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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide (3744 Views)
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Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by almondjoy(f): 4:36pm On Dec 10, 2007 |
It is my belief that as the year 2007 comes to an end, many Nairalanders including myself would have benefitted from a Dummy's Guide or Handbook to surviving Nairaland and Nairalanders. ![]() Dear Nairaland New Members and Graduating Class of 007: ![]() Here are simple tips to get you on the right track and "far from the maddening crowd"! Goodluck in your days to come on Nairaland. Since you are here for an education of a lifetime, you must be bold and courageous. Please pay carefull attention so I do not have to tell you "I TOLD YOU SO"!!! Just 10 simple lessons learned from Nairaland. 1. *No need to introduce yourself. Since Nairaland has almost 200,000 active and ghost posters, older members cannot afford to keep up with aaaall - o' - y'aaaaall---and are frankly tired to the eyebrow of welcoming you after you have been banned like 20 times or more. So just make your wave quietly as you go along--and hopefully--you will be noticed on your meritorious contributions if applicable. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 2. *Before you reply older posters, go through their profiles and past posts to see if it is worth your while---Really wish I had. You may have saved yourself a lot of headache by avoiding most dummies and retards. ![]() ![]() We are still looking for a category for "Forum and Games"---The ultimate merry go round for imbeciles--- that one is in a class of its own--under special consideration and has defied all explanation and analysis! Sheer stupor--caused by people constantly running around in circles!!!!--Do not go in there if you suffer from "dizzy spells" ![]() 3. *If you must have a crush on a fellow member--nothing wrong with you expressing yourself--just make sure it ends on Nairaland--and not to exceed 3 months of feeling that crush so you do not look jobless- Sure everyone here has seen a "private" in his or her lifetime--so Nairaland is not the best place to look for one. Find another crush please---change them frequently as they go quite stale quickly and soon begin to stink to the high heavens. Most are not whom you want to associate with in "real time or world affairs"---for they are so so so so fake, it is not even funny. Several e-mails or YIMs with them and you are like OKAY?--- ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() If you ever dream of "shagging a Nairaland member" let it end there. If not--you will find out that it would definitely "super suck"-- to the point of spiritual annihilation if you ever tried to realize that fantasy. Most are still single--without any sense of direction, still searching---and free to mingle. DO NOT BE USED AS A GUINEA PIG!!!!! ![]() ![]() 4. *If you must indulge in multiple-user ID scams--please in the name of God, make sure you are fully awake when you post under your 419 names. ![]() ![]() 5. *If you must post your pictures on your profile page, please make sure you have only the best. Please "fix" your hair and do not bite your nails--ladies and gentlemen!!!! Your images are being downloaded all over the world and you might want to look your very best!!! ![]() 6. *There is nothing wrong with cliques--find your comfort zones. Since Nairaland is made up of different age groups and different levels of experience, it is only natural that you bond with people of like "mentality". That is what the "Forum Games" is for. To each his or her own. Make yourself happy while you are here and learn not to bother a poop drop what others think of you--since you never plan to meet them anyway---WHO CARES? ![]() ![]() 7. *Avoid revealing any personal details about yourself. Keep your religious beliefs at under your pillow before you step into Nairaland. Learn to lie expertly and stick to your lies. NEVER GET CAUGHT IN YOUR OWN LIE!!!! Whosoever wants to verify your stories can track you down to your doorstep if he or she is having sleepless nights about you--or is supernaturally jobless. ![]() Here on Nairaland, you are not here to please the "world". Unless you are at the stage where making friends is important to you. Then you may suit yourself. But be warned---for when things get "sour", like true Nigerians---you will be insulted with everything from your E-mail addy to your emoticons used on Nairaland. So save a lot of fibs you can use to give the "gossip" lovers things to stew on---While you have the time of your life--laughing with your friends at home and at work.! ![]() 8. *Rules about YIMMINGS & E-MAILs to "short-lived" crushes. Only write or type what you would be proud of if ever your love interest goes "wacko" on you and decides to broadcast your "rendezvous" all about Nairaland-You-Yube! Be prepared to stand by your YIMMINGS AND YAMMINGS! ![]() ![]() ![]() 9. *No matter how interesting a topic might be, do not spend much time on one thread.--Unless you are in rapport with the poster who originally posted a topic. Fellow posters like you, are often rude and aggravating when they do not agree with you and resort to all kinds of insults to show their inability to respect themselves and others. Learn to make new friends for NO ONE IS INDISPENSIBLE!!!! Post your reply and ignore the rest--unless you like/or absolutely detest whom you are dealing with--then you can invest time and energy accordingly. If you absolutely hate a fellow poster's guts, after 3-6 months on Nairaland--you would have learned to be fully armed to the teeth in cyber warfares or learned to be immune to dealing with imbeciles--unless it is an inate gift you were born with from the very beginning. ![]() 10. *Finally, if you are banned--it is a badge of honour not disgrace. You are a force to be reckoned with and you have caused enough people sleepless nights to honour you with the utmost attention! ![]() *In conclusion[b]---AlmondJoy---A.K.A---A.K.A----A.K.A----A.K.A----A.K.A-----A.K.A.----What next?[/b] ![]() ![]() ![]() DEALING WITH REAL ISSUES NOT TRIFFLING PEOPLE!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND THE BEST OF 2008!!!! ![]() 6 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by mrpataki(m): 6:04pm On Dec 10, 2007 |
You are indeed world class wacko ![]() ![]() ![]() Wetin be all this you dey yarn? I no fit finish for laughter. I will be back to make something sensible ![]() ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by ifyalways(f): 6:07pm On Dec 10, 2007 |
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Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Islander(f): 4:06am On Dec 11, 2007 |
lol, Cha dis ah one wicked thread yo no, mon just to rhatid tired now fo post,,,,but ah marning me go com back an add me piece, till den, nuff lov for the sistren Almond ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by aloib(f): 11:24am On Dec 11, 2007 |
omfg aj is on another level, this freaking cracked me up, gotta love yu mehn, miss yu lots, mwahhhhhhh have a nice holiday as well sweetie, see ya 2008, mwahhh |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Lola4eva(f): 12:05pm On Dec 11, 2007 |
;d |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Lola4eva(f): 12:06pm On Dec 11, 2007 |
;d |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by almondjoy(f): 12:20pm On Dec 11, 2007 |
aloib: mwahh mwahh mwahh to you too dearie. Missed you bunches! We all have to move on to some other level you know, lest you become "brain dead" even on Nairaland! Happy Holidays darling! ![]() |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Nobody: 4:26pm On Dec 11, 2007 |
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Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by almondjoy(f): 6:01pm On Dec 11, 2007 |
Siena: Come on Siena! Why the long face? Let's have a smile! ![]() ![]() |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by saucekid(m): 6:22pm On Dec 11, 2007 |
i'll make it downloadable in pdf format |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by topeteadr(m): 9:51pm On Dec 11, 2007 |
I luv nairaland. |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Mobinga: 12:39am On Feb 22, 2011 |
Classic |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Nobody: 1:28am On Feb 22, 2011 |
Almondjoy as usual. |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Nobody: 1:33am On Feb 22, 2011 |
I dont know whose ehanna is greater- her or busybody`s own. btw wetin be agbero first class. my own love interests are all agberos third class. If you must post your pictures on your profile page, please make sure you have only the best that's what i did o. Lower functioning members with the lowest of all IQs ever recorded are ALWAYS featured in Romance and Sexuality only---- "The PP" threads--(The pussies and pricks threads)---for pure jokers--with severe neurological handicaps!!!! ![]() ![]() ![]() are you a prophetess prophesying because i can list at least three names right off the bat at this very moment. but wait- i'm also a regular in romance section. ok, i will go there no more. ![]() |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by MsPotato(f): 4:22am On Feb 22, 2011 |
Oh Wow! Almondjoy. Good job. This is exactly what new members need but however Im always free to welcome new members though ![]() |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by armyofone(m): 1:18am On Feb 23, 2011 |
Back to memory lane all over with ribcracking laughs ![]() ![]() AJ eh, hope she is back. NL has been boring without her and the rest. |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by isalegan2: 4:24pm On Feb 27, 2011 |
Great great thread. Classic post. Opened 3 years ago and hardly any response. ![]() |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Nobody: 1:06pm On Mar 01, 2011 |
armyofone:Ask Blazay ![]() |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Nobody: 8:24pm On Mar 01, 2011 |
^you get wahala sha!!! |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Phate07(m): 8:53pm On Aug 12, 2011 |
AJ aka Militia aka Blazay aka Chintua, seriously wondering who you really are in person. Damn! ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by dayokanu(m): 10:15pm On Aug 12, 2011 |
What a post. It has made me more determined to phock this Blazay, Chintua, Militia and Almondjoy persona |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by OAM4J: 10:52pm On Aug 12, 2011 |
Phate07: Just let it remain a wonder o. read her advice no 3 ![]() |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Phate07(m): 8:37am On Aug 13, 2011 |
OAM4J: Lol. It's just a 'wonder', not a crush. |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by 195(f): 11:10am On Aug 13, 2011 |
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Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by felong(m): 5:49pm On Aug 13, 2011 |
get out 190 i comand you in Jesus name |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Odunnu: 2:25am On Aug 14, 2011 |
Wow! |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by snthesis(m): 3:00pm On Aug 18, 2011 |
felong:lol ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Callotti: 9:21pm On Nov 09, 2012 |
I guess I ain't a dummy after all! DESPITE MY FREE TUTORIALS. . . DUMMIES NEVER GOT THIS MEMO! ![]() Anyhoo. . . .no teaching is wasted, even if spiritual illiteracy remains on the rise in NL! ![]() Mu che che che che che I am in the wrong profession. I should have been 'the messiah' for stoopid weaklings! Mu che che che che che che che! ![]() |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Callotti: 9:24pm On Nov 09, 2012 |
Phate07: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I am still hiding after all these years! |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by Nobody: 7:12pm On Aug 01, 2013 |
nice one. didnt see this earlier. enough fight going on here |
Re: Surviving Nairaland For Dummies! An Unofficial Guide by bukatyne(f): 3:40pm On Jun 27, 2015 |
almondjoy: 8 years late but wonderful Kimoni 1 Like |
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