.

She is quick to question when I need to send money to my family. I transfer 40% of my monthly salary to her for savings as I am not so good with money, but when it comes to her family, she is very swift.

I intend to stop giving her the savings.

Do not ever give your money to her for saving. Learn to save by yourself. You should have 100% control over your money.
I learnt in a hard way. Take care of your wife and your money.

Finance can destroy a marriage if not handled delicately.

sheldonbbt:


Well, we keep learning daily. The aim of doing that was to foster transparency and openess regarding our finances.

Obviously a very big mistake

we always told u guys these things but u guys thinks otherwise, my woman doesn't know what I earn and how I earn it, mine is to provide, and when I am broke she will take the mantle.

There is a tin line between love and foolishness bro

sheldonbbt:


Well, I intend to do that from next month! It was actually a big mistake.

before u start that, make sure I cunningly find a way to retrieve what u have saved with her else kiss ur money goodbye

Skyview01:


I send money to my family now without informing my wife. She does not need to know and I have a separate accounts as well. I used to tell before but when I realized she was sending a lot to her family without my knowledge, I changed immediately.

Marriage na big life university and you gotta learn and be very smart. Negleted my siblings for a long time taking care of wives family . Not anymore and I don't need to know what she send to her family as well. He nor concern me.

neglected ur siblings for wife family??

Abeg una dey try ooh

tonicyril:
we always told u guys these things but u guys thinks otherwise, my woman doesn't know what I earn and how I earn it, mine is to provide, and when I am broke she will take the mantle.

There is a tin line between love and foolishness bro

It took me like 10years in marriage to learn.
Today, nobody knows what I make or what i have. I will provide for all your needs.

The respect dissapears if your wife knows you finish especially your finances.

tonicyril:
neglected ur siblings for wife family??

Abeg una dey try ooh

I nor try at all. Not totall neglect but i focused on them before I realized i was a big mugu, I was being used and now, I don learn to be selfish.

Skyview01:


It took me like 10years in marriage to learn.
Today, nobody knows what I make or what i have. I will provide for all your needs.

The respect dissapears if your wife knows you finish especially your finances.

ten years

I knew all these even before I get myself a woman..

tonicyril:
ten years

I knew all these even before I get myself a woman..

I nor date before marriage and very naive. I be church boy and married at 25, 26 to my first girlfriend so no real relationship experience at the time.
I thought everyone was as open minded and selfless like myself.

The first 8 years of marriage, my wife was a stay at home mom and doing small business at home. I made her joint on all my accounts and na so we dey spend the money, sent a lot to her family and life was sweet.

She went to school again, got a job and started making money.

When I innocently requested to be joint on her account the way she was on all my accounts, she flatly refused.

That was a big eye opening experience for me and I thought I was a smart guy.

No matter how much I love now, my finances will always be a mystery only known to me.
You should have something to surprise your wife and don't ever let your finances be known 100%

Skyview01:


I nor try at all. Not totall neglect but i focused on them before I realized i was a big mugu, I was being used and now, I don learn to be selfish.

wait, lemme ask..

Are ur inlaws not having male and female children?
Is it ur obligation to take care of them when u have ur own family?
Is their daughter (ur wife ) not working?

I didn't say u can not extend ur benevolence to them but there should be difference, u re not their biological son, u re an adopted son tru marriage and u have ur own parent to look after as well..

Lemme tell you how I use to run my package. When I get a woman, I set her up with business she likes or learned, then I will tell her that with this she should be able to attend to her family needs(as capable as she is) and she should be careful not to run the business down due to insatiable urge for money from the family else my hand no dey ooh

Skyview01:


I nor date before marriage and very naive. I be church boy and married at 25, 26 to my first girlfriend so no real relationship experience at the time.
I thought everyone was as open minded and selfless like myself.

I learned by force.

oohhhhh I see,

tonicyril:
wait, lemme ask..

Are ur inlaws not having male and female children?
Is it ur obligation to take care of them when u have ur own family?
Is their daughter (ur wife ) not working?

I didn't say u can not extend ur benevolence to them but there should be difference, u re not their biological son, u re an adopted son tru marriage and u have ur own parent to look after as well..

Lemme tell you how I use to run my package. When I get a woman, I set her up with business she likes or learned, then I will tell her that with this she should be able to attend to her family needs(as capable as she is) and she should be careful not to run the business down due to insatiable urge for money from the family else my hand no dey ooh

My brother, I set up businesses on numerous occasions my brother and it never ends well. That is tory for another day.

As for the brother in laws, I have never seen a lazy bunch of people in all my life. Never want to work and always wanting to depend on the sister.
Married men with no tangible source of income and they sabi manipulate their sister or mother. I cut them off already.

Manage your finance individually. Contribute to your immediate family upkeep.

Skyview01:


My brother, I set up businesses on numerous occasions my brother and it never ends well. That is tory for another day.

Set her up on the business or handwork she understands..

Example, If she's learned a tailoring work, give her money to buy plenty female material, that tin get money..

As for the brother in laws, I have never seen a lazy bunch of people in all my life. Never want to work and always wanting to depend on the sister.
Married men with no tangible source of income and they sabi manipulate their sister or mother. I cut them off already.

Well, I always say...if all the children are lazy or not responsible then there is a tendency that it was caused by how the parent handled/trained the children while they were growing up..

Imagine not wanting to punish ur children when he err just because u don't what to hurt his emotions, or because u think he's still a child and should not be checkmated. Now when the child grows up he would not want to take responsibility for anything, he would not want to work because he knows his parents would provide for him .

See, abeg let the parent eat the work of their labour on their irresponsible children, na werin dem sow dem go reap, don't stress ursef out because u want to be seen as good inlaw..

Learn how to take care of your people without her knowledge. It's not that difficult, especially since you know she is not in for it.

Skyview01:


Are you married?

What does that got to do with nothing?

mariahAngel:
Did you or did you not notice the self centeredness in her while you both were courting?

Na so ooo

Men thinking with their third leg

Skyview01:


You do not notice everything before the marriage, marriage is about two complete strangers coming together and there will be understanding and compromises along the way. It is a big learning process if both of the couple are willing to work at it.

Most people are selfish and have to work very hard to change.

you notice everything and every possible outcome, except if you choose not to.

falcon01:
you notice everything and every possible outcome, except if you choose not to.

Not everything, You notice the very important ones, nobody ticks all boxes 100% except you got yourself a pretender. Some things are fundamental and cannot be accepted while some can be worked upon.

jeromestarks:

What does that got to do with nothing?

What does work experience have to do with job knowledge?

That is how it sounds my friend!

sheldonbbt:
As a married man, what do you do when you realize your wife is self centered? Marriage is just a year old.

She is quick to question when I need to send money to my family. I transfer 40% of my monthly salary to her for savings as I am not so good with money, but when it comes to her family, she is very swift.

I intend to stop giving her the savings.

Why u too dey tell her anytime u want to send money to your family, no be everything u go dey tell your wife.

Skyview01:


Are you married?

You don't need to ask him.

Which married person would advice you to divorce your wife because she is self-centered towards her husband & family?

Skyview01:


What does work experience have to do with job knowledge?

That is how it sounds my friend!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Or what does proficiency in a field got to do with consulting?

Wahala wa.

Skyview01:


Are you married?

..when you see a "Familyd" inclined response here on NL, you should be able to know .

Does the responses from that guy look like a "Familyd" person. ?

Lol...

You can unleash your belt on her


Next time you talk , she'll be submissive

Skyview01:


Not everything, You notice the very important ones, nobody ticks all boxes 100% except you got yourself a pretender. Some things are fundamental and cannot be accepted while some can be worked upon.

and the Important ones determine everything. And something like centeredness can go unnoticed (not sure if that's a word)

sheldonbbt:


Nope, not because of that. All through this year, I haven't sent money home at all, and I thought she will be reasonable a little. Because my savings are with her, she just kept complaining talking about what we need to get and all that, even saying shabi I will still send money to them for Christmas.

After questioning me and being reluctant to give me the money she got a call from her mom requesting money and she did not waste time in sending the money, only to say the money she sent to them is what she has been saving from the little jobs she does here and there

Okay the money is not from your own savings with her, which she was telling you not to dip your hand into to send to your parents, it's from her own hustle according to her - that's okay but you sound like you didn't believe her why is that?


So moving forward can you save your money by yourself and send your money to your parents by yourself next time?

Open accounts without app, atm card whatever and only dip your hand when you need to.

Skyview01:


It took me like 10years in marriage to learn.
Today, nobody knows what I make or what i have. I will provide for all your needs.

The respect dissapears if your wife knows you finish especially your finances.

Took me 6months or less

Erums:


Took me 6months or less

You smart pass me na!

sheldonbbt:
As a married man, what do you do when you realize your wife is self centered? Marriage is just a year old.

She is quick to question when I need to send money to my family. I transfer 40% of my monthly salary to her for savings as I am not so good with money, but when it comes to her family, she is very swift.

I intend to stop giving her the savings.

pls go and open a money market fund account with Stanbic ibtc or fbn money market to save money atleast with 8% annually and the interest is on daily basis
U see your money change digit daily on weekdays
That's where l save till l'm ready for investment

Kobojunkie:
Do you send her family the same amount that you send to your own family? Are you as generous with her family as you are generous with yours?

This issue isn't about your savings but about how you both cater to each other's families so leave the savings alone, unless it's the case that she dips into it without first informing you.

It's his saving, humans are not to be trusted 100 percent wether wife , sister, brother, etc . He should have control over his earnings and savings.

ExudeLoveToAll:
■ It's his saving, humans are not to be trusted 100 percent wether wife , sister, brother, etc . He should have control over his earnings and savings.

According to Op, there was a good reason why he had her taking care of it from the beginning. Op probably believed the money would fare better if she was to guard it as opposed to him doing so. And since she is his wife, I see no reason why she shouldn't continue to handle that. Whatever happens to his savings probably affects her too.

This particular issue they are having needs to be resolved not by taking the savings out of her hands and putting it in OP'S less trustworthy hands, but by other means. They need to come to an agreement on how to resolve demands from either families.