As Nigerians pass through the UK, the UK is also passing through Nigerians. Dogmatic people are gradually becoming liberals either consciously or unconsciously. People's perceptions on religion, homosexuality, sex, marriage and other issues are gradually changing. As a social scientist, who is vested in human behaviours, I have observed the changing patterns of the perspectives of Nigerians in the United Kingdom concerning marriage. Recall that the number of married people in England and Wales as at 2021 was 46.9%, dropping from 49.4% in 2011 according to the Office of National Statistics, ONS. Despite the economic hardship in Nigeria, it's 66.2% in 2023 according to the CIA.gov. But in the UK, the anticipated weekends of social gatherings which includes wedding ceremonies as we have in Nigeria, are being replaced with constant 'work shifts.' It appears nothing is happening on weekends abroad unlike in the home-country, Nigeria.

Can we say the idea of marriage is becoming obsolete? The answer is neither here nor there. The African perspective of marriage is cultural, procedural and religious. There is a popular belief that a man's success is not complete if he is unmarried or without kids. He is likened to a snake that crawls on the rock and makes no mark. As for the single woman, she is likened to a queen without a crown. She is like a beautiful asset without an owner. These are highly sexist views anyway and not necessarily true. Then again, religion frowns at premarital sex and promiscuity amongst women could be vehemently condemned in Nigeria. Many would say the purity of a female has a link with the number of men she lays with in bed. 'Body Count' is a deal breaker in Nigeria. One of the major religions in Nigeria - Christianity abhors premarital sex. Marriage is also seen as a blessing. 'The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and receives favour from the Lord' the Bible says in Proverbs 18 vs 22.

Several women also venture into marriage for economic survival. The man is like the warm jacket that shields the woman from the harsh atmospheric conditions. I am also not oblivious of the fact that some Nigerians genuinely fall in love. In my opinion, the percentage of this category of people is low. So basically, most parties have no deep conviction of the membership of the institution of marriage. It is seen as a box to tick. It appears as that regular next phase in life. The resultant effect is why the men mostly go about cheating a few days after their wedding party. And the women also dread paternity tests more than the marauding bandits.

The UK Problem

The social construct about marriage in Nigeria is not valid in the UK. Sex is not mostly seen as immoral as long as you are 16, doing it safely and getting it by consent. The society is deeply irreligious, so nobody frowns at premarital sex. Instead of marriage, people do 'partnerships' in which they enjoy all the dividends of marriage. This might last for 5 years or almost a decade before they ever think of walking down the aisle with their partners. Unlike Nigeria, nobody stigmatises you because you are a single mother. In most cases, the single mother status attracts societal sympathy and support from the government.

When a party is too keen on marriage like we have in Nigeria, it might be erroneously assumed that the person might be seeking travel documents to remain in the country. Romantic intents are hardly seen as genuine. Just like China, marriage in the UK and other western countries come at a significant financial cost. It requires strategic planning. Some men are just comfortable in their studio apartments with their Mercedes Benz vehicles. They feel they are in full control of their lives, managing their living costs within the barest minimum. They are not ready to incur any more financial burden by renting bigger houses, paying extra power & water bills and also the cost of childcare. Childcare is also time-consuming and time in the West is money. Childcare is widely seen as an unpaid work that only those with futuristic views will enjoy and endure.
Importantly, feminism is very strong in the UK. Men have argued that the laws protect the women to the detriment of the men. This issue has a historical undertone which I will not address due to the present length of this article. The women are seen as the recalcitrant customers in the banking system who are always right because they are the sole of the business.

There seems to be an epidemic of lack of submissiveness amongst Nigerian women married in the UK. It is worse amongst married couples who met themselves in the UK. It is as catastrophic as having two expert drivers on the same vehicle steering. The drama could be intense with every man living in fear of being divorced with allegations of physical, emotional and psychological abuse against the estranged wife. Controversial influencer, Andrew Tate in a podcast believes the idea of your ex wife taking over your assets after divorce is a red zone for men. He added that child support as backed by law has also been abused by women.
Men are so complicit in this case. Some Nigerian men are not real men, they are more of 'boys'. The want to use the device between their legs graciously without any sense of responsibility. They are just obsessed with sleeping with numerous women, and the UK has got an abundance of them in different shapes or form. It appears their ego is attached to promiscuity.

African men have a patriarchal idea of marriage. The man is painted as the head of the family and the woman is seen as the supporting backbone. If they are going to lose their say in their houses where they shoulder most of the bills, then what is the essence of marriage? For the record, I have nothing against feminism. I am only uncomfortable with the fact that it is one of the most misunderstood and misused concepts on social media. It is interesting how the activists on social media nit-pick when the tenets of their idea of feminism are being defined. A feminist who believes in equality would have her humongous bride-price paid by a man. She might also abandon her feminist stance when it comes to who pays the largest bill within the household. But when it comes to wielding power and taking strategic decisions in the home, feminism stands.

Coming back to the UK, marriage is not attractive to Nigerians anymore. People only keep multiple women for the purpose of exercising their waists when the pressure is intense, and when abject loneliness kicks in.

The UK is blessed with several beautiful, naturally endowed, intellectually endowed, and successful career women from Nigeria who are single, but no man is ready to offer them a 'permanent contract'. Most men just want to play the role of 'mechanical engineers' tasked with the responsibility of servicing the machine to prevent collapse damage in the foreseeable future.

EmperorTolson:
help!!!
50k right now or i could end my life.

Jeon:
Abeg r3st. Did they tell you they are looking for marriage ?
.Hardly to see a rich or successful woman crying for marriage because she has what it takes to get a way from *poverty *. Like what Men normal says *Marriage is an empowerment to Women*.
So why will she look for an uplift empowerment, when she had all and all.



Why enbe say nah Men dy cry over Marriage and Women pass?..... Crying over what you claimed to be a man's destructions.



*spit *

uche87:


Controversial influencer, Andrew Tate in a podcast believes the idea of your ex wife taking over your assets after divorce is a red zone for men. He added that child support as backed by law has also been abused by women.



Osahon George Osayimwen writes from England

CC Lalasticlala Seun Ishilove Mynd44 Dominique MissyB3 Fynestboi NLfpmod

Jman06:
Everybody can now understand why the likes of Boko Haram are against western education.
It destroys the traditional family values and keep the two genders at loggerheads as both men and women appear to be in contest of who is smarter than the other. No gender wants to 'gree' for the other.

Continuity of human existence is clearly threatened by the above scenario.

Biglittlelois:



So we should as well embrace boko haram's mentality? We should shun western education?

If human existence is being threatened by the nonsense you spewed, why not start the campaign by destroying your phone, burning all your clothes and earthly posessions, denouncing the little education your little brain could absolve, then run into the bush stark naked and empty handed, to start a nomadic stone age civilisation that best suits you.

The sick mentality of lots of people here......

Biglittlelois:
You and who is the "everybody"? we should as well embrace boko haram's mentality? We should shun western education?

If human existence is being threatened by the nonsense you spewed, why not start the campaign by destroying your phone, burning all your clothes and earthly posessions, denouncing the little education your little brain could absolve, then run into the bush stark naked and empty handed, to start a nomadic stone age civilisation that best suits you.

The sick mentality of lots of people here......

Jman06:
So, all your little brain could think of is that I support Boko Haram? Much as I don't support Boko Haram and their violent ways, I also understand that they are fighting to correct one of the negative sides of Western education and civilization,,,which is the destruction of the traditional family system.

Every right thinking individual understands that education, especially women's education, tends to destroy the traditional family system. Women who are empowered via education and employment would still want the men to be the traditional men who are seen as the sole providers yet these women would not stick to their own traditional roles of being submissive to their husbands and taking care of the children and the house generally. This is the reason why many men are not interested in marriage these days.

Or are you not seeing the alarming number of unmarried men and women in the society Don't you realize that such situation threatens human existence on earth

Western education and civilization are good but we have work on maintaining the family unit. If women know that they're not ready to change their mindset from what they think a man's role is in the family to the mindset that aligns with the current reality of women empowerment, then they it is better to stop all the hue and cry about gender equality, girl-child education and women empowerment. We must then withdraw our women from schools and work places so they can go back to their husbands' houses and become that submissive traditional wives for whom traditional men paid dowry and catered for. The Taliban did it in Afghanistan, so we can as well do it here. You don't expect to eat your cake and still have it.

Jman06:
So, all your little brain could think of is that I support Boko Haram? Much as I don't support Boko Haram and their violent ways, I also understand that they are fighting to correct one of the negative sides of Western education and civilization,,,which is the destruction of the traditional family system.

Every right thinking individual understands that education, especially women's education, tends to destroy the traditional family system. Women who are empowered via education and employment would still want the men to be the traditional men who are seen as the sole providers yet these women would not stick to their own traditional roles of being submissive to their husbands and taking care of the children and the house generally. This is the reason why many men are not interested in marriage these days.

Or are you not seeing the alarming number of unmarried men and women in the society Don't you realize that such situation threatens human existence on earth

Western education and civilization are good but we have work on maintaining the family unit. If women know that they're not ready to change their mindset from what they think a man's role is in the family to the mindset that aligns with the current reality of women empowerment, then they it is better to stop all the hue and cry about gender equality, girl-child education and women empowerment. We must then withdraw our women from schools and work places so they can go back to their husbands' houses and become that submissive traditional wives for whom traditional men paid dowry and catered for. You don't expect to eat your cake and still have it.

Dimaya:
Spits into a can.

Biglittlelois:



Oh so women are the cause of the death of traditional family and marriages, purely women, because we were empowered with education, so education should be withdrawn from us, that is the only way traditional marriages can thrive, only when women become illiterates

No wonder Nigerian men cannot produce anything, they cannot invent anything, they cannot even rule their country right, except to kill, kidnap, steal, yahoo, skull mining, cannibalism, cultism, corruption, fraud, and all sorts of evil vices, Nigerian men have spoilt our images abroad, you are not known for anything good outside this country except negativities, that is why in your own little 2 by 2 cubicle, you can spew all this nonsense and think you are making sense, western countries that are above you in every ramifications will never be caught saying utter rubbish like this and be proud of themselves, no wonder Africa is seen as a cesspit and a third world continent when the men ruling it are nothing to write home about with their sad little thought process

The world is failing, from Africa to the whole world, thanks to men and their bad decisions, yet what your limited brian could only think of is women education as the cause of men's inability to hold the home front as the captain of the ship by sailing it to the right direction for a productive end result,

The next generation of Nigerian men will be the undoing of this nation, which is a good thing anyway so that everyone will be accountable to their own region, which will make it easier to remove shafts from wheat.

Biglittlelois:



Oh so women are the cause of the death of traditional family and marriages, purely women, because we were empowered with education, so education should be withdrawn from us, that is the only way traditional marriages can thrive, only when women become illiterates

No wonder Nigerian men cannot produce anything, they cannot invent anything, they cannot even rule their country right, except to kill, kidnap, steal, yahoo, skull mining, cannibalism, cultism, corruption, fraud, and all sorts of evil vices, Nigerian men have spoilt our images abroad, you are not known for anything good outside this country except negativities, that is why in your own little 2 by 2 cubicle, you can spew all this nonsense and think you are making sense, western countries that are above you in every ramifications will never be caught saying utter rubbish like this and be proud of themselves, no wonder Africa is seen as a cesspit and a third world continent when the men ruling it are nothing to write home about with their sad little thought process

The world is failing, from Africa to the whole world, thanks to men and their bad decisions, yet what your limited brian could only think of is women education as the cause of men's inability to hold the home front as the captain of the ship by sailing it to the right direction for a productive end result,

The next generation of Nigerian men will be the undoing of this nation, which is a good thing anyway so that everyone will be accountable to their own region, which will make it easier to remove shafts from wheat.

BareFacedLies:


Na wetin Nigerian men do you.

Jman06 is a small minded fellow and does not speak for us.

By the way I hope you're not a lesbian, it would be such a terrible waste

Jman06:
So, all your little brain could think of is that I support Boko Haram? Much as I don't support Boko Haram and their violent ways, I also understand that they are fighting to correct one of the negative sides of Western education and civilization,,,which is the destruction of the traditional family system.

Every right thinking individual understands that education, especially women's education, tends to destroy the traditional family system. Women who are empowered via education and employment would still want the men to be the traditional men who are seen as the sole providers yet these women would not stick to their own traditional roles of being submissive to their husbands and taking care of the children and the house generally. This is the reason why many men are not interested in marriage these days.

Or are you not seeing the alarming number of unmarried men and women in the society Don't you realize that such situation threatens human existence on earth

Western education and civilization are good but we have work on maintaining the family unit. If women know that they're not ready to change their mindset from what they think a man's role is in the family to the mindset that aligns with the current reality of women empowerment, then they it is better to stop all the hue and cry about gender equality, girl-child education and women empowerment. We must then withdraw our women from schools and work places so they can go back to their husbands' houses and become that submissive traditional wives for whom traditional men paid dowry and catered for. The Taliban did it in Afghanistan, so we can as well do it here. You don't expect to eat your cake and still have it.

1Sharon:


And when those men of Afghanistan want their babies to be delivered, who will do it since the women are all illiterates sitting at home and a man can't handle a woman in labour?

Stop comparing yourself to brute savages