I am very temperamental, I stayed together with my wife and my 1year old baby with a neighbour in the next compound where we share a fence,my wife always piss me off most times by not obeying or listen to what I say,if I tell my wife something now that I don't like , she might listen for a moment but with a short period of time you see my wife doing what I don't like again,I am tired

Don't serve me food without cloths to wash my hand after eating ,it is very disgusting to me using my hands to clean my head or chair after a meal, she will obey for some days but change within a few days to her normal ways

Don't take my baby anywhere without you pre-informing me before going, my wife will not listen, I have talked and talked.

Prepare to cook,not just enter kitchen and join anything you see together and say I should manage it,I provide all what that Is necessary for the cooking,I gave her money for soup at the begining of the months so that I wouldn't hear ,no money to buy this,just imagined,I have been eating food without salt for almost a month now,I don't want to confront hwr because I just assumed salt just finish until yesterday I still saw my food without salt ,asked her ," you no dey use salt cooked again ni or they warn you not to use salt in food again,but my wife said she forgot for more than a week,I can't confidently tell my colleague to test my food until I test it becaue I don't know if Maggie or too much pepe is inside,not that she don't know how to cook,but she don't use to be prepared to cook,anything she finds at home just join it together and take.


I just observed the only time my wife listened to corrections was when we had issues that the second neighbor would hear due to the fence we shared.

Pls how can I correct her without my neighbour hearing our arguments

It is not too late, but you left some real work behind. You have the bulk of the work to do.

1. You need to heal. Something is not right with you, I mean getting very angry at little things. You need to stop taking your frustration on your wife or people around you. Check very well. There are somethings that has bruised you so deep in the past, and this robs you of real calm and happiness. To live with anyone, you need calm and clear head.

2. Understand your triggers and be deliberate about not giving them powers to make you go mad. Always be in charge of the situation.

3. Have a crucial conversation with your wife. Let her know that it is important for her to listen to you and stick to basic home management.

4. You have to keep recalibrating those things you don't want her to do until she makes progress. Be dedicated to teaching, guiding, and mentoring her. That is leadership!

5. Do not be discouraged by the setbacks but always 'celebrate' the milestones.

Wishing your home the love, peace, and happiness in the name of Jesus.

Adexvivacity:
It seems many of these ladies we call wife have some ogba in their head. Na so mu wife dey do. Nothing like submission again and man will be told not to raise his hand against wife but they keep frustrating man😩. To have long life, you have to complain less and pick somethings yourself if she aint picking them. If you send her out and bring in another one, u will see another version of stubbornness. Man eyes dey see for these people called wife o.

You need to be assertive without being rude or disrespectful.

Adexvivacity:
It seems many of these ladies we call wife have some ogba in their head. Na so mu wife dey do. Nothing like submission again and man will be told not to raise his hand against wife but they keep frustrating man😩. To have long life, you have to complain less and pick somethings yourself if she aint picking them. If you send her out and bring in another one, u will see another version of stubbornness. Man eyes dey see for these people called wife o.

Honestly,I am tired,I am even thinking of just abandoning her at home and leave,I can't be loosing my sanity becaue of one woman,I want my house this way, help me do it that way but no ,my wife will just do has if no be she I dey talk to

Na wa oooo....

Today na wife day.

decatalyst:
It is not too late, but you left some real work behind. You have the bulk of the work to do.

1. You need to heal. Something is not right with you, I mean getting very angry at little things. You need to stop taking your frustration on your wife or people around you. Check very well. There are somethings that has bruised you so deep in the past, and this robs you of real calm and happiness. To live with anyone, you need calm and clear head.

2. Understand your triggers and be deliberate about not giving them powers to make you go mad. Always be in charge of the situation.

3. Have a crucial conversation with your wife. Let her know that it is important for her to listen to you and stick to basic home management.

4. You have to keep recalibrating those things you don't want her to do until she makes progress. Be dedicated to teaching, guiding, and mentoring her. That is leadership!

5. Do not be discouraged by the setbacks but always 'celebrate' the milestones.

Wishing your home the love, peace, and happiness in the name of Jesus.

She will tag you ,you whala is too much,I have reported her to her mum and I promise myself I won't do such again because we just started .but bro I am fed up!

Adexvivacity:
It seems many of these ladies we call wife have some ogba in their head. Na so mu wife dey do. Nothing like submission again and man will be told not to raise his hand against wife but they keep frustrating man😩. To have long life, you have to complain less and pick somethings yourself if she aint picking them. If you send her out and bring in another one, u will see another version of stubbornness. Man eyes dey see for these people called wife o.

I wish I am still single bro,I don talk tire she no dey hear word

Paramount01:



I wish I am still single bro,I don talk tire she no dey hear word

It is well, dealing with them requires a great deal of wisdom, these days we manage to choose the lesser evil.

Re. Her serving you food without cloth to wash your hands:

So... she serves you food, along with water to wash your hands, but no cloth [or towel] to dry your hands and it's the last part you're complaining about? Na wa oooooo. Why can't you get up to dry your hands yourself or is that too much for you to do? That will not reduce your being man; get up and go dry your hands. It's possible she forgets amidst trying to get everything done (going by your post, you probably don't help this woman at all with any chores in the home!!!), so you could get up to do that yourself. It's your type that will not want to lift a plate in the home to wash because your wife is a maid that will do everything. Na wa oooooo.

Another option is to be reminding her and doing it gently and respectfully: "Darling, can you please get me a cloth to dry my hands?" or "Darling, please get me a cloth to dry my hands". If you're doing that and speaking to her like sweetly, she will be remembering gradually.


Re. Her taking the baby out without informing you:

If you're not home and she needs to go somewhere important, is she supposed to call to ask for your permission before going, or leave her baby alone at home because you might not want her taking the child along? Oga, reason am na. This is a 1-year old, so it wouldn't even be a good idea to leave him/her with anyone else (other than you), hence it's best for the child to be with her mother when they need to go out and you're not around. I don't live in Nigeria and see a lot of new moms and their spouses here taking their babies (not even up to 1-year olds) out and about in strollers. They're usually in strollers that keep them protected away from the sun. I hope your wife has a good stroller like that, but if not, get her one! You obviously don't help this woman do anything at home and definitely not outside either, so I believe she's doing the best she can.


Re. the insufficient salt in food

Mr. Man, get a salt shaker (a little bottle/container where you put salt in and meant to be kept at the table where you eat in order to add it to food, if needed). A meal having little salt isn't a bad thing and is better than it being loaded with too much salt! It having little to no salt means you can always add salt when eating. Secondly, we all have different thresholds when it comes to tasting things like salt. It's possible she's one of those people who tastes food with little salt and can enjoy the meal like that. You've to inquire from her to determine if this is the case and if it is, stay with her in the kitchen (hopefully being in the kitchen would not induce any anger in you since you cannot get up to dry your own hands because you're too big of a man to do that) to show her how much salt you'll like her to be adding. That doesn't mean telling her to dump a gallon of salt in the pot and being inconsiderate of her own taste but coming to a compromise on how much salt would be cool for both of you. In the meantime, get a salt shaker like I suggested above and if you show her and you find the food is still lacking the amount of salt you like, then continuing using the salt shaker and add your own salt when eating.


As for your temperamental issue, get help. I don't know what she was thinking marrying someone "very temperamental" and seemingly sexist. You're close to turning her into a punching bag (I hope you're not already doing that) because of these small issues, therefore seek help before it gets to that stage.

Apart from the salt thing and preparing whatever she has in the kitchen, what stops you from getting the table cloth yourself after washing your hands?

Biglittlelois:
Apart from the salt thing and preparing whatever she has in the kitchen, what stops you from getting the table cloth yourself after washing your hands?

If you were his wife, we would be getting ready for funeral. We are trying to help him with self control and you are flaming the fire. If they leave you with him, he will just murder you.

Use your anger to boil yam.It will even be useful now that gas is costly

Ensa777:
Use your anger to boil yam.It will even be useful now that gas is costly

Common keep shut now before i slap you.

i beleive this are just the issues op can remember......a man would easily understand the op.......the woman is frustrating him in little little things he can't possibly lay hands on.

Biglittlelois:
Apart from the salt thing and preparing whatever she has in the kitchen, what stops you from getting the table cloth yourself after washing your hands?

If you can't serve me then don't prepare the food.

Paramount01:



If you can't serve me then don't prepare the food.

Na she get time to dey serve you, If na me you for don drink water tire

Your hand will break if you get the table cloth yourself or what?

Paramount01:
I am very temperamental, I stayed together with my wife and my 1year old baby with a neighbour in the next compound where we share a fence,my wife always piss me off most times by not obeying or listen to what I say,if I tell my wife something now that I don't like , she might listen for a moment but with a short period of time you see my wife doing what I don't like again,I am tired

Don't serve me food without cloths to wash my hand after eating ,it is very disgusting to me using my hands to clean my head or chair after a meal, she will obey for some days but change within a few days to her normal ways

Don't take my baby anywhere without you pre-informing me before going, my wife will not listen, I have talked and talked.

Prepare to cook,not just enter kitchen and join anything you see together and say I should manage it,I provide all what that Is necessary for the cooking,I gave her money for soup at the begining of the months so that I wouldn't hear ,no money to buy this,just imagined,I have been eating food without salt for almost a month now,I don't want to confront hwr because I just assumed salt just finish until yesterday I still saw my food without salt ,asked her ," you no dey use salt cooked again ni or they warn you not to use salt in food again,but my wife said she forgot for more than a week,I can't confidently tell my colleague to test my food until I test it becaue I don't know if Maggie or too much pepe is inside,not that she don't know how to cook,but she don't use to be prepared to cook,anything she finds at home just join it together and take.

I just observed the only time my wife listened to corrections was when we had issues that the second neighbor would hear due to the fence we shared.

Pls how can I correct her without my neighbour hearing our arguments

Nothing is wrong with your wife,you are the one looking for a zombie or a maid.Treat your wife like your best friend not a lord and his servant.

You can also help out with market runs sometimes.caring for a child is a demanding task on its own.

TheWinterBird:
Re. Her serving you food without clothes to wash your hands:

So... she serves you food, along with water to wash your hands, but no cloth [or towel] to dry your hands and it's the last part you're complaining about? Na wa oooooo. Why can't you get up to dry your hands yourself or is that too much for you to do? That will not reduce your being man; get up and go dry your hands. It's possible she forgets amidst trying to get everything done (going by your post, you probably don't help this woman at all with any chores in the home!!!), so you could get up to do that yourself. It's your type that will not want to lift a plate in the home to wash because your wife is a maid that will do everything. Na wa oooooo.

Another option is to be reminding her and doing it gently and respectfully: "Darling, can you please get me a cloth to dry my hands?" or "Darling, please get me a cloth to dry my hands". If you're doing that and speaking to her like sweetly, she will be remembering gradually.


Re. Her taking the baby out without informing you:

If you're not home and she needs to go somewhere important, is she supposed to call to ask for your permission before going, or leave her baby alone at home because you might not want her taking the child along? Oga, reason am na. This is a 1-year old, so it wouldn't even be a good idea to leave him/her with anyone else (other than you), hence it's best for the child to be with her mother when they need to go out and you're not around. I don't live in Nigeria and see a lot of new moms and their spouses here taking their babies (not even up to 1-year olds) out and about in strollers. They're usually in strollers that keep them protected away from the sun. I hope your wife has a good stroller like that, but if not, get her one! You obviously don't help this woman do anything at home and definitely not outside either, so I believe she's doing the best she can.


Re. the insufficient salt in food

Mr. Man, get a salt shaker (a little bottle/container where you put salt in and meant to be kept at the table where you eat in order to add it to food, if needed). A meal having little salt isn't a bad thing and is better than it being loaded with too much salt! It having little to no salt means you can always add salt when eating. Secondly, we all have different thresholds when it comes to tasting things like salt. It's possible she's one of those people who tastes food with little salt and can enjoy the meal like that. You've to inquire from her to determine if this is the case and if it is, stay with her in the kitchen (hopefully being in the kitchen would not induce any anger in you since you cannot get up to dry your own hands because you're too big of a man to do that) to show her how much salt you'll like her to be adding. That doesn't mean telling her to dump a gallon of salt in the pot and being inconsiderate of her own taste but coming to a compromise on how much salt would be cool for both of you. In the meantime, get a salt shaker like I suggested above and if you show her and you find the food is still lacking the amount of salt you like, then continuing using the salt shaker and add your own salt when eating.


As for your temperamental issue, get help. I don't know what she was thinking marrying someone "very temperamental" and seemingly sexist. You're close to turning her into a punching bag (I hope you're not already doing that) because of these small issues, therefore seek help before it gets to that stage.

Yiu can't take my child to anywhere without informing me not even your matters house. you must inform me before letting my child goes anywhere,you can go anywhere you like but for my child ,I just be aware


I don't do anything at home and I won't do it except I feel like doing it,I also don't share any bills and I will never get you involve in my bills,infact I don't even expect you to say thank you for paying any bills, I wnt even ifoemwd you that I have paid, so why getting me involve in your work,if you think you are big for it then tell me to get you a partner and that will be second wife.

Roles are define and if you think the roles are to big for you then tell me,I will know what to do,you can't force me to do house chores in a house where you and I is living,I take care of you and secure you like your dad,can you adyiur dad be at home and you expect your dad to be washing plate or you share work to your dad

cocolacec:

Nothing is wrong with your wife,you are the one looking for a zombie or a maid.Treat your wife like your best friend not a lord and his servant.

You can also help out with market runs sometimes.caring for a child is a demanding task on its own.

The providing is a small work.i set rules for my house not your house that it must follow.

Pls if you are single just keep quite becaue you won't understand

LordIsaac:

If you were his wife, we would be getting ready for funeral. We are trying to help him with self control and you are flaming the fire. If they leave you with him, he will just murder you.

You’re assuming she can’t murder him first
You guys overestimate yourselves sometimes

chidekings:
i beleive this are just the issues op can remember......a man would easily understand the op.......the woman is frustrating him in little little things he can't possibly lay hands on.

He needs to stop being so naggy and picky

Little things shouldn’t frustrate a grown adult that much unless he’s basing all his comfort on the actions of his wife. Marks of someone who can’t regulate his internal self

See you see frustration

What’s happening now is just a tip of the iceberg

I hope your wife knows who she married

Paramount01:



The providing is a small work.i set rules for my house not your house that it must follow.

Pls if you are single just keep quite becaue you won't understand

Paramount01:



Yiu can't take my child to anywhere without informing me not even your matters house. you must inform me before letting my child goes anywhere,you can go anywhere you like but for my child ,I just be aware


I don't do anything at home and I won't do it except I feel like doing it,I also don't share any bills and I will never get you involve in my bills,infact I don't even expect you to say thank you for paying any bills, I wnt even ifoemwd you that I have paid, so why getting me involve in your work,if you think you are big for it then tell me to get you a partner and that will be second wife.

Roles are define and if you think the roles are to big for you then tell me,I will know what to do,you can't force me to do house chores in a house where you and I is living,I take care of you and secure you like your dad,can you adyiur dad be at home and you expect your dad to be washing plate or you share work to your dad

Foodqueen:
Na wa oooo....

Today na wife day.

Una go hear am

cococandy:


He needs to stop being so naggy and picky

Little things shouldn’t frustrate a grown adult that much unless he’s basing all his comfort on the actions of his wife. Marks of someone who can’t regulate his internal self

i so much believe,he does not have the appropriate words to describe what he is passing thru,cus many will see it as petty.

chidekings:
i so much believe,he does not have the appropriate words to describe what he is passing thru,cus many will see it as petty.

I thought so until I read his responses

For someone who doesn’t do anything at home because he provides but wants to be informed every time his wife goes out with the baby , you can tell he’s an unreasonable task master.

So she’ll call him every time she goes to the store, the market, the pharmacy, etc including every errand? And he is totally unwilling to be reasonable about it

That tells me he’s nit picky. The towel issue on its own is enough to tell me all I need to know

He should go and sit down somewhere

Paramount01:


The providing is a small work.i set rules for my house not your house that it must follow.

Pls if you are single just keep quite becaue you won't understand

You call your father's age mate single.This nairaland boys no sabi anything about marriage.
Nb: Stop disturbing us on the internet if you dont want advice.Deal with your issues yourself boy.

cocolacec:

You call your father's age mate single.This nairaland boys no sabi anything about marriage.
Nb: Stop disturbing us on the internet if you dont want advice.Deal with your issues yourself boy.

Funny you,and you think I just married 2 years ago means I am a boy?I am very sure you can't be older than me to the point of my dad,talk your talk but don't put my papa there,pps removed your age from 43 and let me see something

Do DNA test on your child!!

DNA test is a must!!

thats because you are trying to change someone into who YOU want them to be, while this is impossible to do. so as much as this person loves you, she will try to be the way you want her to be, but she will quickly turn right back to who she truly is.... thats only natural. the fact that yousay you want things YOUR WAY, while you guys are two different people living together, is a bit strange. she is your wife, not your servant, why dont you meet her half way?

here is a simple solution to your issue: ACCEPT WHO SHE IS AND BE MERRY... because thats who she is and you cant be a control freak and get high blood pressure because of someone being THEMSELVES. thats who she was before marriage and thats who she will be well after you divorce her (if ever). nobody is perfect and so long as she has most of the character you require in a wife, then let the few other insignificant issues slide.

cocolacec:

Nothing is wrong with your wife,you are the one looking for a zombie or a maid.Treat your wife like your best friend not a lord and his servant.

You can also help out with market runs sometimes.caring for a child is a demanding task on its own.

It's disheartening you will say your wife isn't a maid and a zombie, help her buy things from the market(gender equality) but will never tell the lady to bring 50 percent of the finances of the home why is that so? When equality is done it should be done in totality and not cherry picking

Paramount01:



Funny you,and you think I just married 2 years ago means I am a boy?I am very sure you can't be older than me to the point of my dad,talk your talk but don't put my papa there,pps removed your age from 43 and let me see something

If you’re an adult then conduct yourself as one. The things you’re complaining about are minor differences that will change over time. First off, respect your wife as a fellow human and talk to her with love and understanding.

When she forgets something remind her lovingly instead of being aggressive. Have you heard the saying “you catch more flies with honey than shi” it works. A little patience, more communication and life will be easier.

If you continue with your aggressive approach then a few things will happen; you will turn violent, you will have a stroke, or you will be divorced.

Your children will develop developmental issues if they are raised in a hostile environment so just try doing things differently because your ranting and bullying isn’t working.

Be friends with your wife. If you don’t like her then leave before you guys destroy each other.