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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily (6819 Views)
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Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by DesChyko: 10:58pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
I believe we are Africans and we have our culture and identity that defines our uniqueness from every other continent in the world. Africa is a deeply patriarchal society. Men dominate the socio-economic and political machinery and organizations. Men are regarded as natural leaders who are superior and born to rule over women. Women are considered weaker vessels; extensions of men and secondary human beings. The pride of women are derived from and dependent on men. The birth of a male child often marks an unforgettable high point in a traditional African home. He is an inheritor, a direct extension of his father; the one who is going to continue the family's legacy and takes the family's last name into the future generations. The male child grows with a clear understanding of his role in the family which includes: 1. Protection of his family as a way of protecting his pride and this is the essential core of manhood. 2. Provider for his family; immediate and extended family, whether circumstances permits him or not. 3. Consistently learning new ways and exploring the unknown in search of what they need, even if they present strong personalities already. These duties require the boy-child to be actively looking for ways to give himself a head-start, and the father first, before any other person, has the duty to educate him on how it is being done. Unfortunately, such crucial lessons cannot be learnt frolicking about the mother's apron strings and devoting majority of his time to being 'domesticated', something he can easily pick up along the way with time from his environment, out there in the field, and of course, his partner.. This 'domestication' is essentially reserved for women, who need to play this role effectively as a partner to the 'boy-child-turned-man' while he struggles to fulfil the role his African society has dumped on him from the day he was born. Domestic chores are important, yes, but the African setting doesn't give room for the boy-child to focus on learning those. Endowed with a far superior body strength than their female counterparts, the boy-child needs to explore the world more, and develop himself to compete effetively with other 'men-to-be' as they lift their burdens to preserve the core of their manhood; their pride. In spite of how we may feel on this topic, this is Africa, and Africans reserve no smiles for any married male who is not capable of supporting his family effectively. He is made for much more than 'singing blues while scrubbing the floor of a kitchen'. This is Africa. References. Council for secular humanism Available: http://www.secularhumanism.org/library/aah/igwe_9_4.htm Dumia Magazine. Available: http://www.duniamagazine.com/2010/10/5-reasons-why-african-men-make-good-husbands/ 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by Nobody: 11:01pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
The male child should indulge in domestic work like cutting wood.... Washn the carz, washing his clothes, goin to the farm... |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by coogar: 11:05pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
i am not training any of my sons to be in the kitchen. they can mow the lawns, do heavy lifting and tasks normally associated with men but asking them to cook or do dishes is just totally out of the question. |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by Nobody: 11:06pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
DesChyko: African culture or Western culture some 50-100 years ago. ![]() |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by Nobody: 11:08pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
coogar:my mum tot me specifically how to wash my clothes, how to cook.. Nd how to do d dishes immediately after eating... I think u need to do dsame... Unless u want a lazy son who wants evrytn done for him by the house maid 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by DesChyko: 11:08pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
Cutehector4u: These mentioned above are not really what qualifies as 'domestics' from my point of view. The bolded are usually 'men thing'. By 'domestics', I'm looking at kitchen work, scrubbing the house, mending fabrics at home, e.t.c. |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by DesChyko: 11:10pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: I take it you see too much of movies with a western theme. Reality, unfortunately, hasn't changed as much as our wishes have. |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by Nobody: 11:11pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
DesChyko:look, evry kid should be trained in d way he should grow..so wen he is old, he wouldnt depart frm it.. Am not gona write anythn further on this... 4 Likes |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by coogar: 11:11pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
Cutehector4u: i wasn't taught all that & i don't think i missed anything. i was only interested in doing what men normally do. help in installation of gadgets or heavy equipments, wash & warm the car, mow the lawn, fuel & service the generator. my sisters took care of the feminine chores. that's their job! |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by pweetixandy: 11:12pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
Its too long and I didn't read it..but I know there is nothing wrong in teaching a boy how to wash d plates,cook and keep d home clean. One day one day,they will have to live on their own,then all those things won't be new. No wonder some male students are very untidy,mama no teach them ![]() 8 Likes |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by Nobody: 11:13pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
DesChyko: What's your point? |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by DesChyko: 11:16pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
My father made a point of making sure I leave the 'women' things to the women. From a very young age, I was taught to stay away from the kitchen and 'sissy' chores. He encouraged me to go struggle for it out there instead, academics and otherwise. When I got admission into the Uni, I learnt how to cook and all that, but the lesson has been ingrained. My son will tow this path as well. I see 'females' opposing this stance. I was never taught all these, but I can do them now without losing any bit of my formative years in the past. 1 Like |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by DesChyko: 11:19pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. One must make hay while the sun shines. The same question being asked by every bride's parents when a suitor is being discussed.. "What does he do for a living?", while they size you up whenever the opportunity sets in |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by DesChyko: 11:20pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
pweetixandy: Noted. |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by Nobody: 11:29pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
DesChyko: In the beginning of your post, that I initially quoted, you described what African culture is like. I replied that what you call African culture today is what "Western culture" was some 50-100 years ago. So how does this your answer make sense now? Please tell me, how traditional gender roles are unique of "the African culture"? 1 Like |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by Nobody: 11:41pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
Cutehector4u:I see you every were |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by Nobody: 11:44pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
Interesting... This is the future of domestically-inclined men (all in dresses): ![]() Nah, mate. ![]() |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by cococandy(f): 11:53pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
I don't see how learning any of those so called domestic chores will stop him from growing into a man. In fact I think it helps him become an all round balanced man. What you're saying is same thing as saying a woman shouldn't be raised with a go-getting , achieving mindset because she has to concentrate only on being domesticated. What bollocks! |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by coogar: 11:58pm On Nov 21, 2014 |
cococandy: by the same token, not doing those domestic chores has nothing to do with him being an all-round balanced man. i am extremely balanced and i didn't cook stew until my mid-20s. what did i miss? ![]() |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by Fkforyou(m): 12:04am On Nov 22, 2014 |
coogar:Same here,although I learnt how to cook on my own free will,I wasn't forced by my mum,I was even thought by my sis,I.e they just gave me the basic instructions. I became good at it when I got admission into the univ. And W.R.T other chores like sweeping and cleaning I don't think it has anything to do with gender. 1 Like |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by coogar: 12:08am On Nov 22, 2014 |
Fkforyou: i bought food throughout my uni.....even if i could cook, i consider it a total waste of time to stay in the kitchen & cook for myself alone. time is money - chinese food is £4(delivered hot & spicy)........wheres the time to cook? 2 Likes |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by cococandy(f): 12:13am On Nov 22, 2014 |
coogar:if you learned eventually, then we are saying the same thing. Being domesticated isn't about cooking alone. At least being able to take basic care of yourself. |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by coogar: 12:25am On Nov 22, 2014 |
cococandy: who can't take care of himself? that's the normal human basic instinct na. i hated the kitchen - all i wanted to do was eat & dump my plates in the sink. when the time comes, water will find it's level. every human being would work out their survival instincts. i don't think i am a good cook. i don't want be a good cook....and it makes me appreciate it the more when chics make food for me. ![]() |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by DLioness(f): 12:27am On Nov 22, 2014 |
Nobody is a secondary human! |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by DLioness(f): 12:33am On Nov 22, 2014 |
If anybdy wasnt taught hw 2 wash his pants, let hm nt prevent others frm being taught period! |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by cococandy(f): 12:48am On Nov 22, 2014 |
coogar:well it certainly does help if the man learns at a younger age when assimilation is easier and since it doesn't get in the way of his turning out a great guy,what's the good reason to stop him? Nothing. The OP's post is kind of extreme and any guy raised like that will grow up with the skewed mentality that life revolves around him,his wife is a glorified slave made to serve him and that's the end of her purpose in life. Not to mention the kind of tension it will cause between them. |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by coogar: 1:03am On Nov 22, 2014 |
cococandy: it doesn't help one jot! don't let anyone deceive you. even my friends who were firstborns and had to learn to cook from a tender age all lost the interest when they got to uni...... i will never let my sons stay in the kitchen - they can use that ample time to learn more masculine stuff. when they need to learn to cook, they will learn.
i grew up that way & i don't see women as glorified slaves. i still expect her to cook for me though & i will handle the more physically tasking chores. it's what it is. i don't see how a woman cooking for her own partner makes her a slave to him. |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by eleojo23: 1:08am On Nov 22, 2014 |
And somebody had to create a counter thread? |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by bukatyne(f): 1:26am On Nov 22, 2014 |
cococandy: And tomorrow treads like 'why do girls say they were used and dumped'; 'why do wives think that chores are demeaning' etc. will crop up I pity the 'Nigerian' woman made for the 'Nigerian' man P.S.: I wonder why 'we are Africans'; 'this is Africa' etc, chants are used for irrelevant and backward stuffs No 'this is Africa' so we are hospitable, honest, hardworking etc. people @OP: teach your child what you will 6 Likes |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by cococandy(f): 1:31am On Nov 22, 2014 |
coogar:. That's division of labor and I think most households are like that. I wouldn't go break my back doing heavy lifting when oga is there with six pack like Mike Tyson nor will I lay around and leave the cooking for him when I'm not doing anything (unless he insists of course ![]() I don't think cooking for a husband makes one a slave either. I don't think he's my slave either when I deliberately leave the hard stuff for him to do. We just concentrate on our specialty. But there is no rule that states that such roles are not interchangeable depending on the couple involved and what each partner knows how to do best. If you read the op without bias,it clearly states that women are secondary beings compared to men and that should mean women being servants to men. I think his mindset is extreme and raising a man that way will create a tyrant not the strong man image he is trying to paint. So while endorsing his post,be aware that he is championing misogyny unless you have no problems with that. |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by cococandy(f): 1:33am On Nov 22, 2014 |
bukatyne:if young girls are not careful,they will get confused as to what these men really want. One day they want a strong woman. A go getter. An Angela or a Dora . The next day they want a domesticated woman who's only place is in the kitchen. 2 Likes |
Re: Opinion: The Boy-child Should Not Be Domestically-inclined Primarily by coogar: 1:42am On Nov 22, 2014 |
cococandy: hahahaha i like how you twisted this - so in which circumstance would you see a woman lifting heavy objects that can snap her spine into two while the hubby is in the kitchen slicing tomatoes?
women aren't secondary beings i don't think that's what he's saying - he only said some roles aren't perfectly interchangeable. men should stick to being men and women should stick to their traditional roles in the home. it's what it is - i don't intend to compete with my wife in the kitchen. |
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