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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum (30208 Views)
My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent / My Mother-In-law Just Walked Into My House Without A Notification / Lady Accused Of Abandoning Her House Help At A Restaurant Speaks (2) (3) (4)
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Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by Neddyogu(m): 6:52pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
Too many folks from dysfunctional families these days..... Sips my cold zobo in peace 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by smasher1(m): 7:02pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
havenz: There's no problem if it becomes a stranger inheritance than for a family member to abort the plan. |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by Ofadaman(m): 7:05pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
babaYIBO: People are different even amongst siblings. We often make the mistake that we know people so much that we can tell what they can or cannot do, So they get disappointed when people act out of character, but the only person you know is ourselves. Know this and know peace. Focus on your life, help others without expectations, |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by Sweetvie: 7:09pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
Hmmm I think she did well. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by dettolgel: 7:37pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
Well I understand that compression could be a problem a times but I did imagine it being this difficult when you have the opportunity to re-read a text and you are not under duress to respond within a given time frame. Naira2Man: I am not sure that there is anywhere in my post where I indicated that I am angry with the sister. I only pointed out the op position. I don't understand how that translate to 'you people being angry". Maybe there is something I missed if there is please point it out. I shall be happy to read that and correct it. Naira2Man: Of course, I used the relationship between me and my sibling to indicate how things work for us and how I will respond given the relationship between us. How would I know all of their earning power if I am not closed to them? Secondly you would have seen where I said that building a house is a smart choice ( in this scenario I will say that because I assume it is a normal scenario but that isn't the case always. I have several examples where building a house isn't a wise decision but that is not the case here or rather I don't know much about the situation of op's sister to even delve into that). If you had said maybe the op failed to elaborate the exact relationship between him and his sister since that can give us an indication of why that is the case. Like I pointed out, in my family everyone has a decent idea of everyone's earning power. We are very close there is no way anyone of use (all married with families) will embark on such project without at least notifying one person. Even my sister when she and her husband started building everyone in my family knew and we kind of stopped them from contributing to some family activities because we understood how capital intensive it is to build a house. Maybe in your family you don't trust your siblings or you are raised that way that is not the same for everyone. Yes I thank God for my parents for raising us the way they did. When we all did our projects every other sibling knew and we even sort advice from those that did before us. When they all travelled we are all aware from the day they started the process and we all put it in prayer and kept a tight lip until it was done and they all travelled. That is the nature of the relationship in most normal family. So don't be surprised when people from normal household find it bizarre. Because indeed it is bizarre. I could also acknowledge the fact that most people from normal home erroneously believe that every other person is from a normal home. I had that believe for a very long time until I started mingling with people and started seeing some weird stuff that goes on in most family. So it is not about people asking you for money because you are building a house, it is about relationship (i.e is there is such in the first place) and family. On the other hand, I find it sneaky and dubious if you could ask other people for money even if it is loan. Who knowns if they also wanted to embark on a major project. But decided to give it to you because they consider you family and thought that you really need it for urgent and things that has to be sorted out immediately? When our last born wanted to travel with his family, we were informed and our eldest brother who was about starting his second house. Suspended it and pull all his fund into our last born account. We all then pitched in as well. When he travelled the funds were released back and our eldest brother continued his project. He was not obligated to do so, he chose to do so because of the type of relationship that exist in the family and we were all grateful to him. That is what family is all about. I can tell you for a fact, when he told me he wanted to buy a car I called someone I know in the states to get the type of car he was looking for. I only collected the exact price of the car from him, the shipping and clearing cost my other siblings and I paid for it without him asking. Because of the kind of brother he is to us. He can afford it without asking anyone for a dime we could also afford to gift him a car as well. So telling someone about some important thing shows how much you value them and how much they meant to you. I will give a story that broke a friendship of over 15 years. I had a former colleague who told me a story about his uncle and his friend. When his uncle travelled to Europe for his studies (as a self sponsored student) he kept in touch with his childhood friend. Every now and then his childhood friend will call and complained of hunger and how bad the economy was ( this was late 90s early 2000). His uncle will out of his little income from his 20 hours per week salary pay his rent keep a little aside and send the rest to support his childhood friend and his new family. Because he knew that his friend did not have a very good paying job then and was newly married with a young family. He said according to his uncle, there were times he would send his last card to his friend. After he graduated he got a job and the first thing did he did was to visit home (because his only sister was living in europe with their mom, I think their dad was late and no other immediate family back home) to see his childhood friend and discuss with him how best to help established him(based on the fact that he will soon start making steady income abroad and would rather have him established that sending him stipend). When he got to Nigeria he went to visit him in the address the friend gave him. While he was there discussing with his friend someone came I forgot what exactly transpired but the friend excused himself. The uncle was left with the friend's wife, in the course of his discussion with the friend's wife the uncle told the friend wife that he likes the compound and the house is well built and the woman said thank God for providing for them, that they just completed the one that they in now and she pointed to the uncompleted building on the other side of the compound and said that they hope to finish that and rent it out. The uncle said he pretended as if he knew and they continued their conversation. When the husband came back the wife left, and my colleague uncle now said something to his friend like this is a nice vantage place and the friend told him that they were fortunate to have been able to rent the place. My colleague uncle then told his friend that the wife already told him you guys owned the place, His friend was embarrassed and started apologizing. He said he told him there was no need for that that he understand. Since then he never picked the guys call and stop every communication with him. Because for him: 1. He thought that they were best friend. From the very first time he started thinking of traveling till when he left for studies in Europe, his friend knew every step of the process. 2. While working in the winter cold in Europe as a student, he told his friend everything. He knew how much he earned as a student and even when he will send his last card to him, he knew. There was even a time he would borrow like 20 euros to send across because his friend told him that they could hardly feed. Not knowing that he was building a house and putting him under pressure to send them money for feeding knowing full well his situation abroad. He said well he couldn't trust the guy, the guy tried to reach out. It is about trust and knowing that you meant as much to them as they meant to you, otherwise, it is not worth it. 2 Likes |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by maasoap(m): 7:58pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
xpressnow: May be it is because I don't share this kind of sentiment/mentality that people can hurt each other spiritually. I meant if you don't trust your family or friends, don't put them in charge of your projects or finance. But telling them that you are going to start or have started your project(s) can't hurt you even if they hate it or don't like the good news, they can only "beef". I have personal experience I can share |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by daytona008: 7:59pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
havenz: |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by Charly68: 8:03pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
Will you have helped her in any form if she had told you ? There are those whose stars don't like broadcasting their plans before they execute them. If she had shared with you,it is possible things won't work as planned . Now that she has succeeded rejoice with her & never pick any offence .. |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by akyus(m): 8:37pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
Shalommy:But God forbid should anything happen to her they will call the obstacles, the people who cared for her from birth till she became too wise. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by Whatisurproblem(m): 8:58pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
advanceDNA:you be 🧹🪄🧹🧹🧹🧹🧹🪄🪄🪄🪄🪄🪄 |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by mabea: 9:14pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
Whatisurproblem:You are not wise at all. Just imagine your response to that write up. Yes it is good to keep some things secret especially when you know the kind of family you have. But heck this lady was exploiting the family members while she was busy building her own house. She abandoned the parents all in the name of building a house. This is deception and shouldn't be encouraged. |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by mabea: 9:17pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
appini:Yours is different |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by mabea: 9:20pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
Trustmea:The same applies here. Your own sister whom you love and feel she loves you the same yet hid something like this from you. Trust me if any of my siblings do this, I will be happy for them but I will keep them at arms length 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by mabea: 9:23pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
TheFinesseKid:Trust me we have many disjointed families these days and that's why we have a stinking society. Imagine the number of people supporting her here, that's says much 3 Likes |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by mabea: 9:38pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
EvangelistChuks:She might be truly broke because of the project but she should have kept the brokenness to herself as well. Why remember family when you are broke but the same family don't deserve to know when it is going well for you. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by Naira2Man(m): 9:55pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
dettolgel:My believe is if you are rending any kind of help to anybody family, friend or stranger do it for only for the sake of God not expecting any thing back from the person, your intention should be only God so if you can afford 1k t help for the sake of God, never look back and say I fed this person I helped this person, my dad taught me this and you can never be emotional blackmailed into doing a good deed, never be frivolous with your money work and strive to your best I can remember my dad's words ;if you are going to do a job do it well; rely on God alone dont rely on people, and this gave me my independent nature I never feel entitled to what isnt mine and I believe if I put my mind to it I can do it. Dont get me wrong communism in a family unit nothing wrong with it but do not castigate he/she who does not follow it, I am a man I am independent I follow thru with my decision, I am not remote controled by extended family after consulating whoever I wish I act. That is why I am finding it very hard to understand is why trying to paint her as a bad person, this is a very wrong mentality, it is a wrong state of mind she does not have to tell you everything also you too dont have to tell her everything going on in your life if you do that is you business, you are her extended family her husband and children is her immediate family. it is not a crime neither is it a betrayal of trust becos she did not bretray any agreement betwn the two of you, she built house she did not tell that is not bretrayal, that mindset is wrong She is a woman and she entitled to her privacy and personal decision she does not have to report to anyone and she should not be cut off from her extended family becos of this, learn those prossessive taits from her, her tenacity, her strong will, her drive, and her ability to success, she did not force you to drop money and this is your only case against her and it is only becos she built house, she said she is broke and you people helped, it as she not helped and contributed too in the past? |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by Chassy03: 10:43pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
Must she tell you people? 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by RisenObinna: 11:00pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
Jeez, going through the first comments on this post, I'm seriously worried about the future of next generation. Be careful of what you all are promoting. How can you be comfortable building a house without letting your family know? I'm happy for the family God gave me, I pray we continue to in this love. As for you all that deem this right, Goodluck. 2 Likes |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by Whatisurproblem(m): 11:36pm On Dec 23, 2023 |
mabea:you are still a wtch |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by ZIMDRILL(m): 1:44am On Dec 24, 2023 |
babaYIBO: you are mixing up things 1 she prefered to party than buying anything for your parents 2 she built a house with informing you You are not entitled to know how she does with her things from start to end its up to her to inform whoever she wants at anytime, I think you are just jelousy, through her partying she also managed to built her own house, may be not being able to buy anything for your parents it was her saving up, then partying what it was her friends sponsoring |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by ChybuzzDD(m): 4:22am On Dec 24, 2023 |
Naira2Man: You keep posting rubbish even when you don't understand where the Op's anger is coming from. Did he tell you the sister borrowed the money and returned it She has been collecting the money under the guise that she doesn't have. You should be sensible enough to understand that this trick can be annoying and is unacceptable. |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by appini: 6:07am On Dec 24, 2023 |
mabea: Ok. Noted. |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by kennie2015(m): 6:08am On Dec 24, 2023 |
babaYIBO:Such is life, good deed some times are not always reciprocated, as much as family bond and communication is essential, it is necessary to know that privacy also matters, you dont have to be bitter about her decision, learn to live with people's action |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by Powerdav: 6:23am On Dec 24, 2023 |
Are you not happy? 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by frozen70(f): 6:58am On Dec 24, 2023 |
babaYIBO: You see people that does things in secret fear them Only them knows their motives To me sje didn't do well, building is secrets What if her enemies dies, both the land and thr building is gone forever In her own case, she is still single, why not inform her parents who will even guide her more Its her money quiet alright, but then people should always inform their family of their intending project, no one will take it away from you I will inform my family but may not take you there if I feel I don't want any of them to know the place or location Even her future husband, If he gets to know that she built in secret he will start having silly feelings about her Ok now that she has built in secret, what point was she proving When i was single, I wanted to buy a car, I was living with my parents, I told my dad, he said he will like to go with me to inspect the car When we go there, he drove the car round and confirmed that the car was ok, we went to the bank and paid the owner of the car and brought him back to his office and went home with the car For one month my dad was working on the car to put it to taste and introduce his mechanics to me and that was it After that I started using the car If I detect a y fault, I will inform him and leave the car key for him He will take it to mechanic work on it and bring it back and I will pay to the mechanic He has his own car but whenever he has an occasion he prefers going with my car He will give me advance notice that he will use the car on that day and he will I will say ok That was how both of us were using the car Not quite long I bought another car and he went with me to inspect it and I left him there to work He came home with the car went to car wash to wash the car and keep it neat Went to mechanic to change oil and service the car When he was done he gave me the key and the bills of what he did with the car Anytime he has occasion he will leave the other first car and ask for the new car Mind you he ha his own car ohhh So it was fun to the family and we were all happy Till I got married and life goes on and I left those cars for him and bought another one in my marriage, he was still the one that inspect the third one while in marriage He keep praying ans blessing me with prayers and today I didn't regret all I did for him and how I carried my family along too Your sister is a case and a character 2 Likes |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by ecolime(m): 3:41pm On Dec 24, 2023 |
CrossRhodes:Must you insult people? Don't be crude. Pass your point and move on. Gosh! |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by Tohsynetita1: 4:12pm On Dec 24, 2023 |
bestman09: But what happens if you discover that whenever if you tell anyone your plans, either friends or family, that stuff will fail. This is something that had happened countless times. |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by Manuel91(m): 6:49pm On Dec 24, 2023 |
babaYIBO: Chief, a big Amen to this… The fact that you think things should go a certain way is why you’re really upset with your sister. If you truly understand life and probably gotten to the stage of having your own family; you’d understand “why you should let things work out the way God plans”. Now there’s a difference when your sister builds her house and never tells any of her family members and there’s a difference when she doesn’t disclose it whilst in working…. When my fiancé was pregnant with my son, I didn’t tell anyone (and I mean anyone), I told my family when the doctor handed my son over to me. Same as when I building my first house. I only told them when I had completed it. And they were happy for me, prayed for me and blessed it. But I guess you’re more upset cos she acted broke and even loaned money from you. Trust me bro, there’s more about life you do not understand yet, it’s a cold world man. ( I’m not saying she doesn’t trust you guys). God Bless you!! |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by babaYIBO: 8:00pm On Dec 24, 2023 |
Manuel91: Oh well, now I understand your comment. You’re the exact kind of person. |
Re: My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum by dettolgel: 8:30pm On Dec 24, 2023 |
Naira2Man: I get most of your point but what I find shortsighted is the part where you said she didn't force him to give him money. I think that is a selfish thing to say at any point. Some people give things not because they are forced but because they are either empathic to the other person's plight or felt that there is an unwritten understanding between them. I don't know if you are married or not or in any relationship with someone. Think this for a moment, the reason why you probably in a relationship with the person or why the relationship is working is that deep inside you believe that there is a certain obligations that are required from both parties. Once the other person starts reneging on their part, the relationship will fall apart. That is how relationship works. Even in marriage vow a lot of things are not stated but people go into it with the understanding that certain things are required of them and they are not forced to adhere to it but to maintain a health relationship they should abide by it. Your statement about not being compelled to treat other nicely is in the very heart of why our society is the way it is. I will give you an example, I was once in a lift with a friend and he signaled to me to keep it down a bit. I was like it is not even 10pm why would I keep it down. He said to me, look this is exam period most people are in their rooms trying to study or catch some sleep to study later or to get ready for their exam tomorrow. I was taken aback by that statement, he was right, yes, I could chose to ignore it, they can't call the police since it was not even 10 pm then. But then I realized that a times to foster good relationship and to live in a health environment there are some unwritten rules that one needs to adhere to. Not because you own anyone but because you own it to yourself as a decent human being. Today in our dear country Nigeria, people do whatever they like however they want it because they felt they owe it to no one to be a decent human being. The policemen are not forced to extort you but they will do because they can. People cheating on their partners do it because they are not forced not to cheat and because they believe that being a decent human being is not something they own anyone, without realizing that to have a decent relationship you have to abide by some unwritten code. Have you been to Japan? No one will arrest you if you decided to leave after events without cleaning after yourself. But people will stay back and ensure the venue is cleaned up before leaving or you just pick the trash without your sitting area and disposed it before leaving. Most people are quiet in the metro, likewise in Europe, because they believe that others maybe going through stuffs and just needed some peace and quite or trying to catch up on sleep or read. That is how civilized people work, those are unwritten code that foster healthy relationship amongst people. If I come to you to ask you for money, even if you are my siblings I will tell you what I need it for as simple as that. I have never asked for loan without saying why I need it let alone when asking from a family member. It is called respect and most people should learn it. Actually you can't even borrow money from a bank without telling them what you need it for. Out here even if it is personal loan, you will still tell them what exactly it is for. I have come across many people with the same attitude as yours, you know what happens, they go about being sneaky trying to hide everything until they either lose their money or get into trouble that is when they open up. By then it is too late. During the MMM I am not sure of the exact acronym one of sibling asked for a huge some as loan and as usual told me what he wanted it for. I advised against it and told him out rightly I won't do that and I explained to him our pyramid scheme work. Before then he had threw his savings into it, behold when it crashed he lost his savings. Till date he still thank me from stopping him from borrowing from other people. Yes, I agree you own no one no explanation but most people that think like that are really far from being a decent human. Pay attention and you will come to the same conclusion 7 out of 10 times. By the way, I don't see the relationship between telling your family member ( that is if you have such relationship with them) about a project while asking them for money and them going about telling how they helped you? 1 Like |
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