Kobojunkie:
Does anyone really need an "excuse" to cheat? Who said anything about that?

Then explain why you said this:
Lol... yet people like you wonder how you end up raising kids that belong to other men. Na wa oo!

Albertone:
■ Then explain why you said this:
Lol... yet people like you wonder how you end up raising kids that belong to other men. Na wa oo!

Read the post that was in response to.

Kobojunkie:
Read the post that was in response to.

I replied based on how I understood your post yet, you claimed that wasn't what you were saying.
So I'm asking you to elaborate on what you meant.

It's fine if you don't want to. Just don't reply to people's post if you can't clear their misunderstanding.

Obolor123454:
PREVIOUS THREAD https://www.nairaland.com/7931278/wife-travelling-without-consent/4#127349507
Hello,
I am writing to provide some clarifications following our earlier discussion under the mentioned headings. It has become necessary to address certain points for better understanding.

I've noticed some surprising comments, and I believe it might be attributed to cultural differences. I want to emphasize that I opened this account upon the request of a Nigerian friend who encouraged me to share my story.

My primary concern is the timing of the information about the occasion for which my spouse has been making preparations. The issue is not about mistrusting my brother; rather, it's about my spouse not sharing this information earlier.

The wedding she is attending is that of her old classmate's younger sister, a man whose name has been rarely mentioned in the ten years of our marriage. My surprise stems from the sudden revelation of her involvement in this event just a few days before the ceremony, despite the extensive preparations leading up to it. Like I said, I think she only mention the guy’s name just once when the guy had an accident. She just mentioned the accident and that was all.

Moreover, when she was even telling me of embarking on the journey, she just only said that she was attending a friend’s wedding without further details or explanation. She was merely informing me about it, because she already made all the arrangement to attend the wedding and has been discussing the issue with this same class mates for over 4 months without ever mentioning it to me, just only to inform me days to the occasion.

I hope these clarifications shed light on the specific points of concern. I appreciate your time.

Bros, I read your previous post, there were many things I wanted to write but I chose to keep quiet.

I want to tell you that you cannot correct what you've allowed to grow beyond your control.

Women are what you allowed them to grow into. That's why you're called the "Groom" during your wedding. Groom her into what you want her to be else be ready for constant heart attack from her.

In my father's house, you can't take a decision in what concerns my father and just come to inform him when he's not part of that decision making. They never born you. He will tear that decision into pieces until you rightly get him involved. In the same manner, he will carefully get you involved when he's also taking decision that may affect you in any way.

I leaned this and transferred it to my own family.
There have bn some times my wife tried to inform me of events she want s to attend without properly telling me about it on time. This is how I do response to her on that. "Pls go and cancel that trip. You'll not attend that. Mind you, I'm not going to tie you down. You can still go if you think you must. My stand is don't go"
That settles it. Mind you, I'm in a different location from where she is. Even without me bn around, she will understand the power in those words. She will either cancel it and apologize for not doing the right thing or beg seriously to be allowed to attend the occasion which most times, I'll maintain my stand.

In my kind of relationship, I'll always show my wife that she's everything to me. I'll show her how much I love her and ready to go for her. At the same hand, I made her to know that I can be so dangerous if she intentionally tries to mess around. This keep the relationship tight.

Guy, love your wife as much as you want, but let there be certain things she can't take decision on and your allow it happen. She's your responsibility. If anything happens to her, your life will get k-leg. She should know that we are Africans. Even if she's richer than you are. She should not take decision that will affect you without you bn totally involved in that decision making.

What I'm seeing here is different from what others are seeing. It's not just matter of if you trust her or not. I'm not bothered about that. How can a married woman be planning a trip for over 4 months only to come and inform the husband few days before the day. You can't try that with me.

Psoul:


Bros, I read your previous post, there were many things I wanted to write but I chose to keep quiet.

I want to tell you that you cannot correct what you've allowed to grow beyond your control.

Women are what you allowed them to grow into. That's why you're called the "Groom" during your wedding. Groom her into what you want her to be else be ready for constant heart attack from her.

In my father's house, you can't take a decision in what concerns my father and just come to inform him when he's not part of that decision making. They never born you. He will tear that decision into pieces until you rightly get him involved. In the same manner, he will carefully get you involved when he's also taking decision that may affect you in any way.

I leaned this and transferred it to my own family.
There have bn some times my wife tried to inform me of events she want s to attend without properly telling me about it on time. This is how I do response to her on that. "Pls go and cancel that trip. You'll not attend that. Mind you, I'm not going to tie you down. You can still go if you think you must. My stand is don't go"
That settles it. Mind you, I'm in a different location from where she is. Even without me bn around, she will understand the power in those words. She will either cancel it and apologize for not doing the right thing or beg seriously to be allowed to attend the occasion which most times, I'll maintain my stand.

In my kind of relationship, I'll always show my wife that she's everything to me. I'll show her how much I love her and ready to go for her. At the same hand, I made her to know that I can be so dangerous if she intentionally tries to mess around. This keep the relationship tight.

Guy, love your wife as much as you want, but let there be certain things she can't take decision on and your allow it happen. She's your responsibility. If anything happens to her, your life will get k-leg. She should know that we are Africans. Even if she's richer than you are. She should not take decision that will affect you without you bn totally involved in that decision making.

What I'm seeing here is different from what others are seeing. It's not just matter of if you trust her or not. I'm not bothered about that. How can a married woman be planning a trip for over 4 months only to come and inform the husband few days before the day. You can't try that with me.

I am surprised why some people are even saying that the OP has trust issues.
This is clearly a case of disrespect by the lady

cococandy:

Again he’s not her father to “allow” her to do anything. She’s a grown woman and can do what she likes. Ideally with his blessing. But without his blessing and If it comes with consequences such as a fallout with her husband, then I hope she’s ready and mature enough to accept whatever the outcome is.

I’m going to need you to modify your language if you really want to have this conversation with me. You and I are not having a conversation where a man is allowing or commanding anything of his wife. That’s not the world I live in. Get somebody else to do it.


As for going with his brother, I think that suggestion was her offering him peace of mind (so to say) in case he’s having some mistrust. The mistrust is a topic for another day. Something they’d have to address on its own. The elephant in the room.

It is not the "allowing" that is the problem. The OP was quite clear

kapelvej:

I am surprised why some people are even saying that the OP has trust issues.
This is clearly a case of disrespect by the lady

There may be trust issue there, but that's not the major issue.

The main issue is that the wife has bn allowed to grow so much wing that she can do whatever she feels like doing in the house. This kind of attitude gives rise to trust issue. When a partner takes decisions without getting the other partner involved, that is bn disrespectful.

A disrespectful partner can easily sleep with anyone at anytime cos the partner has little or no respect to his/her partner.