Stats: 3,191,040 members, 7,942,761 topics. Date: Saturday, 07 September 2024 at 04:27 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? (3337 Views)
What Open Marriage Taught One Man About Feminism / An Open Marriage / Like Will Smith, Would You Consider an Open Marriage? (2) (3) (4)
Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 6:14pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
That, at least, is the cliché. But according to Professor Darren Langdridge, a clinical therapist at the Open University, non-monogamous relationships are “suprirsingly common” and “the numbers are increasing”. The real question, however, is do they work? LINK |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 6:18pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
I actually like the idea of an open marriage. And I believe it will help solve a lot of problems. However, the practicality will always be the problem due the emotions involved and, our subconscious ownership spirit, which might hinder the sharing. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 6:21pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
Its freedom if you ask me. More liberal and mature minds can thrive in it, but the jealous simpletons could be consumed by it. 1 Like |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 6:24pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
SirShymex:Yo playa! ![]() |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by ELLYsian: 6:34pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
SirShymex: Are you saying that you would be ok with your wife having extra marital affairs? |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by ELLYsian: 6:34pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
Billyonaire: Would you be ok with your wife having extra marital affairs? |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 6:37pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
ELLYsian: Honestly, I wouldn't mind since I lead my life never to trust people. And folks will always do whatever they want to do, either in the open, or in secret, regardless. So, why not give them a leeway to do it in the open, if they want to? |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 6:39pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
all4naija: Never a playa - but dem chics just love a nyggah since I was wearing diapers, I tell ya. But I'm a one-woman guy, with a tad bit of openness when it comes to relationships. ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by ELLYsian: 6:41pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
SirShymex: Well, I have absolutely nothing against it as long as it makes you and your partner happy. What about possible STDs? |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 6:46pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
ELLYsian: Since you'll know whoever she's involved with, prevention against STIs would be much more easier than if she's sneaking around without your knowledge like most women do. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by ELLYsian: 6:52pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
SirShymex: Well, I think that the best way to prevent STDs is to be faithful but I am aware of the fact that not everybody is monogamous. To each their own. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 6:54pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
ELLYsian: Er, I guess you don't know most folks in marriages creep around, no? ![]() So, rather than do it in secret - why not do it in the open? |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 7:00pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
ELLYsian:I commit extra marital affairs. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by ELLYsian: 7:01pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
SirShymex: I don't know if most people creep around. So, rather than do it in secret - why not do it in the open? Many people prefer to do it secretly because ... ... they don't want to be faithful but want their spouses to be faithful; they are not able to cope with jealousy. ... their spouses wouldn't agree to an open marriage. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by ELLYsian: 7:02pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
Billyonaire: Does your wife know? And what if your wife wants to do the same? |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by EfemenaXY: 7:02pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
SirShymex: How many Nigerian first timers (I mean those married for the first time) engage in open marriages? But that's beside the point. I think this is more about the man looking for an excuse to play around, than it being about them both or the woman. SirShymex: Shymex, the bolded bit says a lot. And if you don't trust your spouse, then why get married in the first place? Why not continue living life as a single person, rather than complicate it with marriage and trust issues? Anyway, that's beside the point. If you really do love your partner, then somehow, I doubt the idea of you coming home from work to find her spread eagled on your matrimonial home with your best friend / boss / acquaintance sweating and humping madly on her is something that'll sit well with you. I'm curious though: so while they're at it, will you quietly close the door and let them finish? Or would you casually stroll into the room, open your wardrobe and get a change of clothes? And then this friend of yours manages to tear his lips away from your wife and asks you to be a mate and go fetch him a cold beer from the refrigerator...will you do it? Honest response please. 1 Like |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 7:03pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
ELLYsian:How would she know when she lives in a different country ? If she does, I will never get to know, I visit Europe not everyday. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by ELLYsian: 7:06pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
Billyonaire: Ok but I thought open marriage means that you are open about your extra marital affairs. Is it an agreement between you that you two can have extra marital affairs? Have you talked about it or do you pretend that you are both faithful? Excuse my curiosity, please. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 7:08pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
No! Emotions are not things you can package up nicely into a box and bring out when you want The human is designed to be jealous Even animals are jealous Open marriages will only work for a short period of time and for people who have other agendas. If you genuingly love your partner, you wont want anyone else touching him/her 1 Like |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by EfemenaXY: 7:08pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
SirShymex: You contradict yourself. How can you say you're a one-woman guy, and yet claim to like the idea of open marriages? SirShymex: How? Would you physically put a condom on her partners? |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 7:08pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
ELLYsian:I never made the assertion that I am in an open relationship, I only commented that it could thrive amongst mature minds, and could destroy the emotional simpletons, which I believe I am one of. I wish I can be mature enough to indulge in open relationships. I cheat, yes, but its classified. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by ELLYsian: 7:09pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
Billyonaire: Ok, thanks for the answers. It is quite interesting. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 7:54pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
EfemenaXY: Hence I think it might be the missing piece to the puzzle of infidelity. A far better option than polygny - stress free, without having commitments to the other external parties involved. But that's beside the point. I think this is more about the man looking for an excuse to play around, than it being about them both or the woman. Honestly, it's difficult for guys not creep around. I'm a guy (though not married) - and I've got loads of Uncles, Colleagues, and Cousins who are married. I know what they do and how difficult it's for them to control themselves. Especially, when you're still young, growing, and out there more often (below 40). Also, with women - there are tons of researches out there about women being more open to multiple se.xual parrners than men. And a lot of women creep around just like men do. However, the only difference is that: they're more secretive in their exploits due to how the societal bias against women, in this aspect. So, I believe it's just better to make it easy for both parties to enage in what comes naturally to them - than sitting there and lying to each other, like it's not norm in an unconventional way.
Personally, trust is like the most expensive thing to me. Because I'm always loyal to a fault, when I trust folks - that's how my temperament is. And you can't do that with mere mortals whose imperfections are quintessentially what make them human. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. So, rather than deal with trust - I'd prefer openness and accountability. Basically, with that, you'd be acquainted with what the other party is doing. Thus, saving each other a lot of emotional stress in the process. Love? I honestly don't think I want to love any woman, apart from my sisters, mum, and nan. Loving someone I've no blood connection whatsoever with, is an emotion I don't ever want to deal with. And since I don't trust people, it's going to be difficult for me to love. I'd be loyal, and caring - but love will always be off the table. However, when kids get involved - fatherly love to my seeds will become a necessity. Also, with open marriages - the matrimonial home will be sacred - and no hanky panky would be allowed in there. The only exceptions are when the partners are involved (menage a trois a la party). Basically, seeing your partner in action with other people in your matrimonial home won't be a possibililty. Whatever you do has to be outside, far away from where you both rest your heads. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 7:58pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
EfemenaXY: Lol, I was just messing about with him. He got the message. ![]() How? Once you know what your partner is up to, then you'll obviously have to do normal routine checks before having unprotected sex together. And that's far better than folks who contract all kinds of STIs from their spouses because of how secretive they're with their exploits outside. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Nobody: 8:00pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
ELLYsian: So, why be secretive about it, when you can do it in the open, and protect your partner both emotionally and from all kinds of diseases in the process? Dearth of realness in marriages/relationships! |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by ELLYsian: 8:05pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
SirShymex: Many people can't be open about it because their partners wouldn't accept infidelity. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by An0nimus: 8:12pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
SirShymex:The article says your above stand is more practical in theory than real life. agree? |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by EfemenaXY: 8:28pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
SirShymex: No relationship is absolutely stress free, be it marriage (monogamous / polygny), parent & child, siblings & siblings, employee vs employee, and even between friends. For every relationship we embark on, no matter the nature, the participants must put in the effort to make it work. Same goes for marriage. So if one feels it's stressful, then why get hitched in the first place? Especially for the guy? SirShymex: True. But just because some people find it difficult to control themselves, doesn't mean being able to keep their emotions / passions in check is an unachievable feat - even for the under 40's. There's a thread on here discussing about whether all married men cheat. There've been responses from those who don't that have spoken for themselves. SirShymex: ![]() ![]() ![]() Are you talking about your average West African / Nigerian married woman? Keeping multiple ss.exual partners even whilst married? Where would such a woman find the time to meet up with all of them and yet run her matrimonial home? I think this is exaggerating things a bit. If you're referring to the video of some ladies claiming to keep 2, 3, or more boyfriends on the go...those were single ladies saying that, not married women o! SirShymex: Someone must have hurt you really bad for you to state this. The little you've posted up ^^ speaks volumes. Having said that, it's part of life though, isn't it? No one's perfect and we all make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them so as not to fall victim to them again. Now this is one way of looking at it, which is what I think you've done / are doing. But you can't go through life expecting the worst. Yes, bad things do happen, but that doesn't mean everyone else outside of your family is a wolf in sheep's clothing. You've still got to take a chance on life. Being too (not sure of the right phrase to use here) "much in control" might make you just miss that other person that would have really complimented you...I think I'm digressing a bit. Re:the bolded part of your post sounds like an emotionally cold, cold way to a marriage. Marriage should be full of warmth and happiness. Yes, there'll always be ups and downs, but having someone you can comfortably trust your life with is just....indescribable. SirShymex: You're young. You've still got loads of time ![]() Never say never... SirShymex: Now this bit, I don't get. What's more important, the matrimonial home / bed, or you and your spouse's body? Shouldn't she belong completely to you and you her? Why do you find the idea of someone sharing her most sacred bits with you acceptable, but yet your home should be off limits? |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by EfemenaXY: 8:30pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
SirShymex: Accidents do happen. Condoms can break. They can get careless once caught up in the throes of passion. As long as the married couple engage with multiple partners, they become exposed to a myriad of potential STDs / STIs. More like becoming a cesspit for harbouring them in my honest opinion... ![]() |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Fkforyou(m): 8:35pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
The society is becoming unconventional and fluid when it comes to lifestyle,some people are cool with it while others aren't,but personally I can't,How can you claim to love someone but yet still have your eyes on someone else because atleast, there must be some form of attraction towards this third party (wether sexually or whatever).......In essence I feel they are objectifying each other. #My opinion. |
Re: Can An Open Marriage Ever Work In The Real World? by Stillfire: 8:54pm On Oct 24, 2014 |
Why get married? I mean with this form of liberalism and unconventionality why shackle yourself in something as ancient as marriage? 2 Likes |
Please Help! My Neighbour Is Threatening Me With Rape / My Garri Is Finished. Please Help / Why Are You A Single Mum?
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 86 |