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Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. - Romance - Nairaland

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Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by LanleyLulu: 6:11pm On Oct 06, 2014
OK so the thing is i just need advice and not criticism as i get quite a lot of it already.

I have been with a great guy for 2 and half years and he is probably the only best thing that has happened to me so far.

The problem is i just keep messing things up, its like we get over one problem then i create another. We recently moved in together (2months ago) and since then we just constantly argue about silly little things. Sometimes i think he takes things to seriously. I know he likes things a certain way but since moving in we just can not seem to get along. My biggest problem is i can not be open with him. I have lied to him numerous times about work, everything. The thing is he always catches me out when i do not tell him the truth and most of the time i know that he will find out one way or the other.

He is such a great guy, has been there for me through so much from helping me get into work encouraging me when am down etc. Now i got laid off work just because of one of my problems ( i can not seem to keep job either) I did not tell him for weeks until he found out. Now it has literally messed things up. Even though he is not mad with me if anything he just wishes i can talk to him whenever i am having problems. Now i have totally lost hes trust/respect and i do not know how to even get past this. I feel terrible and unworthy of his love. I feel that he now just pittys me and does not see a future together as we have planned so much but i just have ruined everything.

I do not want to loose this man and i just need advice on how i can get past it and gain his respect/trust.


PS- Any negative comments keep them to your selves, am only interested in serious advice



Thanks LULU
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by macdaniel67: 6:49pm On Oct 06, 2014
maybe u try nd change ur ways, try talk to him...i bet u, if he really loves u, he will have a Retink nd take u back fully...
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by Nobody: 6:53pm On Oct 06, 2014
You may be afraid to open up to him because you are trying to impress him and you are not being your true self.

Well I'll just say you have to work on feeling so unworthy apparently you are worthy which is why you have this good man in your life. I really feel you should leave his house and go take care of yourself, find out why you lie to him,why you are so afraid of losing him that you self sabotage.
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by iceberylin(m): 6:57pm On Oct 06, 2014
ŤĤĨŚ ĨŚ ŃĔVĔŔ ĞŐĨŃĞ ŤŐ ŴŐŔĶ cry
Ĩ MĔÁŃ ÚŔ ŔĔĹÁŤĨŐŃŚĤĨP embarassed
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by MisterLongman(m): 7:02pm On Oct 06, 2014
Try to be more open minded in your relationship and work on whatever is wrong with you
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by valmunich(m): 7:59pm On Oct 06, 2014
You made the mistake at first by moving in. Move out before it's too late sad sad
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by Afrok(m): 10:27pm On Oct 06, 2014
U need to work on urself which may require time, believe me whether the guy is truly ur life partner or not, without u working on urself and turning urself to that person U crave for, ur relationship might continue to be in mess.

1 Like

Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by Safari29: 10:43pm On Oct 06, 2014
work on urself madam. U re the problem. try to emulate ur good friends
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by harrwix(m): 10:56pm On Oct 06, 2014
Tell him how you feel about things (don't self pity)....let him know that you are ready to work on yourself, and pls give him physical evidences that you are working on yourself

In the midst of all this...tell him you still love him n ready to put things right....if he really loves you, he is gonna stand by and help you out.

Above all don't forget to pray (if you are a Christian)
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by tosyne2much(m): 11:07pm On Oct 06, 2014
You are the architect of your own problem so try to work on yourself and portray a good image that supercedes that of an average Nigerian lady.. A relationship without trust and respect is worthless
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by adebayour26: 11:27pm On Oct 06, 2014
Compartibility in relationship means you being able to relate with him freely. Intimacy in communication is most needed, if truly u want him & love him, I need a reason why you lie to him or hide things from him....and are you sure you are psychologically stable or you are disturbbed somehow?

please, check yourself
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by Nobody: 12:53am On Oct 07, 2014
Hope ur redi for some bita truths cos am abt to lash u with some o'them.

Ur problem is not ur relationship. Ur problem is you. U are ur own worst enemy. Ur head is messed up in a complicated way. In summary, u are fond of making emotional decisions. U shd start thinking thorougly b4 u act.

Der is so much u hav to work on and am kinda tempted to ask u to PM me so we can work on it togeda, but if ur scared I mite start toasting u den we will hav to do it in public hia.

So OP are u redi for some free counselling dat will lead to d upgraded version of u?

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by Nobody: 3:10am On Oct 07, 2014
You are living in denial,seeing yourself as an angel,who ought to be perfect in their ways,whereas you are just a human being,who definitely must have flaws.

Don't pretend,or lie about anything,its better you are hated for what you are,than loved for what you are not.

Try to be open to him,you can still earn your respect back.
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by LanleyLulu: 12:51pm On Oct 07, 2014
I sincerely appreciate every one of your comments and advice. It is what i really needed to hear.

I can not reply individually to everyone but i have read all your comments and some of the things i have read i was really in denial about, but i know it is the truth!!

Yes! i have a tendency of trying to impress people not only with him this issue i have but with my fam and friends.

I am that vulnerable state right now where i know i need to seek some professional help of some kind. I hate to feel that i am the problem. But i know i am. I have moved back home with my parents and taking a break from everything so that i can just concentrate on my self and learn about my ways and why i do the things i do. I have spoken to him and despite everything that has happened(he is very disappointed) but he also wants me to seek help or just speak to someone about my issue and he has said he will support me in any way he can. I am a christian, and i am praying to God to help me because this is the thing i have been dealing with for quite some time. everything i am saying here today i have never really spoke to anyone about and i doubt anyone in this world knows me well. Besides the image i portray. I do want to change for the better.

These comments just make me realize that i ought to do something about my actions because one thing that i have picked on about the comments is that i am the problem. which i am now accepting. @ obongproff I will DM you!

Thanks all once againsmiley

LULU
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by Nobody: 8:21pm On Oct 07, 2014
LanleyLulu:
I sincerely appreciate every one of your comments and advice. It is what i really needed to hear.

I can not reply individually to everyone but i have read all your comments and some of the things i have read i was really in denial about, but i know it is the truth!!

Yes! i have a tendency of trying to impress people not only with him this issue i have but with my fam and friends.

I am that vulnerable state right now where i know i need to seek some professional help of some kind. I hate to feel that i am the problem. But i know i am. I have moved back home with my parents and taking a break from everything so that i can just concentrate on my self and learn about my ways and why i do the things i do. I have spoken to him and despite everything that has happened(he is very disappointed) but he also wants me to seek help or just speak to someone about my issue and he has said he will support me in any way he can. I am a christian, and i am praying to God to help me because this is the thing i have been dealing with for quite some time. everything i am saying here today i have never really spoke to anyone about and i doubt anyone in this world knows me well. Besides the image i portray. I do want to change for the better.

These comments just make me realize that i ought to do something about my actions because one thing that i have picked on about the comments is that i am the problem. which i am now accepting. @ obongproff I will DM you!

Thanks all once againsmiley

LULU

Brava!

I feel glad you moved back to your parents. I wish you all the learning and growing.
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by OLAJADON: 8:29pm On Oct 07, 2014
LanleyLulu:
OK so the thing is i just need advice and not criticism as i get quite a lot of it already.

I have been with a great guy for 2 and half years and he is probably the only best thing that has happened to me so far.

The problem is i just keep messing things up, its like we get over one problem then i create another. We recently moved in together (2months ago) and since then we just constantly argue about silly little things. Sometimes i think he takes things to seriously. I know he likes things a certain way but since moving in we just can not seem to get along. My biggest problem is i can not be open with him. I have lied to him numerous times about work, everything. The thing is he always catches me out when i do not tell him the truth and most of the time i know that he will find out one way or the other.

He is such a great guy, has been there for me through so much from helping me get into work encouraging me when am down etc. Now i got laid off work just because of one of my problems ( i can not seem to keep job either) I did not tell him for weeks until he found out. Now it has literally messed things up. Even though he is not mad with me if anything he just wishes i can talk to him whenever i am having problems. Now i have totally lost hes trust/respect and i do not know how to even get past this. I feel terrible and unworthy of his love. I feel that he now just pittys me and does not see a future together as we have planned so much but i just have ruined everything.

I do not want to loose this man and i just need advice on how i can get past it and gain his respect/trust.


PS- Any negative comments keep them to your selves, am only interested in serious advice



Thanks LULU
we guyz hate lies alot, it makes us luk lyk a fool, mayb wen u meet anoda guyz u will learn 2 b true nd sincere
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by Nobody: 11:03pm On Oct 07, 2014
LanleyLulu:
I sincerely appreciate every one of your comments and advice. It is what i really needed to hear.

I can not reply individually to everyone but i have read all your comments and some of the things i have read i was really in denial about, but i know it is the truth!!

Yes! i have a tendency of trying to impress people not only with him this issue i have but with my fam and friends.

I am that vulnerable state right now where i know i need to seek some professional help of some kind. I hate to feel that i am the problem. But i know i am. I have moved back home with my parents and taking a break from everything so that i can just concentrate on my self and learn about my ways and why i do the things i do. I have spoken to him and despite everything that has happened(he is very disappointed) but he also wants me to seek help or just speak to someone about my issue and he has said he will support me in any way he can. I am a christian, and i am praying to God to help me because this is the thing i have been dealing with for quite some time. everything i am saying here today i have never really spoke to anyone about and i doubt anyone in this world knows me well. Besides the image i portray. I do want to change for the better.

These comments just make me realize that i ought to do something about my actions because one thing that i have picked on about the comments is that i am the problem. which i am now accepting. @ obongproff I will DM you!

Thanks all once againsmiley

LULU

madam I hav replied ur mail oh! Did u get it?
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by tosyne2much(m): 11:07pm On Oct 07, 2014
Yomieluv:
You are living in denial,seeing yourself as an angel,who ought to be perfect in their ways,whereas you are just a human being,who definitely must have flaws.

Don't pretend,or lie about anything,its better you are hated for what you are,than loved for what you are not.

Try to be open to him,you can still earn your respect back.
you are a man of wisdom
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by mirexxx(f): 11:22pm On Oct 07, 2014
iceberylin:
ŤĤĨŚ ĨŚ ŃĔVĔŔ ĞŐĨŃĞ ŤŐ ŴŐŔĶ cry
Ĩ MĔÁŃ ÚŔ ŔĔĹÁŤĨŐŃŚĤĨP embarassed
say sumfin nyc 4 once
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by iceberylin(m): 11:25pm On Oct 07, 2014
mirexxx:
say sumfin nyc 4 once
So i should lie undecided
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by mirexxx(f): 11:37pm On Oct 07, 2014
iceberylin:

So i should lie undecided
u didn't say d truth either
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by iceberylin(m): 11:39pm On Oct 07, 2014
mirexxx:
u didn't say d truth either
Try to read the post ,i bet you havent undecided

1 Like

Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by mirexxx(f): 11:43pm On Oct 07, 2014
iceberylin:

Try to read the post ,i bet you havent undecided
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by Nobody: 2:06am On Oct 08, 2014
tosyne2much:
you are a man of wisdom
thank you.
Re: Why Do I Keep Messing My Relationship Up. by Nobody: 6:52am On Nov 27, 2017
Hope ur redi for some bita truths cos am abt to lash u with some o'them.

Ur problem is not ur relationship. Ur problem is you. U are ur own worst enemy. Ur head is messed up in a complicated way. In summary, u are fond of making emotional decisions. U shd start thinking thorougly b4 u act.

Der is so much u hav to work on and am kinda tempted to ask u to PM me so we can work on it togeda, but if ur scared I mite start toasting u den we will hav to do it in public hia.

So OP are u redi for some free counselling dat will lead to d upgraded version of u?

Pls I know this is an old post, but I don't know if I can still speak with the person who made it. I'm going through exact same situation as the OP right now. Pls I need to talk to someone.

PS, this is my first post ever on nairaland so pls pardon if I made any mistakes.

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