Kobojunkie:
You shouldn't tell anyone because if at this age you still don't know that sexual energy can be expended in other non-sexual ways, then the problem is most likely born of your general immaturity.

Edojoma:
It's simple na, simply tell her wat she is doing is not fair. U both agreed to it by becoming husband n wife. Simply tell her dat, if she can't meet up with how many times u want it, she should give u permission to cheat and u will never disturb her again. Dat she will be enjoying her sleep n rest both in d morning n at night.
If she doesn't agree, tell her dat if u couldn't hold ursef n cheated, she shouldn't take it personally, she should understand.
Cos there is no one u will tell dis shit now, n such person will support ur woman...
Just try hold body for straight 2 weeks after doing d above, her conscience go kill her, na she go dey beg u to knack.

rapheal5:
🥲 Na lie, men are wired differently some men can't concentrate on anything when the need for sex arise.....
🥲 Your mind is not connected to anything than sex especially men who sees their as the best human to have sex with, to fornicate is even hard for them cuz they see other ladies like dirt compare to their wife....las las na better side chick go solve the issue...Clean banny like chioma nwaocha...

brain54:
Reason I always talk about sexual compatibility in relationships...

God forbid marrying a person that will frustrate someone sexually.

It seems so demeaning to feel unwanted by your partner that you have to beg always.

Some people won't understand what the op is going through... They will conclude "after all it's just sex."

But it's more than that!

Kobojunkie:
If she gives you permission to cheat, do you also take it as permission for her to cheat as well? Cause marriage is meant to be where two become as one— an agreement for both. So when one is permitted to cheat, it should also mean the other is equally allowed to cheat. 🤨

Edojoma:
🥲 She is not permitted, never... She is d one dat couldn't meet up to her conjugal duties, not u. It's ur right to knack, especially if u did traditional marriage. It's all part of d rites na. Abi knacking nor b part of d reason u marry, so u won't contract infection from multiple partners....
🥲 Wen she needs it, try n refuse and wait for her reaction, it may be instant or later. Den tell her dat, d way she feels now, dats exactly how u feel all d time she was doing dat shit to u. Normally, u people were suppose to attend marriage class where u will b taught all these. They will tell u dere dat, if u are not ready for all these, look for a partner dat can cope with it. Even parents to female normally tell dia daughters abt dis sex part as well. So no excuse, nobody will blame u for cheating, u tried ur best..

Kobojunkie:
1. Let me get this straight, what you are trying to argue here is that there are men who cannot be expected to exercise self-discipline/ self-control of any kind. Is that really what you are trying to tell us here?

2. Again, what you are insinuating is that these men you describe cannot be expected to have any ounce of self-control as all human beings ought to and are expected to have in any society. That's really your argument in this 2024 wey we dey?

rapheal5:
🥲 Yes and self control get limit,
🥲 sex is very important in marriage, you can't keep controlling your self because your wife won't give in anytime you need it....Sex is a bond that hold marriage,
🥲 it kills men confidence in bed too if you can't just walk up to your wife for sex...The fact that you can do without it doesnt make it easy for all men.....

Kobojunkie:
Self-control get limit? Do you realize that is some of the same inane excuse men who end up raping their own daughters give? 🤨

2. Sex is very important in marriage? Why not marry a sex machine instead?

3. Reading your kind of response, it becomes very clear why an entire nation of over 200 million black people is the way it is today. Confidence in bed is your priority at this time and point in history. Na wa oo!

rapheal5:
➜You kinda deviating from the topic itself, read what you wrote above, the economy is just an excuse to justify your low libido..A married man shouldnt be put in a situation of lets do it once a week because im not always in the mood........The topic is not about nympho or pervert so why bring up raping of their daughters into the topic....e never reach that level bro....Go check your self if you arent sexually active....
➜ western world that you think their reasoning is beyond sex compare to nigeria, also make sex their priority, most of the thing u see as bad habit in nigeria, usa and uk do worse they are our mentor we copy them back ro back.....e.g lgbtq, bbl, parternity fraud, fornication and teen early sex exposure....

Warrior99:
Get a second wife... at least to "share the burden" with your first wife.Polygamy is not a sin, and has NEVER been a sin, ask Abraham, Jacob, King David, and Solomon. I'm out 🚶🏽‍♂️

Kobojunkie:
➜ But in your previous comment you asserted that some men ought not to be expected to exercise self-control/self-discipline in marriage meaning you expect them to behave much like nymphos and perverts. You should try to keep up with your own claims. 🤨

➜ The Western world is not beyond sex. They simply understand well that even in marriage, self-control/self-discipline is to be exercised. There are consequences for those who do not, and it does
not matter what led up to what.

brain54:
Reason I always talk about sexual compatibility in relationships...

God forbid marrying a person that will frustrate someone sexually.

It seems so demeaning to feel unwanted by your partner that you have to beg always.

Some people won't understand what the op is going through... They will conclude "after all it's just sex."

But it's more than that!

Kaypols:
Maybe your wife have low libido.Some women are like that, she doesn't mean to cause you harm

Sex is actually hard sha.I no no as ashawo dey manage that business

Stricker321:
How do married men cope with this situation? My wife wants sex like max of once a week. If she can even reduce it to twice a month she will do it. Even the once a week is usually a struggle. At night, she will say she is tired, in the morning, she will say I am disturbing her sleep.

This has caused quarrels, we have discussed, but before the blink of an eye, she has returned to her old way. I am determined not to sleep with another woman, but the struggle has been terrible.

I am just wondering why it has to be this tough and stressful to have access to my wife?

Onegai:


Bro, because you haven't started cheating, please let me share some tips.

She feels EXACTLY the same way you do, about you. Like if you dropped dead, she'd cry but also be relieved.

Now, you have 2 choices:

1. Blow up your marriage.

Seems easy but I swear to you, you'll regret it when you're older. Even if you do cheat and stay, she'll know. And I'm telling you as a woman, we can hold grudges till we die. If you want to be 65 and terrified of trusting a woman who has been angry for decades about your behaviour with your old age, pray continue like several other men.

2. Fix your marriage.

Sounds hard, but take my advice and in 6-9 months, you won't be on NL talking like this. You'll be grinning in delight, your wife will be your babe once again.

To achieve no.2, turn her into your side chick

You're the man, the marriage takes its temperature from you (even biblically it is so). Fill her emotional cup (it is empty, so she can't pour into you). Love her. How so?

- sit down and make a list of everything you are attracted to in a woman. Ask her to make the same for her ideal man. Exchange the lists. INTENTIONALITY.

- spend time and attention on her. If she watches kdrama, ask to watch one with her. Forreal. Kdrama has horror, suspense, political, love, marriage, thriller, action and sci-fi. Which means, you can actually watch something with her. Then make her watch your stuff with you. AFFECTION.

- date night: every weekend this December, find somewhere you and her will go to. I can give you tips sef. ATTENTION.

- send her a link to a men's wear vendor and ask her to pick what she likes you to wear. Then buy it and wear it. Now do the same for her. Down to perfume. Pay for her manicure and pedicure. Whatever you like, you lead by example. VALIDATION AND TRUST.

- every time you see a fine girl outside, text your wife. Tell her "I was just thinking of you". Chat her up. If she's on social media, it's because YOU DON'T TALK TO HER SO SHE'S LONELY IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND IS FINDING VALIDATION ONLINE. And there are several Balthazars in Nigeria (they just don't record it ). So be chatting your wife up, gossip, gist, funny jokes, se.xy talk. ATTENTION.

- Spend some money. Be it sexxx toys, lingerie, ankle chain (you'd be surprised what she likes). Books, whatever. AFFECTION

- Pray with her. Wake up and find a prayer on Pinterest, personalise it and send "Iremide, ....". LOVE AND CARE.

- tell her "Iremide...I don't want to just lead you, I want to be your king. Be my Esther. Look good for me. Please let me pamper you. Let me solve all your problems. The problems you solve yourself, share them with me, so I can praise you. Stain my eyes with your beauty and shake my mind with your wisdom. I love you". Tell her this twice a week. LOVE AND GUIDANCE.

- Look at your flaws and start correcting them. If you can't change, then neither can she. Change starts with you, not with her. Read that again. Go and read the bible, God is very clear whose He holds responsible for the health of a marriage. Change starts with you. SELF-REFLECTION AND RESPONSIBILITY

- Remember, you're the Head of the House, it's actually your job to lead your marriage. The reason so many marriages are unhappy are because men are being irresponsible and women are doing their jobs. RESPONSIBILITY.

There is no such thing as a submissive second-in-command who does all the work whilst Dangote stays lazy. Read that sentence again.

Do this. Work on yourself. Don't expect quick fixes, but start this December (I fit drop list of restaurants and hang outs. Come back and testify next year. Sha don't get pregnant o, because the last couple who did all this, surprise last baby at 46

So, it's upto you. Make your choice.

All the best

techgen:
Op Op Op!!!

In my case thought it was normal thing not to force your wife on sexual matters, I feel it should flow naturally.

Until I met another lady, that changed the narrative.

Hmmmm….I have a lot to say, because I’ve been in your shoe! And she knows you’re probably a churchy person and can’t go out cheat.

I won’t really advise you to cheat, so you don’t meet with a wrong person that brings misfortune….this is Africa.

Unless you know the person profile in a way, not any random women…

For me…

1. Take your wife to by massaged, probably her body is always weak internally, not like she doesn’t want sex.

2. Let her run test and treat infection, some infection can reduce sexual urge for women.

3. If one or two did not work, buy Spanish fly to see if it boost her sexual libido.

4. Again, you’ve to be know what turns her on…because it seems your wife is not attracted to you physically…once a lady likes your physic, sex becomes a daily meal.

But your wife situation is a blessing in disguise as you can travel out and be sure, she’s not sexually starve.

Onegai:



There's this 40 year old book that says "Sex Begins in the Kitchen"



Please read this


Her lack of sexz drive could be stress or anxiety. But it is most likely related to the state of your marriage.

Kobojunkie:
You shouldn't tell anyone because if at this age you still don't know that sexual energy can be expended in other non-sexual ways, then the problem is most likely born of your general immaturity.

Kingsasian:
Tell that to your "matured self." When adults are talking kids shouldn't involve themselves

EzehFx:


Well, maybe she doesn't like sex, that just the truth. But those times when you guys where having sex how was her reaction??

EzehFx:


Stop wasting your strength on replying that dude.. it seems nairaland pays him to argue with every single thread here