CoronaVirusPro:
You can always adopt if truly you love her

You don't have to guilt trip him.

He wants biological children.

Kobojunkie:
What is so confusing about the fact that your priority is fertility and not love. Nothing wrong with having such a priority. It becomes a problem of wickedness however when you try to get others to bend your way without a guarantee from you.

According to you, she is a virgin but you already perceive that she may have trouble producing children due to health issues she has been having. Why not take that as a red flag and leave her to go find yourself a woman who is fully fertile? Why are you considering taking away her virginity to test what you already doubt knowing fully well you will not commit to her if it turns out you were right all along?

See her free abeg so she can go find herself a man who loves her and has her as his priority abeg!

I am not saying I want to do that, I am just saying it's not an option.
You are not considering all the other variables I stated up there, do you consider the kind of pain my parents will go through if their only other child falls into this pit of infertility again ?

Try and understand the variables surrounding this and I am sure you won't be this judgemental.

humilitypays:

In life, if you want to be at the top and to get the best out of life, you must be ready to act selfish in most critical life decisions and also make some sacrifices that many people will hear and say you are not a good person but only you know why you took the actions you took, which are best for you and your life situation at the moment.

Walking away is not always as easy as you make it seem, especially when the whole family is already involved in planning for the marriage.

Since your priority is kids, look for a woman that will birth 10 kids within a space of 10 months and leave that infertile girl alone.

I want to ask this simple question: What's the odds of a woman with PCOS getting pregnant? What are her chances? is it 10% - 90% or 50/50?

Discuss this with a doctor.

This is exactly my story but i didnt know she had PCOS or even know the meaning of PCOS when i got married. After we got married, that was when I knew we were in for it.

PCOS patients get pregnant but you need to be very knowledgable, patient and work as a team to get pregnant.

My bro, in your case, infertilty will shake your marriage badly and may evetually break you guys if either of you cant take it anymore.

As some point you may start doubting if you can father a child and psychological effect would be huge when your relationship becomes marriage.

My Advice

You need to put yourself first above any other person. Your mental state is hugely astake if the baby doesnt come few months, years after you get married.

Look above love now to avoid a painful break up later or a frustrated union.

Start trying for pregnancy now. Discuss this with her in a diplomatic manner. If pregnancy happens go ahead to marry and if otherwise, just keep trying.

Marriage comes with pressure and that pressure will affect you mentally, physically and spiritually if not managed well.

I wish you all the best bro and i pray God answers your prayers

Kobojunkie:
What is so confusing about the fact that your priority is fertility and not love. Nothing wrong with having such a priority. It becomes a problem of wickedness however when you try to get others to bend your way without a guarantee from you.

According to you, she is a virgin but you already perceive that she may have trouble producing children due to health issues she has been having. Why not take that as a red flag and leave her to go find yourself a woman who is fully fertile? Why are you considering taking away her virginity to test what you already doubt knowing fully well you will not commit to her if it turns out you were right all along?

See her free abeg so she can go find herself a man who loves her and has her as his priority abeg!

Make she go find a man abeg, you people will just be giving advices like say na play den dey do for marriage.
What is the joy of marriage if there are no children, the love will clear for their eyes if after 7 years they cant conceive. Love is not enough in marriage o. Enter one and see how things be.

ademola2017:
This is exactly my story but i didnt know she had PCOS or even know the meaning of PCOS when i got married. After we got married, that was when I knew we were in for it.

PCOS patients get pregnant but you need to be very knowledgable, patient and work as a team to get pregnant.

My bro, in your case, infertilty will shake your marriage badly and may evetually break you guys if either of you cant take it anymore.

As some point you may start doubting if you can father a child and psychological effect would be huge when your relationship becomes marriage.

My Advice

You need to put yourself first above any other person. Your mental state is hugely astake if the baby doesnt come few months, years after you get married.

Look above love now to avoid a painful break up later or a frustrated union.

Start trying for pregnancy now. Discuss this with her in a diplomatic manner. If pregnancy happens go ahead to marry and if otherwise, just keep trying.

Marriage comes with pressure and that pressure will affect you mentally, physically and spiritually if not managed well.

I wish you all the best bro and i pray God answers your prayers

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and being realistic.
I can't do the bolded cos she is a virgin as such we cant even have sex.
I am not sure if I want to convince her to loose her virginity as that would be unfair in case I choose not to marry her.

This is why I say its a kind of dilemna for me.

beekind:

I love her but I want my own children, I have seen the kind of stress my elder brother has been through cos of trying for a child, I won't wish it on my enemy.
Besides, I dont want the only 2 children in the family struggling to have children.

Based on your feelings which I must say is valid, end the relationship.

There are good chances she will have children when her PCOS is properly managed and the father of the children would likely not be you.

Move on with someone you feel would not generate fertility concerns for you while she also hopefully finds someone who would support her journey wholeheartedly.

There is no dilemma! The marriage plans just have to be halted at this point. You are just being in denial of the obvious. And this your procrastination is going to cost you and everybody involved 100 times more pain and heartache. Call everything off now! Be a man, use your head! You one wait now… until it will be too late and you can’t stop anything again. Instead make you stop all the plans first now that you have not done traditional or white wedding. You want to delay till when u print IV abi? Dey play.

I want to ask you, what if you discovered that you and your babe are AS, AS, will you still be talking this nonsense? Or you will go ahead abi? And born sickle cell children? Oga! Come up with whatever reason and call the relationship off now! Are you waiting till when u marry her, disvirgin her, then three years down the line, no pregnancy or full term pregnancy, then you go give another woman belle outside? Break every body heart then scatter the marriage? Is that what you are waiting for? Think!

beekind:

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and being realistic.
I can't do the bolded cos she is a virgin as such we cant even have sex.
I am not sure if I want to convince her to loose her virginity as that would be unfair in case I choose not to marry her.

This is why I say its a kind of dilemna for me.

That lady is not a virgin. If she got PCOS, it can be treated. If you don't trust her fertility, leave her and get someone else pregnant and marry the person.

Period

CoronaVirusPro:
You can always adopt if truly you love her

Love is not enough.

beekind:
I am the 2nd born out of 2 children, my elder brother has been married for some time with no kids as a result I am super careful with issues relating to fertility.
I am in my late 30s and have been dating a 27 year old lady for 4 months now, the relationship moved so fast as she is a perfect match for me .
I have met her family and she has met mine, we are already planning marriage and have started counselling sessions in her church.

She complained of irregular periods so I told her to do a hormonal profile test and see a gynecologist, turns out she has got PCOS.

I have done my own fertility test and I am fine, I am at a cross road now, I cannot afford to struggle with child birth considering my age and also my only other sibling still also having issues with the wife also still trying to get pregnant after many years.

The only other option would have been to ask her to try for pregnancy before marriage but she is a virgin and wants to keep it that way till wedding, besides if I disvirgin her, how will I be able to walk away incase she doesn't get pregnant ?

I am at crossroads now, its not too late but walking away at this point will be very costly for me since we have already started plans towards the wedding and our families are already in touch.

My heart is heavy and I am confused, I need good advise as I cannot discuss this with anyone.

@admin, kindly push to front page for more advise.

Goodmorning OP. if i tell you i n have an advice to give you. i am a big Liar. one thing i will say, do not marry by human calculation., just take a 7 days fast, ask the holy spirit for a clear direction,
ask him to give you a sign of peace, or he should speak to you through dreams or revelation. tell him, God is this woman or man is not your will for me, let the marriage plan scatter. my husband prayed this prayers before we got married. i married into a family. where some siblings of my husband had delays and fertility issues. it discouraged my husband from married, He was almost 40. afraid of marriage. his younger sibling already married. story plenty... i no fit type.... all you need now is partnership with the holy not prophets.... my eye see something. infact during one marriage counselling session. one of their family pastor said... Nnne you know childbirth can delay in marriage.

hope you will happily stay married to your husband... because the pastor knows my husband family antecedence with infertility struggle. omor eeh i gently, respectfully but firmly but interrupted the man of God sharp sharp.... ( i was just 29... this their family pastor is in his 50s....


i tell the pastor am say no be like this dey do marriage counselling. my fiancée now husband was shocked, ( i remember when pastor Paul Enenche said do not keep quite when matters challenging your destiny are discussed) which kind counsel of Ahithophel be this, i said in my mind, i had goose pimples that day...
We got married. i was 29years , my husband clocked 40years


hahaha, you don't want to experience Ndi womb watchers.

at the end God showed us Mercy. I got pregnant after 2 months of marriage to the glory of God
God had mercy on me and my husband.

God can favour a 40 years old woman and she gets pregnant easily and born within the first year of marriage .
while 21 year old virgin fit dey wait ooo for 5 years or more

there are no parameters. no formulars ( hey mind you my husband was my first sexual partner)
so i am pro chastity.
what am i am saying in essence, this are hard matters. you need to partner with the Holy ghost, not pastors, prophets or Naira landers. May the lord himself give you an answer of peace, Amen

Adanambra1:



Goodmorning OP.

Thank you for your time and advise.

Beremx:
That lady is not a virgin. If she got PCOS, it can be treated. If you don't trust her fertility, leave her and get someone else pregnant and marry the person.

Period

very blunt and precise.

Beremx:
That lady is not a virgin. If she got PCOS, it can be treated. If you don't trust her fertility, leave her and get someone else pregnant and marry the person.

Period

Why do you say she is not a virgin, please educate me.

beekind:

Why do you say she is not a virgin, please educate me.

I am a woman. When a woman says at 27years that she's a virgin and that she prefers sex after marriage, oga take off! 99 percentage of such narrative is lies. Get someone else, impregnate and marry. Simple

Beremx:
I am a woman. When a woman says at 27years that she's a virgin and that she prefers sex before marriage, oga take off! 99 percentage of such narrative is lies. Get someone else, impregnate and marry. Simple

mmmnnn could it mean she deliberately claimed virgin so as to prevent me from bringing up the option of getting pregnant before marriage ?

As the only reason I am not asking her to try for pregnancy now before marriage is because she is a virgin, we couldn't even do transvagina*l scan, all we could do was hormonal profile test and pelvic scan to diagnose the PCOS.

The problem now is, I don't even want to have sex with her, cos if she is a virgin and she is unable to conceive it becomes difficult for me to let her go since I took her virginity (assuming it's true that she is).

This whole thing has got my head spinning...

Beremx:
I am a woman. When a woman says at 27years that she's a virgin and that she prefers sex after marriage, oga take off! 99 percentage of such narrative is lies. Get someone else, impregnate and marry. Simple

Not true ma. i married as a Virgin at 29years as a lady. my husband also was a virgin at 40years, he was born 1982 ....
after wedding we could not achieve penetrative sex for almost 3 weeks. my husband didnt even know where the vagina was located. he mistook it for the pee hole. each time he had a strong erection, its went flat as soon as he tried to insert the kings Rod, no entrace, i felt pains like hell. thank God for youtube videos, we even watched the messy irritating porn videos...it didnt help . until we jammed one doctor on youtube channel first time sex tutorial. my hubby started with one finger, graduate to two fingers...
we continue to mumu until week 3... the rest is history...
i got pregnant after 2 months of wedding.
sex still feels a little painful once in a while. as i am nursing a newborn


yeah i know some ladies are liars and manipulators. but not all
his fiancee might be or not
only GOD knows shall

beekind:

mmmnnn could it mean she deliberately claimed virgin so as to prevent me from bringing up the option of getting pregnant before marriage ?

As the only reason I am not asking her to try for pregnancy now before marriage is because she is a virgin, we couldn't even do transvagina*l scan, all we could do was hormonal profile test and pelvic scan to diagnose the PCOS.

The problem now is, I don't even want to have sex with her, cos if she is a virgin and she is unable to conceive it becomes difficult for me to let her go since I took her virginity (assuming it's true that she is).

This whole thing has got my head spinning...

do a virginal test on her... you could do it by physical examination yourself. or take her to a female gynecologist at the hospital for physical examination... Virginity test... if she has any objections. to this. bro . then you have being scammed.
as much as i am against lies and deception.
i like to add, i do not believe in pregnancy before marriage, especially if she is chaste.
being underweight can delay pregnancy... also what if you have a low sperm count that period. u just want to put the woman in unnecessary distress. human calculations can fail

Kobojunkie:
All those one's wey full una churches, have god done finish giving them miracles even after so many years?

..
u just go about countering every post without making yours..

Adanambra1:



Goodmorning OP. if i tell you i n have an advice to give you. i am a big Liar. one thing i will say, do not marry by human calculation., just take a 7 days fast, ask the holy spirit for a clear direction,
ask him to give you a sign of peace, or he should speak to you through dreams or revelation. tell him, God is this woman or man is not your will for me, let the marriage plan scatter. my husband prayed this prayers before we got married. i married into a family. where some siblings of my husband had delays and fertility issues. it discouraged my husband from married, He was almost 40. afraid of marriage. his younger sibling already married. story plenty... i no fit type.... all you need now is partnership with the holy not prophets.... my eye see something. infact during one marriage counselling session. one of their family pastor said... Nnne you know childbirth can delay in marriage.

hope you will happily stay married to your husband... because the pastor knows my husband family antecedence with infertility struggle. omor eeh i gently, respectfully but firmly but interrupted the man of God sharp sharp.... ( i was just 29... this their family pastor is in his 50s....


i tell the pastor am say no be like this dey do marriage counselling. my fiancée now husband was shocked, ( i remember when pastor Paul Enenche said do not keep quite when matters challenging your destiny are discussed) which kind counsel of Ahithophel be this, i said in my mind, i had goose pimples that day...
We got married. i was 29years , my husband clocked 40years


hahaha, you don't want to experience Ndi womb watchers.

at the end God showed us Mercy. I got pregnant after 2 months of marriage to the glory of God
God had mercy on me and my husband.

40 years woman fit born after 9 months of pregnancy.
while 23 year old virgin fit dey wait for 5 years
there are no parameters. ( hey mind you my husband was my first sexual partner)
so i am pro chastity.
what am i am saying in essence, this are hard matters. you need to partner with the Holy ghost, not pastors, prophets or Naira landers. May the lord himself give you an answer of peace, Amen

I am so glad to read this... awesome advice!!

beekind:

Why do you say she is not a virgin, please educate me.

How did the doctor know she has PCOS?
Did she do a transviginal scan?? If yes, then she is not a virgin o..

beekind:

mmmnnn could it mean she deliberately claimed virgin so as to prevent me from bringing up the option of getting pregnant before marriage ?

As the only reason I am not asking her to try for pregnancy now before marriage is because she is a virgin, we couldn't even do transvagina*l scan, all we could do was hormonal profile test and pelvic scan to diagnose the PCOS.

The problem now is, I don't even want to have sex with her, cos if she is a virgin and she is unable to conceive it becomes difficult for me to let her go since I took her virginity (assuming it's true that she is).

This whole thing has got my head spinning...

.
i can bet my 2balls that your banny is not a virgin.

ademola2017:


How did the doctor know she has PCOS?
Did she do a transviginal scan?? If yes, then she is not a virgin o..

She didnt do transvaginal scan, she did pelvic scan and hormonal profile test (amh, lh and fsh levels) was used to diagnose the PCOS.
Plus her symptoms of irregular menstruation were the major indicators of the diagnosis.

beekind:
I am the 2nd born out of 2 children, my elder brother has been married for some time with no kids as a result I am super careful with issues relating to fertility.
I am in my late 30s and have been dating a 27 year old lady for 4 months now, the relationship moved so fast as she is a perfect match for me .
I have met her family and she has met mine, we are already planning marriage and have started counselling sessions in her church.

She complained of irregular periods so I told her to do a hormonal profile test and see a gynecologist, turns out she has got PCOS.

I have done my own fertility test and I am fine, I am at a cross road now, I cannot afford to struggle with child birth considering my age and also my only other sibling still also having issues with the wife also still trying to get pregnant after many years.

The only other option would have been to ask her to try for pregnancy before marriage but she is a virgin and wants to keep it that way till wedding, besides if I disvirgin her, how will I be able to walk away incase she doesn't get pregnant ?

I am at crossroads now, its not too late but walking away at this point will be very costly for me since we have already started plans towards the wedding and our families are already in touch.

My heart is heavy and I am confused, I need good advise as I cannot discuss this with anyone.

@admin, kindly push to front page for more advise.

Firstly you need to give you life to Jesus Christ. and surrender totally... before you can partner with the holyspirit. He will be your best adviser and teacher. what i perceived in my spirit is if you want your case to be different, if you dont want your family propensity with child bearing not to come close to you.. you need to act differently... leave this your human calculation. prayerfully walk out of that circle... with the way you are going about this your marriage calculation. you want to repeat the chain reaction'

CoronaVirusPro:
You can always adopt if truly you love her

As If it is easy. Mitcheww.

Adanambra1:



Firstly you need to give you life to Jesus Christ. and surrender totally... before you can partner with the holyspirit. He will be your best adviser and teacher. what i perceived in my spirit is if you want your case to be different, if you dont want your family propensity with child bearing not to come close to you.. you need to act differently... leave this your human calculation. prayerfully walk out of that circle... with the way you are going about this your marriage calculation. you want to repeat the chain reaction'

Rubbish. Even in the Bible when things get out of hand,drastic measures are taken. Israel should have stayed and be praying without taking any action nah. Sheepie.

beekind:
I am the 2nd born out of 2 children, my elder brother has been married for some time with no kids as a result I am super careful with issues relating to fertility.
I am in my late 30s and have been dating a 27 year old lady for 4 months now, the relationship moved so fast as she is a perfect match for me .
I have met her family and she has met mine, we are already planning marriage and have started counselling sessions in her church.

She complained of irregular periods so I told her to do a hormonal profile test and see a gynecologist, turns out she has got PCOS.

I have done my own fertility test and I am fine, I am at a cross road now, I cannot afford to struggle with child birth considering my age and also my only other sibling still also having issues with the wife also still trying to get pregnant after many years.

The only other option would have been to ask her to try for pregnancy before marriage but she is a virgin and wants to keep it that way till wedding, besides if I disvirgin her, how will I be able to walk away incase she doesn't get pregnant ?

I am at crossroads now, its not too late but walking away at this point will be very costly for me since we have already started plans towards the wedding and our families are already in touch.

My heart is heavy and I am confused, I need good advise as I cannot discuss this with anyone.

@admin, kindly push to front page for more advise.

If her condition is not treatable,oga leave her. There's nothing like love in marriage.

She can still get pregnant

Justbehave:
As If it is easy. Mitcheww.

What's difficult in adopting if it's for love?

If gays are doing it for love, how much more straight peeps!