Cc: shymexx,50calibre

valdes00:
D OP said fight for right to PROPERTY.... Dat got me crackin.... Which property abeg ooo.... The property you brought from you father's house or the one I hustle to gather b4 I brought you in.... Lolzz.... She tink say na abroad she dey

lols , she isnt aware that a black man is different from a white man . a white man isnt bothered by law because he may acquire most of his properties on mortgage which he may still be paying off at the time of his death . if you are to acquire such as an inheritance I guess you will be ready to pay the left debt.... this is not usually the case of an african man..... a reason tradition differs I guess.

Toks2008:


Ofcourse i dont expect most guys to consent to legal marrriage because it keeps them in check.

Show me a man that does legal wedding with you and i will show you a man that truly wants you.

I don't subscribe to this ideal...that you did a registry does not make your marriage blissfully or makes a man stays in marriage. I know a couple that did all this he is even a barrister he just divorce his wife last month.

hrmkz:
Rather unfortunate that love is no basis for unions.

but men and women are guilty here.

I'm telling you. Comments I'm reading here is scaring the shit out of me.

majekdom2:
thats where the ladies make the mistake , simply neglecting certificates which ought to be issued by the local government. the op ought to clarify that rather than envisage a court marriage by all means.

the certificate will not be the issue so long the marriage is registered and prove can be proved for by the local govt.

I dont see anything wrong with a court marriage because the last i checked all it needs is the bride and groom and at least 2 eye-witnesses with legal capacity to confirm by a way of signature that a wedding did indeed take place.

Atigba:
I don't subscribe to this ideal...that you did a registry does not make your marriage blissfully or makes a man stays in marriage. I know a couple that did all this he is even a barrister he just divorce his wife last month.

and please tell me , was he asked to give the woman anything .I guess the OP hasnt seen such cases .married women who are not in stable relationships have barely contributed on here.

Kachisbarbie:

I am living with him bc I have done my whit wedding. Never knew the Okoyes are learned.
Anyway by learned here, I don't just mean going to school, bc I have seen people that went to sch and act like were made in stone age and vice-versa.
...the learned I mean here are people that are observing how times are evolving and flowing with it. Not people that say it isn't our culture, it isn't our culture yet my grandparents did it in the 1940s...and my great grand parents did it too

@blebleswag: you asking if sum1 wud prefer having court/white to having trad.
-lets leave white aside.
-how much is court marriage. The last time I checked it was about 10k, and there wasn't need for entertainment.
...so that's not a fair inference/reason.
Some people wud do big trad and no white, why not leave the big trad and use that money for white.

@100cents : you never ready o. When you are ready, I will know.

I love my parents though, time for traditional rites, my parents came into the country, did the needed. My dad said, I don't want u to do big trad and say ur money has finished, I don't want trad, pls when you guys fix a date, mail your IV to me.
My father in-law being a traditional man was fighting for the Big-trad, me I say I no want o. Bc wetin I wan use that money do, dey my mind already....mbok....lol.

You don't need to do 'court marriage'. It's same as your white wedding, it gives the same rights provided you wedded at a recognised place of worship.
Guys if you can't afford white wedding which I admit costs a lot at least go to the registry with iyawo, U won't spend up to 20k and you will get a marriage certificate same as the kind of document they give you in church after wedding.
Don't misunderstand the poster, she is right. What is worth doing is worth doing well, so why una dey fear to marry your wives properly? Don't you want her to be entitled to the things you make? Would you rather have your relatives squander your wealth and have your wife and kids live at their mercies if you pass? Would you like her not to have full rights as your wife? It baffles me. It has nothing to do with with love and how marriage lasts...it wouldn't make the love stronger or lesser but at least it gives a feeling of fulfilment. it's like like getting a project completed.
Say NO the the spirit of fear and go marry your babes properly.

majekdom2:
if your point is avoiding polygamy .... thats fine but it still doesnt stop a man from cheating or investing in the lives of his concubines than he does for his family. what will a woman gain if she has all the documents and still gets maltrated by her husband.majority of the marriages that dont work these days have certificates and the lady only wishes she can move on but the man continues to maltreat because he knows she cant just go unless the marriage is dissoluted. The op is only looking at it from the angle of the prosperous and responsible man . which is every woman's dream however not everyone is sure of who they get married to .

I've mentioned it earlier on, statutory marriage does not guarantee a monogamous marital union. Under a survey conducted by Aguda in Lagos Area alone. Out of 120 men married under the Act, 22 agreed that they have other wives outside and the hand of the law has not caught up with them. But isn't it better to be on the safer side?

majekdom2:
there are men who married in court here in Nigeria and got married to a woman in a foreign land.

that woman can still claim her matrimonial rights because there will be sufficient evidence of an existing marriage

Toks2008:


I still wonder why its pretty difficult for you to write with proper sense of decorum and not a beer parlor like communication.Trust me you wont find it funny if i chose to stoop low to respond to you in a low life manner.

When you make opinions known on a social public media please learn to do so in a civilized and educated manner and you will gain more respect.
Btw i honestly don't even understand the precept of your communication because its not well articulated.

Conclusively my point still remains that its not up to you to decide what you want except you don't understand the relevance of a woman in a man's life. Both of you ought to discuss and if she decided never to have her marriage registered fine and please stop talking about culture when it cmes to registering a marital union.

IN the past the santity of marital union was so strong and respected but these days when marriage has become an unserious affair occasioned by series of arbitrary divorce, i think it is advisable that couple registers there union.

Infact you're a drunk. I didn't know you're part of this delusioned low life feminist.

LOVE HAS ELUDED THE WORLD WITH LOVE WE LL NOT NEED THREADS AS THIS

slimmy05:
When you come to Nigeria, you'll get to see a 1001 proofs.

You think we don't know what's obtainable in our system? We got married in Nigeria traditionally, you travelled with my son and get married to another man and also initiating the adoption of my son.

I will wish you well with just an advice. Please, never return to Nigeria. Except, I am not an African. You will walk round Nigeria naked. When am through with her and the husband. They will return my son.

Afterwards will go to the family and collect my bride price back with force.

Oh now i understand why you argue the way you do but just rest assured that if you circumvent the law,you must face the music so why not just guide against this archaic approach and get things done right.

2sExy1:
ma'am, it is relative. Neither will church or court determine a solid marriage.

It does not matter how/where the marriage is conducted; what matter most is the
love that will keep them.

White wedding/court marriage isn't our custom, but traditional marriage is. We have sold
our rights to the whites, which is what has almost given them the temerity to impose gay/lesbanism
on us.

How about you turn the table around and ask them to wed in your own custom,huh?

In case you never knew, 2 Italians has broken the record when they wedded in the igbo tradition
a few months back. so, you see?


Edit
100 likes and counting. Dies... Wake... Dies... Wake up... Dies...

And first to comment? Vex... Tears shirt, remove trouser... Remove boxers... Begin catwalk '

You and your likers and sharers are missing the very crucial point!

The nigerian law will apply the customary law in case of divorce and most times the woman gets nothing.....even the female kids of that marraige, especially in the igbo settings will get nothing.

So u just don't argue for arguement sake without research that' could cause a lot of issues

Mondisweets:
the certificate will not be the issue so long the marriage is registered and prove can be proved for by the local govt.

I dont see anything wrong with a court marriage because the last i checked all it needs is the bride and groom and at least 2 eye-witnesses with legal capacity to confirm by a way of signature that a wedding did indeed take place.

and this is more reason , when problem arises it might not get solved easily. u just said 2 witnesses which may not be your famly relation but they come claim they are...... I can have a court marriage without my parents consent , you see why the court marriage may not be given that preference here .

2sExy1:
ma'am, it is relative. Neither will church or court determine a solid marriage.

It does not matter how/where the marriage is conducted; what matter most is the
love that will keep them.

White wedding/court marriage isn't our custom, but traditional marriage is. We have sold
our rights to the whites, which is what has almost given them the temerity to impose gay/lesbanism
on us.

How about you turn the table around and ask them to wed in your own custom,huh?

In case you never knew, 2 Italians has broken the record when they wedded in the igbo tradition
a few months back. so, you see?


Edit
100 likes and counting. Dies... Wake... Dies... Wake up... Dies...

And first to comment? Vex... Tears shirt, remove trouser... Remove boxers... Begin catwalk '

You and your likers and sharers are missing the very crucial point!

The nigerian law will apply the customary law in case of divorce and most times the woman gets nothing.....even the female kids of that marraige, especially in the igbo settings will get nothing.

So u just don't argue for arguement sake without research

Mondisweets:
you clearly did not get my point, i never said customary marriages are null and void but there are too many legal uncertainties that arise from these marriages and proving their existence is not always easy. Yes you can claim to have eye-witnesses but how will credible will their testimonies be in court? Especially where the marriage is not registered.

I have read a little about inheritance from different african cultures, please tell me what will happen to the agricultural land where a widow who was married to farmer (strictly according to customs) whom she had 2 female children with in igboland?


And how exactly will you prove this fraud? cause i can give you an endless list of cases where men abandoned their wives they married according to customs and married other women in a foreign land and still got away with it

There are NO legal uncertainities arising from customary law marriages. That is what the customary courts are there for.
Customary courts are constituted with persons from the immediate area in which they are located who are appointed on the basis of the fact that they are deemed to be familiar with their own people's customs. I do not know if and how familiar you are with your own tribal customs, but I am quite familiar with mine, and I can state that unfortunately, customs in my part of Igboland are not favourable to women in the event of a dissolution of a marriage mainly because the man is deemed to own the children (based on the ancient seed garden theory, perhaps), while women are considered chattels. So they go home to their father's houses empty-handed, while their families are required to return the brideprice and other anciliaries handed over when the marriage was contracted, etc, etc.

The witnesses to such a marriage can be legion or few as the case may be, but there are always people who were or are aware of the event. Surely not every single person who witnessed my marriage in both my family or my wife's family is dead now. And of course, pictures usually are extant, if there are any children there must be one or more birth certificates listing names of parents and so forth. I can assure you that evidence of such marriages is usually not difficult to obtain. Let me digress a bit and state that in every situation there is always a standard of proof that has to be met (which can change). Proving the existence of a marriage is not an uphill battle.

Secondly, you must understand that if a man contracts a customary marriage at home then goes abroad and contracts a statutory marriage there is no one to know that he has committed fraud, but that does not make it no longer fraud, it is still fraud. Obviously, once an interested party decides to demonstrate the fraud, then the law and its consequences shall kick in.

And finally, in answer to the hypothethical question you posed earlier, in my part of Igboland, as I have said, unfortunately customary law with respect to inheritance does not favour women and the widow in your case would not be able to inherit in the sense of owning the land - it will revert to her husband's family. However, customary law is not always unfair - the woman has a right to support and given that she "belongs" to her husband's family, they MUST support her and "their" children, and if the peasant farming was her husband's only means of support, she will most likely be allowed to continue with it to some extent. The woman's right to support can be enforced against the husband's family under customary law in my part of Igboland.

slimmy05:
How does legal marriage guarantee stable family or parent?

neither a customary marriage nor a civil marriage can guarantee a stable family or parent, but a registered marriage can guarantee matrimonial rights, which by the way is the main purpose of creating this thread (if you took time to read the first post carefully)

Toks2008:



Oh now i understand why you argue the way you do but just rest assured that if you circumvent the law,you must face the music so why not just guide against this archaic approach and get things done right.

That is to tell you my culture supersedes any other trash. I will go with my culture on this. Are you scare of tradional marriage? Or you don't want to go mad?

MabraO:
Only in Nigeria our ladies allow us men to marry them 3-4 times in 2/3 days
Wetin sef
If my wife no like traditional wedding
Na she sabi
No time for one Yeye pastor to tell me how to run my marriage wen he can't even run his

Most Nigerian women watch too many home videos so they forget we live in d real world...after their teenage fantasies of a tall guy with six packs d next episode of their life will be the glamore of a white wedding...girls should please wake up from dreamland. Even Jesus christ emphassied on LOVE...not the glamore and the razmattaz of life.

One more thing...any girl pushing for court marriage is after your property period.

Mondisweets:
neither a customary marriage nor a civil marriage can guarantee a stable family or parent, but a registered marriage can guarantee matrimonial rights, which by the way is the main purpose of creating this thread (if you took time to read the first post)

I am not interested in your post and never interested in this cheap and wea feminist thought of yours.

My tradition and culture supersedes

Mondisweets:
that woman can still claim her matrimonial rights because there will be sufficient evidence of an existing marriage

give me the examples of matrimonial rights you talking about when your man has eloped with another woman. if you talking properties , you may find out he may have put none in his name. so pls tell me the matrimonial rights.

Mondisweets:
neither a customary marriage nor a civil marriage can guarantee a stable family or parent, but a registered marriage can guarantee matrimonial rights, which by the way is the main purpose of creating this thread (if you took time to read the first post carefully)

Most Nigerian women watch too many home videos so they forget we live in d real world...after their teenage fantasies of a tall guy with six packs d next episode of their life will be the glamore of a white wedding...girls should please wake up from dreamland. Even Jesus christ emphassied on LOVE...not the glamore and the razmattaz of life.

One more thing...any girl pushing for court marriage is after your property period.

Mondisweets:
neither a customary marriage nor a civil marriage can guarantee a stable family or parent, but a registered marriage can guarantee matrimonial rights, which by the way is the main purpose of creating this thread (if you took time to read the first post carefully)

Are you saying traditional marriage don't guarantee such?

Sweetlemon:
They assume ownership of a bride once the bride price has been paid. If the girl is lucky enough they will do traditional wedding but the white or even court wedding will be till further notice. In fact, unless a girl's family are strong Christians who will insist on the complete wedding rites before allowing their daughter move in permanently with man, the man will not think seriously about a formal wedding.

The thing is that most girls are too willing to allow this happen. Unless they pester the man for a court or white wedding, they will wait a long long time, after dropping one or two kids before having this. But their wives don't seem to be very serious about this. I mean, this trend is becoming too rampant nowadays. A good case study is that of P Square duo. (I love P Square and their brides not saying this to hate o) All the other celebs did both trad and white almost immediately after. Yet the P Square family even their brother Jude, are not about taking their brides down the aisle. I know a few girls personally who are doing this.

Ladies please let's be very careful with this issue. A church or at least a court wedding is more solid. With a traditional or just introduction, the man can wake up one morning and throw you out of the house, bring in another woman and there is little or nothing you can do. But when documents have been signed, you get the opportunity to fight for rights to property, fair treatment, etc if you can get a good lawyer. Also, with a certificate, your marriage is recognized anywhere in the world. For instance, without a marriage certificate, your "hubby" living abroad cannot invite you over abroad as it's done in most countries. You will have to go through another route.

Please if you are in this kind of arrangement, use all wisdom available to you to get yourself an official document. The longer you procrastinate, the more difficult it will be for the man to finally tie the knot while you live in his house.

Most Nigerian women watch too many home videos so they forget we live in d real world...after their teenage fantasies of a tall guy with six packs d next episode of their life will be the glamore of a white wedding...girls should please wake up from dreamland. Even Jesus christ emphassied on LOVE...not the glamore and the razmattaz of life.

One more thing...any girl pushing for court marriage is after your property period.

Cyberknight:


There are NO legal uncertainities arising from customary law marriages. That is what the customary courts.
Customary courts are constituted with persons from the immediate area in which they are located who are appointed on the basis of the fact that they are deemed to be familiar with their own people's customs. I do not know if and how familiar you are with your own tribal customs, but I am quite familiar with mine, an [size=14pt] I can state that unfortunately, customs in my part of Igboland are not favourable to women in the event of a dissolution of a marriage mainly because the man is deemed to own the children (based on the ancient seed garden theory, perhaps), while women are considered chattels. So they go home to their father's houses emptyhanded, while their families are required to return the brideprice and other anciliaries handed over when the marriage was contracted, etc, etc. [/size]

And this by the way is the reason why the OP created this thread and emphasized on entering a civil marriage as well. We are pretty much done here

The witnesses to such a marriage can be legion or few as the case may be, but there are always people who were or are aware of the event. Surely not every single person who witnessed my marriage in both my family or my wife's family is dead now. And of course, pictures usually are extant, if there are any children there must be one or more birth certificates listing names of parents and so forth. I can assure you that evidence of such marriages is usually not difficult to obtain. Let me digress a bit and state that in every situation there is always a standard of proof that has to be met (which can change). Proving the existence of a marriage is not an uphill battle.

Secondly, you must understand that if a man contracts a customary marriage at home then goes abroad and contracts a statutory marriage there is no one to know that he has committed fraud, but that does not make it no longer fraud, it is still fraud. Obviously, once an interested party decides to demonstrate the fraud, then the law and its consequences shall kick in.

i thought you said customary marriages dont create legal uncertainties, so what exactly do you call the part in bold? if a civil marriage exists, the wronged spouse can seek legal remedies i.e. patrimonial rights

And finally, in answer to the hypothethical question you posed earlier, in my part of Igboland, as I have said, unfortunately customary law with respect to inheritance does not favour women and the widow in your case would not be able to inherit in the sense of owning the land - it will revert to her husband's family. However, customary law is not always unfair - the woman has a right to support and given that she "belongs" to her husband's family, they MUST support her and "their" children, and if the peasant farming was her husband's only means of support, she will most likely be allowed to continue with it to some extent. The woman's right to support can be enforced against the husband's family under customary law in my part of Igboland.

is that not depriving her of what belongs to her and her children's wellbeing and livelihood? why can't she and her children have ownership of that land?

With regards to maintaining the her and her kids, is it really exercised in reality in this day and age?

InglishTeechar:


Most Nigerian women watch too many home videos so they forget we live in d real world...after their teenage fantasies of a tall guy with six packs d next episode of their life will be the glamore of a white wedding...girls should please wake up from dreamland. Even Jesus christ emphassied on LOVE...not the glamore and the razmattaz of life.

One more thing...any girl pushing for court marriage is after your property period.

You just nailed it better than a carpenter.

49cents:


You and your likers and sharers are missing the very crucial point!

The nigerian law will apply the customary law in case of divorce and most times the woman gets nothing.....even the female kids of that marraige, especially in the igbo settings will get nothing.

So u just don't argue for arguement sake without research

Sir, I appreciate your point which is in accordance with what Mondisweet said. It's the OP, who failed to pass her message accross modestly, the missing link being what you have stressed as well as Mondisweet. Hence, the major reason why people are missing the point.

That's the fault of the OP as her POV is flawed.

"But when documents have been signed, you get the [/b]opportunity to fight for rights to property,[b] fair treatment, etc if you can get a good lawyer."

It is well. I get OP's drift but not comfortable with the"fight for property mindset" before marriage. It's a very scary impression.

Thread filled with feminist who want to reap where they did not sow. if you don't want traditional marriage, then to hell with you and your motives

49cents:


You and your likers and sharers are missing the very crucial point!

The nigerian law will apply the customary law in case of divorce and most times the woman gets nothing.....even the female kids of that marraige, especially in the igbo settings will get nothing.

So u just don't argue for arguement sake without research

one reason divorced women go with nothing and abused women beg to stay in an abusive relationship. * bottom line* is dont wait to live at the mercy of your husband and think a certificate makes you sole beneficiary of him . it makes you a legal wife , but may never include you in his life.

Countless posts have suggested that the initial poster may have stated some erroneous views but, it is an obvious idea to make a social relationship legal at least, in this case of marriage. It has been said over and over again that the customary/traditional marriage is the basic and more recognized form of marriage between families and in-laws. It is also without ado that the world is going global so, some infiltration such as divorce, separation,etc. have permeated into the Nigerian society.
It is as a result of these infiltration that every marriage or social relationship should be recognized by law as well.