I understand your plight cos i exp it.
Been toomuch dependent and old age gets one into such actings.
Importantly Inform ur maternal people and get her a help.
Try as much to get in control of her bank matters so u work out her spendings.
Tell your sisters to always keep in touch with her.
Be strong.
*** My mama went resting from coma after a fall she had.
Ife nwoke na'afu aburo obere ife.

Intergrated:
Op. The problem is not lazyness it has to do with mental health issues.

That is it but how do you convince a 60 year old Nigerian to get help?

My dear manage her she is your mother. the only thing you owe her in this her life time is to take care of her ,you already know her health condition so please stop complaining and take care of your mother.

See the person talking


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_MWopQhHXE?si=KjOsdzR_RxMVXNYY

I am really grateful to y'all for your responses, its soul lifting and very encouraging i must say. I am unable to respond to all the messages due to work an all that. I want to give responses to some of the doubts raised earlier. These issues have always been there from the little i remember just before my dad passed, of course i was just so little to understand the effects this would have later in life like i am currently experiencing. My sisters are well and alive, they are both married with children and far away, they have been doing the best they can but limitations exist. My mum isnt that old and lonely for the records, shes approaching 65 currently. I will always support her by the grace of God and thats why i am reaching out here to seek for help. This is not reporting her for people who see it that way, i just shared my experience from a place of deep pain.
@Ntipia and @jrusky thank you for your comments.
@gidjah, my sisters are far away and i was just around 7 or 8 when my dad passed.
@thinkmoney, God bless you sir, i will keep doing all i can as long as God gives me strenght.
@Praktikals, thank you so much, i pray you continue to get all the help you can and God be with you.
@oladitisd, i value my mum anyday and its out of the love i have for her that is making me do this. I am not baby at all and i am prepared for anything that comes my way. No one lives forever actually.
@layzie, you submission is right on this, its difficult to unlearn certain habits at this age, its a cross i must continue to carry.
@mariahAngel, my immediate sister and I continued living with our mum after our dad passed. The youngest had to go and live with our grannies cos she was just a baby. And yes she has been like this since i can remember, i have been running medication errands since i was in primary 3 or thereabout.
@churro, unfortunately for me you are right, i see no change here, but i will continue to support her always.
@We4all, you get the picture sir, i have lived with some of my mum's sibling and they r not in a position to tell her the actual right and they have never done so, all they do is seek for quick solutions whenever there is crisis and sometimes push the blames to my sisters and i. I cant really blame them as they have their own lives to attend to. Who would tell someone like my mum the truth? No one actually lest you become her enemy.
@Aditkd, maam we have been to the psychiatrist over and over again. Issues around hygiene and general well-being have been discussed extensively, she would nake promises to change for the better but your guess is good as mine. I appreciate your suggestions on therapy and i would look into it.

Just to mention that she attends her monthly checkup at the clinic, shes a retired nurse at that and her people give her priority whenever she comes. I dedicate time to drive her to clinic whenever its time. I practically go beyond the ordinary to satisfy her needs honestly and loneliness like some people said is not a factor, i see her from time to time cos my workstation is located in the same city with her. Even though i am tired, you folks have encouraged me to do more. Of course i have plans to relocate and secure a better future for my family and the more reason i want her to do basic things for herself so that my sge doesn't become too dependent on me. I am grateful to God for the strenght he provides me on a daily basis without this I wouldn't be able to do a thing.

I will respond to people who have sent me DMs. God bless you all

lordfemzy:
Hello friends,

I am please asking for all the genuine help i can get right now to deal with an issue that has tormented me all the days of my life. I am open to criticism if it comes my way.

Situation: my mum (biological mother) is extremely lazy, lacks discipline, difficult to advice and very manipulative. However the laziness aspect is my main issue.

A brief history of myself, i am currently in my late 30s, firstborn and only male, with 2 sisters also in their 30s. I have been managing her case for the past 30 years since our father passed. I should mention that her mental health isn't that perfect and she suffers breakdown at least once a year whenever she misses her drugs. The nature of her breakdown is that she will keep on talking about most events from the past and view them in a negative way, she gets violent at times and uses foul words while cursing anyone who she thinks has wronged her. I pray non of us reading this will experience this in their families.

The chaos we experience whenever there is a breakdown is something i don't wish for my enemy at all, the effect is draining financially, emotionally and in various other ways you can think of. Infact looking back i owe God a lot of gratitude for the strength and courage he has given me and by extension my sisters in managing her very tricky situation. The shame, embarrassment, wasted time and efforts, lost opportunities that have come with her condition can only be imagined. I have had to sleep over at the hospitals various times whenever she's on admission running into weeks at times, i have had to represent the family at functions she was suppose to attend but due to ill health. I was lucky i didn't fail any of my last papers in Uni cos she was on admission, i missed a second class upper courtesy of my mums condition, the only 2 courses i ever failed in my 4 years at the Uni can be linked to her condition. I had to practically plan and organise a wedding for our last born cos she was on hospital bed. Some of her breakdowns happen whenever an occasion or celebration within the family is about to happen... my 21st birthday, final exams leading to graduation in uni, weeks to my wedding, weeks to her second born wedding, a whole month to our last born wedding, funeral of her mother in law, funerals of our grandparents, her own 60th birthday... the list is so long and at times i almost consider it spiritual but i am better informed.

In the last 2 years or thereabout i have been able to connect a few dots and patterns based on what i have experienced and seen. When my mum and her siblings (five) were being raised, the kind of family setup was such that cousins, distant cousins and relatives lived with them. This was because her late dad was a University lecturer, probably the 1st in his Hometown and granny was a primary school teacher, you know how it was in those days. I was able to understand that my mom and most of her siblings except one practically lived a life free of stress cos they had other relatives who were willing and at disposal to do major chores and take up responsibilities at home, they sort of lived a carefree life. I have stayed and lived a couple of times with these other siblings of my mum due to various reasons like holidays from boarding school, moving to another location for job opportunities etc.

I can practically tell from what i have seen with this people. All her life, things were being done for her and she's just free to do anything she wants apart from chores. Even her building project though her own money and sweat was an initiative of her late parents. They were practically her project manager and support system throughout their lifetime. Its a good thing to do but not setting limits and not being hard has it own detriments eventually, cos till date she's entirely reliant on anyone available to do even the simplest of chores. Let me quickly breakdown some of her acts and attitude which is very injurious to her own health.

1. The first on the list and perhaps the most annoying one is her laziness and OMG it reeks to the heavens. She avoids responsibilities and doesn't do house chores and generally procrastinates. My mum will use the toilet in her room and even living room and not flush properly on a constant basis. She does this even when she travels elsewhere. My mum can eat but cannot wash her plates and utensils, she will leave her plates in the living room for days or just anywhere, pots will pile up in the kitchen and will not be cleaned until every other option is exhausted and a new meal must be made. She will not lay her bed or change sheets constantly. She doesn't dress smartly and lacks good wardrobe management. She doesn't sweep, her corridor may not be touched in weeks same with other rooms in her apartment. Shes doesn't bother if she's unkept. Whenever she eases herself, due to her carefree attitude she will leave stained urine on her clothe and she will wear this throughout the day causing mayhem wherever she goes. Just add anything you can thing of as examples, you will find it with my mum. The annoying thing here is that if you advice her or suggest a change, she will rebuke you and tell you your are insulting her.

2. She's carefree and lacks good financial management. She earns well over 100K per month as pension and if we calculate her expenses per month she should have over 30 to 35k as savings. You can never account for how she spends her money! 10 days into a new month, the money is gone. Most times her friends abroad send her free money from and she will just squander the money on frivolities. She has a small shop that she runs, but for her to even stock the place sef na issue, she doesnt have a separate account for business and no stock is taken end of month or at least a quarter. We actually warned her against the line of business as its very common and the profit isn't much. We have practically considered her carelessness, carefree attitude and inability to keep things safe and warned against the shop idea. In the last 3 years she has lost 2 phones of high value. As if she likes to brag, whenever shes having discussion about money that is in her favour, maybe salary or someone abroad sends her money, she will begin to speak at the top of her voice such that an average person passing round can almost get full details. We have severally warned her against this but no luck at all. The consequence is that she has been defrauded a couple of times, you can act as a fake customer care agent of any bank and ask my mum for sensitive details like card number, password and she will give you immediately without a second thought despite the fact that she has been warned repeatedly. As a matter of fact she doesn't listen to her children's counsel or advice, but anybody from outside will give her advice and she ll make us of that one. She once told me off that i am not in any position to advice her that shes older than me and it should be the other way round. But when all the shit happens yours truly will be the one managing d situation.

3. She's manipulative. My mum is a master in this game and i am ashamed of her actions. I can't even mention some of the things she has done to my wife and I on this platform. She lies, deny incidences and things she has said. About her drugs, there is just one rule, do not skip any of morning or evening doses. Whenever she does she will never own up to you and when the effect is now seen, she will still try to cover up by saying she can't remember.

4. She's unforgiving. My mum is the last person you want to offend, even things that shouldn't be considered will be used against you when the time comes. For instance my mum may give someone raw food out of her own freewill or maybe the person asked for it, but months from that time the story can change that the person is the one stealing raw food or looting her house.

I apologise this is a long read and i can't even explain a quarter of what is going on at the moment, but the summary is that her laziness and lack of motivation is driving me nuts, i always have to bear and manage the consequences whenever shit happens. Its not easy for me cos i have my own family to manage and the responsibility is killing. Currently her househelp resigned 2 months back and the house has been a mess since then, she does practically nothing. I have been attending a workshop for the last one week and heard she's been feeding on puff puff and cornflakes every other day without making stew or soup and eating real food. This is a woman that money on her, even if you are lazy to cook, why not indulge yourself and patronise eateries till you have motivation to enter kitchen. Why not even make an arrangement for someone to come cook food for you everyday amd pay the person weekly or daily. We have to think for her and suggest things that require no initiative in most cases. I had to go and buy beef and made blended stew for her last weekend for example to motivate her amd assist like i always do. When i got back the following weekend, the stew wasn't even half used and there was mould on it indicating that she never cooked a serious meal, she was probably buying bread and removing the meat until it finished and lost interest in even heating the stew to warm.

Its more like if i don't do things for her, she will make herself fall into a state where she will enter deep sickness or starvation or depression such that people will see me as a bad person if anything sould happen to her. Already she has created that impression and she's living the lifestyle. Its been two weeks she's has remained indoors for no reason, no opening of shop, no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry, no strolling out and always expecting unknown help from anywhere it comes from. I have told her to pick herself up that help is something we must give ourselves. I have to go out to work daily not sitting down to baby sit my mum who is not an invalid. Her body is complete with no defects but i can't just help her laziness and attitude anylonger, its choking for me and i can't take ot anymore or do more than i have been doing. I have literally carried this woman for the most productive part of my life and done nothing wrong just loving my mother unconditionally. I have come to a point where i have to move on and break some unnecessary connections for my sanity and future of myself amd immediate family.

Please help and advice me guys on what to do. When she not in good health mentally na wahala and serious commotion and when shes stable, i have to battle with laziness, constant manipulations, carefree lifestyle, lack of discipline and vision and lots more. I have endured these cycle for too long. Also note that my sisters are married and are not even available at all, one is overseas and the other in a faraway state. I may not have touched some areas cos the issue too plenty but if questions are asked i would digress into it and share details truthfully. God bless

Moderator Sir/Ma, i beg you to help me push this to front page. I am not feeling good at all. Thanks

Your mum should see her psychiatrist again

Oga!
Even it my mom is worse than yours, I will not drag her matter to the public domain like this. It's enough that she lost her friend and partner over 30 years ago and didn't remarry. She has a source of income and it's not a big deal if she has to rely on you for money sometimes. That is why she's your MOTHER and not girlfriend.

Bro please keep supporting her, she is your mother,nor matter anything.you going to get a nanny who can help her with some certain things at home.she is not with her self.

In fact this guy don spoil my -day. YOUR MUM IS LAZY!!. Do you know what it takes to concieve, give birth and train a teen age child ? if you give her all your wealth you have not done one hundredth of what she did to you.

onlysose:
In fact this guy don spoil my -day. YOUR MUM IS LAZY!!. Do you know what it takes to concieve, give birth and train a teen age child ? if you give her all your wealth you have not done one hundredth of what she did to you.

Abeg get away with this nonsense post of yours!

Igbokwechika101:
Bro please keep supporting her, she is your mother,nor matter anything.you going to get a nanny who can help her with some certain things at home.she is not with her self.

So because she is his mother, Op should overlook the fact that she obviously needs mental health care in order to be more useful to even her own self?

Bankowner:
■ Oga!
Even it my mom is worse than yours, I will not drag her matter to the public domain like this. It's enough that she lost her friend and partner over 30 years ago and didn't remarry. She has a source of income and it's not a big deal if she has to rely on you for money sometimes. That is why she's your MOTHER and not girlfriend.

Nonsense... if you have nothing reasonable to suggest, then walk on by, not post what amounts to brain fart.

On her having an income, you think that woman is happy not being able to calm herself enough to save something for her own grandchildren from the income she has?

Basic123:
■ Your mum should see her psychiatrist again

Immediately !

Old ashawoe, na to train your sisters and brain wash them soon , your head don too strong

And so what?
If you behave rude or disrespectful to your mother, you may incur wrath of God.

Banhammy717:
And so what?
If you behave rude or disrespectful to your mother, you may incur wrath of God.

Stop using God's mention to tell lies!

May the Merciful God Bless you and your family. May all your efforts on your mother never end in vain in Jesus Name. Get her a new maid that will come in twice or three times a week to clean and cook, Inform the maid in advance what she is going to face.
For God's Sake, don't take your mom to any pastor or imam. She has a medical issue, and, she may be reacting to her medication. Get her appointment with psychologist or psychotherapist asap - she may be missing her husband!!!. You and your sisters need to have a direct meeting with her.
The Good Lord Will HEAL her, and wipe away your tears in Jesus' Precious Name.

lordfemzy:
Hello friends,

I am please asking for all the genuine help i can get right now to deal with an issue that has tormented me all the days of my life. I am open to criticism if it comes my way.

Situation: my mum (biological mother) is extremely lazy, lacks discipline, difficult to advice and very manipulative. However the laziness aspect is my main issue.

A brief history of myself, i am currently in my late 30s, firstborn and only male, with 2 sisters also in their 30s. I have been managing her case for the past 30 years since our father passed. I should mention that her mental health isn't that perfect and she suffers breakdown at least once a year whenever she misses her drugs. The nature of her breakdown is that she will keep on talking about most events from the past and view them in a negative way, she gets violent at times and uses foul words while cursing anyone who she thinks has wronged her. I pray non of us reading this will experience this in their families.

The chaos we experience whenever there is a breakdown is something i don't wish for my enemy at all, the effect is draining financially, emotionally and in various other ways you can think of. Infact looking back i owe God a lot of gratitude for the strength and courage he has given me and by extension my sisters in managing her very tricky situation. The shame, embarrassment, wasted time and efforts, lost opportunities that have come with her condition can only be imagined. I have had to sleep over at the hospitals various times whenever she's on admission running into weeks at times, i have had to represent the family at functions she was suppose to attend but due to ill health. I was lucky i didn't fail any of my last papers in Uni cos she was on admission, i missed a second class upper courtesy of my mums condition, the only 2 courses i ever failed in my 4 years at the Uni can be linked to her condition. I had to practically plan and organise a wedding for our last born cos she was on hospital bed. Some of her breakdowns happen whenever an occasion or celebration within the family is about to happen... my 21st birthday, final exams leading to graduation in uni, weeks to my wedding, weeks to her second born wedding, a whole month to our last born wedding, funeral of her mother in law, funerals of our grandparents, her own 60th birthday... the list is so long and at times i almost consider it spiritual but i am better informed.

In the last 2 years or thereabout i have been able to connect a few dots and patterns based on what i have experienced and seen. When my mum and her siblings (five) were being raised, the kind of family setup was such that cousins, distant cousins and relatives lived with them. This was because her late dad was a University lecturer, probably the 1st in his Hometown and granny was a primary school teacher, you know how it was in those days. I was able to understand that my mom and most of her siblings except one practically lived a life free of stress cos they had other relatives who were willing and at disposal to do major chores and take up responsibilities at home, they sort of lived a carefree life. I have stayed and lived a couple of times with these other siblings of my mum due to various reasons like holidays from boarding school, moving to another location for job opportunities etc.

I can practically tell from what i have seen with this people. All her life, things were being done for her and she's just free to do anything she wants apart from chores. Even her building project though her own money and sweat was an initiative of her late parents. They were practically her project manager and support system throughout their lifetime. Its a good thing to do but not setting limits and not being hard has it own detriments eventually, cos till date she's entirely reliant on anyone available to do even the simplest of chores. Let me quickly breakdown some of her acts and attitude which is very injurious to her own health.

1. The first on the list and perhaps the most annoying one is her laziness and OMG it reeks to the heavens. She avoids responsibilities and doesn't do house chores and generally procrastinates. My mum will use the toilet in her room and even living room and not flush properly on a constant basis. She does this even when she travels elsewhere. My mum can eat but cannot wash her plates and utensils, she will leave her plates in the living room for days or just anywhere, pots will pile up in the kitchen and will not be cleaned until every other option is exhausted and a new meal must be made. She will not lay her bed or change sheets constantly. She doesn't dress smartly and lacks good wardrobe management. She doesn't sweep, her corridor may not be touched in weeks same with other rooms in her apartment. Shes doesn't bother if she's unkept. Whenever she eases herself, due to her carefree attitude she will leave stained urine on her clothe and she will wear this throughout the day causing mayhem wherever she goes. Just add anything you can thing of as examples, you will find it with my mum. The annoying thing here is that if you advice her or suggest a change, she will rebuke you and tell you your are insulting her.

2. She's carefree and lacks good financial management. She earns well over 100K per month as pension and if we calculate her expenses per month she should have over 30 to 35k as savings. You can never account for how she spends her money! 10 days into a new month, the money is gone. Most times her friends abroad send her free money from and she will just squander the money on frivolities. She has a small shop that she runs, but for her to even stock the place sef na issue, she doesnt have a separate account for business and no stock is taken end of month or at least a quarter. We actually warned her against the line of business as its very common and the profit isn't much. We have practically considered her carelessness, carefree attitude and inability to keep things safe and warned against the shop idea. In the last 3 years she has lost 2 phones of high value. As if she likes to brag, whenever shes having discussion about money that is in her favour, maybe salary or someone abroad sends her money, she will begin to speak at the top of her voice such that an average person passing round can almost get full details. We have severally warned her against this but no luck at all. The consequence is that she has been defrauded a couple of times, you can act as a fake customer care agent of any bank and ask my mum for sensitive details like card number, password and she will give you immediately without a second thought despite the fact that she has been warned repeatedly. As a matter of fact she doesn't listen to her children's counsel or advice, but anybody from outside will give her advice and she ll make us of that one. She once told me off that i am not in any position to advice her that shes older than me and it should be the other way round. But when all the shit happens yours truly will be the one managing d situation.

3. She's manipulative. My mum is a master in this game and i am ashamed of her actions. I can't even mention some of the things she has done to my wife and I on this platform. She lies, deny incidences and things she has said. About her drugs, there is just one rule, do not skip any of morning or evening doses. Whenever she does she will never own up to you and when the effect is now seen, she will still try to cover up by saying she can't remember.

4. She's unforgiving. My mum is the last person you want to offend, even things that shouldn't be considered will be used against you when the time comes. For instance my mum may give someone raw food out of her own freewill or maybe the person asked for it, but months from that time the story can change that the person is the one stealing raw food or looting her house.

I apologise this is a long read and i can't even explain a quarter of what is going on at the moment, but the summary is that her laziness and lack of motivation is driving me nuts, i always have to bear and manage the consequences whenever shit happens. Its not easy for me cos i have my own family to manage and the responsibility is killing. Currently her househelp resigned 2 months back and the house has been a mess since then, she does practically nothing. I have been attending a workshop for the last one week and heard she's been feeding on puff puff and cornflakes every other day without making stew or soup and eating real food. This is a woman that money on her, even if you are lazy to cook, why not indulge yourself and patronise eateries till you have motivation to enter kitchen. Why not even make an arrangement for someone to come cook food for you everyday amd pay the person weekly or daily. We have to think for her and suggest things that require no initiative in most cases. I had to go and buy beef and made blended stew for her last weekend for example to motivate her amd assist like i always do. When i got back the following weekend, the stew wasn't even half used and there was mould on it indicating that she never cooked a serious meal, she was probably buying bread and removing the meat until it finished and lost interest in even heating the stew to warm.

Its more like if i don't do things for her, she will make herself fall into a state where she will enter deep sickness or starvation or depression such that people will see me as a bad person if anything sould happen to her. Already she has created that impression and she's living the lifestyle. Its been two weeks she's has remained indoors for no reason, no opening of shop, no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry, no strolling out and always expecting unknown help from anywhere it comes from. I have told her to pick herself up that help is something we must give ourselves. I have to go out to work daily not sitting down to baby sit my mum who is not an invalid. Her body is complete with no defects but i can't just help her laziness and attitude anylonger, its choking for me and i can't take ot anymore or do more than i have been doing. I have literally carried this woman for the most productive part of my life and done nothing wrong just loving my mother unconditionally. I have come to a point where i have to move on and break some unnecessary connections for my sanity and future of myself amd immediate family.

Please help and advice me guys on what to do. When she not in good health mentally na wahala and serious commotion and when shes stable, i have to battle with laziness, constant manipulations, carefree lifestyle, lack of discipline and vision and lots more. I have endured these cycle for too long. Also note that my sisters are married and are not even available at all, one is overseas and the other in a faraway state. I may not have touched some areas cos the issue too plenty but if questions are asked i would digress into it and share details truthfully. God bless

Moderator Sir/Ma, i beg you to help me push this to front page. I am not feeling good at all. Thanks

Dear Op,

Sorry for all the challenges you are facing. All our mothers are manipulative especially if you are the one doing well amongst her children. for your mental health, please get her a live in care giver who must be a trained nurse. The care giver will be incharge of cooking, cleaning and ensuring she takes her drugs at when due and also serves a companion. The cost of hiring these care giver might be expensive, but you will have rest of mind.

I know people that have had similar experiences, it is a very unfortunate situation, but she is not going to change, this is a burden you will have to bear till she dies. She is Schizophrenic, some of her normal attributes are there, but the mental sickness has compounded it.
Not sure how God decides who gets to experience such through out their lifetime.
Try to find a way to ensure she takes her drugs daily.
I can assure you everything you mentioned here was componded by the sickness.

lordfemzy:
■ This is just the story sir, as painful as it is i have nothing to hide

All you have detailed, including the information on so-called laziness, all reads like symptoms of mental illness .. yes..the kind of laziness you described along with lack of attention to hygiene is usually brought on by mental illness. I am not certain what drugs she is taking at this time but it is obvious you need to get her mental health doctors to see that the problem is not being fully taken care of. So, if you are able to, submit your writeup to one of her doctors so they can better understand what remains and know how to approach helping her resolve it further.

lordfemzy:
Hello friends,

I am please asking for all the genuine help i can get right now to deal with an issue that has tormented me all the days of my life. I am open to criticism if it comes my way.

Situation: my mum (biological mother) is extremely lazy, lacks discipline, difficult to advice and very manipulative. However the laziness aspect is my main issue.

A brief history of myself, i am currently in my late 30s, firstborn and only male, with 2 sisters also in their 30s. I have been managing her case for the past 30 years since our father passed. I should mention that her mental health isn't that perfect and she suffers breakdown at least once a year whenever she misses her drugs. The nature of her breakdown is that she will keep on talking about most events from the past and view them in a negative way, she gets violent at times and uses foul words while cursing anyone who she thinks has wronged her. I pray non of us reading this will experience this in their families.

The chaos we experience whenever there is a breakdown is something i don't wish for my enemy at all, the effect is draining financially, emotionally and in various other ways you can think of. Infact looking back i owe God a lot of gratitude for the strength and courage he has given me and by extension my sisters in managing her very tricky situation. The shame, embarrassment, wasted time and efforts, lost opportunities that have come with her condition can only be imagined. I have had to sleep over at the hospitals various times whenever she's on admission running into weeks at times, i have had to represent the family at functions she was suppose to attend but due to ill health. I was lucky i didn't fail any of my last papers in Uni cos she was on admission, i missed a second class upper courtesy of my mums condition, the only 2 courses i ever failed in my 4 years at the Uni can be linked to her condition. I had to practically plan and organise a wedding for our last born cos she was on hospital bed. Some of her breakdowns happen whenever an occasion or celebration within the family is about to happen... my 21st birthday, final exams leading to graduation in uni, weeks to my wedding, weeks to her second born wedding, a whole month to our last born wedding, funeral of her mother in law, funerals of our grandparents, her own 60th birthday... the list is so long and at times i almost consider it spiritual but i am better informed.

In the last 2 years or thereabout i have been able to connect a few dots and patterns based on what i have experienced and seen. When my mum and her siblings (five) were being raised, the kind of family setup was such that cousins, distant cousins and relatives lived with them. This was because her late dad was a University lecturer, probably the 1st in his Hometown and granny was a primary school teacher, you know how it was in those days. I was able to understand that my mom and most of her siblings except one practically lived a life free of stress cos they had other relatives who were willing and at disposal to do major chores and take up responsibilities at home, they sort of lived a carefree life. I have stayed and lived a couple of times with these other siblings of my mum due to various reasons like holidays from boarding school, moving to another location for job opportunities etc.

I can practically tell from what i have seen with this people. All her life, things were being done for her and she's just free to do anything she wants apart from chores. Even her building project though her own money and sweat was an initiative of her late parents. They were practically her project manager and support system throughout their lifetime. Its a good thing to do but not setting limits and not being hard has it own detriments eventually, cos till date she's entirely reliant on anyone available to do even the simplest of chores. Let me quickly breakdown some of her acts and attitude which is very injurious to her own health.

1. The first on the list and perhaps the most annoying one is her laziness and OMG it reeks to the heavens. She avoids responsibilities and doesn't do house chores and generally procrastinates. My mum will use the toilet in her room and even living room and not flush properly on a constant basis. She does this even when she travels elsewhere. My mum can eat but cannot wash her plates and utensils, she will leave her plates in the living room for days or just anywhere, pots will pile up in the kitchen and will not be cleaned until every other option is exhausted and a new meal must be made. She will not lay her bed or change sheets constantly. She doesn't dress smartly and lacks good wardrobe management. She doesn't sweep, her corridor may not be touched in weeks same with other rooms in her apartment. Shes doesn't bother if she's unkept. Whenever she eases herself, due to her carefree attitude she will leave stained urine on her clothe and she will wear this throughout the day causing mayhem wherever she goes. Just add anything you can thing of as examples, you will find it with my mum. The annoying thing here is that if you advice her or suggest a change, she will rebuke you and tell you your are insulting her.

2. She's carefree and lacks good financial management. She earns well over 100K per month as pension and if we calculate her expenses per month she should have over 30 to 35k as savings. You can never account for how she spends her money! 10 days into a new month, the money is gone. Most times her friends abroad send her free money from and she will just squander the money on frivolities. She has a small shop that she runs, but for her to even stock the place sef na issue, she doesnt have a separate account for business and no stock is taken end of month or at least a quarter. We actually warned her against the line of business as its very common and the profit isn't much. We have practically considered her carelessness, carefree attitude and inability to keep things safe and warned against the shop idea. In the last 3 years she has lost 2 phones of high value. As if she likes to brag, whenever shes having discussion about money that is in her favour, maybe salary or someone abroad sends her money, she will begin to speak at the top of her voice such that an average person passing round can almost get full details. We have severally warned her against this but no luck at all. The consequence is that she has been defrauded a couple of times, you can act as a fake customer care agent of any bank and ask my mum for sensitive details like card number, password and she will give you immediately without a second thought despite the fact that she has been warned repeatedly. As a matter of fact she doesn't listen to her children's counsel or advice, but anybody from outside will give her advice and she ll make us of that one. She once told me off that i am not in any position to advice her that shes older than me and it should be the other way round. But when all the shit happens yours truly will be the one managing d situation.

3. She's manipulative. My mum is a master in this game and i am ashamed of her actions. I can't even mention some of the things she has done to my wife and I on this platform. She lies, deny incidences and things she has said. About her drugs, there is just one rule, do not skip any of morning or evening doses. Whenever she does she will never own up to you and when the effect is now seen, she will still try to cover up by saying she can't remember.

4. She's unforgiving. My mum is the last person you want to offend, even things that shouldn't be considered will be used against you when the time comes. For instance my mum may give someone raw food out of her own freewill or maybe the person asked for it, but months from that time the story can change that the person is the one stealing raw food or looting her house.

I apologise this is a long read and i can't even explain a quarter of what is going on at the moment, but the summary is that her laziness and lack of motivation is driving me nuts, i always have to bear and manage the consequences whenever shit happens. Its not easy for me cos i have my own family to manage and the responsibility is killing. Currently her househelp resigned 2 months back and the house has been a mess since then, she does practically nothing. I have been attending a workshop for the last one week and heard she's been feeding on puff puff and cornflakes every other day without making stew or soup and eating real food. This is a woman that money on her, even if you are lazy to cook, why not indulge yourself and patronise eateries till you have motivation to enter kitchen. Why not even make an arrangement for someone to come cook food for you everyday amd pay the person weekly or daily. We have to think for her and suggest things that require no initiative in most cases. I had to go and buy beef and made blended stew for her last weekend for example to motivate her amd assist like i always do. When i got back the following weekend, the stew wasn't even half used and there was mould on it indicating that she never cooked a serious meal, she was probably buying bread and removing the meat until it finished and lost interest in even heating the stew to warm.

Its more like if i don't do things for her, she will make herself fall into a state where she will enter deep sickness or starvation or depression such that people will see me as a bad person if anything sould happen to her. Already she has created that impression and she's living the lifestyle. Its been two weeks she's has remained indoors for no reason, no opening of shop, no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry, no strolling out and always expecting unknown help from anywhere it comes from. I have told her to pick herself up that help is something we must give ourselves. I have to go out to work daily not sitting down to baby sit my mum who is not an invalid. Her body is complete with no defects but i can't just help her laziness and attitude anylonger, its choking for me and i can't take ot anymore or do more than i have been doing. I have literally carried this woman for the most productive part of my life and done nothing wrong just loving my mother unconditionally. I have come to a point where i have to move on and break some unnecessary connections for my sanity and future of myself amd immediate family.

Please help and advice me guys on what to do. When she not in good health mentally na wahala and serious commotion and when shes stable, i have to battle with laziness, constant manipulations, carefree lifestyle, lack of discipline and vision and lots more. I have endured these cycle for too long. Also note that my sisters are married and are not even available at all, one is overseas and the other in a faraway state. I may not have touched some areas cos the issue too plenty but if questions are asked i would digress into it and share details truthfully. God bless

Moderator Sir/Ma, i beg you to help me push this to front page. I am not feeling good at all. Thanks

You're a good son, but you've explained that she experienced some mental health struggles.

Perhaps some of these things she does are things she's not conscious of doing. You may think she's doing the things you listed in purpose, but it could be she's not completely aware.

Those are symptoms.

Kobojunkie:
All you decided, even the so-called laziness, all reads like symptoms of mental illness .. yes..the kind of laziness you described along with lack of attention to hygiene is usually brought on by mental illness. I am not certain what drugs she is taking at this time but it is obvious you need to get her mental health doctors to see that the problem is not being fully taken care of. So, if you are able to, submit your writeup to one of her doctors so they can better understand what remains and know how to approach helping her resolve it further.

Preach.

Im so sorry, i can only imagine how much of a burden this must be. The only thing ill like to add is make sure she always has people around her. Isolation and Loneliness makes it worsee.

BRATISLAVA:
■ You're a good son, but you've explained that she experienced some mental health struggles.

Perhaps some of these things she does are things she's not conscious of doing. You may think she's doing the things you listed in purpose, but it could be she's not completely aware.
Those are symptoms.

All obvious symptoms of mental illness. OP may not even realize the woman's daily struggles to make sense of her reality as what he mostly sees is the lazy, manipulative, nonchalant side of her symptoms.

Kobojunkie:
All obvious symptoms of mental illness. OP may not even realize the woman's daily struggles to make sense of her reality as what he mostly sees is the lazy, manipulative, nonchalant side of her symptoms.

He's a good guy, but he may not fully understand what his mother is passing through. Those are clear symptoms, but he doesn't seem to realize it. He thinks she's lazy and dirty etc etc. All not true. Her parents were helping her because they knew what was wrong. He feels is because she's irresponsible.

She needs care. He should listen to you.

malcom1X:

Just give her grandchildren. People that can keep her company when you're not around.

This woman has a mental issue and you want children to be around her?

This is like advising someone to marry a wife for a mentally disturbed man so as to calm him down.

Children are not rehabilitation centres. She needs to be in a rehab and not around children

Bros first of all, Change you mindset from being negative to positive towards her.
Secondly no amount of what you are doing or given her financially, no human being on Earth can repay his or her mum based on what they went through from Labour to the stage of maturity.
Like what others mentioned above, Get a nanny or a trusted family members that will not exploit her condition.
May Almighty God reward our parents.

Chai....I feel you bro.

lordfemzy:
Hello friends,

I am please asking for all the genuine help i can get right now to deal with an issue that has tormented me all the days of my life. I am open to criticism if it comes my way.

Situation: my mum (biological mother) is extremely lazy, lacks discipline, difficult to advice and very manipulative. However the laziness aspect is my main issue.

A brief history of myself, i am currently in my late 30s, firstborn and only male, with 2 sisters also in their 30s. I have been managing her case for the past 30 years since our father passed. I should mention that her mental health isn't that perfect and she suffers breakdown at least once a year whenever she misses her drugs. The nature of her breakdown is that she will keep on talking about most events from the past and view them in a negative way, she gets violent at times and uses foul words while cursing anyone who she thinks has wronged her. I pray non of us reading this will experience this in their families.

The chaos we experience whenever there is a breakdown is something i don't wish for my enemy at all, the effect is draining financially, emotionally and in various other ways you can think of. Infact looking back i owe God a lot of gratitude for the strength and courage he has given me and by extension my sisters in managing her very tricky situation. The shame, embarrassment, wasted time and efforts, lost opportunities that have come with her condition can only be imagined. I have had to sleep over at the hospitals various times whenever she's on admission running into weeks at times, i have had to represent the family at functions she was suppose to attend but due to ill health. I was lucky i didn't fail any of my last papers in Uni cos she was on admission, i missed a second class upper courtesy of my mums condition, the only 2 courses i ever failed in my 4 years at the Uni can be linked to her condition. I had to practically plan and organise a wedding for our last born cos she was on hospital bed. Some of her breakdowns happen whenever an occasion or celebration within the family is about to happen... my 21st birthday, final exams leading to graduation in uni, weeks to my wedding, weeks to her second born wedding, a whole month to our last born wedding, funeral of her mother in law, funerals of our grandparents, her own 60th birthday... the list is so long and at times i almost consider it spiritual but i am better informed.

In the last 2 years or thereabout i have been able to connect a few dots and patterns based on what i have experienced and seen. When my mum and her siblings (five) were being raised, the kind of family setup was such that cousins, distant cousins and relatives lived with them. This was because her late dad was a University lecturer, probably the 1st in his Hometown and granny was a primary school teacher, you know how it was in those days. I was able to understand that my mom and most of her siblings except one practically lived a life free of stress cos they had other relatives who were willing and at disposal to do major chores and take up responsibilities at home, they sort of lived a carefree life. I have stayed and lived a couple of times with these other siblings of my mum due to various reasons like holidays from boarding school, moving to another location for job opportunities etc.

I can practically tell from what i have seen with this people. All her life, things were being done for her and she's just free to do anything she wants apart from chores. Even her building project though her own money and sweat was an initiative of her late parents. They were practically her project manager and support system throughout their lifetime. Its a good thing to do but not setting limits and not being hard has it own detriments eventually, cos till date she's entirely reliant on anyone available to do even the simplest of chores. Let me quickly breakdown some of her acts and attitude which is very injurious to her own health.

1. The first on the list and perhaps the most annoying one is her laziness and OMG it reeks to the heavens. She avoids responsibilities and doesn't do house chores and generally procrastinates. My mum will use the toilet in her room and even living room and not flush properly on a constant basis. She does this even when she travels elsewhere. My mum can eat but cannot wash her plates and utensils, she will leave her plates in the living room for days or just anywhere, pots will pile up in the kitchen and will not be cleaned until every other option is exhausted and a new meal must be made. She will not lay her bed or change sheets constantly. She doesn't dress smartly and lacks good wardrobe management. She doesn't sweep, her corridor may not be touched in weeks same with other rooms in her apartment. Shes doesn't bother if she's unkept. Whenever she eases herself, due to her carefree attitude she will leave stained urine on her clothe and she will wear this throughout the day causing mayhem wherever she goes. Just add anything you can thing of as examples, you will find it with my mum. The annoying thing here is that if you advice her or suggest a change, she will rebuke you and tell you your are insulting her.

2. She's carefree and lacks good financial management. She earns well over 100K per month as pension and if we calculate her expenses per month she should have over 30 to 35k as savings. You can never account for how she spends her money! 10 days into a new month, the money is gone. Most times her friends abroad send her free money from and she will just squander the money on frivolities. She has a small shop that she runs, but for her to even stock the place sef na issue, she doesnt have a separate account for business and no stock is taken end of month or at least a quarter. We actually warned her against the line of business as its very common and the profit isn't much. We have practically considered her carelessness, carefree attitude and inability to keep things safe and warned against the shop idea. In the last 3 years she has lost 2 phones of high value. As if she likes to brag, whenever shes having discussion about money that is in her favour, maybe salary or someone abroad sends her money, she will begin to speak at the top of her voice such that an average person passing round can almost get full details. We have severally warned her against this but no luck at all. The consequence is that she has been defrauded a couple of times, you can act as a fake customer care agent of any bank and ask my mum for sensitive details like card number, password and she will give you immediately without a second thought despite the fact that she has been warned repeatedly. As a matter of fact she doesn't listen to her children's counsel or advice, but anybody from outside will give her advice and she ll make us of that one. She once told me off that i am not in any position to advice her that shes older than me and it should be the other way round. But when all the shit happens yours truly will be the one managing d situation.

3. She's manipulative. My mum is a master in this game and i am ashamed of her actions. I can't even mention some of the things she has done to my wife and I on this platform. She lies, deny incidences and things she has said. About her drugs, there is just one rule, do not skip any of morning or evening doses. Whenever she does she will never own up to you and when the effect is now seen, she will still try to cover up by saying she can't remember.

4. She's unforgiving. My mum is the last person you want to offend, even things that shouldn't be considered will be used against you when the time comes. For instance my mum may give someone raw food out of her own freewill or maybe the person asked for it, but months from that time the story can change that the person is the one stealing raw food or looting her house.

I apologise this is a long read and i can't even explain a quarter of what is going on at the moment, but the summary is that her laziness and lack of motivation is driving me nuts, i always have to bear and manage the consequences whenever shit happens. Its not easy for me cos i have my own family to manage and the responsibility is killing. Currently her househelp resigned 2 months back and the house has been a mess since then, she does practically nothing. I have been attending a workshop for the last one week and heard she's been feeding on puff puff and cornflakes every other day without making stew or soup and eating real food. This is a woman that money on her, even if you are lazy to cook, why not indulge yourself and patronise eateries till you have motivation to enter kitchen. Why not even make an arrangement for someone to come cook food for you everyday amd pay the person weekly or daily. We have to think for her and suggest things that require no initiative in most cases. I had to go and buy beef and made blended stew for her last weekend for example to motivate her amd assist like i always do. When i got back the following weekend, the stew wasn't even half used and there was mould on it indicating that she never cooked a serious meal, she was probably buying bread and removing the meat until it finished and lost interest in even heating the stew to warm.

Its more like if i don't do things for her, she will make herself fall into a state where she will enter deep sickness or starvation or depression such that people will see me as a bad person if anything sould happen to her. Already she has created that impression and she's living the lifestyle. Its been two weeks she's has remained indoors for no reason, no opening of shop, no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry, no strolling out and always expecting unknown help from anywhere it comes from. I have told her to pick herself up that help is something we must give ourselves. I have to go out to work daily not sitting down to baby sit my mum who is not an invalid. Her body is complete with no defects but i can't just help her laziness and attitude anylonger, its choking for me and i can't take ot anymore or do more than i have been doing. I have literally carried this woman for the most productive part of my life and done nothing wrong just loving my mother unconditionally. I have come to a point where i have to move on and break some unnecessary connections for my sanity and future of myself amd immediate family.

Please help and advice me guys on what to do. When she not in good health mentally na wahala and serious commotion and when shes stable, i have to battle with laziness, constant manipulations, carefree lifestyle, lack of discipline and vision and lots more. I have endured these cycle for too long. Also note that my sisters are married and are not even available at all, one is overseas and the other in a faraway state. I may not have touched some areas cos the issue too plenty but if questions are asked i would digress into it and share details truthfully. God bless

Moderator Sir/Ma, i beg you to help me push this to front page. I am not feeling good at all. Thanks

With everything you wrote here about your mother, nobody and I mean nobody will give you any meaningful advise on how to handle her situation.

Your mum need a doctor

lordfemzy:
Hello friends,

I am please asking for all the genuine help i can get right now to deal with an issue that has tormented me all the days of my life. I am open to criticism if it comes my way.

Situation: my mum (biological mother) is extremely lazy, lacks discipline, difficult to advice and very manipulative. However the laziness aspect is my main issue.

A brief history of myself, i am currently in my late 30s, firstborn and only male, with 2 sisters also in their 30s. I have been managing her case for the past 30 years since our father passed. I should mention that her mental health isn't that perfect and she suffers breakdown at least once a year whenever she misses her drugs. The nature of her breakdown is that she will keep on talking about most events from the past and view them in a negative way, she gets violent at times and uses foul words while cursing anyone who she thinks has wronged her. I pray non of us reading this will experience this in their families.

The chaos we experience whenever there is a breakdown is something i don't wish for my enemy at all, the effect is draining financially, emotionally and in various other ways you can think of. Infact looking back i owe God a lot of gratitude for the strength and courage he has given me and by extension my sisters in managing her very tricky situation. The shame, embarrassment, wasted time and efforts, lost opportunities that have come with her condition can only be imagined. I have had to sleep over at the hospitals various times whenever she's on admission running into weeks at times, i have had to represent the family at functions she was suppose to attend but due to ill health. I was lucky i didn't fail any of my last papers in Uni cos she was on admission, i missed a second class upper courtesy of my mums condition, the only 2 courses i ever failed in my 4 years at the Uni can be linked to her condition. I had to practically plan and organise a wedding for our last born cos she was on hospital bed. Some of her breakdowns happen whenever an occasion or celebration within the family is about to happen... my 21st birthday, final exams leading to graduation in uni, weeks to my wedding, weeks to her second born wedding, a whole month to our last born wedding, funeral of her mother in law, funerals of our grandparents, her own 60th birthday... the list is so long and at times i almost consider it spiritual but i am better informed.

In the last 2 years or thereabout i have been able to connect a few dots and patterns based on what i have experienced and seen. When my mum and her siblings (five) were being raised, the kind of family setup was such that cousins, distant cousins and relatives lived with them. This was because her late dad was a University lecturer, probably the 1st in his Hometown and granny was a primary school teacher, you know how it was in those days. I was able to understand that my mom and most of her siblings except one practically lived a life free of stress cos they had other relatives who were willing and at disposal to do major chores and take up responsibilities at home, they sort of lived a carefree life. I have stayed and lived a couple of times with these other siblings of my mum due to various reasons like holidays from boarding school, moving to another location for job opportunities etc.

I can practically tell from what i have seen with this people. All her life, things were being done for her and she's just free to do anything she wants apart from chores. Even her building project though her own money and sweat was an initiative of her late parents. They were practically her project manager and support system throughout their lifetime. Its a good thing to do but not setting limits and not being hard has it own detriments eventually, cos till date she's entirely reliant on anyone available to do even the simplest of chores. Let me quickly breakdown some of her acts and attitude which is very injurious to her own health.

1. The first on the list and perhaps the most annoying one is her laziness and OMG it reeks to the heavens. She avoids responsibilities and doesn't do house chores and generally procrastinates. My mum will use the toilet in her room and even living room and not flush properly on a constant basis. She does this even when she travels elsewhere. My mum can eat but cannot wash her plates and utensils, she will leave her plates in the living room for days or just anywhere, pots will pile up in the kitchen and will not be cleaned until every other option is exhausted and a new meal must be made. She will not lay her bed or change sheets constantly. She doesn't dress smartly and lacks good wardrobe management. She doesn't sweep, her corridor may not be touched in weeks same with other rooms in her apartment. Shes doesn't bother if she's unkept. Whenever she eases herself, due to her carefree attitude she will leave stained urine on her clothe and she will wear this throughout the day causing mayhem wherever she goes. Just add anything you can thing of as examples, you will find it with my mum. The annoying thing here is that if you advice her or suggest a change, she will rebuke you and tell you your are insulting her.

2. She's carefree and lacks good financial management. She earns well over 100K per month as pension and if we calculate her expenses per month she should have over 30 to 35k as savings. You can never account for how she spends her money! 10 days into a new month, the money is gone. Most times her friends abroad send her free money from and she will just squander the money on frivolities. She has a small shop that she runs, but for her to even stock the place sef na issue, she doesnt have a separate account for business and no stock is taken end of month or at least a quarter. We actually warned her against the line of business as its very common and the profit isn't much. We have practically considered her carelessness, carefree attitude and inability to keep things safe and warned against the shop idea. In the last 3 years she has lost 2 phones of high value. As if she likes to brag, whenever shes having discussion about money that is in her favour, maybe salary or someone abroad sends her money, she will begin to speak at the top of her voice such that an average person passing round can almost get full details. We have severally warned her against this but no luck at all. The consequence is that she has been defrauded a couple of times, you can act as a fake customer care agent of any bank and ask my mum for sensitive details like card number, password and she will give you immediately without a second thought despite the fact that she has been warned repeatedly. As a matter of fact she doesn't listen to her children's counsel or advice, but anybody from outside will give her advice and she ll make us of that one. She once told me off that i am not in any position to advice her that shes older than me and it should be the other way round. But when all the shit happens yours truly will be the one managing d situation.

3. She's manipulative. My mum is a master in this game and i am ashamed of her actions. I can't even mention some of the things she has done to my wife and I on this platform. She lies, deny incidences and things she has said. About her drugs, there is just one rule, do not skip any of morning or evening doses. Whenever she does she will never own up to you and when the effect is now seen, she will still try to cover up by saying she can't remember.

4. She's unforgiving. My mum is the last person you want to offend, even things that shouldn't be considered will be used against you when the time comes. For instance my mum may give someone raw food out of her own freewill or maybe the person asked for it, but months from that time the story can change that the person is the one stealing raw food or looting her house.

I apologise this is a long read and i can't even explain a quarter of what is going on at the moment, but the summary is that her laziness and lack of motivation is driving me nuts, i always have to bear and manage the consequences whenever shit happens. Its not easy for me cos i have my own family to manage and the responsibility is killing. Currently her househelp resigned 2 months back and the house has been a mess since then, she does practically nothing. I have been attending a workshop for the last one week and heard she's been feeding on puff puff and cornflakes every other day without making stew or soup and eating real food. This is a woman that money on her, even if you are lazy to cook, why not indulge yourself and patronise eateries till you have motivation to enter kitchen. Why not even make an arrangement for someone to come cook food for you everyday amd pay the person weekly or daily. We have to think for her and suggest things that require no initiative in most cases. I had to go and buy beef and made blended stew for her last weekend for example to motivate her amd assist like i always do. When i got back the following weekend, the stew wasn't even half used and there was mould on it indicating that she never cooked a serious meal, she was probably buying bread and removing the meat until it finished and lost interest in even heating the stew to warm.

Its more like if i don't do things for her, she will make herself fall into a state where she will enter deep sickness or starvation or depression such that people will see me as a bad person if anything sould happen to her. Already she has created that impression and she's living the lifestyle. Its been two weeks she's has remained indoors for no reason, no opening of shop, no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry, no strolling out and always expecting unknown help from anywhere it comes from. I have told her to pick herself up that help is something we must give ourselves. I have to go out to work daily not sitting down to baby sit my mum who is not an invalid. Her body is complete with no defects but i can't just help her laziness and attitude anylonger, its choking for me and i can't take ot anymore or do more than i have been doing. I have literally carried this woman for the most productive part of my life and done nothing wrong just loving my mother unconditionally. I have come to a point where i have to move on and break some unnecessary connections for my sanity and future of myself amd immediate family.

Please help and advice me guys on what to do. When she not in good health mentally na wahala and serious commotion and when shes stable, i have to battle with laziness, constant manipulations, carefree lifestyle, lack of discipline and vision and lots more. I have endured these cycle for too long. Also note that my sisters are married and are not even available at all, one is overseas and the other in a faraway state. I may not have touched some areas cos the issue too plenty but if questions are asked i would digress into it and share details truthfully. God bless

Moderator Sir/Ma, i beg you to help me push this to front page. I am not feeling good at all. Thanks

So he should die for his mother

onlysose:
In fact this guy don spoil my -day. YOUR MUM IS LAZY!!. Do you know what it takes to concieve, give birth and train a teen age child ? if you give her all your wealth you have not done one hundredth of what she did to you.

It's your type that epitomizes entitlement mentality. The woman has worked for her money, she has every right to how she spends it. Besides, if she wasn't a responsible mother, only God knows what the OP and his siblings would have become.

Imagine your tiny brain (like the sheep brain I am holding in my dp) talking about leaving something for her grandchildren! When those grandchildren become of age, they should go fend for themselves. What goes around comes around, one day OP's child will also cast him in worse light to the world.

Kobojunkie:
Nonsense... if you have nothing reasonable to suggest, then walk on by, not post what amounts to brain fart.

On her having an income, you think that woman is happy not being able to calm herself enough to save something for her own grandchildren from the income she has?