borntosave:
Just try always to be urself and always look up when walking and also make sure u look into people eyebal when talking to them.

UniqueGem:
Op do you have Acne? Do you have anything that you don't like on your body that's visible to everyone? Are you Ugly? Please don't misunderstand these questions, i'm going somewhere positive with it.

Oahray:
Awww... Do you have friends?

Krystalxxx:

Hello my dear fellow nairalanders.....I've got an issue I need suggestions for. The thing is, from my first day of existence on earth I've had one overwhelming problem: shyness. It's so bad that I find it hard to relate with people who I've even known for years, as long as I am seeing them for the first time in a new day......it's like a cloak of panic.
I think I seriously need help because it's not normal to me anymore, it annoys me so bad that I can't just see a person and not be on my best behaviour or on the edge. It's as though I'm filled to the tip with anxiety. How am I surviving in the real world then? Well I have no choice but to meet people and bear it that way.
Today my little brother was ill and decided at the last minute that he still wanted to go to school. Well someone had to take him and explain to his teacher why he was late. Now I dread public places like a plague and the last thing I wanted to do was to see his crazy primary school teacher and start patronizing and explaining to her, but then, that's part of being a responsible senior sister right? So I walked into that cesspool of saucy children and teenagers and when I got into the class I met two weird looking teachers and a very quiet class. I just slipped into panic mode and said "Good Afternoon" to those glaring gargoyles. Well that would have been okay......if it wasn't ...MORNING. They just ignored me. Well I need help on this. Please give your suggestions, and no insults please!
Followers,all nairalanders, friends , foes and enemies till death do us part are welcome....

BornSad:


Dearest,

I do understand your problem. I am not a great psychologist but here is what I have to say out of experience.

Being extremely shy is mostly attributed to feeling of "not belonging". In other words, you tend to be shy of people's attention if there is something you think you ought to have or do that you do not have or do not do. For some, it gradually spans out to other aspects of their life while the lucky ones restrict it to that exact thing that makes them feel awkward. Example, I am an orator; people always commend my oratory prowess and my ability stand in public and address people. However, I become extremely shy whenever I'm called upon to dance even within the circle of my immediate family members. This is because I am zero when it comes to dancing of any kind. In fact, the fear of having to dance in any prospective occasion can make me sick for days. (Honestly, it's that extreme).

Now for those who have this extreme shyness in all aspect of life, it could be said that they have allowed a couple of shortcomings to make them withdraw completely into their shells and it's not always easy coming out. But then, it's neither rocket science. Here are some few things you could imbibe:

Always bear something in mind that nobody really cares
Yeah, people gossip some times. (We all do, lol). Tongues wag and eye browse are raised. But that is all about it! Nobody goes out of his way to make the way you walk/talk/eat/smile etc. the subject of his life. No one will flog you for not greeting when you should! Try to be good but don't get worked up about it cause the fact is, nobody is really "good"

We've seen worse people
You think you are too thin? I have seen broomsticks walking. You think you are too fat/dark/fair/talkative, what have you? We have seen it all before. The worst we can do is to give it a few seconds of side talk and that's all.

People easily get used to things.
Yes, even if you are really really awkward, do not worry, with time, we will get used to it and will hardly notice it anymore. People say I talk very fast they can hardly hear me but my close ones hear every single word of mine cause they are used to it! Relax, you easily fit in faster than you think.

We also forget things fast
You think you have messed up before us that you can not stand our presence again? Hehe, here is the bomb: we have long forgotten! Come on, we have more pressing issues than to concentrate on your funny misdeeds.

Nobody expects much from you.
I know you are the elder sister and therefore should be able to talk boldly but if you are not the bold type, ok. everybody can't be. Just pass your message and move on! You are just another of millions of your type out there.

Concentrate on your strength.

Magandy said, "do not let what you can't do stop you from doing what you can do".

One error we make in life is that we always define ourselves with our shortcomings. See, I am not a dancer, my pidgin English is bad, I hardly woo girls. All these are enough to make me withdraw. But why should I? I am an academic giant! People appreciate me for that. Even the so-called lady-killers consult me on daily bases so why won't I feel like a gods? Is your voice great? Are you academically sound? Are you pretty? Just know what you do well and use it to describe your person and you will end up seeing yourself as great.

Feel free to be embarrassed.
Everyone gets embarrassed from time to time. It simply shows we still care about our self worth. While you strive not to be too self conscious, do not ever try to lose the sense of shyness; that could amount to shamelessness. Being a bit shy is a nice touch to pretty girls like you. For one, I love slightly shy girls.

Be new in a new place.
I know all these I mentioned will be hard to take up overnight. Of course, people will notice and tongues will wag temporarily. So the best place to try all these is in a new place where you are not known. When you get to a new place, know who you want to be and be the person. Nobody knew you before so no one will ask questions. They take you the way you present yourself and soon you will start seeing yourself just that way. And when you get back home, you come back new and bold! They say , "always be yourself" and I say, "yeah be yourself but do not hesitate to be a better when/if the opportunity comes". Just got admission, just got to NYSC camp, just got to a new work place, just relocated to a new place? That could be your chance to change things!

Having said all these, I know it is easier said that done but believe me, I have more reasons to feel like a social misfit than you can ever have. Just try and keep trying. With determination, you can make it!

Good luck.

Krystalxxx:


Lol no, nothing is wrong with me. In fact people approach me and accuse me of feeling "better" than them, thinking that's why I avoid them. But when I've avoided them for like....a whole session they get tired and let me be as well. It's my "fear of people" that's the problem.

Krystalxxx:


Wow thanks....this is some great advice. I'm sure kachisbarbie would rate you as one of those posters who contribute more than the op

UniqueGem:
Fear of people? How? I think you just have low self esteem and it's due to something you've refused to accept about you. Maybe you find talking/chatting a tiresome task. You and i are not too different, mine is just because i get bored of people too fast. And i see talking and chatting as a hard task, i act instead. The TRUTH is YOU CAN't CHANGE THIS, you can only improve on it.

Krystalxxx:


Wow thanks....this is some great advice. I'm sure kachisbarbie would rate you as one of those posters who contribute more than the op

Kachisbarbie:


hahahaha
Truetalk...the advice is much but obviously useful.

BornSad:


Oh, here is the famous Kachisbarbie.

Nice meeting you finally. Pardon my misgivings, I'm new here on Nairaland.

If you will, I'd like to follow you here on Nairaland.

Before you give me the permission to do so, please check out my profile. I'm hopeful.

Krystalxxx:


Lol @ permission. Just follow jare...even stalkers follow,hahaha

BornSad:


Hehehe, Well I'm not a stalker. And I have my reasons for asking her permission first.

zyzxx:

am sorry pls do u mean what u wrote as ur personal text? * cough *

zyzxx:
I'm also ones like u b4, even till nw. there still a limit to my rapon wit people,
But dis how I survive, I av 3 freinds, which my brother is one of dem.
Wen ever we walk together it boost my ego and I do av more confident in myself, little by little, I started to mix wit people.
In summary my freinds helped me out.

Krystalxxx

My daughter,I read your story and smiled. You can come over it,like I did mine which was 100 times worse.

First,I was homeschooled all through my primary and secondary school life. Then,I found it hard as a kid befriending people around home. Then,while I thought I was having a few friends,we moved away from the area we lived in. We moved to somewhere I knew nobody. I was just 12.

I was extremely shy. When I took a bus,I tried to make sure I had change on me because I couldn't ask the conductor for change in a bus. I remember leaving so much money with bus conductors because I couldn't ask for it.

Talking to girls was the hardest part of it all. I stammered when I had to talk to them.

Then somehow,I met a guy around home. His mom had a shop where I used to go and buy things. Eventually we got close. We were age mates too. Then one day,he got to knew that I wrote poetry. He said a lot of his female friends did too. He promised to link me with them. I was scared,but I let him go on.

I had just opened a 2go account around then,all thanks to him. One of the girls sent me a request,then two,then three,then four and all of them said the same thing.

"Dare said you write poems. We're very happy to know you. We run a poetry club and there is no boy in the club." They all said they were excited to find a boy who writes poems.

I knew I was becoming some kind of 2go hero. More and more requests. Then came the bomb. One of the girls asked to meet me so we could exchange books we wrote our poems in. See gobe! It took a lot of courage but I agreed.

Believe me, I stammered. Then the 2nd time we met I stammered less,then the 3rd time less. I was really enjoying the stammering celebrity-like status and although I stammered, I arranged weekend meetings with the girls. We talked about poetry,but I just wanted to be around them,to caress my esteem.

Then every week,I stammered less. More o outgoing,less shy. And more friends too. Although I was younger than all the girls,I started feeling so comfortable around them. As I became more popular,I became less shy.

I used to think that those people didn't notice I was shy but they did. One of the girls told me recently.
"I remember the first time I saw you. You were so shy you didn't greet my friends. We laughed so much about it."

Sorry for my long story
I've been aching to tell it to someone.

OP,the only way you'll come over it is to move out of your comfort zone. Do something you wouldn't rather do. Talk to a stranger,stammer,stammer more. Just go on,don't be scared about being embarrassed,prepare for it. Good people won't embarrass you when they know you're shy. They'll help you.

If something happens again at your sister's school,forget about the first time and go there. Probably you'll be embarrassed for a second time,but it won't happen a 3rd time. If it happens a 3rd time,it won't happen a 4th time.

Start a conversation with a stranger. Do something you'd rather not do. You'll be free,be free. Be free from shyness

laykorn:

My daughter,I read your story and smiled. You can come over it,like I did mine which was 100 times worse.

First,I was homeschooled all through my primary and secondary school life. Then,I found it hard as a kid befriending people around home. Then,while I thought I was having a few friends,we moved away from the area we lived in. We moved to somewhere I knew nobody. I was just 12.

I was extremely shy. When I took a bus,I tried to make sure I had change on me because I couldn't ask the conductor for change in a bus. I remember leaving so much money with bus conductors because I couldn't ask for it.

Talking to girls was the hardest part of it all. I stammered when I had to talk to them.

Then somehow,I met a guy around home. His mom had a shop where I used to go and buy things. Eventually we got close. We were age mates too. Then one day,he got to knew that I wrote poetry. He said a lot of his female friends did too. He promised to link me with them. I was scared,but I let him go on.

I had just opened a 2go account around then,all thanks to him. One of the girls sent me a request,then two,then three,then four and all of them said the same thing.

"Dare said you write poems. We're very happy to know you. We run a poetry club and there is no boy in the club." They all said they were excited to find a boy who writes poems.

I knew I was becoming some kind of 2go hero. More and more requests. Then came the bomb. One of the girls asked to meet me so we could exchange books we wrote our poems in. See gobe! It took a lot of courage but I agreed.

Believe me, I stammered. Then the 2nd time we met I stammered less,then the 3rd time less. I was really enjoying the stammering celebrity-like status and although I stammered, I arranged weekend meetings with the girls. We talked about poetry,but I just wanted to be around them,to caress my esteem.

Then every week,I stammered less. More o outgoing,less shy. And more friends too. Although I was younger than all the girls,I started feeling so comfortable around them. As I became more popular,I became less shy.

I used to think that those people didn't notice I was shy but they did. One of the girls told me recently.
"I remember the first time I saw you. You were so shy you didn't greet my friends. We laughed so much about it."

Sorry for my long story
I've been aching to tell it to someone.

OP,the only way you'll come over it is to move out of your comfort zone. Do something you wouldn't rather do. Talk to a stranger,stammer,stammer more. Just go on,don't be scared about being embarrassed,prepare for it. Good people won't embarrass you when they know you're shy. They'll help you.

If something happens again at your sister's school,forget about the first time and go there. Probably you'll be embarrassed for a second time,but it won't happen a 3rd time. If it happens a 3rd time,it won't happen a 4th time.

Start a conversation with a stranger. Do something you'd rather not do. You'll be free,be free. Be free from shyness
Ayamlaykorn

shaneroberts26:
CHANGE YOUR DIET.Start eating fruits in order to boost your testosterone level.Start doing Deep breathing Or Yoga.Breathing is a skill,learn how to breath properly and all will be solved.Most people breath with their chest muscles instead of the diaphragm thereby raising the chances of heart related diseases,hyper ventilating,stuttering,anxiety dis orders like you etc.Do a thorough research on anxiety dis orders and deep breathing/yoga/diaphragmatic breathing/testosterone/benefits of testosterone and how to increase it naturally/Health benefits of exercise .Also start exercising.Discard my advice and suffer forever.

osile2012:
[size=15pt]How did you know you were shy from the first day of ur existence? did your parents tell u, u were shy at the hospital? If you were shy that means u did not cry when u were born, because u dont want people to see u cry


Well my tip is to assume that what you are afraid of has already happened so no need to be shy anymore. [/size]

sosalekins:
Humans are not semi gods..
They are flesh and blood like you!..

stint:
Op you have been advised well
I am also very shy or i used to be, am better now. I used to have low self esteem but now i seem to be closer to the other extreme. Still find it difficult to talk to strangers but i find it easy to maintain a conversation with friends, am quite interesting and troublesome amongst the few friends i have when i want to be but i hardly keep touch. I think my problem may be slightly diff from yours, maybe i should open a diff thread and ask for advise.

What i think you should do is fake it. Thats what i do. Live the lie until the lie becomes your life. How you feel inside affects how you act outside. But i have found out that, how you act outside also affects how you feel inside. EVEN WHEN YOU ARE FAKING THE CONFIDENCE. just try it, you ll see. Go somewhere and pretend you are someone else who is very confident.