I'm a lover of poems, although i ve not written any before. I wish to take a step cos i believe that a journey of thousand mile began with a step.

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On a dark cool night, the souls were kissing the bed the stars together with the moon made love and gave birth to a faint glow that illuminated the earth. On a dark cool night, the birds had retired to their nest, whilstling and singing. Amidst these activities of the wonderful creatures, a mother hen hatched her eggs. The chick revered the beauty of nature and watched the kings of the sky as they dominated their wonderful abode. The poor thing wished so hard that it could fly high like the kings and never come down. On a dark cool night, the rays of a new dawn perpetuated the darkness and welcomed the morning shine it watched with admiration as the mother hen flew and the kings hovered in their abode singing their morning thanks to their creator. And it thought, a day would come when i would fly not as the mother hen but a bird perhaps i might just turn to a bird.

Ayozainy Ikeola Laykorn Susrite Babe2sure Dre11 texanomaly valued noble4d pls come and bail me out

Am not an expert but i think you should space your work first. Each line should begin from a new paragraph,then the stanzas should be spaced

ikeola6:
Am not an expert but i think you should space your work first. Each line should begin from a new paragraph,then the stanzas should be spaced

i tried doing it but i flopped

Purity1:
Ayozainy Ikeola Laykorn Susrite Babe2sure Dre11 texanomaly valued noble4d pls come and bail me out

Am not a poem expert tho. Reading what you wrote, I think you have a good story to tell. First, you wrote it in form of a prose, which I dont think is right. Secondly, try writing in verses, so it portrays a poem. Thirdly, keep on trying, u will definitely get there.

ayozainy:

Am not a poem expert tho. Reading what you wrote, I think you have a good story to tell. First, you wrote it in form of a prose, which I dont think is right. Secondly, try writing in verses, so it portrays a poem. Thirdly, keep on trying, u will definitely get there.

thanks alot

Purity1:
thanks alot

U are welcome

Am so positive that u will improve

Even the courage to take the step to write something down is one sure way for one to improve


Your work up there do need
A definition
The punctuation
The spacing
The organisations.




With time and practice u will definitely get there

Check on this page and u will get one or two things added to ur knowledge
https://www.nairaland.com/1958923/rudiments-poetry

wow! Purity, this is PURE, i mean your choices of words are good, your use of imagery and distict discription, better. All you need is the background knowledge of poetry.., and i promise you, you have the sky as your starting point. Wait ama rearrange that for you. Keep eet huuup!

The title is good. It portrays the body of the poem.
I can relate with the theme of the poem, though it was not well coordinated.
Punctuations need to be worked on.
The fact that it was not spaced made it somewhat bland.
The composition was not well structured and arranged.
Next time make generous use of figurative expressions,such as simile,metaphor, paradox e.t.c It will make your work more interesting.(Though, you tried there)
Nice try though!

On a dark cool night
souls were kissing the bed and pillow
the stars, alongside the moonlight
made love and bore a faint glow
.

A glow that illuminated the earth.
On a dark cool night
the birds had retired to their nest
whilstling and singing a-light
.

Amidst these activities
of the wonderful creatures,
a mother hen lay on her egg and hatches
The chick revered the beauty
of nature
.

the newly-born gazed at the sky
watching its kings dominating their abode
The poor thing wished so hard to fly
fly high like the kings, brave and bold
.

On a dark cool night
the rays of a new dawn perpetuated the darkness
welcoming the morning light
watching the mother hen flying cross the lawn
,

On a dark cool night
the kings hovered in their abode
singing and hallowing the creator's might
and the thought of the chick arose
.

A day would come when i would fly
not as the mother hen but a bird
perhaps i might just turn to a bird and soar high
to where the the sight of man will never beheld

susrite:
On a dark cool night
souls were kissing the bed and pillow
the stars, alongside the moonlight
made love and bore a faint glow
.

A glow that illuminated the earth.
On a dark cool night
the birds had retired to their nest
whilstling and singing a-light
.

Amidst these activities
of the wonderful creatures,
a mother hen lay on her egg and hatches
The chick revered the beauty
of nature
.

the newly-born gazed at the sky
watching its kings dominating their abode
The poor thing wished so hard to fly
fly high like the kings, brave and bold
.

On a dark cool night
the rays of a new dawn perpetuated the darkness
welcoming the morning light
watching the mother hen flying cross the lawn
,

On a dark cool night
the kings hovered in their abode
singing and hallowing the creator's might
and the thought of the chick arose
.

A day would come when i would fly
not as the mother hen but a bird
perhaps i might just turn to a bird and soar high
to where the the sight of man will never beheld

wow this is wonderful thanks alot.

Purity1:
wow this is wonderful thanks alot.

uwlcm

A COUNTRY
A land richly blessed with the abundance of nature,
a land where milk and honey flow,
a land filled with credible souls.

The rich and the famous are superior and mighty-
they're the mighty Eagle
and the poor are their carcass.

The Eagles soars higher by the day,
flourishing in milk and honey.
Leaving their carcass at the mercy me the vultures.

A land where peace and harmony,
was overtaken by was and bloodshed.
Somewhere, voices are heard;
crying, shouting, weeping, proffering solutions,
wishing to be liberated.

The Eagles
continue soaring higher and higher, growing stronger.
Their carcass are abandoned to their fate in the dung.
They kept talking but not a soul to take the words to the Eagles.

^^^
Nice one there



The difference btw ur first poem and this is glaring
Keep the oil burning

Lovely piece!

The difference is clear.

Keep it up! Dearie.

dre11:
^^^
Nice one there



The difference btw ur first poem and this is glaring
Keep the oil burning

Babe2sure:

Lovely piece!
The difference is clear.
Keep it up! Dearie.

dre11:
^^^
Nice one there



The difference btw ur first poem and this is glaring
Keep the oil burning

thanks alot for the encouragement

Purity1:
thanks alot for the encouragement

You're welcome.

IMAGINARY LOVE
i try to reach out to you but to no avail,
i call out to you but you won't answer.
Yet you're always in my thoughts,in my imaginations
residing the better part of my subconscious mind.
.
The wind caresses the trees and
the creatures marvel and immense themselves in it's seductive touch.
A silent wish came forth,
wished you were here with me,in my bed, just beside me,
i waited.... to no avail, searched....but couldn't find;
.

if it be a hand that keep you; i would fight it,
if it be the earth that hid you, i would dig it up and rescue you,
if it be the sea, i would fight the storm to be with you.
.
Wished you ve the eyes to see through my heart
the pains you're putting me through.
You promise me joy yet you bring pains.
.
I wish i had wings, i would ve flewn to ur presence.
Distance, miles, oceans, separate us
yet i hear the echoes of ur voice
loneliness becloud me yet i feel ur presence.
.
If only i had the power i would make the miles disappear,
i would turn the oceans to solid soils and behold your presence.
And together we shall walk from strenght to strenght.
.
Alas;
i've no such power,for i'm only but human.
Enslaved to the beauty of nature,
to my imaginations, to my dreams, to my world of fantasy.

@purity1 nice poem u do have

But there are some bit of correction I feel

••If ure playing with the number of stanza that ur poem should have..... Let it be consistence
Not u write
5lines for stanza 1
4lines for stanza 2
3lines for 4and 4 lines for 5

••Then your punctuation is to be improved on

••Also, if you look at stanza 2. U used AND to join clause on two occasions to make a sentence. It's not supposed to be like that.

••• lastly, the way u express ur emotion with words and play around those words will give a added advantage to your work.

Also I felt we could write the later part of stanza 1like this

Yet you're always in my thoughts.
Fixed in my imagination;
Yes.. ........ You reside in the better part of your subconscious mind

But, ure doing a good job and challenging your creativity than mine.

dre11:
@purity1 nice poem u do have

But there are some bit of correction I feel

••If ure playing with the number of stanza that ur poem should have..... Let it be consistence
Not u write
5lines for stanza 1
4lines for stanza 2
3lines for 4and 4 lines for 5

••Then your punctuation is to be improved on

••Also, if you look at stanza 2. U used AND to join clause on two occasions to make a sentence. It's not supposed to be like that.

••• lastly, the way u express ur emotion with words and play around those words will give a added advantage to your work.

Also I felt we could write the later part of stanza 1like this


But, ure doing a good job and challenging your creativity than mine.

web this is why i needed the profs to access my work thanks alot for the time and effort, as for the corrections it is noted and i believe my next will be better.