I am posting this on behalf of my cousin. She is in a marriage where her husband never wanted her to work from the beginning, but to stay at home to raise their children. The kids are now all grown, 4 of them with the last born about to enter university. First child is now working while two others are about finishing university. She feels she is now ready to pursue her dream of a career in Law, being a graduate in that discipline, though she has never worked in her life after her NYSC. Her husband thinks otherwise, that she is too old to pursue a career, and that she should rather just stay at home, and that soon enough, their older children would soon marry and start giving them grandkids. She is unhappy and feels cheated, saying her husband is selfish. He is doing well in his career, and a good provider for the family. But she feels empty and sabotaged by her husband's refusal to allow her work and earn for herself.

The issue is causing a strain in their home as both parties are adamant about their position.

What must she do?

Uniquewise:
■ I am posting this on behalf of my cousin. She is in a marriage where her husband never wanted her to work from the beginning, but to stay at home to raise their children. The kids are now all grown, 4 of them with the last born about to enter university. First child is now working while two others are about finishing university. She feels she is now ready to pursue her dream of a career in Law, being a graduate in that discipline, though she has never worked in her life after her NYSC. Her husband thinks otherwise, that she is too old to pursue a career, and that she should rather just stay at home, and that soon enough, their older children would soon marry and start giving them grandkids. She is unhappy and feels cheated, saying her husband is selfish. He is doing well in his career, and a good provider for the family. But she feels empty and sabotaged by her husband's refusal to allow her work and earn for herself.
The issue is causing a strain in their home as both parties are adamant about their position. What must she do? Anon.

let me guess, the husband is the one to foot the bill for her new career?

It will be quite difficult for a woman to who is career oriented to maintain a good home. The husband probably understands this and maybe his reason to make her a full house wife. It depends on the woman's age right now to know if she can still follow her career line. But while the woman is a full house wife she should have started a business of her own at least

Uniquewise:


The issue is causing a strain in their home as both parties are adamant about their position.

What must she do?

Anon.

Of course that's what he will say for many obvious reasons....but what positive moves has she made that her husband refused.?

did she get a job in a law firm or company, or is she asking for money to go study more?? She should make moves first...with positive results that doesn't involve putting too much financial pressure on the man.....and see if her husband will chain her in the house...

So far so good she has been submissive, respectful and WILLING to her husband all these years and from your story, you said that the husband is a good provider.

Men are not complicated people,

Her husband has been a good provider all these years, shouldering all responsibilities like a warrior that he is because she had been submissive, respectful and willing to her husband.

Tell that your cousin that I said that if she wants to continue enjoying her marriage to her husband and if she wants to continue to enjoy the best of that man like she has been doing all these years, she should continue to remain submissive, respectful and WILLING to that man.... Very Simple.

We just placed barrier on her career...? No! I mean, "we" have placed barrier on so many peoples career in nigeria... Dey don't gives us naira...in nigeria, how can I/WE bcoms a carrier or d carrier of careers that isn't giving me/US naira? I am not a courier... Or WE are not a courier... Even courier do collects naira... If u likes, go 2 korea 2 pursues a career or ur career; u would finds d barriers or our barriers in korea... WE would always put barriers on d career of those in/people in nigeria&korea or in south korea&north korea,etc; dat doesn't gives us arrears with naira... Gives me naira in nigeria, gives me naira o u nigerians in south korea&north korea; if u wants me/US to lifts the barriers on all ur careers... Nigerians are now talking like barbarians, as if dey are giving me nairas... Barbarians of nigeria/barbarians in nigeria, gives me naira... Stop talking like barbarians, until u gives me naira... U this niger areas... Fucking niggas wey no get ass, would be doing like dey get gas&tear gas...

DaddyRochie1642:
So far so good she has been submissive, respectful and WILLING to her husband all these years and from your story, you said that the husband is a good provider.

Men are not complicated people,

Her husband has been a good provider all these years, shouldering all responsibilities like a warrior that he is because she had been submissive, respectful and willing to her husband.

Tell that your cousin that I said that if she wants to continue enjoying her marriage to her husband and if she wants to continue to enjoy the best of that man like she has been doing all these years, she should continue to remain submissive, respectful and WILLING to that man.... Very Simple.

Well said 👏👌👍🙌

Op Uniquewise take note of this advice and relate it yo your cousin.
What must women want is what your cousin want to throw away. Which woman will have a supportive husband and full provider of the family and still want to stress herself with all the hassle that comes with a job? Definitely not me, count me out.

If God bless me with such a good man, i will do the wifey and mother duties very well and keep myself all pretty for him. 😍 😁

And besides she already has her kpali, let her keep it well.

fyzaila:
Well said 👏👌👍🙌 Op Uniquewise take note of this advice and relate it yo your cousin. What must women want is what your cousin want to throw away. Which woman will have a supportive husband and full provider of the family and still want to stress herself with all the hassle that comes with a job? Definitely not me, count me out. If God bless me with such a good man, i will do the wifey and mother duties very well and keep myself all pretty for him. 😍 😁 And besides she already has her kpali, let her keep it well.

In this equation of yours, it seems the only way for a marriage to work is for the woman to completely deny herself of a destiny other than that of a wife and mother. Despite her longing for additional meaning to her existence, a woman should remain an empty shell until her dying days — even after her kids have moved out of the house — all for the sake of making a marriage work—, is that it?

He's a wicked man. A very wicked man.

She should pursue her career. Marriage shouldn't put the life of any of the party at a standstill. She has sacrificed enough and it is highly selfish of the husband to ask her to continue to be stay at home for children he isn't sure if they want to get married or become parents.

Similarly, why didn't he ask for either his mom or the wife's mom to come help them raise their kids so that the wife could work?

In it all, I blame couples who agree with their partner on the stay at home option. Not because of finances but I feel it drains life from the other party when you need see outside life from the lens of the one working.

At her big age a husband is still deciding for her? Especially when they had a prior agreement and she’s done her part?

I hope she knows that on her death bed, the only things she’ll regret are the chances she never took.

Let her go to school. He’ll come around. Or he won’t. In that case, his loss

Uniquewise:
I am posting this on behalf of my cousin. She is in a marriage where her husband never wanted her to work from the beginning, but to stay at home to raise their children. The kids are now all grown, 4 of them with the last born about to enter university. First child is now working while two others are about finishing university. She feels she is now ready to pursue her dream of a career in Law, being a graduate in that discipline, though she has never worked in her life after her NYSC. Her husband thinks otherwise, that she is too old to pursue a career, and that she should rather just stay at home, and that soon enough, their older children would soon marry and start giving them grandkids. She is unhappy and feels cheated, saying her husband is selfish. He is doing well in his career, and a good provider for the family. But she feels empty and sabotaged by her husband's refusal to allow her work and earn for herself.

The issue is causing a strain in their home as both parties are adamant about their position.

What must she do?

Kobojunkie:
let me guess, the husband is the one to foot the bill for her new career?

That’s the least he owes her

cococandy:
■ That’s the least he owes her

We know this but does he know this? Is he aware of it or does he instead see her as a liability even after all she has helped him achieve in what is equally his own marriage?

Kobojunkie:
We know this but does he know this? Is he aware of it or does he instead see her as a liability even after all she has helped him achieve in what is equally his own marriage?

You’re right.
Knowing he’s probably a typical naija dude, he probably doesn’t.

She has given him and raised 4-kids, and now that they're empty nesters, the husband should compromise and allow her to pursue her dream. It's not as if he she needs his permission or he has any right to stop her. She should look for a job in that field and when she finds it, should start working. The husband will cope. It's evil of him to expect her to eventually leave this world without pursuing her dream. That is not a good husband. If he decides to stop her, she should take him to court and sue, or better yet, they should go their separate ways.

Acidosis:


He's a wicked man. A very wicked man.

What makes him wicked?

I'm assuming they never agreed she'll work when they're all grown.

As a single lady, nothing should ever stop you from working hard and pursuing your dreams, whether it’s laziness or the thought of getting married one day. When a man finally comes into your life, he wouldn’t be able to place a hold on your purpose just like that while he pursues his.

Remember, men are selfish.

Esthered:


What makes him wicked?

I'm assuming they never agreed she'll work when they're all grown.

What we call agreements in marriage are non binding. A woman may decide to be a stay at home mom today for the sake of the kids and later on decide to pursue her career. Such non binding agreements can be subject to change as no one is getting hurt or battered in the process.

Personally, I don't even remember prioritising work or no-work discussions. An adult should be encouraged to work (or otherwise) when certain situations or events arise. In this case, the woman feels completely unfulfilled and considers work/career a potential motivation. Depression may set in later on if nothing is done.

---

What pains her the most is the fact she has always supported him, even against her own interest. She sort of fancied that when the children have all left home, then she was done with the agreement and could now pursue her dreams unhindered. She has made a lot of sacrifices in the marriage. The man is also a good man but in this matter, she is seeing a different person and is contemplating doing something drastic to shake him.

Right now, she's thinking of reporting him to people he respects; she is aware this would make him mad, as he hates 3rd party interference. Still weighing her options though.

More views would be appreciated.





Nlfpmod
Fergie001
Myndd44
Dominique

Uniquewise:
■ What pains her the most is the fact she has always supported him, even against her own interest. She sort of fancied that when the children have all left home, then she was done with the agreement and could now pursue her dreams unhindered. She has made a lot of sacrifices in the marriage. The man is also a good man but in this matter, she is seeing a different person and is contemplating doing something drastic to shake him. Right now, she's thinking of reporting him to people he respects; she is aware this would make him mad, as he hates 3rd party interference. Still weighing her options though. More views would be appreciated.

All these grade-school mentality kind marriage...... shudders!

Acidosis:


What we call agreements in marriage are non binding. A woman may decide to be a stay at home home today for the sake of the kids and later on decide to pursue her career. Such non binding agreements can be subject to change as no one is getting hurt or battered in the process.

Personally, I don't even remember prioritising work or no-work discussions. An adult should be encouraged to work (or otherwise) when certain situations or events arise. In this case, the woman feels completely unfulfilled and considers work/career a potential motivation. Depression may set in later on if nothing is done.

Your point is valid.

Uniquewise:
I am posting this on behalf of my cousin. She is in a marriage where her husband never wanted her to work from the beginning, but to stay at home to raise their children. The kids are now all grown, 4 of them with the last born about to enter university. First child is now working while two others are about finishing university. She feels she is now ready to pursue her dream of a career in Law, being a graduate in that discipline, though she has never worked in her life after her NYSC. Her husband thinks otherwise, that she is too old to pursue a career, and that she should rather just stay at home, and that soon enough, their older children would soon marry and start giving them grandkids. She is unhappy and feels cheated, saying her husband is selfish. He is doing well in his career, and a good provider for the family. But she feels empty and sabotaged by her husband's refusal to allow her work and earn for herself.

The issue is causing a strain in their home as both parties are adamant about their position.

What must she do?

Tell her to open a store, i am sure her husband won't oppose that. He just want a wife who will be available whenever he need her. A wife that men in Chambers won't be passing around to ease stress.

Alternatively, she can dare her husband and face the consequences, the choice is hers to make. She is not a kid.

Yashita:
As a single lady, nothing should ever stop you from working hard and pursuing your dreams, whether it’s laziness or the thought of getting married one day. When a man finally comes into your life, he wouldn’t be able to place a hold on your purpose just like that while he pursues his.

Remember, men are selfish.

Dey play, you still never seen alot of career women and actresses that got married and becomes full house wives or simply open a business?

It is all about understanding and wealth of a a man. Some men pay them monthly salary that is more than what they will receive while working. A woman who take her career serious will never accept such deal with a man, she would rather marry late than to forgone her job in the name of marriage.

Then she suddenly gets helpless if the marriage is broken right? It's a bad decision for a woman to dump her career because of marriage.

yemmit90:


Dey play, you still never seen alot of career women and actresses that got married and becomes full house wives or simply open a business?

It is all about understanding and wealth of a a man. Some men pay them monthly salary that is more than what they will receive while working. A woman who take her career serious will never accept such deal with a man, she would rather marry late than to forgone her job in the name of marriage.

Cuttycool:
Then she suddenly gets helpless if the marriage is broken right? It's a bad decision for a woman to dump her career because of marriage.

Yes, if she is a senseless one. Like I said, the smart ones among them demanded for monthly salary that is more that what they will receive while working. Those ones can't be helpless if the marriage is broken, because they have something to fall back to and their careers.