Moshybear:
Good day nairalanders. So this is a true story of my life and i am currently having mixed feelings maybe your comments will make me have a peace of mind (Hopefully)

Back then in school (IMSU) I had this roommate called Juliet ( not real name). For those who attended IMSU you will know that Hookup was full blown even before other Universities got acquainted with it. I look at Young girls doing it now and i just smile.

Anyways back to the story, this roommate of mine never lacked anything. Was it groceries, expensive hair, Phones, laptops etc , you name it. And this girl was from a poor background. I know her parents.

Rich Guys have rented very expensive apartments for her more than three times but she still chose to be roommates with me so as to chop their money and have savings.

I know you guys will be expecting a sad ending for her but this is not Nollywood. Presently she visits countries around the world like Dubai, Paris, London, LA , New York, Greece etc like breeze. I saw this girls posts and story on Instagram and couldn't believe my eyes.

However me back then was hoping on love and was dating a broke guy back then who later got me pregnant and i was refusing advances from very rich older men as an understanding girlfriend and wife to be ( foolish me) . Doing all the chores for this boy who later dumped me and the child as soon as he graduated and moved overseas. Since we graduated, this guy has never asked of my welfare nor sent a kobo to me for the upkeep of our "daughter".

Right now even to feed is a difficulty not to talk of accomodations.

So Nairaland people was i foolish to believe in Love at the expenses of a good life?

Thanks for reading this far.

I will really appreciate your responses. God bless

I still have a lot of info but let me stop here for now.

UjuJoan2:


Blame yourself for your bad choices.

Why do girls think their success has to come from men?

Do you know how many countries I’ve visited, all on my own? No sugar daddy funding my trip? Even my husband has not travelled as much as I have.

I chose not to do hook up in the university, I had a boyfriend. But after school we both went out way and I went ahead to have an amazing career and life. I can beat my chest and say that NO MAN contributed to my success in life, and I am so proud of myself.

Do you think my school boyfriend didn’t want to trap me with pregnancy? He even proposed marriage to me but wouldn’t wait for me to find my path first, so I left him because I didn’t want to rely on a man all my life.

You might think your friend is having fun, but you don’t know what she does to get her money. I’ve seen videos of girls eating poo, sleeping with animals, engaging in disgusting s3xual acts. At your age you should know that social media is all lies.

Focus on yourself and cater for your daughter. Stop allowing yourself to get distracted!!!

Sapasenator:


Why the insult?

Sapasenator:
The world has changed a lot and you need to be real smart to get to the top.

Love is just a fleeting emotion akin to jealousy and hate, it may come and go and not enough to sustain a relationship in the long run.

I have seen good ladies who kept themselves, good Christians, married as virgins to follow Christian's, two of them are divorced now and had horrible marriages.

That you kept yourself and look for love may mean nothing in the long run.

I have seen ladies who were run girls in the school, slept with different people who are today very successful with even great marriages as we speak. They are fulfilled and living happily.

So life is not black and white and you have made the following mistakes;

1. You dated a broke student.
2. You got pregnant for him.
3. You refused to do hookup on the process.

You should have done it when you were young and fresh expecially if you are from a poor home with no support system.

You made a big mistake in school my dear, hookup is not all about sex, it's also about getting connected to move on to the next stage in life in an environment like Nigeria. Love is just a mere emotional feeling that comes and goes.

I am a man who has studied the world carefully and will give you a pragmatic advice by telling you that you made a very big mistake.

Try your best to succeed in life and if you can break a few rules without getting caught, do it.

Also you said this in one of your post

"I'm separated from my partner ( My daughters Dad) because of his gambling problem and many other things too numerous to mention"

Now, he is abroad and no longer an habitual gambler.

Moshybear:
Good day nairalanders. So this is a true story of my life and i am currently having mixed feelings maybe your comments will make me have a peace of mind (Hopefully)

Back then in school (IMSU) I had this roommate called Juliet ( not real name). For those who attended IMSU you will know that Hookup was full blown even before other Universities got acquainted with it. I look at Young girls doing it now and i just smile.

Anyways back to the story, this roommate of mine never lacked anything. Was it groceries, expensive hair, Phones, laptops etc , you name it. And this girl was from a poor background. I know her parents.

Rich Guys have rented very expensive apartments for her more than three times but she still chose to be roommates with me so as to chop their money and have savings.

I know you guys will be expecting a sad ending for her but this is not Nollywood. Presently she visits countries around the world like Dubai, Paris, London, LA , New York, Greece etc like breeze. I saw this girls posts and story on Instagram and couldn't believe my eyes.

However me back then was hoping on love and was dating a broke guy back then who later got me pregnant and i was refusing advances from very rich older men as an understanding girlfriend and wife to be ( foolish me) . Doing all the chores for this boy who later dumped me and the child as soon as he graduated and moved overseas. Since we graduated, this guy has never asked of my welfare nor sent a kobo to me for the upkeep of our "daughter".

Right now even to feed is a difficulty not to talk of accomodations.

So Nairaland people was i foolish to believe in Love at the expenses of a good life?

Thanks for reading this far.

I will really appreciate your responses. God bless

I still have a lot of info but let me stop here for now.

Moshybear:
Thanks very much. I appreciate

UjuJoan2:


Blame yourself for your bad choices.

Why do girls think their success has to come from men?

Do you know how many countries I’ve visited, all on my own? No sugar daddy funding my trip? Even my husband has not travelled as much as I have.

I chose not to do hook up in the university, I had a boyfriend. But after school we both went out way and I went ahead to have an amazing career and life. I can beat my chest and say that NO MAN contributed to my success in life, and I am so proud of myself.

Do you think my school boyfriend didn’t want to trap me with pregnancy? He even proposed marriage to me but wouldn’t wait for me to find my path first, so I left him because I didn’t want to rely on a man all my life.

You might think your friend is having fun, but you don’t know what she does to get her money. I’ve seen videos of girls eating poo, sleeping with animals, engaging in disgusting s3xual acts. At your age you should know that social media is all lies.

Focus on yourself and cater for your daughter. Stop allowing yourself to get distracted!!!

Moshybear:
I suspect that boy also does YAHOO and other illegal stuff but I just lock up. Any way he is past tense and I'm all about giving my daughter the best of training rich or poor by the grace of God.

Thanks for your advice. Very much appreciated.

Love is officially dead

Moshybear:
So "Love" really doesn't exist at the end of the day.

Thanks for the comment and i have learnt the hard way indeed.

UjuJoan2:


Blame yourself for your bad choices.

Why do girls think their success has to come from men?

Do you know how many countries I’ve visited, all on my own? No sugar daddy funding my trip? Even my husband has not travelled as much as I have.

I chose not to do hook up in the university, I had a boyfriend. But after school we both went out way and I went ahead to have an amazing career and life. I can beat my chest and say that NO MAN contributed to my success in life, and I am so proud of myself.

Do you think my school boyfriend didn’t want to trap me with pregnancy? He even proposed marriage to me but wouldn’t wait for me to find my path first, so I left him because I didn’t want to rely on a man all my life.

You might think your friend is having fun, but you don’t know what she does to get her money. I’ve seen videos of girls eating poo, sleeping with animals, engaging in disgusting s3xual acts. At your age you should know that social media is all lies.

Focus on yourself and cater for your daughter. Stop allowing yourself to get distracted!!!

shortgun:

Love exists!
Where many miss it is in compatibility, love without compatibility is bound to be full of struggles, endless messy conflicts and ultimately separation.
A woman who's an introvert should avoid a man who lives his life for the party.
A man who has high libido should stay away from a woman who will ask him "is sex food?"

Truth is that after all said n done, no man runs away from a good woman and no woman runs away from a good man if they are compatible.

UnfairLife7:
i applaud you for all your achievement. But you need to know that we all have different path to success. Some girls escape poverty through marriage. Some can escape poverty through education where they had outstanding results in their first degree and they got scholarship for their masters and PhD abroad. While some escape poverty by themselves through salary work or business

I personally do not see a crime in a girl saying she wouldn't settle for less. We men obviously do not marry for love. We're selfish when it comes to chosing our life partner. We can even go as far as impregnating her just to hook or tie her down to ourselves. Women needs to be intentional in their choice of partner. If you as a woman chose to be with a poor guy because you believe nobody knows tomorrow then I'm telling you for free that he's likely to remain poor till eternity. Ask yourself this simple question. How many poor men or poor family in Nigeria later become rich or comfortable? Very few. And who told you that your partner will be among the few ones?

This is 2024, women should wiseup

Sapasenator:


Also you have to be careful not to regret too much about the past.
Regret is a negative emotion that will not allow you move forward.

For me, I seldom regret, I learn quickly from the past and move on. You need to have a solid plan for today and the future. You will need support from families, friends and your community.

Also this is 2024, you can learn a new digital skill and make money online. Academic qualifications are a tad bit overrated and does not provide any skill to survive in real life.

Also, it's not too late to learn a trade as your location does not have many lucrative jobs available.

Moshybear:
I never crave for perfection from anyone because nobody is perfect except Jesus. I have learnt from my mistakes but i learnt the hard way and have become wiser.

You are also not above mistakes or perfect. Are you?

Moshybear:
Who told you i didn't focus on my books? I graduated with a strong second class upper since 2020 and haven't been able to secure a job since then. Even posted about my predicament here on NL. So what gives?.

Your first paragraph is very hypocritical to be honest!

Namaster:
Both of you were DUMB!

If you are old enough to fuuuck, you are old enough to use condoms.

Also, it's not too late for you if hook up is what you want to do. Majority of hookup girls are single mothers.

Dust you pants and hawk that ass.

ThothHermes:
Can't you get in touch with her for assistance. Or were you judging her life choices then?

Moshybear:
No o i cannot ask her for anything as i was a self righteous person back then like soo many nairalanders . As u rightly said I judged her back then .

Honestly sha, I don't have her current international number just the old one which is no longer going.

I sent her a DM on Instagram last year but I'm not even sure she saw it not to talk of replying.

She has more than 100k followers on Instagram right now!

UjuJoan2:


Are you married? Do you have daughters? Will you raise your daughters to escape poverty through marriage?

What if the man dies, what if he loses his job, what if he losses his wealth

I was not raised to believe that a man can make me into what/who I will be. I was raised to fight for what I desire and relying on people is not an option. This is how I will raise my daughters too.

I am one of the people who believe poor people are lazy, proud and natural mediocres. It’s a different thing if you are starting life and investing in yourself, but if you are over 30-35 and have no direction in life, my dear, you have lost your way. And this applies to both men and women.

I graduated with a second class upper, but when my mates were flexing and dating men, I was working as a server in a restaurant. I learnt skill and made plans to start up a business, before I got a good job and towed the white collar path. Even now, if I lose my job, I won’t bother because I have real skills that I can convert to cash, and I’m not ashamed to use them.

I knew guys who lived in big houses, drive big cars, marrying fine babes, most of them funded by their parents. 20 years down the line, people like us without generational wealth are doing far better.

Since I joined this forum in 2007 I’ve always condemned poor men. Not because of what I can gain from a wealthy spouse, but because I don’t want a deadweight in my life. . . Or a gold digger for that matter. Even when I had nothing, I was still selective, because I knew I would make it in life.

My Uni boyfriend was a UK citizen and offered me an “easy” way out of hardship (straight to UK as his wife where he had a job already waiting for him), I turned it down because I wanted to my success to be my own. I cannot put my life and my future in the hands of any human being. Even though my dad just passed and my future looked bleak, I believed in myself enough to know that I had what it takes to achieve the best for myself. He told me I will regret it, but that was because he didn’t believe in me. Thank God I believed in myself enough.

And this is how I will raise my daughters. Don’t settle for less, but also, don’t depend on any man.

PS: I know a LOT of first generation wealthy people. I’m not from an extremely wealth family, my dad died in my final year in uni, the things I give my kids now I never got from my parents.

If you decide to marry a lazy and mediocre man in the name of love, when you yourself are broke, you have yourself to blame as a woman. But if you meet an industrious and hardworking man, nothing wrong in growing with him.

Sapasenator:
The world has changed a lot and you need to be real smart to get to the top.

Love is just a fleeting emotion akin to jealousy and hate, it may come and go and not enough to sustain a relationship in the long run.

I have seen good ladies who kept themselves, good Christians, married as virgins to follow Christian's, two of them are divorced now and had horrible marriages.

That you kept yourself and look for love may mean nothing in the long run.

I have seen ladies who were run girls in the school, slept with different people who are today very successful with even great marriages as we speak. They are fulfilled and living happily.

So life is not black and white and you have made the following mistakes;

1. You dated a broke student.
2. You got pregnant for him.
3. You refused to do hookup on the process.

You should have done it when you were young and fresh expecially if you are from a poor home with no support system.

You made a big mistake in school my dear, hookup is not all about sex, it's also about getting connected to move on to the next stage in life in an environment like Nigeria. Love is just a mere emotional feeling that comes and goes.

I am a man who has studied the world carefully and will give you a pragmatic advice by telling you that you made a very big mistake.

Try your best to succeed in life and if you can break a few rules without getting caught, do it.

Also you said this in one of your post

"I'm separated from my partner ( My daughters Dad) because of his gambling problem and many other things too numerous to mention"

Now, he is abroad and no longer an habitual gambler.

UjuJoan2:


You’ve not learnt from your mistakes, otherwise you will not be comparing yourself to a hook up girl.

You are raising a daughter for God’s sake, is this what you are planning to teach her?

Nobody is above mistakes, but expecting people to pity you because you made a mistake is irresponsible.

UjuJoan2:


Are you married? Do you have daughters? Will you raise your daughters to escape poverty through marriage?

What if the man dies, what if he loses his job, what if he losses his wealth

I was not raised to believe that a man can make me into what/who I will be. I was raised to fight for what I desire and relying on people is not an option. This is how I will raise my daughters too.

I am one of the people who believe poor people are lazy, proud and natural mediocres. It’s a different thing if you are starting life and investing in yourself, but if you are over 30-35 and have no direction in life, my dear, you have lost your way. And this applies to both men and women.

Since I joined this forum in 2007 I’ve always condemned poor men. Not because of what I can gain from a wealthy spouse, but because I don’t want a deadweight in my life. . . Or a gold digger for that matter. Even when I had nothing, I was still selective, because I knew I would make it in life.

If you decide to marry a lazy and mediocre man in the name of love, when you yourself are broke, you have yourself to blame as a woman. But if you meet an industrious and hardworking man, nothing wrong in growing with him.

Gerrard59:


Truly, life has no manual. It might come across as immoral, but for a lady who comes from a poor family, if you don't study a math based course but you are beautiful and friends with girls who do hook up, you might as well learn their strategies and do it to get capital. Most would not tell you, but some folks get favours from their well-to-do sugar daddies to succeed. It is how you manage it that matters. Don't be the unstrategic ones by following small small boys. You need to learn mistakes others make, but adopt winning strategies others did.

But most importantly, as a young girl from a poor family, try not to get a child outside marriage. You would be severely disadvantaged. That was your greatest mistake, and not the hookup aspect or even no good job.

---

Quite unfortunate things that happen in Nigeria; low trust society that is poor is a double whammy.

Onyedikachi231:


OK. But you never start to dey regret and suffer, more on the way if you continue on this pedestal.

Truth is bitter but must be said irrespective.

Sapasenator:


I totally agree with you.

In the absence of any alternative or help, hook up to raise capital is a viable alternative instead of giving it for free and when eventually successful, you can give testimonies of how God came true for you.

My motto is to use what you have to get what you want and when you get to the top, you can preach morality.

ThothHermes:
Oh.
Sorry.
Life doesn't always go in a straight line. Sometimes, people who say "damn it" to life and take what others call crazy risks get the best outcomes.
Hope you find something positive soon.

UnfairLife7:
like i said earlier, there's absolutely nothing wrong in escaping poverty through marriage as a lady. I know of a particular family that struggle to feed. They're poor obviously but the man and the children strive hard to put food on their table. The man lost his wife to breast cancer and his last son to little illness due to lack of money. The first daughter struggle and graduated from school. During her youth service year she met a guy who's a Canadian citizen. He came to Nigeria for an important thing that was how they met and he prophecy love to her. A year after her service they got married and she moved to Canada. This year make it 14 years she's married to this guy. They had 3 lovely kids two boys and a girl that are Canadian citizen. She studied biochemistry in Nigeria in her first degree but later switched career and study nursing. She's now a nurse in Canada. Her immediate younger brother studied engineering in Nigeria and to the glory of God he's now in Canada. He left last year through PR courtsey her sister. The last child a girl is in University studying law. Her widower father refused to remarry after almost 20 years he lost his wife. He said the success of his children is all that matter to him. Their success is his companion not woman.

This lady in question was married a virgin at 24. A virtue most Nigerian girls lack. So would you advise the poor girl to reject the guy because she wants to claim a super woman? She wasn't sleeping around or keeping school boyfriend like most Nigerian girls indulge in school. She was a virtous woman, hardworking because she stood with her father and siblings. She was like a mother to them. She has every reason to sleep around or probably keep a boyfriend in school like we know it's the norms amongst Nigerian girls.

The fact that you work for every penny you had, successful and didn't depend on a man's wealth doesn't make you better than her. Everybody success story can never be the same. Likewise everyone failure story can also not be the same. Tinubu contested for the presidency and he got it at first attempt even though we all know it was rigged while Buhari contested four times or thereabouts before he got it but at the long run both of them are successful and they are both president of Nigeria.

Provided you're not sleeping around as a lady, provided you're not idling your time or being lazy as a lady. I personally don't see a crime if you meet a rich or comfortable guy with legal source of income and he seek your hand in marriage, i see no crime in it accepting his proposal. The fact that you rejected your guy with British passport doesn't make you better, superior or Super woman than the lady that accept the guy with Canadian passport.

Gerrard59:


This is a reality in most parts of the world, especially poorer countries. Whether it is right or wrong does not mean it does not happen.



While that is a bit harsh - I say this as someone who held that belief - the presence of the Internet has democratised means of generating legitimate income.



I want to assume you were in your early 20s. 2007 - 2015 was a glorious period in Nigeria's economic development. Jobs were plentiful. In fact, Nairaland had at least two graduate trainee recruitment threads on the front page daily. However, when the incompetent feudalist by the name of Buhari became president, things got worse. Before then, even second-generation British-Nigerians were returning to the country as economic growth was high, and security was pretty manageable (Jonathan hired mercenaries to fight Boko Haram head-on).

The situation in the country has gotten far worse, economically and security wise.



Agreed. Fair deal.

UnfairLife7:
like i said earlier, there's absolutely nothing wrong in escaping poverty through marriage as a lady. I know of a particular family that struggle to feed. They're poor obviously but the man and the children strive hard to put food on their table. The man lost his wife to breast cancer and his last son to little illness due to lack of money. The first daughter struggle and graduated from school. During her youth service year she met a guy who's a Canadian citizen. He came to Nigeria for an important thing that was how they met and he prophecy love to her. A year after her service they got married and she moved to Canada. This year make it 14 years she's married to this guy. They had 3 lovely kids two boys and a girl that are Canadian citizen. She studied biochemistry in Nigeria in her first degree but later switched career and study nursing. She's now a nurse in Canada. Her immediate younger brother studied engineering in Nigeria and to the glory of God he's now in Canada. He left last year through PR courtsey her sister. The last child a girl is in University studying law. Her widower father refused to remarry after almost 20 years he lost his wife. He said the success of his children is all that matter to him. Their success is his companion not woman.

This lady in question was married a virgin at 24. A virtue most Nigerian girls lack. So would you advise the poor girl to reject the guy because she wants to claim a super woman? She wasn't sleeping around or keeping school boyfriend like most Nigerian girls indulge in school. She was a virtous woman, hardworking because she stood with her father and siblings. She was like a mother to them. She has every reason to sleep around or probably keep a boyfriend in school like we know it's the norms amongst Nigerian girls.

The fact that you work for every penny you had, successful and didn't depend on a man's wealth doesn't make you better than her. Everybody success story can never be the same. Likewise everyone failure story can also not be the same. Tinubu contested for the presidency and he got it at first attempt even though we all know it was rigged while Buhari contested four times or thereabouts before he got it but at the long run both of them are successful and they are both president of Nigeria.

Provided you're not sleeping around as a lady, provided you're not idling your time or being lazy as a lady. I personally don't see a crime if you meet a rich or comfortable guy with legal source of income and he seek your hand in marriage, i see no crime in it accepting his proposal. The fact that you rejected your guy with British passport doesn't make you better, superior or Super woman than the lady that accept the guy with Canadian passport.

UjuJoan2:


What would you think I’m in my early 20’s. I’m almost 40 and I’m speaking from experience . I have a teenager at home so do the maths.

I don’t know if you making this argument to keep deceiving young girls into becoming semi-slaves in the name of financial freedom. I know for a fact that it NEVER works out.

Are you seriously trying to convince me that a woman marrying for money has ANY advantage? Aside from temporary relief? In the long run it always backfires. I have never seen it work out, except in cases where they both started out with humble beginnings!!!

I drive a car my husband bought, but I’m happier knowing I can afford to buy any car I like and he knows it. Do you think he can ever ask me to drop the keys to that car for ANY reason? I’ve seen that happen to women who are beautiful and smart, all because they thought marrying for money was a way out!!