Balancing:
believe me, it's not something a gym can correct.

Balancing:
my problem, I don't know how to give silent to treatment. It's really so annoying that I don't know how to ignore people

Balancing:
I subtly stated it in my post

Godwin4444:
sorry to ask

I am married too but my question is

Where do u guys find wife's u can't control?
What happened along d line that men can no longer tell their wife's what to do n what not to do?
Where have men lost it that they now act like kids to their wife's?

Can't u just b a man n come out in clear terms u changed your mind n she shouldn't do it again?
Is it cos of fear or what?
Like I don't understand?

I am not a dictator but we have boundaries at home, even if my wife has d money I can tell her not to do something with a strict voice n she dare not

As in how do u people do it that u are scared to command your wife's?

Some marriages self, as in imagine u dey seek opinion on what u can do on your own

Cancel any surgery n tell her u don't have any money n she shouldn't do it again, u are a man for crying out loud, the head of d family

If u can't control your wife in Nigeria where men have power bros I can bet my life your wife will divorce u n chase u out abroad

Just go n write this down today

kingthreat:


Relationship is a game. Most especially relationship between a man and a woman. Your wife is playing a game with you. Like a child who will be frowning because you didn't get him ice cream. Learn to play a game too. Do other hobbies. Infact, leave the house for her for some days.

Balancing:
please read the write up. We are not done with child bearing so it's a breach of agreement on her side not mine.

Balancing:
thanks. Exactly, the timing is my problem as that wasn't the agreement in the first place. You're right, I have not been really firm in my decisions. I have a very soft spot for her.

Balancing:
ignored. You're still a kid

Balancing:
lol..thanks

Balancing:
you're right about me to telling her everything about my finances but i felt that was the right thing to do. Thanks for the fake news advise but it's not going to work

Balancing:
chief, I reassured her and remember I said this discussion started before we got married. She brought it up cause she wanted to know if it's something I'll be cool with. As I wrote in my post, she looks still looks great and I have never for once made her feel otherwise. She was scared of what child bearing would do to her maybe due to what she has seen it do to people and the fear manifested in her. Cause my mama had 6 of us and nothing do her. I didn't even know child bearing could cause the belly to sag and all.

Balancing:
to each his own. If she doesn't you can come and do it

Balancing:
Hello Nairalanders,

I need advice because I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or if my wife is acting unreasonable and out of line.

I've been married to my wife for about two years now, and we have a son. We're currently planning to relocate, and by God's grace, we should be out of this country in a couple of months.

My wife and I have discussed severally even before marriage about her getting cosmetic surgery after we finishe having all our children, which I’ve always felt is a nice idea. I've always mentioned that it should happen later, after she's done giving birth. Recently, she brought up the possibility of getting the surgery done sooner, and I thought she was joking. However, she kept repeating it and then I playfully said she could go ahead if she had the money, I didn't think she was serious and if even if she was , I didn’t think it was something that would be up to 3M( pardon my ignorance)

However, she brought it up again three weeks ago, and I realized she was serious. When I asked how much it would cost, she told me it was 8 million naira. I was shocked cause it was even way more than I expected. Now, My wife is a businesswoman, and while her business is doing well, I feel she can afford the surgery but it's really going to eat probably 90% of her savings.

She knows I have savings of about 25 million naira, which I've been accumulating for years for our relocation. Also, recently, I’ve spent around 5 million on processing the move, and I intend to use the remaining funds for travel expenses(flight,e.t.c) rent, food, and living costs for about 6 to 8 months in the country (it's a cheap European country) of which she is very aware cause I have informed her severally about.


I was shocked when she suggested I take some of my savings to help fund the surgery, asking for around 2 to 4 million naira. I found this request annoying and unreasonable. Although she didn't ask directly, but where does she expect me to get that kind of money if not from the savings?

To me, her body is still in good shape, although not as great as it used to be but I understand it was caused by child birth and I feel she is better than most ladies/ mother of one in terms of body shape( even though she feels the boobs aren’t firm anymore and the stomach isn’t flat anymore but I’m not complaining and it’s okay to me, she’s still very attractive to me ) , while I understand her desire for improvement, I think it should wait until we’re more financially stable. We should be focusing on investing and accumulating wealth, not spending on what I see as a luxury. Now, she's a matured lady as that was one of the reason I married her. We are both in our 30s also. So I really do not understand why this sudden frenzy about body work. Worst off, she doesn’t seem to have a sensible reason for wanting to do it now. All she says just doesn’t make sense cause the only thing I can grab from everything she’s said was she wants to look better and with the way Nigeria is going , it’s going to be way expensive in coming years.

Additionally, I feel it was unfair for her to bring this up suddenly, especially since she didn’t communicate this desire early enough. If she had, I might have been able to save up some money for her. Instead, it feels like she’s trying to make me touch the savings without saying it directly, which I feel is very disappointing.

I have told her point blank that I cant touch that savings and even if I want to give her something it won’t be substantial cause I really don’t see the necessity of the surgery at this time and it's coming very impromptu . Not wanting to sound like an unsupportive husband, I told her I can give her something but I don’t know how much yet. She asked for the range and I told her I'm not sure but it can't more than 800k and she said okay, but I know she’s unhappy with that amount.

Since our discussion, she's been trying to act like everything is fine but I know deep down she's angry cause she's been giving some kind of silent treatment which she knows I hate. Thinking about the issue just spoils my mood and makes me angry, no matter how hard I try to think about it, I feel even madder for even wanting to give her something as much as 800k cause i don’t feel happy about it and I'm sure she even feels it’s too small( which is what makes me angry cause I’m squeezing an unplanned 800k and she feels it’s way too to small or equal to me not giving her anything)

So, what do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable? Feel like I should discuss with someone but we have agreed not to discuss stuffs with third party that’s why I’m coming here to do this anonymously

I know if I try to discuss with her to ask if she’s acting this way because of how our last discussion ended, she’ll deny that it’s not it and nothing is wrong.

I apologize for the lengthy post, but I'm open to questions or clarifications.

Thank you for your advice.

kingthreat:


Relationship is a game. Most especially relationship between a man and a woman. Your wife is playing a game with you. Like a child who will be frowning because you didn't get him ice cream. Learn to play a game too. Do other hobbies. Infact, leave the house for her for some days.

goran3310:
A relationship is NOT A GAME. Marriage is NOT A GAME. Men take it very seriously and try to solve the problem because for us it is a very serious problem while for you it is a game. Because of that game, domestic violence happens. Because of that game, many men end up in prison and women in the cemetery. Many marriages break up. For men, life is a struggle, and the problem in marriage, as I just said, is a problem, not a game, a very serious problem. A game is when you play a game on your phone. Manipulating your partner is not a game.

franugo:


Hello. I've gone through the post again and I believe it's an optional surgery from what I could infer.
Since it's a simple cosmetic surgery, she probably feels that cause you guys already agreed that she's going to do it sometime, it'll be better to do it now as cost of things will only increase in the near future plus if you don't do it in Nigeria, it'll just be much higher wherever you guys are going to....in her mind, she probably thinks she's cutting cost.

Akpabio22:
Oga you too mumu I feel like crying that you even gave her 800k Chia it's better to really born a thief than to born a mumu. Oga your wife na olosho try leave the country we go Bleep her Toto wait for you mumu man. So you no fit stand your ground to even collect all her business money add to you 25m and travel. She's not a good woman na dead trap you dey so try do DNA test for the child. Ask your mumu head say her business and her surgery is more important than your traveling to make a better life for your generation. Some men are just nothing to write home about.

Nice2023:



Pray nothing happens to her...I feel both of u are not have hearts to think that u will allow ur wide to sit down and someone would cut her open just to make her breast firm is even shocking.

Oga,are u sure u want to travel or u want ur wife dead or sick as a result of such dangerous surgery that requires renewal often ?

Be careful.

Nonexisting:
@Balancing,
Your wife is trying to impress someone out there. If the person is a woman like her, na competition and you're not completely safe because more unnecessary billings which always accompany competitions among women are coming your way. If the person she is trying to impress is a man, chances are that he is her ex or a younger unmarried man she met recently. In this case, you really need to rethink your abroad travel plans with her. She will destroy you abroad by either leaving you at your lowest point or simply destroy you from within, mark my words. My own is to talk and your own is to discard my talks. Las Las you will create a thread when it happens and I will be here to say I warned you. Remember this my signature money smoker at that time.

Balancing:
don’t cry bro, you obviously have not read through the thread. You even thinking of sleeping with another man’s wife tells how depraved you are. Adios. Dey look back when you Dey waka though

kingthreat:


Say no to drugs

Kaycee54321:


The koko is not whether you're for or against cosmetic surgery oh, bros.

If you want your woman's belly to look better; then you have a very reasonable woman if she'll bring 6m and ask you for 2m.

In fact, na wife material pro max. Independent Beiby.

Your play is to bring the 2m and help in doing the body work. Because na still you go follow enjoy the belle after the panel beating 😁

Not come online and open thread to call your wife unreasonable so strangers can call her names.

Balancing:
yes, she feels it’ll be much higher than before. Infact the hospital plans to review their prices next Jan/feb. This was her reason when I brought up the discussion again. My apologies I forgot to edit my original post to reflect it

Balancing:
Hello Nairalanders,

I need advice because I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or if my wife is acting unreasonable and out of line.

I've been married to my wife for about two years now, and we have a son. We're currently planning to relocate, and by God's grace, we should be out of this country in a couple of months.

My wife and I have discussed severally even before marriage about her getting cosmetic surgery after we finishe having all our children, which I’ve always felt is a nice idea. I've always mentioned that it should happen later, after she's done giving birth. Recently, she brought up the possibility of getting the surgery done sooner, and I thought she was joking. However, she kept repeating it and then I playfully said she could go ahead if she had the money, I didn't think she was serious and if even if she was , I didn’t think it was something that would be up to 3M( pardon my ignorance)

However, she brought it up again three weeks ago, and I realized she was serious. When I asked how much it would cost, she told me it was 8 million naira. I was shocked cause it was even way more than I expected. Now, My wife is a businesswoman, and while her business is doing well, I feel she can afford the surgery but it's really going to eat probably 90% of her savings.

She knows I have savings of about 25 million naira, which I've been accumulating for years for our relocation. Also, recently, I’ve spent around 5 million on processing the move, and I intend to use the remaining funds for travel expenses(flight,e.t.c) rent, food, and living costs for about 6 to 8 months in the country (it's a cheap European country) of which she is very aware cause I have informed her severally about.


I was shocked when she suggested I take some of my savings to help fund the surgery, asking for around 2 to 4 million naira. I found this request annoying and unreasonable. Although she didn't ask directly, but where does she expect me to get that kind of money if not from the savings?

To me, her body is still in good shape, although not as great as it used to be but I understand it was caused by child birth and I feel she is better than most ladies/ mother of one in terms of body shape( even though she feels the boobs aren’t firm anymore and the stomach isn’t flat anymore but I’m not complaining and it’s okay to me, she’s still very attractive to me ) , while I understand her desire for improvement, I think it should wait until we’re more financially stable. We should be focusing on investing and accumulating wealth, not spending on what I see as a luxury. Now, she's a matured lady as that was one of the reason I married her. We are both in our 30s also. So I really do not understand why this sudden frenzy about body work. Worst off, she doesn’t seem to have a sensible reason for wanting to do it now. All she says just doesn’t make sense cause the only thing I can grab from everything she’s said was she wants to look better and with the way Nigeria is going , it’s going to be way expensive in coming years.

Additionally, I feel it was unfair for her to bring this up suddenly, especially since she didn’t communicate this desire early enough. If she had, I might have been able to save up some money for her. Instead, it feels like she’s trying to make me touch the savings without saying it directly, which I feel is very disappointing.

I have told her point blank that I cant touch that savings and even if I want to give her something it won’t be substantial cause I really don’t see the necessity of the surgery at this time and it's coming very impromptu . Not wanting to sound like an unsupportive husband, I told her I can give her something but I don’t know how much yet. She asked for the range and I told her I'm not sure but it can't more than 800k and she said okay, but I know she’s unhappy with that amount.

Since our discussion, she's been trying to act like everything is fine but I know deep down she's angry cause she's been giving some kind of silent treatment which she knows I hate. Thinking about the issue just spoils my mood and makes me angry, no matter how hard I try to think about it, I feel even madder for even wanting to give her something as much as 800k cause i don’t feel happy about it and I'm sure she even feels it’s too small( which is what makes me angry cause I’m squeezing an unplanned 800k and she feels it’s way too to small or equal to me not giving her anything)

So, what do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable? Feel like I should discuss with someone but we have agreed not to discuss stuffs with third party that’s why I’m coming here to do this anonymously

I know if I try to discuss with her to ask if she’s acting this way because of how our last discussion ended, she’ll deny that it’s not it and nothing is wrong.

I apologize for the lengthy post, but I'm open to questions or clarifications.

Thank you for your advice.

Zeal0000007:
guy why will U even allow Ur wife to go under blades or knife if she's not ill, what if she dies on the process. Nawao for some people. This just to impress her husband

Balancing:
when you marry no tell your own. I pray you make enough to be able to hide. Adiós

Karleb:


There is nothing wrong with a mum having a mum bod.

Balancing:
believe me, it's not something a gym can correct.