idahme:



It's disheartening you will say your wife isn't a maid and a zombie, help her buy things from the market(gender equality) but will never tell the lady to bring 50 percent of the finances of the home why is that so? When equality is done it should be done in totality and not cherry picking

They don't like that part. Help your woman They will say. Help your man with the hills and they start frowning

TheWinterBird:
Re. Her serving you food without clothes to wash your hands:

So... she serves you food, along with water to wash your hands, but no cloth [or towel] to dry your hands and it's the last part you're complaining about? Na wa oooooo. Why can't you get up to dry your hands yourself or is that too much for you to do? That will not reduce your being man; get up and go dry your hands. It's possible she forgets amidst trying to get everything done (going by your post, you probably don't help this woman at all with any chores in the home!!!), so you could get up to do that yourself. It's your type that will not want to lift a plate in the home to wash because your wife is a maid that will do everything. Na wa oooooo.

Another option is to be reminding her and doing it gently and respectfully: "Darling, can you please get me a cloth to dry my hands?" or "Darling, please get me a cloth to dry my hands". If you're doing that and speaking to her like sweetly, she will be remembering gradually.


Re. Her taking the baby out without informing you:

If you're not home and she needs to go somewhere important, is she supposed to call to ask for your permission before going, or leave her baby alone at home because you might not want her taking the child along? Oga, reason am na. This is a 1-year old, so it wouldn't even be a good idea to leave him/her with anyone else (other than you), hence it's best for the child to be with her mother when they need to go out and you're not around. I don't live in Nigeria and see a lot of new moms and their spouses here taking their babies (not even up to 1-year olds) out and about in strollers. They're usually in strollers that keep them protected away from the sun. I hope your wife has a good stroller like that, but if not, get her one! You obviously don't help this woman do anything at home and definitely not outside either, so I believe she's doing the best she can.


Re. the insufficient salt in food

Mr. Man, get a salt shaker (a little bottle/container where you put salt in and meant to be kept at the table where you eat in order to add it to food, if needed). A meal having little salt isn't a bad thing and is better than it being loaded with too much salt! It having little to no salt means you can always add salt when eating. Secondly, we all have different thresholds when it comes to tasting things like salt. It's possible she's one of those people who tastes food with little salt and can enjoy the meal like that. You've to inquire from her to determine if this is the case and if it is, stay with her in the kitchen (hopefully being in the kitchen would not induce any anger in you since you cannot get up to dry your own hands because you're too big of a man to do that) to show her how much salt you'll like her to be adding. That doesn't mean telling her to dump a gallon of salt in the pot and being inconsiderate of her own taste but coming to a compromise on how much salt would be cool for both of you. In the meantime, get a salt shaker like I suggested above and if you show her and you find the food is still lacking the amount of salt you like, then continuing using the salt shaker and add your own salt when eating.


As for your temperamental issue, get help. I don't know what she was thinking marrying someone "very temperamental" and seemingly sexist. You're close to turning her into a punching bag (I hope you're not already doing that) because of these small issues, therefore seek help before it gets to that stage.

Easy solution(s) to OP generational problem.

The dumb fork OP can even buy table cloth and put it on the dining table or buy tissue paper, he can't do that because he is a control freak who wants everything to go his way, his way or highway.


I don't know how some ladies can be so dumb to open their legs for folks like OP. All what he listed are not even issues to be discussed in public

LordIsaac:

If you were his wife, we would be getting ready for funeral. We are trying to help him with self control and you are flaming the fire. If they leave you with him, he will just murder you.

You can't a man like the OP, he will never see anything wrong in what he is doing. Someone like him needs to single and have maids all around him.

Before he got married, how was he doing those stuffs?

Paramount01:



Funny you,and you think I just married 2 years ago means I am a boy?I am very sure you can't be older than me to the point of my dad,talk your talk but don't put my papa there,pps removed your age from 43 and let me see something

Will you shut up man?

Definitely your wife married the wrong man?

See you being petty, too petty..

What wrong if you get a cloth yourself?

Why should your wife inform you b4 she take her child out? Who does that ?


You obviously have a. Big issue and ur wife will regret marrying you....

He married a man with old useless mentality that women are slave to men in marriage

Paramount01:



Funny you,and you think I just married 2 years ago means I am a boy?I am very sure you can't be older than me to the point of my dad,talk your talk but don't put my papa there,pps removed your age from 43 and let me see something

It's takes years to deal with the problem of upbringing
You pay the bills, but she has what she does that you can't do too

The issue is the way you where brought up
I served in the restaurant for several years , so I am kinda of miles ahead of wify in this serving and kitchen matters
But then, I can remember I got corrected several years too before it was learnt

See it that way...

Regarding, taking your child to anywhere
Bro

You won't get that

For a little child
After God
Na the mama get am
You won't get reports about that one
Because,you can't tell that child's needs as much as the mum can do
If she decided to take the child to hospital when you are not around as a result of health issues she perceived
What would you do
There are some instinctive activities around the child that can never be discussed with you
And bills don't do them ... except the bills see the woman to mix with before been effective

Regarding servicing you...be patience
Regarding your kid.. forget it..it's too much and you won't get it..and if you force it..you will be heading for another woman who will show you balaubalu

pneumaticos:


It's takes years to deal with the problem of upbringing
You pay the bills, but she has what she does that you can't do too

The issue is the way you where brought up
I served in the restaurant for several years , so I am kinda of miles ahead of wify in this serving and kitchen matters
But then, I can remember I got corrected several years too before it was learnt

See it that way...

Regarding, taking your child to anywhere
Bro

You won't get that

For a little child
After God
Na the mama get am
You won't get reports about that one
Because,you can't tell that child's needs as much as the mum can do
If she decided to take the child to hospital when you are not around as a result of health issues she perceived
What would you do
There are some instinctive activities around the child that can never be discussed with you
And bills don't do them ... except the bills see the woman to mix with before been effective

Regarding servicing you...be patience
Regarding your kid.. forget it..it's too much and you won't get it..and if you force it..you will be heading for another woman who will show you balaubalu

In a well organized family,anywhere anybody is going the head of the house must be aware.if I can't have where my wife is going becaue she is now called an adult,I must know wher you are taking my child to

Paramount01:




In a well organized family,anywhere anybody is going the head of the house must be aware.if I can't have where my wife is going becaue she is now called an adult,I must know wher you are taking my child to

Obviously, the main issue is the fact that she doesn't open up to you about her whereabout and since you can't get that you now have to resort to holding onto knowing the whereabout of your child.

It is wrong for her to be trying to avoid accountability on her whereabout to you, just like she also needs to know about your movement too. You guys need to resolve this issue because it can lead to total incommunicado in due course and that will mean the end of the marriage.

Paramount01:




In a well organized family,anywhere anybody is going the head of the house must be aware.if I can't have where my wife is going becaue she is now called an adult,I must know wher you are taking my child to

You don't get one part...
The child is not yours

Infact...I do tell my wife
This child belongs to God
We are just caretakers,
That helps alot

If you are seeing it like you are the head of the family and you deserve to know whats going on which is ok,

But in practice..you don't always get to have it

In the real world ..the first few years of a child is owed by the mum...she determines alot in the life of the kids until they are matured enough to know what you stand for

I have a girl I want to marry. I don’t treat her special at all, but I give her everything she needs, but the kind of stories I hear about people’s wives and girlfriends.., I have started pampering my girl oO!

How can your wife cook for you without salt? Ha

Wives dey show una shege ooo

I don read my wife my wife tire today

chidekings:
i beleive this are just the issues op can remember......a man would easily understand the op.......the woman is frustrating him in little little things he can't possibly lay hands on.

May God bless you abundantly... You spoke my mind

cococandy:


He needs to stop being so naggy and picky

Little things shouldn’t frustrate a grown adult that much unless he’s basing all his comfort on the actions of his wife. Marks of someone who can’t regulate his internal self

How I wish there's voice notes on NL, there are some things I would have say to you that typing won't do justice to...


I'm not just sure you're married (pls, I'm not trying to sound rude, and if I am, I'm sorry)

cococandy:


I thought so until I read his responses

For someone who doesn’t do anything at home because he provides but wants to be informed every time his wife goes out with the baby , you can tell he’s an unreasonable task master.

So she’ll call him every time she goes to the store, the market, the pharmacy, etc including every errand? And he is totally unwilling to be reasonable about it

That tells me he’s nit picky. The towel issue on its own is enough to tell me all I need to know

He should go and sit down somewhere

You didn't thought so until you read his response, it was you that fueled the fire before he responded that way...stop lying pls

A king and his slave

Paramount01:



Honestly,I am tired,I am even thinking of just abandoning her at home and leave,I can't be loosing my sanity becaue of one woman,I want my house this way, help me do it that way but no ,my wife will just do has if no be she I dey talk to

It is the house for both of you not just your house. Marriage na hard work and you may need to work on your emotions as well.

Paramount01:



Honestly,I am tired,I am even thinking of just abandoning her at home and leave,I can't be loosing my sanity becaue of one woman,I want my house this way, help me do it that way but no ,my wife will just do has if no be she I dey talk to

Both of You No Well ... You Don't expect a Woman to Manage Your Psychology for You ... she is your woman... You her her Man ...

Your job is to manage her psychology & Find means of making her to carrying out your instructions without having to stress .....

You are just barking orders like a Military Man but You Wife is very stubborn & You are also Stubborn ... Once Devil is Interested in Your Home, E yaff Gone ... Someone is slapping someone very soon & the next person is macheting someone ....

Learn Reverse Psychology, Fix Yourself ... Fix Your Wife ....

Men needs much Matrimonial Management than Women ...

Men of Today has Failed their Society, You are asking A Woman for Gini ... ... Someone Born to Frustrating Your Manhood !

She will Frustrate You till You Commit the Evil That would jail You For the Rest of Your Life....

Devil is playing table tennis on Your Head !

I'm always grateful for not having an egocentric man for a husband.

The way to manage your anger is to change your atitude.

Instead of expecting your wife to obey, you should expect of yourself to be more grateful.

She has served you food, say thank you and get that freaking towel and water yourself. Or ask her nicely to get it for you. Even if you have to ask a 100 times, one day she will get it and your marriage will still be intact. The way you go on about it now is a sure way to make her resent you.

Biglittlelois:


Na she get time to dey serve you, If na me you for don drink water tire

Your hand will break if you get the table cloth yourself or what?

lol, very opinionated and choleric man

Better begin to adjust to your wife, that's her uniqueness. That's called love.
And you are not "temperamental"

my dear fellow husband,

I understand to some extent your complain because am also in the home front like you.
Its good to have principle but in marriage we shouldn't be too rigid with our principle. You were raised in a home very different from your wife. Most of us in this our adult stage, what we do and act is a chronological build up of the pattern we saw our parents do it. so any deviation from what we grew up to to see and do as the acceptable standard is frowned at. You saw your mum kip napkin by the side of your dad's food on the table to dry his hands after washing and it became a norm and to you that is how it should be. so you have borrowed dat style which you are now using in your marriage. What is a standard to you may not be a standard to the other party. you may be right in your own eyes. your wife too may also be right in her own eyes too. the bone of contention is that you both are seeing same thing differently.
You need to twerk your principle a bit. DNT be too rigid. I understand you structure your marriage base on roles but stil you have to look beyond roles.Marriage makes one vulnerable.

There are soo many things you will not take when you were single but when you get married, there are a lot of shits you wil see plenty that you just have to painfully take not because you are weak but because you now have a partner dt views things differently from you.

you just have to relax your principle or rules a bit. You can relax your principle and still be assertive and firm in your home.

As for the salt issue, this is what you should do.
respond to her error with small humor.bring out the humorous side of you when she doesn't do it right. If you were the one doing the cooking urself wen you were single, you may complain abt her own salty meal but out of understanding because you too in d past go done mis-cook wen you dey single. I guess you were not the cooking type bk den. But if you can cook, you can tease her nd tell her you wil cook the next meal and make sure you do that nd do it well so that she too wil taste urs and know the difference of how you want her to be doing it.

As for the napkin wahala, you can try this.
If she is always forgetting to bring you napkin. You can permanently leave one on the table. when it's dirty, she wash nd returns it bk on the table you eat your meal.

It is actually YOU that will correct the wrong in that marriage. There are some social skills you appear not to have. Be tactful wen you relate with your wife. As I said, chip in some humor to ease tension once in a while. Be intentional in correcting all dis.

I repeat. Be intentional in all of this and get involved too. DNT sit and complain. All the best

Paramount01:



If you can't serve me then don't prepare the food.

You are not handicapped. Get your cloth yourself

Ishilove:

You are not handicapped. Get your cloth yourself

you have come again

WHERE IS MY SANDWICH !?!

Paramount01:
Honestly,I am tired,I am even thinking of just abandoning her at home and leave,I can't be loosing my sanity becaue of one woman,I want my house this way, help me do it that way but no ,my wife will just do has if no be she I dey talk to

- Is she generally like this? From work to other major house work and the children? Are there other things she's excellently good at? Strengths you admire about her?

If it's in just these "little" stuff she forgets "herself," I see no reason why you cannot step in and pick up after her. Or you cook together– from start to finish. Arrange your house the way you want it. Leave her to things she's good at.

- Have you also thought of WHERE you're 'lacking', and she's probably filling in too, without your notice?

Paramount01:
If you can't serve me then don't prepare the food.

Then prepare it by yourself??


Imagine saying you want to leave home over this. Men sha.

Paramount01:
Yiu can't take my child to anywhere without informing me not even your matters house. you must inform me before letting my child goes anywhere,you can go anywhere you like but for my child ,I just be aware


I don't do anything at home and I won't do it except I feel like doing it,I also don't share any bills and I will never get you involve in my bills,infact I don't even expect you to say thank you for paying any bills, I wnt even ifoemwd you that I have paid, so why getting me involve in your work,if you think you are big for it then tell me to get you a partner and that will be second wife.

Roles are define and if you think the roles are to big for you then tell me,I will know what to do,you can't force me to do house chores in a house where you and I is living,I take care of you and secure you like your dad,can you adyiur dad be at home and you expect your dad to be washing plate or you share work to your dad

Ohhhhh.


A traditional man to the core in all his pomposity. I understand now.


But you didn't discuss these with her before you got married ni or what? That you're now complaining now?

GloriousGbola:


you have come again

WHERE IS MY SANDWICH !?!

Go make it yourself, man!!

Bros, you need to calm down and don't let frustration lead you to push your wife outside...

The fact that you married your wife doesn't mean you have to always instruct her, like an errand girl..

Yes, she might be lacking in some areas, but that doesn't mean you can't help her out, with the example of napkin you gave to clean your hand, you can always pick it up yourself, don't let little issue become an issue that you won't be able to contain...


My wife knows me, if I ask her to bring something and she forget, I do it myself, she has alot on her head, taking care of the kids, kitchen is there, making sure the home is in great shape after the kids have messed it up..

Bros, is not easy, just sit her down and talk to her, you don't need to shout on her or be controlling her like you bought her from her parent..

Paramount01:



She will tag you ,you whala is too much,I have reported her to her mum and I promise myself I won't do such again because we just started .but bro I am fed up!

I am not married yet but I think you totally should avoid whatever will tempt you reporting your marital matters to anyone. Find a way and settle it by yourselves. Reporting outside is the beginning of the breaking point, were intolerance starts growing.

Auxtan:

I am not married yet but I think you totally should avoid whatever will tempt you reporting your marital matters to anyone. Find a way and settle it by yourselves. Reporting outside is the beginning of the breaking point, were intolerance starts growing.

I also said the same thing before Marriage,wait till that time bro you will know marriage is different

Ishilove:

Go make it yourself, man!!

my love are you angry?

Paramount01:



The providing is a small work.i set rules for my house not your house that it must follow.

Pls if you are single just keep quite becaue you won't understand

Better you divorce her and have peace of mind. Life is too short... Most ladies born from 1990 till date are useless