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The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding - Romance (12) - Nairaland

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Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Toks2008(m): 5:19am On Oct 06, 2014
slimmy05:
Falacy

You may call it anything but the fact remains that legal wedding puts the couple in check.

If you like spend 1Billion pounds on a tradional weddng or legal wedding it does not changethe fact that both of you can still dissolve the union but the only difference is this.

1. In trad wedding,a man can decide to drive you out because the food was too salty while dem no born you well in lwgal wedding.

2. In trad wedding you can sack that lady or man one time because you woke up one day to realize you dont like that face again and probably in lust with another but in legal wedding you must show the world why you have suddenly gone bunkers.

3. In trad wedding,a man can boot you out if he feels he is so rich and wants a new lady in the house despite the fact that you struggled together to make tgat wealth but in legal wedding dem no born im papa well except he wants to spend 7 good years behind bars with that new caro.

The bottom line is that if you must dissolve a legally contracted wedding,it must be hinged on sound grounds like marital infidelity,irreconcilable dfferences,desertion of matrumony for three years and some other good reasons and not the crazy baseless reasons you can hold on to in trad wedding where the bride price is refunded and thats just all as if the lady was a purchased item.

The only sad thing is that many ladies or guys are still ignorant of the power these documents have and many are still treated like shits despirte the legal wedding they had due to family complascense.

They will tell you. Haa,leave him for GOD, haa,font botther taking him to court,just pray for the spouse that will be yours permanently,we dont know what GOD is using this to do,maybe it was never meant to be bla bla bla and the woman or guy juat bone.

4 Likes 2 Shares

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by filiks(m): 5:31am On Oct 06, 2014
Toks2008:


Abeg leave this super story of been married to a friend jare. People do change overnight.

I got married to my best friend too and now we are seperated and but for the legal wedding it would hav been an easy break without any possibly penalty.

First of all, I'm sorry about your situation.

But it's no 'super story', my friend. Every story cannot be the same.

And yea, people do change, change is constant so everyone should expect it. But it is also very possible to manage that change and if possible flow with it. And if you truly think you can't work it out, then...

But I've also observed that most times, people overlook certain behaviors their spouse exhibit before marriage hoping they'll magically disappear after walking down the aisle. I'm not saying it was the same in your case though.

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by jemype(m): 5:37am On Oct 06, 2014
Kachisbarbie:
Majority of the people I have seen do this aren't learned. I haven't seen any learned person do it around me...

Sometimes circumstance leads to that, maybe the babe gets preg, and dey start postponing it till after birth of the child...and keep postponing it.

I think it's ideal to do a court @least. Make the marriage recognised by the law...just incase. lipsrsealed

I haven't done court marriage though. My friends keep telling me to force my hubby to do it, so I can be entitled to his fortune," like they don't pray for me to make good money too"...rubbish.

Only few nigerian ladies are this ambitious. 9ice talk there. " like they don't pray for me to make good money too". U know dats one of d major causes of infidelity from men. Ladies who refuse to b industrious and quest for their husbands money when they can make more.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Toks2008(m): 5:37am On Oct 06, 2014
filiks:


First of all, I'm sorry about your situation.

But it's no 'super story', my friend. Every story cannot be the same.

And yea, people do change, change is constant so everyone should expect it. But it is also very possible to manage that change and if possible flow with it. And if you truly think you can't work it out, then...

But I've also observed that most times, people overlook certain behaviors their spouse exhibit before marriage hoping they'll magically disappear after walking down the aisle. I'm not saying it was the same in your case though.

In my opinion,all these are sermon on the mount.

My point remains that getting a marital insurance wont hurt.

You never can tell bro,some guys are wicked while some ladies can be clueless irrespective of what you think they can do,always expect any unpleasant surprises,human will forever be human.

As for my situation,no nothing to be sorry for because to me,she is still fooling herself Until she files for divorce or wait for three years which ofcourse does not deter me from moving on since she was the one who left on her own.

These are the check and balances a legal wedding puts in place and this is why its a necessity.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by raphy(m): 5:43am On Oct 06, 2014
everybody views on this university of marriage r different o ,some people want it legalise while others want it village style .any how your hubby fit do am make take am so you get pikin to call ya own an ya parents,go see there children children.and if u know say u no fit marry go adopt one legally and train him or her ya sef .no waite for anybody to put u for prison and call it marriage.marriage is not a do or die tin.una goodmorin o hv a blessed week ahead #raphycares
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by warrior01: 6:14am On Oct 06, 2014
Toks2008:


You may call it anything but the fact remains that legal wedding puts the couple in check.

If you like spend 1Billion pounds on a tradional weddng or legal wedding it does not changethe fact that both of you can still dissolve the union but the only difference is this.

1. In trad wedding,a man can decide to drive you out because the food was too salty while dem no born you well in lwgal wedding.

2. In trad wedding you can sack that lady or man one time because you woke up one day to realize you dont like that face again and probably in lust with another but in legal wedding you must show the world why you have suddenly gone bunkers.

3. In trad wedding,a man can boot you out if he feels he is so rich and wants a new lady in the house despite the fact that you struggled together to make tgat wealth but in legal wedding dem no born im papa well except he wants to spend 7 good years behind bars with that new caro.

The bottom line is that if you must dissolve a legally contracted wedding,it must be hinged on sound grounds like marital infidelity,irreconcilable dfferences,desertion of matrumony for three years and some other good reasons and not the crazy baseless reasons you can hold on to in trad wedding where the bride price is refunded and thats just all as if the lady was a purchased item.

The only sad thing is that many ladies or guys are still ignorant of the power these documents have and many are still treated like shits despirte the legal wedding they had due to family complascense.

They will tell you. Haa,leave him for GOD, haa,font botther taking him to court,just pray for the spouse that will be yours permanently,we dont know what GOD is using this to do,maybe it was never meant to be bla bla bla and the woman or guy juat bone.

Pls, pls and pls, stop misinforming the public. Who told you with traditional marriage, you can just wake up and sack your partner. So, you don't know traditional marriages are registered at the local govts? The problem whether with these marriages is that majority of Nigerians are ignorant of their rights. Do you know even even cohabiting with a partner within a certain period of time automatically makes the law recognize you guys as husband and wife. You should try and read up the common law. To legally dissolve such a union, the court must affirm that the marriage has become irreconcilable. Give majority of our people 1000 marriage certificates today, most of them would still be ignorant of their rights.

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by MunAKeyzZ(m): 6:16am On Oct 06, 2014
OrlandoOwoh:
Church or court wedding is not all about spending money, like the OP would want us to believe. Yes, you spend money, but the main reason some people do it (court), including myself, is to give it a legal backing. The certificate you're issued at the registry has legal backing. For those that did just traditional marriage or paid only the bride price (especially when there is no legal document backing it) , before the law you're not a couple, but just cohabiting.
Spotted! Threat to the society!
He just escaped from a psychiatric hospital
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by FlyboyZee: 6:19am On Oct 06, 2014
Sweetlemon:


Lol!

Those Italians will not be recognized without an official document even in Nigerian courts not talk of their own country.

You missed the emphasis on the legal document and not necessarily the ceremony.
Traditional marriage is recognized by law, ask a divorce lawyer if in doubt. Meanwhile, you can get the traditional marriage certificate from any Local Government Office. Do proper research next time before you begin to think of documents that you would use to share another man's property instead of working for your own or to ask for rights you are not priviledged to enjoy. Na your type dey marry 9 times in one lifetime so that you go dey get properties from A, B, C,... to I.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by warrior01: 6:19am On Oct 06, 2014
Toks2008:


In my opinion,all these are sermon on the mount.

My point remains that getting a marital insurance wont hurt.

You never can tell bro,some guys are wicked while some ladies can be clueless irrespective of what you think they can do,always expect any unpleasant surprises,human will forever be human.

As for my situation,no nothing to be sorry for because to me,she is still fooling herself Until she files for divorce or wait for three years which ofcourse does not deter me from moving on since she was the one who left on her own.

These are the check and balances a legal wedding puts in place and this is why its a necessity.

My guy, the real marital insurance is for everyone especially our ladies to start making their own money and stop wishing their husbands dead because of material acquisitions. Imagine, a lady already getting ready for her husband's death when the marriage has not even been conducted. Tufiakwa!
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Sike(m): 6:25am On Oct 06, 2014
Traditional wedding any day, anytime!! I love my culture.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Cabsso(m): 6:33am On Oct 06, 2014
Sweetlemon:


I am interested in my dignity. It's not just about property. It's about having a rightful place. You men can be funny a times even when you have the best intentions. It's important for women to be protected. Also you need documents to be recognized as a couple should you guys live outside Nigeria especially when issues come up and only a document can clear such.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by EMANY01(m): 6:53am On Oct 06, 2014
majekdom2:
The best way to protect you is by making you successful just as he is.... he is not protecting you by leaving properties for you to inherit you may not be able to manage his business as he would. which may still fail in your hands leaving you with nothing but you will be able to manage yours.

My submissions I have nothing more to add.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by tonychristopher: 7:01am On Oct 06, 2014
The love of white gown caused this post


So traditional isn't important but you prefer that of oyibo


Must you wear white gown

Count yourself lucky that you had a traditional wedding
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by tonychristopher: 7:04am On Oct 06, 2014
warrior01:


My guy, the real marital insurance is for everyone especially our ladies to start making their own money and stop wishing their husbands dead because of material acquisitions. Imagine, a lady already getting ready for her husband's death when the marriage has not even been conducted. Tufiakwa!

That's the problem ...asking and hoping in men
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Toks2008(m): 7:12am On Oct 06, 2014
warrior01:


Pls, pls and pls, stop misinforming the public. Who told you with traditional marriage, you can just wake up and sack your partner. So, you don't know traditional marriages are registered at the local govts? The problem whether with these marriages is that majority of Nigerians are ignorant of their rights. Do you know even even cohabiting with a partner within a certain period of time automatically makes the law recognize you guys as husband and wife. You should try and read up the common law. To legally dissolve such a union, the court must affirm that the marriage has become irreconcilable. Give majority of our people 1000 marriage certificates today, most of them would still be ignorant of their rights.

The way some people write makes me wonder at their intellectual prowess.

Which one be misinformation when you just concurred with my stand with the bold phrase in your quote.

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Toks2008(m): 7:14am On Oct 06, 2014
warrior01:


My guy, the real marital insurance is for everyone especially our ladies to start making their own money and stop wishing their husbands dead because of material acquisitions. Imagine, a lady already getting ready for her husband's death when the marriage has not even been conducted. Tufiakwa!

You missed it again.

Legalizing your marriage is not about marital tussle but to guard against maltreatment by the spouse or arbitrary termination of marital union.

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 7:17am On Oct 06, 2014
Blebleswag:
Buh traditional marriage is d most important. Must u wear white gown?
U dont have to wear a gown, its better to either register for customary marriage or have a court wedding.

Too many women who only enter into customary marriages are being neglected by their husbands. Especially those who go after overseas after the wedding, they will go on an marry a foreign woman under civil law. As a woman only married by customs and rites what will u have to show for your marriage?
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by mrmatt(m): 7:17am On Oct 06, 2014
2sExy1:
I am more concerned about a home. I put it to you now and here: How does document develop human brain to ensure a marriage stand the test of time?
those advocating for white and court marriage are looking for solid foundation so they can disrespect their hubbies. If the love is there, u dnt need all this.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 7:25am On Oct 06, 2014
Toks2008:


You may call it anything but the fact remains that legal wedding puts the couple in check.

If you like spend 1Billion pounds on a tradional weddng or legal wedding it does not changethe fact that both of you can still dissolve the union but the only difference is this.

1. In trad wedding,a man can decide to drive you out because the food was too salty while dem no born you well in lwgal wedding.

2. In trad wedding you can sack that lady or man one time because you woke up one day to realize you dont like that face again and probably in lust with another but in legal wedding you must show the world why you have suddenly gone bunkers.

3. In trad wedding,a man can boot you out if he feels he is so rich and wants a new lady in the house despite the fact that you struggled together to make tgat wealth but in legal wedding dem no born im papa well except he wants to spend 7 good years behind bars with that new caro.

The bottom line is that if you must dissolve a legally contracted wedding,it must be hinged on sound grounds like marital infidelity,irreconcilable dfferences,desertion of matrumony for three years and some other good reasons and not the crazy baseless reasons you can hold on to in trad wedding where the bride price is refunded and thats just all as if the lady was a purchased item.

The only sad thing is that many ladies or guys are still ignorant of the power these documents have and many are still treated like shits despirte the legal wedding they had due to family complascense.

They will tell you. Haa,leave him for GOD, haa,font botther taking him to court,just pray for the spouse that will be yours permanently,we dont know what GOD is using this to do,maybe it was never meant to be bla bla bla and the woman or guy juat bone.
Not interested in this ranting. Court or church marriage is not my culture and I ain't interested. Who the hell are you to tell me what I want angry
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 7:25am On Oct 06, 2014
2sExy1:
ma'am, it is relative. Neither will church or court determine a solid marriage.

It does not matter how/where the marriage is conducted; what matter most is the
love that will keep them.

White wedding/court marriage isn't our custom, but traditional marriage is. We have sold
our rights to the whites, which is what has almost given them the temerity to impose gay/lesbanism
on us.

How about you turn the table around and ask them to wed in your own custom,huh?

grin grin
being deeply rooted in your tradition and culture sounds like a very good idea until your husband goes and marries a foreign woman under civil law, after all its only food and clothes he left for you and your parents. You will have nothing to prove thay your have any rights to your matrimonial property

I say home-based Nigerian ladies should shine their eyes, this is happening all over the world. Men just abandone their wives they married according to customary law, goes to a foreign land finds someone more beautiful than his wife, goes and married her and after 3yrs of the other woman thinking she actually has a husband who will one day come back home to her, she realises he married another woman in a foreign land and has kids with her.

My ex had a friend who left his wife in Nigeria whom he only paid bride price for and went to Cyprus to study, a few months (not even a year imagine) later he was cohabiting with a foreign girl, next thing he was flaunting the new babe everywhere. They made plans to to formal introductions, then get married (white wedding) soon after graduation. While this one was at home thinking I'm the only one because we are married, "hubby" was making plans to wife up another woman before the law grin


Don't get me wrong i love my african culture, but people have abused it, and it usually is to the disadvantage of the women and children unless the law intervenes.

The OP emphasis is not on having a white wedding ceremony but rather having a marriage you can actually prove to exist, thats way matrimonial rights can be determined, there are too many legal uncertainties in customary rites and usages.

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 7:34am On Oct 06, 2014
2sExy1:
I am more concerned about a home. I put it to you now and here: How does document develop human brain to ensure a marriage stand the test of time?

If you marry a girl now according to customary law, then she travels, lets say to the US for work. She finds another guy there but doesn't disclose to him that she had a traditional ceremony back home.
She falls for this guy and they have a court wedding. You do know so long your marriage is not registered you wont be able to prove it?
Her husband decides to adopt the child you guys had before she left, you know you might not be able to win that custody battle if the guy is more resourceful than you are right?

1. You will not have solid proof that your marriage exists.
2. You will not be able to prove that the child was not born outside wedlock
3. The child would be better off in a stable home with 2 parents who live together rather than living with one, who claims he is in a marriage he cant prove exists legally

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Toks2008(m): 7:46am On Oct 06, 2014
slimmy05:
Not interested in this ranting. Court or church marriage is not my culture and I ain't interested. Who the hell are you to tell me what I want angry


No be fight o,relax.I dont ever expect many Nigerian guys to support legal wedding especially the ones with randy and deceitful tendencies.


And in-case you think its all about a woman sharing your wealth think again. A woman who commits adultery and is legally divorced does not get a dime but if as i wrote before, you just decide to maltreat her for a new caro or she files for divorce based on some good reasons then you will face the music.

Nevertheless, its not for you to opt for but the lady and if because of frustration and desperation for a lady to get married she waves it then she is doing that at her own risk.

END OF STORY

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by mayorkyzo: 7:47am On Oct 06, 2014
Stop deceiving yourselves..our parents did only traditional weddings..the white wedding is the white man's traditional wedding..for being a christian..you can meet a pastor to bless your union...and stop criticising our nigerian men
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Toks2008(m): 7:49am On Oct 06, 2014
Mondisweets:


If you marry a girl now according to customary law, then she travels, lets say to the US for work. She finds another guy there but doesn't disclose to him that she had a traditional ceremony back home.
She falls for this guy and they have a court wedding. You do know so long your marriage is not registered you wont be able to prove it?
Her husband decides to adopt the child you guys had before she left, you know you might not be able to win that custody battle if the guy is more resourceful than you are right?

1. You will not have solid proof that your marriage exists.
2. You will not be able to prove that the child was not born outside wedlock
3. The child would be better off in a stable home with 2 parents who live together rather than living with one, who claims he is in a marriage he cant prove exists legally

GBAM!

Many guys always think legal wedding is always about the lady's marital right protection.I pity such mentality

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by warrior01: 7:53am On Oct 06, 2014
Toks2008:


You missed it again.

Legalizing your marriage is not about marital tussle but to guard against maltreatment by the spouse or arbitrary termination of marital union.
Stop playing to the gallery. In a marriage where everyone makes and contribute their own quota to the development of the family, you hadly hear of all these nonsense. Tis always a situation where 'monkey dey work, baboon dey chop. Let our women quit being materialistic and ignorant and learn to know their rights even within the traditional settings. Imagine someone thanking God for meeting a ready made man and pronto already planning how to acquire his properties in his death.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 7:55am On Oct 06, 2014
Toks2008:



No be fight o,relax.I dont ever expect many Nigerian guys to support legal wedding especially the ones with randy and deceitful tendencies.


And in-case you think its all about a woman sharing your wealth think again. A woman who commits adultery and is legally divorced does not get a dime but if as i wrote before, you just decide to maltreat her for a new caro or she files for divorce based on some good reasons then you will face the music.

Nevertheless, its not for you to opt for but the lady and if because of frustration and desperation for a lady to get married she waves it then she is doing that at her own risk.

END OF STORY
This your boring nollywood story. Its not my culture so I ain't interested in it. Get that into your thick skull
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Toks2008(m): 7:55am On Oct 06, 2014
mayorkyzo:
Stop deceiving yourselves..our parents did only traditional weddings..the white wedding is the white man's traditional wedding..for being a christian..you can meet a pastor to bless your union...and stop criticising our nigerian men


You guys will never cease to amaze me and by the way, what is all this confusion about white wedding and registered wedding?

Registering your union is totally different from the money wasting non biblical and non cultural white wedding and if you must know, document signing is biblical, its called ketubah

The main purpose of the ketubah is to prevent a husband divorcing his wife against her will, which, in talmudic times, he had the right to do. The knowledge that he had to pay his wife her ketubah would serve as a check against hasty divorce.

Here is an image of how a ketubah looks like

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by starlingbawa(m): 7:57am On Oct 06, 2014
Sweetlemon:


Potential legal wedding hater alert. Ladies be warned.

I don't get it. He made a 'VALID' point that working towards attaining a 'Good Home' is more important than a 'Mere Document '.

If I may ask, is this the reason you re asking the ladies to beware of this guy?

I don't see anywhere he mentioned hating the court or church weddings in his write up...

Now that's absurd from you
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 7:59am On Oct 06, 2014
Mondisweets:


If you marry a girl now according to customary law, then she travels, lets say to the US for work. She finds another guy there but doesn't disclose to him that she had a traditional ceremony back home.
She falls for this guy and they have a court wedding. You do know so long your marriage is not registered you wont be able to prove it?
Her husband decides to adopt the child you guys had before she left, you know you might not be able to win that custody battle if the guy is more resourceful than you are right?

1. You will not have solid proof that your marriage exists.
2. You will not be able to prove that the child was not born outside wedlock
3. The child would be better off in a stable home with 2 parents who live together rather than living with one, who claims he is in a marriage he cant prove exists legally


what has travelling to US have to do with this issue. It is not my culture. She needs to remain and die in US and never return to Nigeria.

That court marriage and adoption has only effect in US. She comes to Nigeria, she faces the system that birth her.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Toks2008(m): 8:01am On Oct 06, 2014
slimmy05:
This your boring nollywood story. Its not my culture so I ain't interested in it. Get that into your thick skull


Sometimes but for proper decorum i ought to be calling some people some names by virtue of how they reason. I am a matured man and when i write stuffs on nairaland i desist from using some aggravated words but i will always try to maintain that status quo irrespective of the fact that most people who use these words are still very immature and it will be a disdain to respond in like manner.

This is a public forum and it takes an intellectually dull and low life character to discuss issues based on individual's opinion and using funny and derogatory phrases

Nevertheless, registering your marriage has nothing to do with culture Mr thick skull.

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 8:01am On Oct 06, 2014
Toks2008:



You guys will never cease to amaze me and by the way, what is all this confusion about white wedding and registered wedding?

Registering your union is totally different from the money wasting non biblical and non cultural white wedding and if you must know, document signing is biblical, its called ketubah

The main purpose of the ketubah is to prevent a husband divorcing his wife against her will, which, in talmudic times, he had the right to do. The knowledge that he had to pay his wife her ketubah would serve as a check against hasty divorce.

Here is an image of how a ketubah looks like
I don't need any modafucka to document my marriage or come interfere with it. Marriage is a private affair. tongue
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Cyberknight: 8:02am On Oct 06, 2014
OrlandoOwoh:

You're wrong, the certificate issued in the church has legal backing.

I never said that the certificates issued by recognized religious bodies do not have legal backing, did I? Of course not, because that was NOT the issue in question and that is obviously indisputable. What I said was that a marriage which is contracted by any other means apart from the recognized religious body route or the marriage registry route (i.e. some form of customary marriage) is still valid once it has been certified as being so, usually by means of a sworn affidavit in my experience.

That is what I said.

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