Someone just described me as a closed book. And deep down I knw they re correct. In relationships, I'm so scared of heartbreak that I close up, not allowing anyone come too close. And this kinda pushes people away. My questions are these

How do people just trust so easily in relationships, know there re many wolves out there?

What are the ways I can open up. Trying my possible best but its just not working

eyah

I am in the same boat with you.

Hard for me to trust men again

*following *

Break ups does hurt, particularly after being let down by someone you hold dear. Still, several things happen for reasons, we learn from our pasts and that's what defines us. Being described as a 'closed book' is somewhat disturbing, not because you really are but because it has become glaring to others.
I'd recommend that you and those going through similar situations should bury the past in the past, leave the hurts and seek to move on. We are humans afterall and we learn best using the trial and error method.

46 view with just 3 replies. Pls I need help o. Seiously! Thie issue is affecting me gratly

.

It is not easy to trust anyone after you have been let down by someone you hold dear to your heart. There is hardly anyone who has not had this feeling at some point in life. However, we must not allow our past to become obstacles to our future.

I read an interesting article on the subject matter sometime ago. Shall try to search for it and share with you shortly. I believe that you should see a sentence or paragraph that you will find useful.

One question that we should always have at the back of our mind is this-while searching for trustworthy people, am I trustworthy too?

You not the only one oo sis...i think been more open happens when you feel the guy deserves it..
Most guys are liars and they pretend a lot so theres nothing wrong with being overprotective.
When the guy proves that he deserves your trust...u will automatically find yourself trusting him without any advice

@Godmother....see excerpt below

Trust Is Vital for a Happy Life

FOOD poisoning is very unpleasant. A person who repeatedly experiences it needs to be more careful in his eating habits. But to give up food entirely so as to avoid the risk of food poisoning is not a realistic option. Doing so would cause more problems than it would solve. Without food no one can survive long.
In a similar way, to have one’s trust betrayed is painful. Repeated betrayal of trust might make us think carefully about our choice of associations. Yet, to withdraw from people entirely so as to avoid the risk of being let down is not the solution. Why not? Because being mistrustful of others robs us of our own happiness. To lead a contented life, we need relationships based on mutual trust.
“Trust constitutes one of the basics for uncomplicated everyday interaction with others,” comments the book Jugend 2002. “Everyone yearns for trust,” reports the newspaper Neue Zürcher Zeitung. “Trust improves the quality of life” to such a degree that it “is vital for survival.” Indeed, the newspaper continues, without trust, “a person can’t cope with life.”

People Whom We Can Trust

“Do not put your trust in nobles, nor in the son of earthling man, to whom no salvation belongs,” wrote the psalmist. (Psalm 146:3) This inspired statement helps us to acknowledge that many humans do not deserve our confidence. Even those who are held in high esteem as the “nobles” of this world, such as experts in specialized fields of knowledge or activity, do not automatically deserve our trust. Their guidance is often fallible, and trust placed in such “nobles” can quickly turn into disappointment.
Of course, this should not make us distrust everyone. However, we clearly need to be selective when choosing those in whom we place our trust. What criteria should we use? An example from the ancient nation of Israel may help us. When it became necessary to appoint individuals who were to carry heavy responsibility in Israel, Moses was advised to “select out of all the people capable men, fearing God, trustworthy men, hating unjust profit.” (Exodus 18:21) What can we learn from this?
These were men who showed certain godly qualities before being appointed to positions of trust. They had already given evidence that they feared God; they had a healthy reverence for the Creator and feared to displease him. It was clear to everyone that these men did their very best to uphold God’s standards. They hated unjust profit, which indicated moral strength that would prevent them from being corrupted by power. They would not abuse trust so as to further their own personal interests or those of relatives or friends.
Would it not be wise for us to use similar criteria today when choosing those in whom we place our trust? Do we know individuals whose behavior shows that they fear God? Are they determined to keep to his standards of conduct? Do they have the integrity to refrain from doing things that are not right? Do they have the honesty not to manipulate a situation to their own advantage or in order to get their own way? Surely men and women who manifest such attributes are worthy of our trust.


Do Not Be Put Off by Occasional Disappointment

In deciding whom we can trust, we must be patient, since trust is earned over a period of time. The wise course is to extend our trust to someone gradually, step-by-step. How? Well, we might observe a person’s conduct over a period of time, noting how he acts in certain situations. Is the person trustworthy in small matters? For instance, does he return borrowed items as promised and does he keep appointments punctually? If so, then we may feel that we can safely extend our trust to him in more serious matters. This is in accord with the principle: “The person faithful in what is least is faithful also in much.” (Luke 16:10) Being selective and patient may help us to avoid big disappointments.
What, though, if someone lets us down? Students of the Bible will recall that on the night of his arrest, Jesus Christ was badly let down by his apostles. Judas Iscariot betrayed him, and the others fled in fear. Peter even denied Jesus three times. But Jesus discerned that only Judas acted willfully. Being let down at such a crucial time did not prevent Jesus from reaffirming his trust in the remaining 11 apostles just a few weeks later. (Matthew 26:45-47, 56, 69-75; 28:16-20) Similarly, if we feel betrayed by someone we trust, we do well to consider whether the perceived betrayal is evidence of an untrustworthy spirit or of a momentary weakness of the flesh.


Am I Trustworthy?

Someone who decides to be selective about whom he trusts must be fair and ask himself: ‘Am I trustworthy? What reasonable standards of trustworthiness should I expect of myself and others?’
Surely a person who is trustworthy consistently speaks the truth. (Ephesians 4:25) He does not adapt his words to suit his audience so as to gain personal advantage. And if he makes a commitment, the trustworthy man does all in his power to keep his word. (Matthew 5:37) If someone confides in him, the trustworthy person keeps the confidence and does not gossip. A reliable person is faithful to his marriage mate. He does not look at pornography, he does not dwell on sensual fantasies, and he does not flirt. (Matthew 5:27, 28) Someone who is worthy of our trust works hard to earn a living for himself and his family and does not seek to get easy money at the expense of other people. (1 Timothy 5:8 ) Bearing in mind such reasonable and Scriptural standards will help us to recognize people we can trust. Moreover, adhering to the same standards of behavior will help each of us to be worthy of being trusted by others.
It would be delightful to live in a world where all people were trustworthy and where disappointments through breach of trust were things of the past! Is that a mere dream? Not for people who take the Bible’s promises seriously, for God’s Word foretells the coming of a beautiful “new earth” free from all deceit, lies, and exploitation and free from sorrow, sickness, and even death! (2 Peter 3:13; Psalm 37:11, 29; Revelation 21:3-5) Would it not be worthwhile to find out more about this prospect?

Source: www.jw.org

Don't change... Just be yourself.

@Adesiji77

This is a beautiful write-up. I certainly picked up a some things.

Thanx Nanayaaah, Passionate88, Kachisbarbie, Sanchez01 and others.

I will really take this serious and start making conscious efforts to work on it. I have been in this for too long and I think its time to come out.

Wouldn't want to blame you,its simply once bitten,twice shy.

Free your mind,but guard it jealously.

If you don't trust people,things won't work out at all..

If you have been hurt before,just think about the positive side of the last relationship,and give yourself time before going to next relationship.

Adesiji77:
It is not easy to trust anyone after you have been let down by someone you hold dear to your heart. There is hardly anyone who has not had this feeling at some point in life. However, we must not allow our past to become obstacles to our future.

I read an interesting article on the subject matter sometime ago. Shall try to search for it and share with you shortly. I believe that you should see a sentence or paragraph that you will find useful.

One question that we should always have at the back of our mind is this-while searching for trustworthy people, am I trustworthy too?

Your last paragraph: what of if you are so trustworthy but keep falling for untruthful guy, is there something wrong or what? Don't you feel it is better to remain in your cage instead of getting hurt all the time

Opening up and trust are two different things. Opening up is the gateway to trust. Trust is a process by which you learn that a person is a worthy companion.

Opening up is learning to be yourself around people, this means your likes and dislikes are without pretence and your self confidence is on display. These are the currencies you use in building trust. Don't be a mouse waiting for the cat to go before you can come out of your hole. Be you, let the other person see, if they cannot handle it let them step. If they can, they get to learn more about you. That is how trust is built.

Allowing past experiences to cloud your thinking and behaviour is giving up your power to determine how your relationships proceed. You become indebted to the other for the scraps of trust you receive, a poor position. You may think it is the other way round, that you are looking for who to trust but you are mistaken, you are actually looking for who to trust you enough to be yourself. Relationships are about giving and receiving, the one always giving is made stronger while the one always receiving is made poorer. If you are always looking for who to receive trust from you will be the poorer in your relationships. But if you, self confident you, ready you, step out there believe me the kind of response you get will baffle you.

Don't be a mouse, be a bird with wings open and confident that the air will support you as you fly.

Godmother:
Someone just described me as a closed book. And deep down I knw they re correct. In relationships, I'm so scared of heartbreak that I close up, not allowing anyone come too close. And this kinda pushes people away. My questions are these

How do people just trust so easily in relationships, know there re many wolves out there?

What are the ways I can open up. Trying my possible best but its just not working

All you need do is to set your boundary and keep to it. Be straight and sincere with whom you intend to date,what you desire in the relationship

skentelelady:


Your last paragraph: what of if you are so trustworthy but keep falling for untruthful guy, is there something wrong or what? Don't you feel it is better to remain in your cage instead of getting hurt all the time

Because mouses get trapped in cages.

You might feel safer living in seclusion but your life never amounts to anything especially because you kill your own dreams.

Godmother:
Someone just described me as a closed book. And deep down I knw they re correct. In relationships, I'm so scared of heartbreak that I close up, not allowing anyone come too close. And this kinda pushes people away. My questions are these

How do people just trust so easily in relationships, know there re many wolves out there?

What are the ways I can open up. Trying my possible best but its just not working

The fear of the unknown, which will happen if you dont stop this attitude.

Remember God detest greatly the fearfull hence it is written in the holy scriptures "the fearfull and the faint hearted shall not inherit the kingdom"

Seems like me.

Gelco:
Seems like me.

Me too..

LordReed:
Opening up and trust are two different things. Opening up is the gateway to trust. Trust is a process by which you learn that a person is a worthy companion.

Opening up is learning to be yourself around people, this means your likes and dislikes are without pretence and your self confidence is on display. These are the currencies you use in building trust. Don't be a mouse waiting for the cat to go before you can come out of your hole. Be you, let the other person see, if they cannot handle it let them step. If they can, they get to learn more about you. That is how trust is built.

Allowing past experiences to cloud your thinking and behaviour is giving up your power to determine how your relationships proceed. You become indebted to the other for the scraps of trust you receive, a poor position. You may think it is the other way round, that you are looking for who to trust but you are mistaken, you are actually looking for who to trust you enough to be yourself. Relationships are about giving and receiving, the one always giving is made stronger while the one always receiving is made poorer. If you are always looking for who to receive trust from you will be the poorer in your relationships. But if you, self confident you, ready you, step out there believe me the kind of response you get will baffle you.

Don't be a mouse, be a bird with wings open and confident that the air will support you as you fly.

LordReed, that's a beautiful write-up up there. Good points to take to heart.

can u be my best friend? 08055872001

goofyone:


LordReed, that's a beautiful write-up up there. Good points to take to heart.

Thanks!

Ladies out here always talking about hurt and how they trusted one lad who took them for granted,yes,you will always go through hurt cos of blinding your eyes to those nice,quite,humble morally conscious dudes you often tag "boring"...

Them gurls always rolling their necks for swaggalicious forgetting the person is always on a mission to accomplish,so,when you get in the picture he paints you perfectly that when he is finished attends to the next portrait...

Why wouldnt you get all you paid for....please....make ona carry ona wahala deh go...signed out

@ sendmeonly
Its not always like that. Sometimes people just meet the wrong set of people.

@ LordReed
Truly a beautiful article, it really hit me hard. Thanx a lot.

Godmother:

@ LordReed
Truly a beautiful article, it really hit me hard. Thanx a lot.

Glad it did because I think you have a lot going for you and your future can only be brighter if you put in that effort. Be blessed.

sendmeonly:
Ladies out here always talking about hurt and how they trusted one lad who took them for granted,yes,you will always go through hurt cos of blinding your eyes to those nice,quite,humble morally conscious dudes you often tag "boring"...

Them gurls always rolling their necks for swaggalicious forgetting the person is always on a mission to accomplish,so,when you get in the picture he paints you perfectly that when he is finished attends to the next portrait...

Why wouldnt you get all you paid for....please....make ona carry ona wahala deh go...signed out

You are right...but that's life

Its easy to forget the guys that have been hurt by ladies also

People will only say stuff from their angle

@Godmother: if the truth must be told though the bitter reality is you can nevee find out what and who the latter is or his intent, however,if spiritual one could direct the message straight to the creator and you'd get first class information...


This days men and women equally appear as wolves in sheep clothing trying to get what they want people just care less of the latters hurt-what a world...the reason why a lof have decided to remain than being hurt by one wicked and without conscience kind of people...I hope it gets better....cos its becoming really bad....

Godmother:
46 view with just 3 replies. Pls I need help o. Seiously! Thie issue is affecting me greatly

go for the good guys,though most of them are boring and shy,but there is an assurance that they wont break your heart...that is if you can cope with a boring life.
Personally I love shy and introvert girls cos they hardly cheats.

I can't believe its been over a year I opened this thread. The tips here really helped me a great deal and I opened up and trusted a great guy that came around. Thanks a lot, guys.

Godmother:
Someone just described me as a closed book. And deep down I knw they re correct. In relationships, I'm so scared of heartbreak that I close up, not allowing anyone come too close. And this kinda pushes people away. My questions are these

How do people just trust so easily in relationships, know there re many wolves out there?


What are the ways I can open up. Trying my possible best but its just not working

Self discovery is the only path to self actualization. Until you know you,you can't be you and until you be you,no one else will be interested in you. So discover yourself!

trust is a gradual process, it doesn't happen suddenly. it is proven by time and circumstances. dis is y it is beta to start relationships from d friendship stage to give one enof time to study and determine whether the other person is worthy of ur trust.