[size=16pt]Good day fellow N/L members. Please kindly advice me on what to do here.

I feel in love with a lady, since 3years and finally proposed to her this year. But before then, she has been in a relationship that crashed. and the reasons she gave me was that the guy was hard on her so she backed out immediately.
I proposed to her and she took like 4months to come to my proposal due to her relationship with other guy which i wasn’t aware of. I sensed that she welcomed me because she failed in her former relationship which is normal (Life must go on), We have bin having good talk on phone, She took me to her house, she has cooked we eat, she welcomed me, even give me a name, she has introduced me to her senior sister, we have even gone to tell our elders in the church and i was permitted to go for introduction with back up from the elders (Church rules).
One week for my going I went ill, test revealed Malaria which i am on treatment; my reason of coming here is to seek for your godly counsel. I was on my state of health that I and my wife to be was talking on phone, she told me to get well and eat because i could not eat, (no interest for food) if not she is going to lock the door against me if am tin or slim or looking like one who is on hunger strike. (i was surprise).
On Thursday day, 4th day to my introduction to her parents, we spoke again on phone, i was like am so tire and weak, even my clothes are dirty ( I never called her or wanted her to come to my place, also it is against the church order/rule). To my greatest surprise, she ask me how will I wash it, I responded, when am strong i will do it, she said hmmmm, better learn how to do it because she is not going to be washing my clothes. I was like are u serious? she said yes that she is telling me before hand. She said everybody in the house must wash his or her clothes, hmmm i was still surprise, I quickly asked, how about our kids who will be washing theirs? She quickly responded that when the kids come we will know what to do. Initially I thought she was kidding but the seriousness on her voice was so real. I became afraid.
She went to the extent of telling me to start saving money to buy washing machine from LG Company. That she will not be the washing machine, that don’t I have hand also?.
Secondly, I was also surprise that she has not informed her parents about my coming to her house for the introduction, which I kicked against and asked her if she was ready for me, and it was at that night of our call that she called the mum and tell her.
Friends, Pls I became afraid more about the washing of the clothe matter, this days, do wife's responsibilities exclude taking care of the husband proper.
What can I do now, should I still go ahead with the proposal, or she I postponed it or should I called off everything now that it is still early, am just confused, if my wife cannot wash my clothes then why is she my wife?

Help me pls with your good advice please.
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Plus go and meet ur Pastor. Dont listen to anybody but God.so meet spiritual father

Relax, I knw u are worried about her not washing ur clothe but ur main concern shud be why she has not told her parent few days to the introduction..Some ladies don't like washing clothe but that does not mean she can't wash. So, u have to think deep is her character good enough for u irrespective of no wanting to wash the clothe. If yes go ahead with it but know u will have to get a washing machine or wash ur clothe ur self

If it is the washing of clothes that is troubling you, I guess you are underestimating some more important issues.

Are you sure this girl is really interested in you? Going by reason that you have to force her to tell her parents about your coming for introduction. Is it the real introduction that you will bring your parents or just the normal visiting her house?

Why is your church giving you rules on what you can handle yourself?

My brother, there is more to what you will deal with than washing of clothes.


Did you do a thorough investigation on why she broke up with her ex?

Pls continue Ur ultimate search, I dnt tink she's Ur missing rib.

bellong:


If it is the washing of clothes that is troubling you, I guess you are underestimating some more important issues.

Are you sure this girl is really interested in you? Going by reason that you have to force her to tell her parents about your coming for introduction. Is it the real introduction that you will bring your parents or just the normal visiting her house?

Why is your church giving you rules on what you can handle yourself?

My brother, there is more to what you will deal with than washing of clothes.


Did you do a thorough investigation on why she broke up with her ex?

Agree with you

I am even worried they are doing introduction before getting to know themselves.

All these 'I am not washing your clothes'; 'Everyone has hands' lines she has been dropping here and there is what they both have to sit down and discuss.

If the OP is absolutely true, I will wager that she was the problem in her last relationship

All these Church Elders sef no dey try

bukatyne:


Agree with you

I am even worried they are doing introduction before getting to know themselves.

All these 'I am not washing your clothes'; 'Everyone has hands' lines she has been dropping here and there is what they both have to sit down and discuss.

If the OP is absolutely true, I will wager that she was the problem in her last relationship

All these Church Elders sef no dey try

I guess the OP is too religious to be street smart. The girl could be the problem in her former relationship.

The excuse that the guy was hard on her is too ambiguous to be taken seriously. If she couldn't tell her in clear terms why she left the guy, there's more to the blanket statement.


Don't mind some churches, they can go to any length to dictate how members, who refused to study the Word themselves, should live their lives. If given the opportunity, they wouldn't mind drawing an intimate time table for couples. The most worrisome thing is like what Jesus said, "they leave the weightier matters of the law and be running after frivolities"...

bellong:


I guess the OP is too religious to be street smart. The girl could be the problem in her former relationship.

The excuse that the guy was hard on her is too ambiguous to be taken seriously. If she couldn't tell her in clear terms why she left the guy, there's more to the blanket statement.


Don't mind some churches, they can go to any length to dictate how members, who refused to study the Word themselves, should live their lives. If given the opportunity, they wouldn't mind drawing an intimate time table for couples. The most worrisome thing is like what Jesus said, "they leave the weightier matters of the law and be running after frivolities"...

Very correct

Fine, they are guarding against fornication however I see no reason why the lady cannot even be encouraged to help the brother clean up and do his laundry with another Christian brother in attendance

The thing tire me

Do you know that in RCCG, they teach that calling your husband by name is a sin, asking him to do chores is a sin, not kneeling for him is a sin. We are waiting for sex time table

She was still dealing with the other guy when you proposed to her (although you said you didn't know at the time) and she gave you a response 4 months later? That alone makes me uncomfortable, lol. Your concern about her not wanting to wash your clothes is legit. Her telling you everyone must wash his/her own clothes; she won't wash yours, is unsettling. There're other red lights in your post. Are you sure you're about to marry YOUR WIFE? Are you together for the right reasons? Is she over the other guy? Does she have the sort of character you're looking for? Does she love you? Don't be one of those people who ends up being miserable because they married the wrong person. You're going to be spending the rest of your life with her, so think carefully.

bukatyne:


Very correct

Fine, they are guarding against fornication however I see no reason why the lady cannot even be encouraged to help the brother clean up and do his laundry with another Christian brother in attendance

The thing tire me

Do you know that in RCCG, they teach that calling your husband by name is a sin, asking him to do chores is a sin, not kneeling for him is a sin. We are waiting for sex time table

I will not blame them, the blame is on members who refused to challenge their excesses.. After all, Paul challenged Peter who was the leader of the church at the time.. I love how Yoruba bible puts it... "....Mo si ko Peteru loju...."

Every church I attend, they see me as a rebel who will always challenge the authority. We are all Royal priesthoods through His grace...

bellong:




I will not blame them, the blame is on members who refused to challenge their excesses.. After all, Paul challenged Peter who was the leader of the church at the time.. I love how Yoruba bible puts it... "....Mo si ko Peteru loju...."

Every church I attend, they see me as a rebel who will always challenge the authority. We are all Royal priesthoods through His grace...

It is more of a Nigerian thing. We rarely challenge our leaders to do what is right.

The Church members do not even read their Bibles so anything pastor say is right.

Daddy say... Mummy say...

It is well

bukatyne:


It is more of a Nigerian thing. We rarely challenge our leaders to do what is right.

The Church members do not even read their Bibles so anything pastor say is right.

Daddy say... Mummy say...

It is well

Yes you are right. That is why our home is the first church. I wouldn't allow anybody brainwash my wife or children. We search the scriptures to prevent such.

Today's church needs more of Berean Christians.

bellong:


Yes you are right. That is why our home is the first church. I wouldn't allow anybody brainwash my wife or children. We search the scriptures to prevent such.

Today's church needs more of Berean Christians.

It is well

She is settling, you are not her choice.

Did you wed in RCCG?did you attend the marriage counseling class or is it hear say?always say what you're sure of. I wedded in RCCG and what I was taught is quite diferent from what you're saying.

bukatyne:



Very correct

Fine, they are guarding against fornication however I see no reason why the lady cannot even be encouraged to help the brother clean up and do his laundry with another Christian brother in attendance

The thing tire me

Do you know that in RCCG, they teach that calling your husband by name is a sin, asking him to do chores is a sin, not kneeling for him is a sin. We are waiting for sex time table

frenex:
Did you wed in RCCG?did you attend the marriage counseling class or is it hear say?always say what you're sure of. I wedded in RCCG and what I was taught is quite diferent from what you're saying.

Maám,

I do not quote names in what I am not sure of.

I have been attending RCCG for about 9 years and wedded in RCCG.

Infact, our counselor had to force to kneel for my hubby during our classes else he will not continue as it means I could not be 'submissive'

I have attended a lot of seminars and sermons where such was said.

Maybe your parish is Modernized so they do not hammer on such things

I read you post and laughed in Greek! Imagine supposed grown-ups handling MARRIAGE with such levity! Only the mentally immatures would do that. Your church says this and that, you haven't sat down to discuss values, believes and orientations yet marriage is on the table. Abeg, court this girl properly before you two marry lest you each start creating monikers to tell stories that touch. Even people with huge knowledge of one another still get unpleasant surprises let alone people with deliberate blindfolds.

My 1 kobo

bukatyne:

Maám,
I do not quote names in what I am not sure of.
I have been attending RCCG for about 9 years and wedded in RCCG.
Infact, our counselor had to force to kneel for my hubby during our classes else he will not continue as it means I could not be 'submissive'
I have attended a lot of seminars and sermons where such was said.
Maybe your parish is Modernized so they do not hammer on such things

Seriously as in seriously the counsellor said you have to kneel down? (Note I am not saying you can't kneel for your husband if it rocks your boat) but to be 'forced' when it's not that important to your or hubby is just mind boggling.I attend RCCG as well and I do know they carry the mummy daddy thing far but THAT is a whole new level.I just think 'forcing' people to do stuff is odd.Even the Holy Spirit does not force Himself on people.

OP, bellong has spoken well.

damiso:



Seriously as in seriously the counsellor said you have to kneel down? (Note I am not saying you can't kneel for your husband if it rocks your boat) but to be 'forced' when it's not that important to your or hubby is just mind boggling.I attend RCCG as well and I do know they carry the mummy daddy thing far but THAT is a whole new level.I just think 'forcing' people to do stuff is odd.Even the Holy Spirit does not force Himself on people.

OP, bellong has spoken well.

I am

He said if I do not, he will not continue the classes. After much cajoling, I did so that the classes would continue. we had gone too far and sacrificed a lot at that stage.

You need to attend marriage seminar, you will laugh

D handwriting is glaring on d wall
Believe me she is not into u.u don't sound like a very confident person. In that case u don't need a domineering wife which is what she will be
Seriously remove your shoe n run ASAp

A year from now...

Husband: "If I had known you'll be this worse I wouldn't have married you. I thought you'd change with me showing love.

Wife: "Did I beg you to marry me?"

...then High blood pressure will gradually build up on the man and he will open a thread on nairaland to lament his situation while "unmarried" nairalanders will caution him on not doing things right with her. Love her more, communication is the key, smile at her, push her love buttons, you are not a man, why you so hate your wife blah blah blah blah

Guy...I might not subscribe to a woman doing my personal laundry but I won't tolerate a woman who have the effrontery to tell me that. I am the sort of person that can call off a wedding inside the church service to ward off any inhibition of HAD-I-KNOW

Your wife abi na wifi to be is ''madam cash'' a k a 'runs babe'
Uncle no pastor or alfa can do a miracle here,when you get well from your malaria,pick ya slippers,put am for armpit and run 4-40.

Seagold 100 posa for you.
You have analyse to the best of your knowledge is left for the op to decide what he want to do.


But my own be say, no come here in the future to complain of this said lady if you decide to go ahead with your wedding plans.

The problem is not her complaining that she can't wash your clothes, am having issue with the way she said it. Don't be surprsie if she start giving you order on how to run your life.
If am you, I will make aquire from her friends why she left her ex.

Odilafta:
Your wife abi na wifi to be is ''madam cash'' a k a 'runs babe'
Uncle no pastor or alfa can do a miracle here,when you get well from your malaria,pick ya slippers,put am for armpit and run 4-40.

@intercom, break off the relationship with her sharply. Don't try and manage anything, it would only get worse after marriage. Do you even know why her former bf or suitor broke off with her? try and find out. I wish you all the best in searching for a new wife, there are so many out there, watch and pray.

bukatyne:


I am

He said if I do not, he will not continue the classes. After much cajoling, I did so that the classes would continue. we had gone too far and sacrificed a lot at that stage.

You need to attend marriage seminar, you will laugh

Na wa o. I trust my husband sha.Your husband sounds like the cool let peace reign type like me He will say I am the one marrying her I don't need her to kneel down oga counsellor which own be your own.

Bro.. i had to laugh at this ...

SeaGold:
A year from now...

Husband: "If I had known you'll be this worse I wouldn't have married you. I thought you'd change with me showing love.

Wife: "Did I beg you to marry me?"

...then High blood pressure will gradually build up on the man and he will open a thread on nairaland to lament his situation while "unmarried" nairalanders will caution him on not doing things right with her. Love her more, communication is the key, smile at her, push her love buttons, you are not a man, why you so hate your wife blah blah blah blah



Guy...I might not subscribe to a woman doing my personal laundry but I won't tolerate a woman who have the effrontery to tell me that. I am the sort of person that can call off a wedding inside the church service to ward off any inhibition of HAD-I-KNOW

Many a times we see the signs glaring before us but we still choose to dive in.

OP please take the advice given so far. We no want stories that touch.

An0nimus:
Many a times we see the signs glaring before us but we still choose to dive in.

OP please take the advice given so far. We no want stories that touch.

i even like the girl sef

She no fit hide herself

She is no pretender just to land the ring

Who is this man; that i should mellow to marry?

bro some gals dnt like washing...dat I know
Some gals might be sarcastic by saying she'l lock u out wen u're thin...dat I know
But 4 a gal not informing her parents about her so called husband coming for introduction...dat I smell fishy...1 tin can be dragged from ds
She's got her eye somwia else...obviously she's jst using u as a cloak...she's not Intrested in U ...u can't be happy in dat marriage am tellin u...

What you can do now is to get married to another man's wife,who Does nt have u or ur unborn children in her plan.I doubt if she had ever professed her luv for u.Am guessing u make all d calls & buy all d gifts. You are d maga she is d ......