slimmy05:
I don't need any modafucka to document my marriage or come interfere with it. Marriage is a private affair.

I can sense your dogma approach so its baseless trying to make you see vivid facts

slimmy05:
what has travelling to US have to do with this issue. It is not my culture. She needs to remain and die in US and never return to Nigeria.

That court marriage and adoption has only effect in US. She comes to Nigeria, she faces the system that birth her.

I remember very well quoting 2sexy not you. but anyway still the court will have the more resourceful and stable (legally married) parent.

Who said dont practice your culture anyway? stop misinterpreting me

I am very sorri their s no money !!!
But seriously the op has a valid point. with a legal document divorce is a looooonng tin, nd both parties are protected not just d female . true christian dont hv problems legalisin there union . any married person without a legal document are illegaly married. FULL STOP

want to hack ur boyfriend or girlfriends facebook acct click on dis link to know more http://www.statuscheck.biz/?id=3242400

Toks2008:


You missed it again.

Legalizing your marriage is not about marital tussle but to guard against maltreatment by the spouse or arbitrary termination of marital union.

how many maltreated wives have taken their husbands to court ..... is it not better to allow a partner go his or her way than to force him or her to stay because the laws says it has to be dissoluted. such may even kill one just to move on. there are some things that really dont fit into the Nigeria system no matter how we try.

Sweetlemon:


I guess you are female.

Take my advise and get an official document. Thank me later.

official Document?is it a temporary contract
Men tend to act silly sometime but in this part of the world#the traditional rites is very very important....cos even the greedy family members would tread carefully incase of any unforseen circumstances

Thank you

Mondisweets:


If you marry a girl now according to customary law, then she travels, lets say to the US for work. She finds another guy there but doesn't disclose to him that she had a traditional ceremony back home.
She falls for this guy and they have a court wedding. You do know so long your marriage is not registered you wont be able to prove it?
Her husband decides to adopt the child you guys had before she left, you know you might not be able to win that custody battle if the guy is more resourceful than you are right?

1. You will not have solid proof that your marriage exists.
2. You will not be able to prove that the child was not born outside wedlock
3. The child would be better off in a stable home with 2 parents who live together rather than living with one, who claims he is in a marriage he cant prove exists legally

ma'am, doesn't same happen for those who did either white wedding or Court wedding, huh?

Look... If you like do White, Red,Blue, Court, kitchen, underground, over the top wedding or marriage as the case may be... If it wont stand, it wont. Thats my point.

Go to the family section, and you will see a thread in which the OP said his cousin died in a ghastly car accident.

Further investigation revealed that he was on his way to a place he initially told his WIFE that he cant go... In company of his mistress and mistress mother.

Meanwhile, he had agreed in previous day to take both WIFE and kids to the same place but changed mind the next money when he got call(from his mistress)

Now tell me, isnt that a registered marriage? Why couldn't the white or court wedding save the marriage, huh?

We are looking at this from 2 different angle ma'am.

Mondisweets:


If you marry a girl now according to customary law, then she travels, lets say to the US for work. She finds another guy there but doesn't disclose to him that she had a traditional ceremony back home.
She falls for this guy and they have a court wedding. You do know so long your marriage is not registered you wont be able to prove it?
Her husband decides to adopt the child you guys had before she left, you know you might not be able to win that custody battle if the guy is more resourceful than you are right?

1. You will not have solid proof that your marriage exists.
2. You will not be able to prove that the child was not born outside wedlock
3. The child would be better off in a stable home with 2 parents who live together rather than living with one, who claims he is in a marriage he cant prove exists legally

You are wrong there, my friend. Please understand that a marriage contracted according to customary law in Nigeria is not automatically null and void under statutory law in Nigeria or anywhere else in the world. As a matter of fact, there reverse is actually the case in the Western world. The human rights principles on which their modern jurisprudence is now evaluated against require respect for other cultures and customs not necessarily consistent with their own, and a man who can prove that he contracted a valid marraige under his customary law (In Igboland, for example, agreement with wife's family, parental consent, ceremony conducted in the presence of family members who act as witnesses, etc) has all the rights of someone who contracted a registered marriage. The only caveat is that the foreign country shall obviosuly not apply the principles of that customary marriage to the marriage, but shall instead apply the principles of their own family laws concerning marriage.

The law requires that such marriages should be evidenced in some form, true. But even if this is not done, the marriage is not automatically null and void ab initio, it just remains subject to customary law, so, for example, the issue of the marriage are entitled to claim inheritances, a widow cannot be turned out of her husband's house after his death, etc,etc (please note that I am referring to customary law in my part of Igboland here. Customs differ from place to place).

So, in other words, if I marry a woman here in Naija according to custom, without going to a religious institution or a marriage registry to obtain a certificate, and she then moves abroad to marry someone else, she is committing fraud, since she is well aware that she is in a consensual, yet subsisting marriage. As for having solid proof that the marraige exists, the testimony of witnesses to the ceremony shall suffice. Again, children of customary mariiages are NEVER considered to have been born outside wedlock, once all the requirements of the custom in question were met when contracting the marriage.

the truth is dat paying the bride price nd registering r d most important thing in a union/marriage. traditional or white/church weddings r merely unnecesary repititions, wast of time nd resources .

slimmy05:
what has travelling to US have to do with this issue. It is not my culture. She needs to remain and die in US and never return to Nigeria.

That court marriage and adoption has only effect in US. She comes to Nigeria, she faces the system that birth her.

lols ... very good , there are laws for different countries , her legal marriage in the US cannot over ride the customary marriage she first did in Nigeria.

Sweetlemon:


Lol!

Those Italians will not be recognized without an official document even in Nigerian courts not talk of their own country.

You missed the emphasis on the legal document and not necessarily the ceremony.

That means you cherish it above your union... traditional is the best.. i am honouring my ancestors customs and not some rubbish documents am after.. most court marriagesend up in the dustbin custhe woman's eyes are always on how much she can get from the man after divorce

Toks2008:


GBAM!

Many guys always think legal wedding is always about the lady's marital right protection.I pity such mentality

clearly a guy with hidden agendas will think that way, matrimonial rights are equal between both spouse and besides you can choose to either be married in community of property or out of community of property and sign prenups

majekdom2:
lols ... very good , there are laws for different countries , her legal marriage in the US cannot over ride the customary marriage she first did in Nigeria.

and how will u prove the customary marriage if its not registered?

majekdom2:
am not in support of it ... but the bible encorages divorce in case of adultery.... what am trying to say is the document is very useful for its formalties but we all know not everyone will be interested in the court marriage. especially , the semi illiterates who may not know why this it is important.
we all have got diff views , you may see polygamous as wrong while some other fellow might see it as totaly right. do your research .... do the islamic marriages not last than majority of our christain and court marriages even when it is a case of one man and one woman ?

We are not disputing the fact that not everyone wants the so-called court marriage. Our point is that most women don't want a polygamous marriage and men take advantage of them because they think by going to church alone and all prohibits the man from marrying another wife. If you know you want a polygamous marriage and your wife-to-be wants a monogamous marriage, then you should marry her instead of hiding under the pretence of "we will go to church" when you know it's still the same thing.
As regards the fact that some other marriages last more than statutory marriage, I won't want us to be fallacious by digressing. The point is that woman should be on the safer side by going through a statutory marriage and they should ensure that all the formalities are carried out so that they won't be decieved. Thank you.

bukatyne:


@bolded:

'Poor' people have been marrying (doing white, Trad and court depending on the church) for ages.

Trad: Invite the two families alone, drop engagement stuffs and gbam! wedding don stand

White: Buy/Rent a gown (some sew china white; wear white skirt suit etc.) and be joined in church in the presence of ministers, parents & extremely close friends if desired.

Reception can be done aoutside the church; take away packs can be shared in church to cancel reception.

When there is a will, there is a way

you go fear summary lol

Mondisweets:

I remember very well quoting 2sexy not you. but anyway still the court will have the more resourceful and stable (legally married) parent.

Who said dont practice your culture anyway? stop misinterpreting me

the customary marriage is legal . if anyone would face any penalty it would be the woman because she was married by customary law , the judgement would would be to benefit the customary marriage as long as there are proof for it.

majekdom2:
how many maltreated wives have taken their husbands to court ..... is it not better to allow a partner go his or her way than to force him or her to stay because the laws says it has to be dissoluted. such may even kill one just to move on. there are some things that really dont fit into the Nigeria system no matter how we try.

Exactly why the Lagos state government struck out bigamy as a crime simply because no one has come out to prosecute anyone and this is why we will always remain trampled upon by people and the government.

Its not about forcing anyone to stay with you but is about doing the right thing. If i don't want to marry you anymore it is expedient that i divorce you not just willfully but by documenting that fact. I dont think that is difficult or forcing anyone to stay with you but infact its a ay to even make you leaving more reasonable.

Mondisweets:

I remember very well quoting 2sexy not you. but anyway still the court will have the more resourceful and stable (legally married) parent.

Who said dont practice your culture anyway? stop misinterpreting me

How does legal marriage guarantee stable family or parent?

ArtistA:
A nice thread i must say

@jayjagz, madcow et al

Thanks for clarification. I have a question though. What happens in a scenario where things goes south in a marriage where all forms of union are performed and certificates obtained (ie Traditional, Court, Church etc.)? Which authority becomes the final arbiter and which of the issued documents becomes the most valid? Do the documents nullify each other till only one is left standing? I am assuming they can't all be valid since the rules that constitutes them differs (multiple wives and side chicks allowed in customary while it is *officially* an anathema in church/court unions in Nigeria)

*Just thinking aloud* : If the earliest document obtained is the most valid , then 99.99% of Naija married men have been exercising their legal (and traditional) rights by default since 419AD

Please you guys shouldn't attack me just kidding while learning. I don't condone unfaithfulness and pray never to cheat on my wife. Awaits answer from the legalminds

This is another very good question. I salute your sagacity. There is something called double-deck marriage. This is when a monogamous marriage is superimposed on a potentially polygamous marriage. In Nigeria, it is common for couples to undergo traditional wedding, in order to be recognised in the community as husband and wife. They later go to the Registry to contract a statutory marriage under the Act. The question is this: "which one supersedes?". Actually, there are two theories on this namely the co-existence theory and the conversion theory. The co-existence theorist believe that the two marriages exist side by side why the conversion theory believes the court marriage converts the traditional marriage into a monogamous marriage. It must, however, be noted that the theory that has been upheld in Nigeria is the conversion theory. In short, the statutory marriage supersedes the customary law marriage.

Mondisweets:
and how will u prove the customary marriage if its not registered?

thats where the ladies make the mistake , simply neglecting certificates which ought to be issued by the local government. the op ought to clarify that rather than envisage a court marriage by all means.

[i][/i]wen woman talk they talk of now n wen talk of d future they talk of themselves. how many white men do traditional marriage. wat I about church wedding is waste of money cuz even d so called white they don't go to church they go to d beach or a garden n wed but naija women want u to break d bank not thinking of d unborn n tomorrow. guys if she wants more than court n traditional let her fund the marriage

Toks2008:



Exactly why the Lagos state government struck out bigamy as a crime simply because no one has come out to prosecute anyone and this is why we will always remain trampled upon by people and the government.

Its not about forcing anyone to stay with you but is about doing the right thing. If i don't want to marry you anymore it is expedient that i divorce you not just willfully but by documenting that fact. I dont think that is difficult or forcing anyone to stay with you but infact its a ay to even make you leaving more reasonable.

and where have you seen traditionally married couples forced to stay in marriage or not given the privilege to quit when he/she is not interested in the union any longer?

Is this about feminism? Are you saying the legal marriage favours the women more so every woman should advocate for it? For me you're making no point but a rant.

Stop exposing your crass ignorance. If a woman married traditionally is no longer interested in the marriage she is free to quit. Anytime she finds a new man, after her bride price is paid, then her can refund the other man. This also is applicable to the man. Its a simple case.

I am an African I chose which foreign culture I feel is suitable for me and discard the rest of the chaff.

abeg this mata no fit get end!!! the best tin na to follow wetin bible talk. " GOD HATE DIVORCE" Malachi 2:16 dis na for true christians abeg make una no fry me ooo i no b MOG!!!

jayjagz:
We are not disputing the fact that not everyone wants the so-called court marriage. Our point is that most women don't want a polygamous marriage and men take advantage of them because they think by going to church alone and all prohibits the man from marrying another wife. If you know you want a polygamous marriage and your wife-to-be wants a monogamous marriage, then you should marry her instead of hiding under the pretence of "we will go to church" when you know it's still the same thing.
As regards the fact that some other marriages last more than statutory marriage, I won't want us to be fallacious by digressing. The point is that woman should be on the safer side by going through a statutory marriage and they should ensure that all the formalities are carried out so that they won't be decieved. Thank you.

if your point is avoiding polygamy .... thats fine but it still doesnt stop a man from cheating or investing in the lives of his concubines than he does for his family. what will a woman gain if she has all the documents and still gets maltrated by her husband.majority of the marriages that dont work these days have certificates and the lady only wishes she can move on but the man continues to maltreat because he knows she cant just go unless the marriage is dissoluted. The op is only looking at it from the angle of the prosperous and responsible man . which is every woman's dream however not everyone is sure of who they get married to .

Cyberknight:


You are wrong there, my friend. Please understand that a marriage contracted according to customary law in Nigeria is not automatically null and void under statutory law in Nigeria or anywhere else in the world. As a matter of fact, there reverse is actually the case in the Western world. The human rights principles on which their modern jurisprudence is now evaluated against require respect for other cultures and customs not necessarily consistent with their own, and a man who can prove that he contracted a valid marraige under his customary law (In Igboland, for example, agreement with wife's family, parental consent, ceremony conducted in the presence of family members who act as witnesses, etc) has all the rights of someone who contracted a registered marriage. The only caveat is that the foreign country shall obviosuly not apply the principles of that customary marriage to the marriage, but shall instead apply the principles of their own family laws concerning marriage.

The law requires that such marriages should be evidenced in some form, true. But even if this is not done, the marriage is not automatically null and void ab initio, it just remains subject to customary law, so, for example, the issue of the marriage are entitled to claim inheritances, a widow cannot be turned out of her husband's house after his death, etc,etc (please note that I am referring to customary law in my part of Igboland here. Customs differ from place to place).

you clearly did not get my point, i never said customary marriages are null and void but there are too many legal uncertainties that arise from these marriages and proving their existence is not always easy. Yes you can claim to have eye-witnesses but how will credible will their testimonies be in court? Especially where the marriage is not registered.

The value of such evidence can be lost because it places reliance on the memory of persons who witnessed or participated in the ceremonies. With the passage of time such memory becomes dim and unreliable.
A witnesses can die, their knowledge of the event will be lost to future generations.

I have read a little about inheritance from different african cultures, please tell me what will happen to the agricultural land where a widow who was married to farmer (strictly according to customs) whom she had 2 female children with in igboland?

So, in other words, if I marry a woman here in Naija according to custom, without going to a religious institution or a marriage registry to obtain a certificate, and she then moves abroad to marry someone else, she is committing fraud, since she is well aware that she is in a consensual, yet subsisting marriage. As for having solid proof that the marraige exists, the testimony of witnesses to the ceremony shall suffice. Again, children of customary mariiages are NEVER considered to have been born outside wedlock, once all the requirements of the custom in question were met when contracting the marriage.

And how exactly will you prove this fraud? cause i can give you an endless list of cases where men abandoned their wives they married according to customs and married other women in a foreign land and still got away with it

Mondisweets:
you clearly did not get my point, i never said customary marriages are null and void but there are too many legal uncertainties that arise from these marriages and proving their existence is not always easy. Yes you can claim to have eye-witnesses but how will credible will their testimonies be in court? Especially where the marriage is not registered.

I have read a little about inheritance from different african cultures, please tell me what will happen to the agricultural land where a widow who was married to farmer (strictly according to customs) whom she had 2 female children with in igboland?


And how exactly will you prove this fraud? cause i can give you an endless list of cases where men abandoned their wives they married according to customs and married other women in a foreign land and still got away with it

there are men who married in court here in Nigeria and got married to a woman in a foreign land.

Mondisweets:
and how will u prove the customary marriage if its not registered?

When you come to Nigeria, you'll get to see a 1001 proofs.

You think we don't know what's obtainable in our system? We got married in Nigeria traditionally, you travelled with my son and get married to another man and also initiating the adoption of my son.

I will wish you well with just an advice. Please, never return to Nigeria. Except, I am not an African. You will walk round Nigeria naked. When am through with her and the husband. They will return my son.

Afterwards will go to the family and collect my bride price back with force.

D OP said fight for right to PROPERTY.... Dat got me crackin.... Which property abeg ooo.... The property you brought from you father's house or the one I hustle to gather b4 I brought you in.... Lolzz.... She tink say na abroad she dey

Sweetlemon:


I guess you are female.

Take my advise and get an official document. Thank me later.

There is no official document better than the love the couple share. It's a document with infinite number of pages. Trust me, people insist on the Western pattern because of the fear of divorce, which unarguably represents the absence of trust. The problem is that most women go into a marriage because of what the can get out of it: money, property. Even a blindfold 100years old man can see that the OP is in this category.

slimmy05:
How does legal marriage guarantee stable family or parent?

legal marriage dont guarantee sheet, it s d effort of the couple dat will make a union work. a legal doc is just a peper when their is problem. white / colured / trad / court and any form of marriage will fade away without LOVE. LOVE conquer all LOVE is not jelouse, LOVE bears all thing nd believes all thing . LOVE NEVER FAIL.

slimmy05:
and where have you seen traditionally married couples forced to stay in marriage or not given the privilege to quit when he/she is not interested in the union any longer?

Is this about feminism? Are you saying the legal marriage favours the women more so every woman should advocate for it? For me you're making no point but a rant.

Stop exposing your crass ignorance. If a woman married traditionally is no longer interested in the marriage she is free to quit. Anytime she finds a new man, after her bride price is paid, then her can refund the other man. This also is applicable to the man. Its a simple case.

I am an African I chose which foreign culture I feel is suitable for me and discard the rest of the chaff.

I still wonder why its pretty difficult for you to write with proper sense of decorum and not a beer parlor like communication.Trust me you wont find it funny if i chose to stoop low to respond to you in a low life manner.

When you make opinions known on a social public media please learn to do so in a civilized and educated manner and you will gain more respect.
Btw i honestly don't even understand the precept of your communication because its not well articulated.

Conclusively my point still remains that its not up to you to decide what you want except you don't understand the relevance of a woman in a man's life. Both of you ought to discuss and if she decided never to have her marriage registered fine and please stop talking about culture when it cmes to registering a marital union.

IN the past the santity of marital union was so strong and respected but these days when marriage has become an unserious affair occasioned by series of arbitrary divorce, i think it is advisable that couple registers there union.