So, we've been getting a lot of discussions and threads about what we can define as the woman's place in the home. Now I am curious at what the man's role in the family is.

Personally, as a feminist, I believe in a more egalitarian approach to relationships and marriage. On the basis that individuals have their own strong-points and weak-points, and that has nothing to do with their gender. However, that is probably another discussion for another thread.

For the purpose of more traditional views, however, I will indulge in giving my opinion on what the role of a man should be. (As I said, not my own application of relationships withstanding)

In a large corporation, say the GAP, there is a structured organization and the CEO sits at the top. And, while s/he is not going to nitpick and make every single essential decision in the operation. At the end of the day, the buck stops at him/her. So, it is essential that the CEO communicates with the entire company the goal, mission and vision of the enterprise and makes sure that this culture is thoroughly replicated within the realms of the company. Now, say that the company begins to release an entire global ad campaign where they have clothing of black people wearing monkey suits being trampled in the mud, the person who will responsible, and most likely get fired and punished by the company shareholders is the CEO. So you see, in a family organization, the father is responsible for the overall direction that the family is going. He needs to make sure that everyone is aware of the goals, visions and mission of the family and makes sure that everyone is pulling their weight when it comes to whatever task they have to complete. He must ensure that if anything is wrong that it gets dealt with by the proper person in a timely manner. Now, as for the vision/mission statement of the family, just like in a corporate setting, I believe that the board of directors (mom and dad) makes sure that every item in the statement is negotiated and voted into action. However, it is the CEO to make sure that it is followed, because at the end of the day, if all goes wrong it is his A$$ on the line. And he can be held responsible for the downfall of the family unit.

Now... unto to you fellow members... where do you stand?

vivalableue:
So, we've been getting a lot of discussions and threads about what we can define as the woman's place in the home. Now I am curious at what the man's role in the family is.

Personally, as a feminist, I believe in a more egalitarian approach to relationships and marriage. On the basis that individuals have their own strong-points and weak-points, and that has nothing to do with their gender. However, that is probably another discussion for another thread.

For the purpose of more traditional views, however, I will indulge in giving my opinion on what the role of a man should be. (As I said, not my own application of relationships withstanding)

In a large corporation, say the GAP, there is a structured organization and the CEO sits at the top. And, while s/he is not going to nitpick and make every single essential decision in the operation. At the end of the day, the buck stops at him/her. So, it is essential that the CEO communicates with the entire company the goal, mission and vision of the enterprise and makes sure that this culture is thoroughly replicated within the realms of the company. Now, say that the company begins to release an entire global ad campaign where they have clothing of black people wearing monkey suits being trampled in the mud, the person who will responsible, and most likely get fired and punished by the company shareholders is the CEO. So you see, in a family organization, the father is responsible for the overall direction that the family is going. He needs to make sure that everyone is aware of the goals, visions and mission of the family and makes sure that everyone is pulling their weight when it comes to whatever task they have to complete. He must ensure that if anything is wrong that it gets dealt with by the proper person in a timely manner. Now, as for the vision/mission statement of the family, just like in a corporate setting, I believe that the board of directors (mom and dad) makes sure that every item in the statement is negotiated and voted into action. However, it is the CEO to make sure that it is followed, because at the end of the day, if all goes wrong it is his A$$ on the line. And he can be held responsible for the downfall of the family unit.

Now... unto to you fellow members... where do you stand?

u'v said it all baE

To summarize what you said about the CEO in a Family unit

When the kids misbehave or bring some kind of shame to the family, the public ie in Nigerian contest will tell the father that he did not raise the kids very well, the man in turn will turn to the mother did you see what your children are doing

if the kids brings some kind of joy to the family, the father will be like that's my son...... yes that's my daughter

@richy4

That's hilarious! Now, trust me, I have witnessed this countless times. In fact my dad still blames my mom for my every shortcoming.

But my thing is, if you're in charge then you're responsible. If the kids end up misbehaving it's on you, if they do good it's on you. Lol

nomabeeee:
u'v said it all baE

Girl I tried o

Your view of what the family should be like is different from the egalitarian model you believe in

Why should d buck stop at one person (3rd paragraph) when according to your 2nd you believed is non gender-specific roles

Want to get your POV

pickabeau1:
Your view of what the family should be like is different from the egalitarian model you believe in

Why should d buck stop at one person (3rd paragraph) when according to your 2nd you believed is non gender-specific roles

Want to get your POV

Don't mind the Op ... How could you be feminist and allowed the buck to stopped @ the man's table ... What happened to mutual decision and collective responsibility for failure !!

The Op is an Opportunist not a feminist .....

@vivalableue,
Presently, we mankind are removing ''gender ability'' in our definition of the role of men and women but the truth is Gender structure can never be eradicated in defining role of men and women !!

The man is possibly the muscle and source of strength to the family (the CEO and the strategist) while the mother is the Manager (Monitoring , Control and managing the daily affairs as strategically communicated by the CEO which all stakeholders(children and parents agreed) !!!

There is nothing like shareholders in a family-affairs else na other people go own your family and such family already scatterscatter !!

If I got you correctly, you're saying the decision making should be done by both husband and wife, but when such decisions go haywire the father should bear the consequence that might come forth. If that's the case, then I'll say both should bring their opinion, then the father should pick which he feels best soothes the vision of the family he's running.

vivalableue:
@richy4

That's hilarious! Now, trust me, I have witnessed this countless times. In fact my dad still blames my mom for my every shortcoming.

But my thing is, if you're in charge then you're responsible. If the kids end up misbehaving it's on you, if they do good it's on you. Lol

Yea.... Because in some homes, it is the responsibility of the woman to take care of the children while the man is out looking for what they'd eat.

So if the woman fails to raise them properly the man would say "look at what you have done" because he entrusted everything into her hands.

donroxy:
Don't mind the Op ... How could you be feminist and allowed the buck to stopped @ the man's table ... What happened to mutual decision and collective responsibility for failure !!

The Op is an Opportunist not a feminist .....

@vivalableue,
Presently, we mankind are removing ''gender ability'' in our definition of the role of men and women but the truth is Gender structure can never be eradicated in defining role of men and women !!

The man is possibly the muscle and source of strength to the family (the CEO and the strategist) while the mother is the Manager (Monitoring , Control and managing the daily affairs as strategically communicated by the CEO which all stakeholders(children and parents agreed) !!!

There is nothing like shareholders in a family-affairs else na other people go own your family and such family already scatterscatter !!

I will like to hear her Own words..
Let's wait

I don't think the family setting should be compared to that of an organization.

If there is a decision to make,the one who is more knowledgeable in that aspect makes the final say.. at least that's the way it is where am from.
although I didn't read the epistle but I hope it is not out of point.

TribalEAST:
If I got you correctly, you're saying the decision making should be done by both husband and wife, but when such decisions go haywire the father should bear the consequence that might come forth. If that's the case, then I'll say both should bring their opinion, then the father should pick which he feels best soothes the vision of the family he's running.

Exactly

the way I see it, the head of the home are the directors of the home. And it would be difficult to alienate either the man or the woman from it. While the man is a symbolic head, he is also by responsibility the director of the house alongside the wife. The way they carry out such role is just different. I believe if any bad decision gets made, the buck won't stop with the man alone, the wife will share too. So the man and the woman are both "heads" of a family

pickabeau1:
Your view of what the family should be like is different from the egalitarian model you believe in

Why should d buck stop at one person (3rd paragraph) when according to your 2nd you believed is non gender-specific roles

Want to get your POV

Tbh... I didn't want to include my personal family model because I find that most members on this forum delight in bashing feminism. When the premise is the equality between genders. I Gave my interpretation of a traditional home based on my own upbringing and from what I observed.

If you are keen in knowing my POV... Here it is; in my family you contribute to its success by using your strengths to uphold others weaknesses. For example, the Daddy is a chef, so naturally he cooks most of the meals. I love to build and I'm an IT professional, so I make sure everything is in running order when it comes to that. He's a morning person so he brings the kids to daycare/school in the morning, I finish work with energy so I take the kids top the park in the afternoons. He's better with lists, so he organizes the shopping and trips. I have a better grasp of numbers, so I calculate savings and bills. We both take care of the kids and discipline them in 1 voice regardless of who takes charge in that instance. He doesn't need my cowering myself to feel like a man, because he knows that we appreciate whatever he does for the family. I don't emasculate him for watching the food channel, he doesn't make fun of me for being obsessed with every Tech convention. The kids are allowed to discover their God given talents without feeling the pressure of "not for girls/boys" stigma. So Ya... That's our family unit.

Leave the bashing...lol

Now you have clarified your post... in your model theterm headship is a fluid concept, more of a situational thing depending on the role to be played at that time.

That is clear and it can work also as long as there is engagement of the parties/stakeholders and a clear understandingof the roles and requirements to achieve the tasks.

To each his or her own.

vivalableue:


Tbh... I didn't want to include my personal family model because I find that most members on this forum delight in bashing feminism. When the premise is the equality between genders. I Gave my interpretation of a traditional home based on my own upbringing and from what I observed.

If you are keen in knowing my POV... Here it is; in my family you contribute to its success by using your strengths to uphold others weaknesses. For example, the Daddy is a chef, so naturally he cooks most of the meals. I love to build and I'm an IT professional, so I make sure everything is in running order when it comes to that. He's a morning person so he brings the kids to daycare/school in the morning, I finish work with energy so I take the kids top the park in the afternoons. He's better with lists, so he organizes the shopping and trips. I have a better grasp of numbers, so I calculate savings and bills. We both take care of the kids and discipline them in 1 voice regardless of who takes charge in that instance. He doesn't need my cowering myself to feel like a man, because he knows that we appreciate whatever he does for the family. I don't emasculate him for watching the food channel, he doesn't make fun of me for being obsessed with every Tech convention. The kids are allowed to discover their God given talents without feeling the pressure of "not for girls/boys" stigma. So Ya... That's our family unit.

vivalableue:
If you are keen in knowing my POV... Here it is; in my family you contribute to its success by using your strengths to uphold others weaknesses. For example, the Daddy is a chef, so naturally he cooks most of the meals. I love to build and I'm an IT professional, so I make sure everything is in running order when it comes to that. He's a morning person so he brings the kids to daycare/school in the morning, I finish work with energy so I take the kids top the park in the afternoons. He's better with lists, so he organizes the shopping and trips. I have a better grasp of numbers, so I calculate savings and bills. We both take care of the kids and discipline them in 1 voice regardless of who takes charge in that instance. He doesn't need my cowering myself to feel like a man, because he knows that we appreciate whatever he does for the family. I don't emasculate him for watching the food channel, he doesn't make fun of me for being obsessed with every Tech convention. The kids are allowed to discover their God given talents without feeling the pressure of "not for girls/boys" stigma. So Ya... That's our family unit.

So because you both work to your strenghts - which makes absolute sense - there is no head? Or your husband is not head as you also make decisions, bear responsibility and take charge of certain things?

destante:
the way I see it, the head of the home are the directors of the home. And it would be difficult to alienate either the man or the woman from it. While the man is a symbolic head, he is also by responsibility the director of the house alongside the wife. The way they carry out such role is just different. I believe if any bad decision gets made, the buck won't stop with the man alone, the wife will share too. So the man and the woman are both "heads" of a family

The man is the "symbolic head" and yet they are both heads? So, if accountability and responsibility can be assigned to both, both must be heads - although one symbollically !

zeb04:
If there is a decision to make,the one who is more knowledgeable in that aspect makes the final say.. at least that's the way it is where am from.

And if the most knowledgeable makes the decision - and I agree that makes absolute sense - why does that have anything to do with headship?
Or put another way, does making decisions imply headship or ultimate responsibility?

donroxy:
The Op is an Opportunist not a feminist .....

TV

pickabeau1:
Leave the bashing...lol
Now you have clarified your post... in your model theterm headship is a fluid concept, more of a situational thing depending on the role to be played at that time.
That is clear and it can work also as long as there is engagement of the parties/stakeholders and a clear understandingof the roles and requirements to achieve the tasks.
To each his or her own.

Ya... I will definitely say that it's fluid. But let's put conflicts into play. And this is where trust and ultimately having each other backs into play.

Ex: I live in a bilingual city where the majority speaks French. Daddy and I are both fully bilingual, but speak English. So, for the success of the kids were decided they would be better in a French school whilst learning English at home. No problem right? Wrong! I saw far my oldest was experiencing done speech delays and stuttering... At the pre-kindergarten level I enrolled him in a bilingual English school... Dad was livid, he expected our son to follow the program we put him in. But, I insisted that he stay in the school. Time goes on and, not to mine but dad's surprise, they started giving him speech therapy. His language improved,and to my delight he began conversing in French to strangers on the street (bus drivers, cashiers etc)...

So although his father felt like his decision was being usurped, he trusted me to make the right choice, and had my back. We now feel confident that once our younger one will begin school, both can start at the French ones with no difficulties.

Interesting scenario pointed out though u did not point out where his decsisions have mostly being beneficial


But you r right and u highlight the fact that one person cannot know it all

Even global CEOs of consultancies make mistakes

Does it mean they should not be head of the companies?

Making a superior counterpoint to the benefit of a relationship is not usurping rather is wisdom BUT that does not suddenly mean the head is useless

vivalableue:


Ya... I will definitely say that it's fluid. But let's put conflicts into play. And this is where trust and ultimately having each other backs into play.

Ex: I live in a bilingual city where the majority speaks French. Daddy and I are both fully bilingual, but speak English. So, for the success of the kids were decided they would be better in a French school whilst learning English at home. No problem right? Wrong! I saw far my oldest was experiencing done speech delays and stuttering... At the pre-kindergarten level I enrolled him in a bilingual English school... Dad was livid, he expected our son to follow the program we put him in. But, I insisted that he stay in the school. Time goes on and, not to mine but dad's surprise, they started giving him speech therapy. His language improved,and to my delight he began conversing in French to strangers on the street (bus drivers, cashiers etc)...

So although his father felt like his decision was being usurped, he trusted me to make the right choice, and had my back. We now feel confident that once our younger one will begin school, both can start at the French ones with no difficulties.

vivalableue:

Ex: I live in a bilingual city where the majority speaks French. Daddy and I are both fully bilingual, but speak English. So, for the success of the kids were decided they would be better in a French school whilst learning English at home. No problem right? Wrong! I saw far my oldest was experiencing done speech delays and stuttering... At the pre-kindergarten level I enrolled him in a bilingual English school... Dad was livid, he expected our son to follow the program we put him in. But, I insisted that he stay in the school. Time goes on and, not to mine but dad's surprise, they started giving him speech therapy. His language improved,and to my delight he began conversing in French to strangers on the street (bus drivers, cashiers etc)...

So although his father felt like his decision was being usurped, he trusted me to make the right choice, and had my back. We now feel confident that once our younger one will begin school, both can start at the French ones with no difficulties.

Bolded 2 - He was usurped as you noted in Bolded 1.

There is a head in your home - it's you Congrats !

As I have always stated, feminists aren't after "egalitarianism". Simply becuase no such thing exists in the human dynamic. They ultimately want the headship mantle.

Women do not love and respect men they can ride - even if they stay together.



TV

TV01:

Bolded 2 - He was usurped as you noted in Bolded 1.

There is a head in your home - it's you Congrats !

As I have always stated, feminists aren't after "egalitarianism". Simply becuase no such thing exists in the human dynamic. They ultimately want the headship mantle.

Women do not love and respect men they can ride - even if they stay together.



TV

In that situation, I made the ultimate decision. In no way was it to undermine his authority as father.. prior to doing what I did, I discussed with him my hesitations and backed it up with research from school boards,doctors and family members who had the same problem, plus his older brother who was forced into aa French school and now has a terrible stuttering problem. And myself, who also suffered the same issues but was put into the speech therapy program in the school when I was younger. He was waiting to make his decision meanwhile the deadline for enrollment was a few days away. So I stepped in and made the decision.

In hindsight, I may have waited for him to finally speak up. However, if I waited longer, my son would've missed school enrollment. I can turn around and tell you about how he has done the same, how I felt ignored, but I had to respect hum, trust that has the best interest of the family at hand and that we fall divided so I have to have his back. It's give and take.

@TV01 lol I don't want to be a head... I don't think I am interested in being with a partner that I cannot respect, especially since that it incredibly selfish and a poor example to my own children. Maybe I gave you the wrong example, or maybe it was the fact that daddy expressed his feelings without feeling he'd be castrated while doing so. He ultimately said, let's see what happens because the school is bilingual and our child will still have French skills. A hard situation like that isn't grounds to celebrate my prowess,but to show that indeed the concept of egalitarianism can be flawed, but we don't take a misstep as a sign of failure. We aren't into extremes.

TV01 you lost me at what you are driving at

OP, your fourth paragraph pretty much sums it up. [

zeb04:
I don't think the family setting should be compared to that of an organization.

Doesn't mean it isn't an organisation

zeb04: If there is a decision to make,the one who is more knowledgeable in that aspect makes the final say.. at least that's the way it is where am from.
although I didn't read the epistle but I hope it is not out of point.

I don't know of any successful company where the CEO makes all the decisions. He has directors and a board for a reason.

vivalableue:



So although his father felt like his decision was being usurped, he trusted me to make the right choice, and had my back. We now feel confident that once our younger one will begin school, both can start at the French ones with no difficulties.

Except it wasn't just a feeling, it was a real incident of usurp. There's a saying "it's not what you say, it's how you say it". Applied here, I'd say, it's not what you do, it's how you do it. You deliberately challenged his headship, with some men you'd get burnt. And you could say it worked, yes it did but, remember, it cold have failed.

destante:
the way I see it, the head of the home are the directors of the home. And it would be difficult to alienate either the man or the woman from it. While the man is a symbolic head, he is also by responsibility the director of the house alongside the wife. The way they carry out such role is just different. I believe if any bad decision gets made, the buck won't stop with the man alone, the wife will share too. So the man and the woman are both "heads" of a family

Two heads? Symbolic head? I'm dazed. Please, switch off the high beams.

Following

@OP: Resist bringing your family into your topic if you can and discuss on a neutral ground.

bukatyne:
Following

@OP: Resist bringing your family into your topic if you can and discuss on a neutral ground.

Ya well I'm not trying to make them a scapegoat at all lol. It's just in response to some posters question.

I'm trying to figure out if the head of a home is still applicable to some people and how they define it. Btw I really don't want to bash and insult people at all. This is purely educational.

Also another interesting point of discussion is how soon do men/women discuss family dynamics. I would hope during courtship, but more traditional people may not see the need for such a discourse.

vivalableue:


Ya well I'm not trying to make them a scapegoat at all lol. It's just in response to some posters question.

I'm trying to figure out if the head of a home is still applicable to some people and how they define it. Btw I really don't want to bash and insult people at all. This is purely educational.

Also another interesting point of discussion is how soon do men/women discuss family dynamics. I would hope during courtship, but more traditional people may not see the need for such a discourse.

Ok then

Still, I follow

freshdude2:
Two heads? Symbolic head? I'm dazed. Please, switch off the high beams.

hehe. what do you deduce anyways?

destante:
hehe. what do you deduce anyways?

I deduce that you have an opinion but want to "improve" on it which, in my opinion, is not necessarily an improvement as, in my experience, time will tell.

freshdude2:
I deduce that you have an opinion but want to "improve" on it which, in my opinion, is not necessarily an improvement as, in my experience, time will tell.

oh you wanted to help improve on my opinion? pls do. just air your thoughts