BananaBender:


The family structure where the husband is a cheat and the mother is also contemplating cheating. I doubt that marriage is going to raise "kings and queens". I'm already bored of the thread anyway.

Imperfections of human beings right there, and what makes you human. Hence we might need to start looking towards open marriage just to make all parties involved happy.

Regardless, the structure is about father, mother, and children - not mother and children, with a missing link. And their character flaws are inconsequential, as long as they can raise the children the right way, and show them all the love they need to navigate life.

Anyway, have you got any solution/remedy for cheating spouses?

Good faith thread is not about gold diggers and gigolos
It a about a man comfortable in cheating who deserves a cheating wife also
Why does that make you uncomfortable
A woman should not be cheating abi and you spending time telling us how the woman will be dumped
Is the dumper the only man in town?
One ends she moves on to another and dumps some herself just like her husband
He is also getting dumped and dumping some

At the end of the day they are still in the marriage
Any woman with a cheating husband ought to have the balls to also cheat rather than die in silence
That is my summary

majekdom2:
not all children learn from their parents ..... I learnt nothing about family from my father.

Too bad hun, I learnt loads from my parents and I would forever remain grateful to them.

D same ol'stories again. Lol

Bia edwife, what will u give me this night?
Hard day, tired but not hungry.
Come eddy, u know I rov u

moca:
D same ol'stories again. Lol

Bia edwife, what will u give me this night?
Hard day, tired but not hungry.
Come eddy, u know I rov u

eh eh didn't i say it?

You know you can't do without me ,so no cheating for us...

majekdom2:
ask him how he would feel if he founds out those children he thought were his were another's ?

Where did this arrive from?

happywife:


hard to believe but i swear its my story my life at d moment. just pray u never ve to be in my position i use to be one of those foolish women that say my husband can never cheat on me.fools paradise.

Chai

SirShymex:


I think you're not looking at the bigger picture of what the guy is saying. I grew in a community where a lot of folks never really had father figures in their lives. And no matter how folks try to make excuse for it, that missing link can never be replaced. It went from that, to a stage we're right now, where being single mums and absentee dads have become cool, and that dysfunctionality has now become a vicious cycle. Affecting not just individuals, but a community.

Personally, I just think a lot of folks are selfish/self-centered and myopic. And our haste to always make rash decisions without thinking it through is our bane as a people. When folks make stupid decisions, thus getting hitched-to/marry and make babies with the wrong folks - they should be ready to live with it. Find a compromise, go to counselling, or do something - to keep that family structure intact. It's your decision and you know what you were getting into, before you got into it. Learn to carry ya cross and live with it. All these broken marriages with dysfunctional kids they keep churning out are causing problems for everyone. Just make it work in whatever way you can...single mum isn't an option.

Anyway, sholly, if you ever get married - just make sure you tell the guy who/how you're and he's someone who agrees/loves you for that. Single-mum/divorce isn't an option.

what cross you talking here.... That u married to an unfaithful partner ? How is it one's cross... The bible did not envisage this kind of cross. Broken marriages is not the sole reason for dysfunctional kids...unhappy marriages are a reason for this too. Why not leave and live happy. You can still train your kids as separated infact they will learn from it and not want to make the mistake.

majekdom2:
what cross you talking here.... That u married to an unfaithful partner ? How is it one's cross... The bible did not envisage this kind of cross. Broken marriages is not the sole reason for dysfunctional kids...unhappy marriages are a reason for this too. Why not leave and live happy. You can still train your kids as separated infact they will learn from it and not want to make the mistake.

Nah, when you make wrong decisions, you just have to carry the cross and be responsible for ya own actions. Hence folks need to always keep their eyes open and brains functional when choosing partners. And get a better understanding about reality and imperfections. Taking the easy way out should never be an option, especially when ya action is going to have a ricochet effect on folks who have nothing to do with ya decisions.

Also, by ratio, broken homes by far churn out the highest number of dysfunctional kids. And that cycle has to stop! If you can't do that, stop getting married and making kids you can't raise right, period.

Babygirlfl,

I'm waiting for ya post on this thread.

Got one eye on footie, and the other on my laptop.

@BananaBender

I know you cheated on ya ex. How were you able to annihilate the cheating virus inside you?

babyosisi:
Good faith thread is not about gold diggers and gigolos
It a about a man comfortable in cheating who deserves a cheating wife also
Why does that make you uncomfortable
A woman should not be cheating abi and you spending time telling us how the woman will be dumped
Is the dumper the only man in town?
One ends she moves on to another and dumps some herself just like her husband
He is also getting dumped and dumping some

At the end of the day they are still in the marriage
Any woman with a cheating husband ought to have the balls to also cheat rather than die in silence
That is my summary

she got the balls but it is better for her to leave.

U have'nt evn caught him right handed and u're dying slowly,



Madam abeg nor go kill yourself oooo


If u kill urself with thought na u loose!


Btw, what do you mean by You are a one man girl?
Hmn

Onegai!!!! You be real bad a55 o

Chiefpriest1:



My sister, I really dont know what else to say. But I wont advice you to go the path you are thinking.

Whatever anybody thinks, this is still africa, infact this is Nigeria. Maybe you schooled or grew outside here, but I ll advise you dont bring shame to yourself, your family and generations unborn by doing what you are thinking.

I dont know what part of nigeria you come from, but I talk to you like an elder brother, it is a TABOO in this part of the world for a married woman to sleep around while still under the same roof with a man you are legally married to.

Its crazy, but that it is the way it is and it wont change in a hundred years. You cannot isolate yourself from the society you live.

It is not a good option,but u shd rather leave him than sleep with another man while living with him. The reppercussion wont be palatable. That is the way it is.

I think you are the 'city type'. I am not saying you cant protect yourself if you still believe hes cheating on you, but a married woman sleeping around is a NO NO over here.

You dont want me to start enumerating the cultural,physical and spiritual dangers of going this path. In this clime, it is called PROST.ITUTION. Am I saying the man is right? Hell no!

You dont want a decent woman like you being called an ASEWO. That is what they are called here. It is even more decent you leave him rather than go sleeping around. If it becomes public knowledge, which it will, it would nolonger be about you and your husband o!

Anyhow, its your call. But dont bring ignominy to your family, especially if you both hail from the part of nigeria where these things are taken seriously. calm down,ur husband will stray back,same way he strayed away. In the meantime, make sure you protect urself from Stds if hes the type who you think will do it outside without a condom.

I ll also advise you start making friends with mature married women and not young girl friends who would advice you to poison him

Scare tactics, I don't like. What is good for the goose is also good for the gander.

But all the same, my dearest happywife, you can never cope with a cheating husband. Never! So far as your whole thought is there. It's only possible if you don't love him anymore.

And even if another man is banging away, you will still be thinking about him, which is like cheating yourself because you know you are not being true to yourself. Not to mention all that feeling of worthlessness that will accompany the act assuming you have not successfully killed your conscience.

So, I'm so sorry to say that I don't have any clear-cut answer for you.

But I only have this one advice for you.

Please in whatever you chose to do, always remember the eleventh commandment: Thou shall not be caught!

Isn't it ironic that your name is "happy wife?" The high frequency of cheating in Naija is very shameful and scary. Do not tolerate a cheating man, all girls should be financially stable either via employment or entrepreneurship before getting married. If u have hard evidence that shows ur husband cheated on u, pls divorce him. I know I will not tolerate a cheating wife, my gf knows better than to cheat on me.

Clone2020:
Isn't it ironic that your name is "happy wife?" The high frequency of cheating in Naija is very shameful and scary. Do not tolerate a cheating man, all girls should be financially stable either via employment or entrepreneurship before getting married. If ur have hard evidence that shows ur husband cheated on u pls divorce him. I know I will not tolerate a cheating wife, my gf knows better than to cheat on me.

I hope you won't be cheating on her either

My motto when it comes to cheating:
Cheat once and you're out the door.


Faithful and loyal people are hard to find,
but they still exist and hope I will be
lucky enough to find one of them.


Mcheeeew. Tolerate a cheating husband ko...
How dare I!



May I never marry a cheater.
Amen and Amen.

I can understand the pains this woman is going tro,cos my wife have put me in such pains b4. I cought my own wife in ther verge of cheating me, failling inlove with another man, charting another man every day while we were on the same bed, and also been consious of her phone, so I notice something is fising out, also her constant nagging shows she is seeing another man, one day I secreetly got info tro her phone and saw some mess my own wife was sending to another man and I sleep on the same bed while she engage on this chart. Women can be stupidy knowing fully well the implication of what she is doing, I confronted her with matured way she opened up that she just develop serious affection for the man though they have not seen out side b4. I nearly quite the marriage what save the marriage was she opened up to me the content of their messages and how she have been giving the man green light but they man was just picking interest small small. I know she never open her pant for the man, but I gave her that grace and if I see more of this she will leave my house. She cried and feel remose over her stupidity. Later she called the man and ask him to put and end to this their madness, but they funest thing is she does bizns with the man every day.

Is DR OGBARI you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship,I promise you.your problems will be solve immediately.After being in relationship with mike for seven years, He left me, i did every thing possible to bring him back back but all was in vain. I wanted him back because of the love I have for him, I begged him but he refused until I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather mail a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believe in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days,that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day,that was around 4:00pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened,that he wanted to return to me, that he love me so much. I was so happy and surprised. Since then I have made a promise that every body I know will never have a relationship problem, that I will refer them to the spell caster to help them. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, hise mail drogbarilovespell@gmail.com

konji na bastard

Chiefpriest1:
There are basically three kinds of cheats, the serial cheat, the occasional cheat and those who stray once in a while. More than 95per cent of nigerian husbands would fall into this category at a point in their life.

Your decision would be informed by the category he falls, but I want to believe he just strayed since this is the first time you ve 'caught' him.

Matters like this require patience. Some kids who have never had a relationship talk more of getting married will soon be here to advice you to divorce your husband. Fact is that most men cheat and many of those who are not cheating probably havent had the chance.

Depending on the kind of man you married (you know him better than everyone here), I guess what you should do is to have a heart to heart talk with him. Dont be confrontational.

Ask him if hes willing to swap his happy family with whatever pleasure he's getting outside.

Appeal to his emotions without being judgmental. The intention is to break him, make him 'confess' , apologise and promise that it wont happen again.

If he does this, forgive him and try forgetting, though it might be difficult. If you see him as your last bus stop, you ll do everything to make the marriage work.

I am not advising you to start asking yourself unnecessary questions, but you might need to check if you haven't shifted attention from your husband to your children.

Women tend to do that alot, forgetting that they met the man first before the kids started coming(marriage counsellors know this).

Whatever it is, dont hate him, dont get violent. Dont let the devil take charge. He ll come around and things Will be normal again.

are you sure u are not an angel ?

Chiefpriest1:
There are basically three kinds of cheats, the serial cheat, the occasional cheat and those who stray once in a while. More than 95per cent of nigerian husbands would fall into this category at a point in their life.

Your decision would be informed by the category he falls, but I want to believe he just strayed since this is the first time you ve 'caught' him.

Matters like this require patience. Some kids who have never had a relationship talk more of getting married will soon be here to advice you to divorce your husband. Fact is that most men cheat and many of those who are not cheating probably havent had the chance.

Depending on the kind of man you married (you know him better than everyone here), I guess what you should do is to have a heart to heart talk with him. Dont be confrontational.

Ask him if hes willing to swap his happy family with whatever pleasure he's getting outside.

Appeal to his emotions without being judgmental. The intention is to break him, make him 'confess' , apologise and promise that it wont happen again.

If he does this, forgive him and try forgetting, though it might be difficult. If you see him as your last bus stop, you ll do everything to make the marriage work.

I am not advising you to start asking yourself unnecessary questions, but you might need to check if you haven't shifted attention from your husband to your children.

Women tend to do that alot, forgetting that they met the man first before the kids started coming(marriage counsellors know this).

Whatever it is, dont hate him, dont get violent. Dont let the devil take charge. He ll come around and things Will be normal again.

You are really Chiefpriest, well said!

happywife:



were makin sense till u called me a useless woman. i actually consider myself a realist. i will not leave this cheating man cos i once considered him d holy grail of men. if he can change on me any other man can. so we will enjoy d life together.


men need to understand that women ve feeling too n temptation goes both ways.

and you think cheating on him will make you happy ?

My frnd tat nt he way out.. If u sleep with another man u av worsen the matter.. U re a wonderful woman God knw u played ur part as a Woman so wat u need to do nw is live your life to please yourself and your children.. Ignore him.. I bet you with time u won't be getting hurt or feeling bad again (everythin depend on tym) be pleasing him as usual make sure e does nt find fault on you .. Babe nobody worth taking your joy.. U av a good work u can cont. With tat.

Am a man and i can tell you tat hardly will u see a faithful man.. Is nt possible.. Nt possible.. We can't stick to 1 woman.. The earlier u knw this fact.. Urs is even Good atleast you knw your husband is cheating on you .. What of my WIFE ?

BananaBender:

I am glad your daughter made straight As. I never accused your daughter of being dumb madam, learn to read and comprehend.


Good!
I am not against humility, honesty or decency, every human being should aspire to that regardless of their gender. You should raise your daughter (and sons) to be honest, humble and decent but you should also raise them to demand humility, honesty and decency from their spouses.


Thank God paternity leave is being introduced to the system. It is a privilege for both parents to spend time with the kids when they are young.



Nothing stops me from calling him but nothing also stops him from calling me at work.



...because I tell them not to take sh1t from anybody including men, therefore I am fake?? Basically, you're trying to tell me that you can't wrap your head around the fact that there are women who do not consider marriage a do or die affair and who do not take sh1t from "oh mighty men". Can someone shout , 'mental slavery!'

When I hear women like you talk, it saddens me. Really, it does. I just hope that you can raise a female child that do not see herself as inferior to the opposite gender, a child that is NOT brought up to take sh1t from men, a child that knows her rights and worth, a child that knows she deserves to be respected, submitted to and "kept" in return.

JUST SHUT UP...ur type end up wetting there pillow with tears every night by the time U clock 40 and u hv no man.

Bridgetown:
Women should realize that a cheating husband is more romantic and family caring than a non cheating husband.
Believe it or not its the hard truth in Nigeria. Just advice him to use protection end of story.

until you eventually force me to comment. By my nature, I hardly contribute to topics like this, yet read all the comments. Op, I have seen good advice here, don't cheat and stay with your man with prayers. Just a matter of time. Thanks

zeongeon:
JUST SHUT UP...ur type end up wetting there pillow with tears every night by the time U clock 40 and u hv no man.

Smh. Point out the error in the post you quoted.

I really don't have nothing to contribute here! You guys have said it all..I just wish I am never going to cheat on my future wife when the time comes..I sincerely hope so..

Happywife am so sorry, I can't even imagine what ur going through.. But u have to be strong at this time...everyone of us will be tested sometime in life in various ways but it so unfortunate ur test has to come from ur husband and I must admit its a difficult one. For it is not easy to get over betrayal "You can always love again but trusting again is the difficult path of love"

I want you to remember your marital promise of "for better for worse" now the worse has come and as a strong woman I expect u to keep that promise by taking CHARGE of this situation.

- Try your best possible to do things that make you happy...u need a little happiness at this time.

-Dont let ur anger rub off on the kids infact do more fun things with them.
-Decide to talk to your husband about how u feel and do this by taking him out just like the way he takes u out, take him out to the spot u both like and then talk to him about how u feel about everything..when talking please do not sound confrontational but sound like ur trying to advice or counsel some one, use words to bring him down just like u do too a child who has done bad.

-Dont change ur attitude towards him by nagging just try to b that happy wife but this time with boundaries eg don't talk with him as long as u use to do, go to bed earlier or later than usual.

-Pray to God to give u the grace to heal and forgive ur husband, a praying wife has all the power she needs.

Don't try to cheat back if not u will allow the situation control U..it doesn't make sense allowing some one else's mess up make decisions for U.

EnlightenedSoul:


Smh. Point out the error in the post you quoted.

if u dont hve anything to say just SHUT UP so that we may think u wise

happywife:
I need advice on how to cope with a cheating husband.

I have always suspected that my husband was cheating on me but confirmed it recently when i found some condoms were missing from our home n his bank statement showed payment for a hotel when i was away on a short trip .when i confronted him his stories ranged from his friend took it to i was mistaken in my counting n to i went to the room but changed my mind n left without doing anything. but his behaviour showed he was sorry for about 2 weeks then back to normal. problem now is i cant bring myself to trust him n my love for him is reducing daily.when he comes home late from work or doesn't take my calls all i can think about is that he is with another woman. To be honest it's killing me slowly cos i find myself calling him n quarrelling with him constantly.

I dont think i can leave him cos he cheated on me cos lets face it most men do i just need advice on how to cope with my emotions cos i m soo unhappy n its affecting every area of my life . Sometimes i feel like paying him in his own coin but i m a one man kind of babe.

I just want to concentrate on my kids now but how do i cope with being suspicious all d time n being jealous n bitter n a whole lot of emotions thats killing me.

Point of correction: Not every man cheats.

If you want to cope with his cheating behavior then you're encouraging him!
Why would you want to be with a man who cheats on you repeatedly? What's the essence of the marriage if this happens?
Do you want to be in a broken relationship or out of it?

Have a serious discussion with him and warn him to change his way or else he'll get a surprise from you! If he continues cheating, get a proof and divorce him in court. It may be emotionally hard (if you love) but you're doing yourself good by leaving him. But if you insist you want to "cope" with it then good luck to you, you'll need it.

Nigerian women are groomed to tolerate every s*hit their men do, and most think if they divorce nobody will marry them again, which are complete b*ullshit. If you're a good woman, men will like you irrespective of being a divorcee.

Well, treat the case same way he would have treated it had he caught you cheating.