zoelife: Been worried lately over this issue. He's a great guy, loving, kind and all. Yet time and time again the issue comes up if I'm still with him, or if there's someone somewhere who's probably doing better than him. Getting a little worked up over things I call 'trivial' like not knowing my friends(I'm not a crowd person. My friends are mostly married women. Or guys. That's me),etc.
Not that he's being unpleasant, but the thing here is, I'm wat u cld call an 'alpha female'. Ambitious, driven and visionary. These I think give him the 'not good enuff' feeling, plus the fact dat he's still a beginner(I'm not yet there either). Whenever he expresses such feelings, I feel him too and attimes wonder to myself, if truly there's someone better for me out there. I dunno.
Sound advice NLers needed, married folks welcome. Tks

sexybash: i understand sometimes they are scared that in the future you success my supass their own, it painfull but what can you do you are born that way you are on the right track its either he is willing to stay or let go

Who gives a phuckk if your money surpasses mine? it is still my money and you would bring it home to daddy while i spank that a.R.Se for a job well done!!!!!. Pimpin' ain't easy ya feel me?

But on a serious note,it just doesn't matter. What i expect of you is to motivate him, help him discover his talent and develop them through your love and support. Don't underestimate your powers, o ye women. Behind every successful man........................ you know the rest!!!!!

zoelife: Been worried lately over this issue. He's a great guy, loving, kind and all. Yet time and time again the issue comes up if I'm still with him, or if there's someone somewhere who's probably doing better than him. Getting a little worked up over things I call 'trivial' like not knowing my friends(I'm not a crowd person. My friends are mostly married women. Or guys. That's me),etc.
Not that he's being unpleasant, but the thing here is, I'm wat u cld call an 'alpha female'. Ambitious, driven and visionary. These I think give him the 'not good enuff' feeling, plus the fact dat he's still a beginner(I'm not yet there either). Whenever he expresses such feelings, I feel him too and attimes wonder to myself, if truly there's someone better for me out there. I dunno.
Sound advice NLers needed, married folks welcome. Tks

@ sexybash: u have a point. But do I let him go because of that? He's not a bad person. At all.

1. He hasn't done me any wrong. He just kindly expressed how he feels.
2. Are there bigger men willing to accomodate and support ambitious women like me and not stifle me?
This is my major concern. Maybe my background is a major pointer. But if u knw decent guys like u describe I wldnt mind.

Your success might not be the cause of his worries, but your response towards his feelings for you. Based on the quoted and bolded comments above, you're so not sure about this guy. You haven't made up your mind if you should stick with him, I think he's got good instincts.

Richfella:

Lol, I doubt if he'll be the one to leave. He'll more likely drive her up a wall...and away.

Yeah,either way,the r/ship is prolly gonna hit the rocks.

Nowadays,people especially kids fall in love unnecessarily.


Nawao

Go get a dice, throw it 3times on the floor n if the number 3 did not appear. If no.3 appears stay with him n if it did not appear just quit n move on. When people are engaging d gear to move forward, don't allow those that will make you engage the reverse gear... 3 n 7 are powerful numbers...if u want to then I will tell u. Always seek the face of the almight God who made all things possible through his son Jesus Christ. God bless u. Bb pin:

I crave for highly skilled,educated and sucessful ladies but what piss me off is their attitude,majority of them feels proud and i hate pride...am not doing bad just that at the moment am still growing with my MBA and a fair job i think am on track..i suffered and i have learnt to be humble...am not taken either(laughs)

I crave for highly skilled,educated and successful ladies i usually get pissed off due to their attitude problem,majority of them feel proud and i hate pride...am not doing bad just that at the moment am still growing with my MBA and a fair job i think am on track..i suffered and i have learnt to be humble...am not taken either(laughs)

The question I want to ask is, does he encourage your ambitions? You will only have a problem if he does not support your ambitions. There is nothing wrong with him if he supports your ambitions and you also love and respect him even though he might be on the slow side. Two people in a home cannot be on the fast lane. I'm not saying two of you cannot be successful, if it happens good, but if he supports you, let him be.

When u don't trust yourself or anything u do,what do u expect?self inflicted worthlessness..i foresee a breakup bcuz when a woman stays in a relationship just for the sole purpose of not hurting the partner,there's always an imminent breakup

zoelife: Been worried lately over this issue. He's a great guy, loving, kind and all. Yet time and time again the issue comes up if I'm still with him, or if there's someone somewhere who's probably doing better than him. Getting a little worked up over things I call 'trivial' like not knowing my friends(I'm not a crowd person. My friends are mostly married women. Or guys. That's me),etc.
Not that he's being unpleasant, but the thing here is, I'm wat u cld call an 'alpha female'. Ambitious, driven and visionary. These I think give him the 'not good enuff' feeling, plus the fact dat he's still a beginner(I'm not yet there either). Whenever he expresses such feelings, I feel him too and attimes wonder to myself, if truly there's someone better for me out there. I dunno.
Sound advice NLers needed, married folks welcome. Tks

Actually it is good for opposites to be in a relationship together. Two aggressive people usually don't work well. Though usually for we Africans, we usually have our priorities upside down, and don't know what's really important in life.

You need to tone down your aggressive side when you're relating with him. Encourage him to be who he wants to be, or do what he wants to do, without you threatening his sense of being. The two do not necessarily need to mix.

From your posts,you have broken up with him in your mind,besides this is most likely not about you becoming more successful than him,but about him measuring up to your definition of success...
Everybody wants to be successful but we all have different views of success.From your posts,there is a missing file of communication based on finding common ground btw the both of you in terms of long term life goals.
And even if your guy had 'low Self esteem' issues,who told you it can't be fixedOr you think a woman is the only one who needs assurance concerning issues in a relationship
How do you know you are not the one who is supposed to edify him in this aspect of his life
Until you start cultivating the 'thinkings' of a wife;'Help-meet' before you get married,you will never be the wife you are supposed to be.
In conclusion...YOU already have a decision pending in your mind...you just want a sort of confirmation to enbolden you to carry it out.
Whatever you want to do...do it quickly and spare the man and even yourself some emotional turbulence.
Cheers...

Ur username is TOO MUCH for a mortal human being

zoelife: Now the guys are commenting. Was beginning to wonder. And it feels good hearing from both sides.
Break-up is the last thing on my mind. My guy is not bad at all. Guess I gt d responses I got because I highlighted just one fault(which can be worked on).
Ah, break up? No way. After all I ve bn thru with my exes'.

So u have being through hell from your previous relationships & this seems better yet u are complaining u better grab him with your molar teeth bcuz REAL men are scarce oh.

zoelife: Can one find men who would not feel otherwise? Who aren't already hooked? Already made men cld have their own downsides too.

bad idea

zoelife: @ sexybash: u have a point. But do I let him go because of that? He's not a bad person. At all.

@zoe if he's not a bad person,then try to make him understand your point on being successful and try involving his family along if possible,if the love between you and him is strong,don't listen to people trying to break u up because they always end up being a career lady and looking for young men to date,pls stick to him,if you being successful is the issue pls make him understand,fingers are not equal because sexy bash life aint your life and her man aint your man,work things out joo

oh boi! what a child of a guy. asking your own gurl if she is still there for you?
wtf? who asked who out? who's gonno marry who? and who pays the f'ing bills?

where is the challenge ? where is the always-keep-her-guessing-airs?

OP, puleez just simply move on. yea, given, you put out your test spikes and he, not knowing women and their subtle power extracting mecs, surrended all to you.
now you got all them powers in the r/ship and he is feeding off your crumbs.
must make you feel gud huh?

yea, he is so gud that he cant afford to look at any other gurl when you are all around cos you got him at your whimps and caprices.

but you know in your heart of hearts, that a challenging guy is what you nid. a guy that knows his onions
and kips you on your toes guessing what he has up his sleeves next. not this predictable drone. you know!

you know it is a guy who can take the lead and who can even hurt your heart a lil bit you nid.
who says a lil heart ache isnt medicinal? ask those who live on their kneels rada than die on their feets.

Please find your match, cos it is advisabel for a man to decend a step to chose a wife, but a woman must accend a step to do same.

Regards

H D

Just keep reminding him that he is the one you want to always e with it.
Soon those words would make him end those his "perherps am not enough" thoughts.

lrguru: OP, do u regard him as the man in the relationship and respect him too? Cos most guys feel like they are not the only one, especially when u are better of financially and independent too, and such guys are guys with low self worth. I personally do not think that any babe here on earth is better of than me, not that am a chauvinist....thats just me

keep deceivin ursef. When she knows secretly dat u are nt fit to look her senator boyfriend in d face, while she slaps his bald pate.
Truth is; no woman is beyond a man(worth his salt) on equal footing but d problem is dat ds ladies compare 'trying' youngmen to established men .
We all have our different desires in life. I hav a frnd who is contented doing his 8-4 job bt his galfrnd thinks odawise. Always kickin d chap to do oda tins inorder to rake in the money. My frnd held his ground and she started 'entertaining' d real men, in her estimation.
Any woman wey pass ur power, flee from her. No be by force to be in a relationship and force ursef to do tins just cos u want to measure up to standard. Dats fake and d woman will leave as soon she gets fed up.

NB: for all the gud advisers saying you shld change him:

OBSERVE
NOTE
IGNORE

cos no matter how you try, the power you have taken from him, cant be returned. even if it can,
he wud rada you lead.

If I talk now you girls will say am a chauvinist....is the op saying that this guy is not ambitious Or he does not have plans to be successful in the nearest future?? Wha makes you even think you will be more successful than him? If you like break up and meet over ambitious men out there you will still cry back here for advise,its not bad for a woman to be ambitious ooo but to be over ambitious is a curse.

zoelife: @irguru, sexybash and godmother: he has no doubts about he being the man in the relationship.
The contention here is- what do I do about it? Is there anything I can do to help how he feels. Or do I remove my commitment and look out for that someone bigger. Like irguru?

what do u mean by bigger? Hav u tried to hav a sitdown with ur man b4 rushing to nairaland to advertise ur too-big-to-be-contained-credentials?
A housewife dat is fed up wt her marriage usually start by saying she was 'eyed' in d dark.

zoelife: Can one find men who would not feel otherwise? Who aren't already hooked? Already made men cld have their own downsides too.

yep of course but I tink u hav a role to play in ur relationship.most girls will say he will slow ur success but I fink d way u go abt ur alpha female tin is important .even in d office u display too much ambition trust me u will go nowhere cos ur boss will feel threatened. Apply wisdom

zoelife: Been worried lately over this issue. He's a great guy, loving, kind and all. Yet time and time again the issue comes up if I'm still with him, or if there's someone somewhere who's probably doing better than him. Getting a little worked up over things I call 'trivial' like not knowing my friends(I'm not a crowd person. My friends are mostly married women. Or guys. That's me),etc.
Not that he's being unpleasant, but the thing here is, I'm wat u cld call an 'alpha female'. Ambitious, driven and visionary. These I think give him the 'not good enuff' feeling, plus the fact dat he's still a beginner(I'm not yet there either). Whenever he expresses such feelings, I feel him too and attimes wonder to myself, if truly there's someone better for me out there. I dunno.
Sound advice NLers needed, married folks welcome. Tks

2 things.

1. He might be genuine
2. He might just be looking for excuse out of the relationship.

Don't tell me you know he is genuine because 105% of the times, ladies don't know genuine guys.

for 1. If he is the type you want and comfortable spending the rest of your life with. You have to help him out of his extremely low self esteem. Be extra humble as much as you can and observe intimidating visions to him and know how to trivialize them.

One other thing i feel is that some guys are scared of over ambitious and high success driven ladies because they feel they can do whatever it takes to get whatever they want (including sleeping with anybody when it is compulsory). This can also be one of his worries you might need to let him know your stand on.

2. Be ready to move on. You can only force him to stay a bit longer at your own detriment. He is a guy and the age clock seems not to tick on guys. Nature made it so.

I wish you Best of luck cos the last goodluck we wished Nigerians, u self know the outcome.


--My Opinion.

zoelife: 1. He hasn't done me any wrong. He just kindly expressed how he feels.
2. Are there bigger men willing to accomodate and support ambitious women like me and not stifle me?
This is my major concern. Maybe my background is a major pointer. But if u knw decent guys like u describe I wldnt mind.

without prejudice; ds post should be moved to advertisement and a full price extracted from u for trying to advertise ur potentialities thru d backdoor. Simply put - u are indirectly soliciting for a relationship while passing off as an ambitious woman.
Seun, time our pics start accompanying posts.

This is normal, and you guys would do yourselves a lot of good when you talk freely about this and through this you can all clear your doubts or fears.

thanks

words of assurance and control of your tongue from words that could curse low self esteem.

same thing also happened to me b/4 i got married.i dated someone who was always also threatened by my drive for success.What every woman needs in life to sower high is SPACE .if a man feels threatened then he can not give that space.

zoelife: Been worried lately over this issue. He's a great guy, loving, kind and all. Yet time and time again the issue comes up if I'm still with him, or if there's someone somewhere who's probably doing better than him. Getting a little worked up over things I call 'trivial' like not knowing my friends(I'm not a crowd person. My friends are mostly married women. Or guys. That's me),etc.
Not that he's being unpleasant, but the thing here is, I'm wat u cld call an 'alpha female'. Ambitious, driven and visionary. These I think give him the 'not good enuff' feeling, plus the fact dat he's still a beginner(I'm not yet there either). Whenever he expresses such feelings, I feel him too and attimes wonder to myself, if truly there's someone better for me out there. I dunno.
Sound advice NLers needed, married folks welcome. Tks

find another,abi dem tie u rope...abi you be Oprah or Alicia keys.mtcheew,naija girls una too dey form time go reach una go marry unaselves.yeye things.

~Bluetooth:


Nowadays,people especially kids fall in love unnecessarily.


Nawao

end times...

@OP, I think your boyfriend is on to your philandering ways. Not only women have intuition you know. Girls like you are always looking for that bigger fish(man) to snag. Even on this thread, you won't quit. Already asking to be linkked with 'someone bigger'. Tell me sef, how many pms have you replied so far? Smh.Later they will come stampeding here, crying that they're single.

@OP,

The advice below might both of you out.

Cheers.

Does your wife earn more than you? Do you feel like you need to get another job?  Do you get home early before her because of the calibre of her office? Did she buy her car herself and paid for the children’s school fees? Do you sometimes wish you could just have her resign her work and just stay home taking care of the kids? Not to worry, you are not alone in these thoughts, most men in your shoes share similar misgivings. Novelist Tony Parsons famously once said “his pennis literally would have dropped off” in a long term relationship where his partner earned more than him. Ok well, that’s a bit cynical Tony. But the truth is that people actually feel this way. How do they deal with it? Well, lets see.



Take the story of Julius a schoolteacher, who happens to fall in love with a banker. They soon got married and are blessed with children. His wife’s salary is more than his, making her the breadwinner of the house. She funded their 4-bedroom apartment and cars. She even funds vacation and the children’s school fees. Julius doesn’t mind abdicating his natural responsibility as a breadwinner. In fact he makes it up by being at home on time, going through home work with his kids, making sure dinner is ready for his wife and patiently waiting for her every night till she is back. He believes if he can’t meet up financially then he should compensate in other areas of family life.



Evelyn on the other hand is married to a Lawyer whom she met and dated back in University. She now works with an oil company and earns his six months pay in one month. But that’s how far her edge over her husband goes. He instructs her to pay all or part of her salaries into his account every month and gives her an allowance for the month. She says, it’s not a situation she likes, but after several rebuffs by her threatened her marriage, she gave in.



Emma, a Medical Doctor, has over the years established himself as a seasoned consultant. His wife works for a multinational and is equally successful. On the average she earns well over her husband but he doesn’t mind, he likes ambitious women and pushes his wife to achieve more. He believes his earnings, though less than that of his wife is enough to cater for his family. He takes care of everything in the house, even if it means borrowing; he will not allow his wife to spend a dime. To him, a man must take charge.



Adelice an Accountant for one of the top accounting firms in Lagos is married to a self-employed businessman etc. He believes by nature he should be the breadwinner but he can’t turn away from the steady income that comes the way of his wife as his is far from regular. In fact, when they initially got married he almost asked her to resign believing her job may one day make her insolent. He thanks his stars he didn’t do that. Today, his wife’s steady income augments his sporadic earnings as they both contribute to the day-to-day running of their home. He gets to take care of one off payments like rent, vacation, school fees etc while the wife takes care of consumables like food, fuel, utility bills etc.



Peter and his wife of two years have had issues dealing with her job. She earns far more than he does, a situation he hasn’t been able to deal with. To make matters worse, she regularly comes home late from work. It just doesn’t go down well with his traditional beliefs. “A woman must be under a man no matter what”. His wife loves him so much and can no longer stand the incessant quarrels at home. She accepts his instruction to resign since he can’t find a better paying job. Now they live on his salary.



The above, depicts how most families deal with this thorny issue. If it were you, who would you be? Julius? Evelyn? Emma? Adelice? Or Peter? Adelice and her husband seem to be a model middle class couple. A husband and a wife should find ways to contribute to the family’s finances. It shouldn’t be the sole responsibility of one person. Women like their men being in charge even if they earn more. A man is naturally the leader of the house and should do so not by inertia but by actions. It is important to recognize the role women now play in modern society and in family building. They should be encouraged to advance their careers and allowed the independence to manage their finances. Times have changed such that behind every successful family is a successful woman.

http://ugometrics.com/2012/09/04/my-wife-earns-more-than-me-5-ways-of-dealing-with-it/