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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Married To A Spoilt Child (4420 Views)
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Married To A Spoilt Child by wifey2014: 7:36pm On Dec 03, 2014 |
Hello Family, I decided to share my experience here maybe it would help my mood.My marriage to my hubby was not approved by my parents but I went ahead feeling in love, 3 years down the line I have so much mixed feeling, maybe I should have listened.reason is dat hubby expects me to always worship him, pamper him, always say encouraging things to him, never correct him....and I have my down days too but I never get same from this very man.Its kind of childish to me and sick but I need peoples honest opinion should a woman be the one to always be d one to be there ![]() |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by holatin(m): 7:51pm On Dec 03, 2014 |
Yoruba do say Aki ti ESE bomi, ki atun ma kigbe otutu meaning you can reversed what has happen. so in one word, try and explain how you feel to him. and have a one on one talk with your Inlaw (mum) 4 Likes |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by 2cato: 7:57pm On Dec 03, 2014 |
If that is what ur hubby want i will advice you to give it to him. Please dont quit the marriage for we are having too many divorce cases in nigeria. 2 Likes |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by Nobody: 8:07pm On Dec 03, 2014 |
Your parents' fears have been confirmed. They must have noticed the same or more in your husband before marriage. Your husband is acting according to the way he was trained by his parents. So you dnt expect a man overpampered by his parents to change overnight. This is very selfish on his part because he is yet to come to terms that HE IS NOW MARRIED AND NO LONGER A KID. You will need to sit him down to discuss this issue deeply with him when he is in a good mood. He has to understand that in marriage, two people become one and they will need to depend on each other. If one person is doing all the work, the relationship becomes parasitic and would eventually be exhausting physically and emotionally. He is the Head not so? He should act like one and not like a baby. A man is to treat his wife as a queen and pamper her while his wife is to treat him like a king and pamper him. You scratch my back i scratch yours. Iron sharpens iron. After discussing with him, do not expect him to change overnight. its a gradual process. You will have to stir the direction of the situation by reducing how much you put in. In human behaviour, when we do way too much for someone, we dnt allow the other person to contribute. Do you understand? Allow him to contribute. Continuously depend on him too. Dnt stop. Sometimes, just sit back and watch. Use wisdom in your dealings with him. If there is a need for constructive correction, continue to give it but with love regardless of what he says. With time, he will get used to it. If this doesnt work, counselling will do to help him to change his mentality on marriage. Every woman needs pampering too. 8 Likes |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by SAMBARRY: 8:19pm On Dec 03, 2014 |
Another supper for you for a perfect point Sophyrocks: 4 Likes
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Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by Nobody: 8:27pm On Dec 03, 2014 |
1 Like |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by Nobody: 9:22pm On Dec 03, 2014 |
wifey2014: Every marriage / relationship has its challenges. You would have problems even if you were married to someone else. I think you should not question who you married even if your family didn't want you to marry this man. You married him because you loved him and it was your choice and it is good you made your choice and not anyone else. I see nothing wrong with your husband wanting to pamper and encourage him. As for the he doesn't want to be corrected part, well, nobody really likes it. And the more sensitive a person is, the more difficult it is for the person to accept criticism, even if it is constructive. Try this: If you next want to correct him, make sure you use the right words and you do it in a loving way. Whatever you want to correct, correct the decision, behavior or situation, never the person. If you wish that he does something for you, ask him nicely. And more importantly, do not forget to appreciate him. Before you correct him or express any kind of CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, make sure you have appreciated and encouraged him for at least three to four times before criticizing / correcting his behavior / decision. Focus your attention on the things he does right and express your satisfaction. Please try it. I promise, it will work if you do it correctly. So think of 3-4 things that you can pay him a compliment for and tell him that you appreciate them. Space them, don't shower him with compliments on one day. Do this for a week and then ask him nicely for something you would like him to do. Good luck. ![]() 4 Likes |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by Onegai(f): 10:26pm On Dec 03, 2014 |
OP, Sophyrocks and Carefreewannabe have given you perfect advice. Please follow it and be strong inwardly, marriage and committed relationships are a constant work in progress. Oya, 2 questions to everyone! 1. Why it there NO HUG EMOTICON on this forum, so I could have sent it to OP. 2. Abeg, is that fish still remaining? |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by KanwuliaJara: 10:39pm On Dec 03, 2014 |
Sounds like a "typical" AFRICAN NIGGA! ![]() Your job is to "straighten" his tangled knots. . . So his brain can receive the necessary "fressssh h-air" ke! ![]() Na so ALL OF DEM be o! Get to work and stop whining jor! ![]() 7 Likes |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by baby124: 2:16am On Dec 04, 2014 |
Seriously, Kanwulia is right. Typical Nigerian man behavior. That is the expectations they get from their homes on how they are to be treated by society. You married a typical bushmeat when you are not. You should have looked for a more enlightened man if you wanted equality. Note that education does not equal exposure. Some very educated Nigerian men will surprise you with the most bush meat behavior. Know thyself first and then find a man that you are compatible with. Now that you are in the marriage, you can only try to make the best of it. Either you suck it up for at least 50yrs or you slowly but surely try to make him see reason. Being forceful with such a man will send him into the arms of a woman that can make him seem like a god. It's funny though how humans can be so selfish and uncaring in such a difficult world. Life is already difficult enough, your spouse should be your rock and vice versa. 6 Likes |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by Nobody: 3:28am On Dec 04, 2014 |
wifey2014: A man abi?,Nigerian man eh kwa ? They are all like this o You berra get prepared Whenever you start having children,that first child is actually your second born That your husband is the first Every woman knows what I am talking about Just use wisdom and mould him to your taste the best way you can They are all babies Even if you married the one your parents hand picked for you,it will be the same By the time you get too busy in the marriage he will adjust You will look back in 10 years and remember what babyosisi said 6 Likes |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by Nobody: 6:16am On Dec 04, 2014 |
Hmmm, the Yorubas would say what an elder sees sitting down, a child usually needs to climb up a tree to see. Going by the experiences of others, I strongly believe now that our parents ' approval is VERY important in our choice of spouses. This is not to say all marriages they approve of are all smooth sailing. The fact that they are not blinded by love and have your best interest at heart give them objectivity. Na talk o until he is reset. Take to your mother too. The Lord is your strength. |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by Nutase: 2:56pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
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Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by SAMBARRY: 8:33pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
Gbam gbam gbam.another xmas hampers for you for that excellent post ![]() baby124:
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Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by SAMBARRY: 8:35pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
KanwuliaJara:perfect o.oya you too . nice supper for you ![]()
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Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by SAMBARRY: 8:37pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
No na turkey remain o Onegai: 1 Like
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Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by KanwuliaJara: 8:40pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
SAMBARRY: Nne ya "sushi" dey alive o! ![]() You for kill them first, before you take dem cook na! Abi na "rotten shrimp" dat? ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by SAMBARRY: 8:42pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
KanwuliaJara:roftl they are dead jare.youre too funny. How can live shrimps be moving on froed rice. I have removed the scales na and salted it ![]() |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by KanwuliaJara: 8:50pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
SAMBARRY: Abeg! Go cook anoda pot without "SHRIMP of many colors" technique e jor! ![]() E nor look gooooooood at all!!! As soon as I see. . . .fasting begin hungry me sharply-sharply! ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by Nobody: 8:50pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
baby124: Chai. Speechless. |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by SAMBARRY: 8:51pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
KanwuliaJara:ok ma ![]() this one nko
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Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by KanwuliaJara: 8:53pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by SAMBARRY: 8:54pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
KanwuliaJara:shebi I'm trying to satisfy you ![]() you complaimed about the shrimps that's why I didn't put any ![]() |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by KanwuliaJara: 8:58pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
SAMBARRY: Without shrimp. . . .Na "BINI FRIED RICE" be dat o! ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by SAMBARRY: 9:01pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
KanwuliaJara:ok so which one do you now want ![]() ![]() you will be hard to please o ![]() |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by KanwuliaJara: 9:03pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
SAMBARRY: With COOKED SHRIMP! Not ROTTEN shrimp! Thank you! ![]() |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by SAMBARRY: 9:07pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
KanwuliaJara:lol . they are fresh shrimps not rotten ones . bought straight from the cold room na haba ![]() these ones are healthy and neat ![]() no be shrimps wey dey swim for gutter |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by KanwuliaJara: 9:10pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
SAMBARRY: Fresh shrimp taste like early-morning "spermm"! ![]() Please, cook the SYPHILIS first! HABA! ![]() |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by SAMBARRY: 9:18pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
KanwuliaJara:ok o.help me manage either of the two . that's all I have to offer. Bami fife je ![]() you know say fried rice isn't easy to cook . you have to be in the kitchen throughout till its ready ![]() |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by KanwuliaJara: 9:21pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
SAMBARRY: Fried rice is easy to cook my dia! Abi na ESE ERAN you dey take cook ya own? ![]() |
Re: Married To A Spoilt Child by SAMBARRY: 9:28pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
KanwuliaJara: ![]() well for me it's not easy but help me manage am.the second is with fried chicken not ese eran ![]() |
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