Hello Family,
I decided to share my experience here maybe it would help my mood.My marriage to my hubby was not approved by my parents but I went ahead feeling in love, 3 years down the line I have so much mixed feeling, maybe I should have listened.reason is dat hubby expects me to always worship him, pamper him, always say encouraging things to him, never correct him....and I have my down days too but I never get same from this very man.Its kind of childish to me and sick but I need peoples honest opinion should a woman be the one to always be d one to be there

Yoruba do say Aki ti ESE bomi, ki atun ma kigbe otutu
meaning you can reversed what has happen.
so in one word, try and explain how you feel to him.
and have a one on one talk with your Inlaw (mum)

If that is what ur hubby want i will advice you to give it to him. Please dont quit the marriage for we are having too many divorce cases in nigeria.

Your parents' fears have been confirmed. They must have noticed the same or more in your husband before marriage. Your husband is acting according to the way he was trained by his parents. So you dnt expect a man overpampered by his parents to change overnight. This is very selfish on his part because he is yet to come to terms that HE IS NOW MARRIED AND NO LONGER A KID. You will need to sit him down to discuss this issue deeply with him when he is in a good mood. He has to understand that in marriage, two people become one and they will need to depend on each other. If one person is doing all the work, the relationship becomes parasitic and would eventually be exhausting physically and emotionally. He is the Head not so? He should act like one and not like a baby. A man is to treat his wife as a queen and pamper her while his wife is to treat him like a king and pamper him. You scratch my back i scratch yours. Iron sharpens iron.

After discussing with him, do not expect him to change overnight. its a gradual process. You will have to stir the direction of the situation by reducing how much you put in. In human behaviour, when we do way too much for someone, we dnt allow the other person to contribute. Do you understand? Allow him to contribute. Continuously depend on him too. Dnt stop. Sometimes, just sit back and watch. Use wisdom in your dealings with him. If there is a need for constructive correction, continue to give it but with love regardless of what he says. With time, he will get used to it. If this doesnt work, counselling will do to help him to change his mentality on marriage. Every woman needs pampering too.

Another supper for you for a perfect point

Sophyrocks:
Your parents' fears have been confirmed. They must have noticed the same or more in your husband before marriage. Your husband is acting according to the way he was trained by his parents. So you dnt expect a man overpampered by his parents to change overnight. This is very selfish on his part because he is yet to come to terms that HE IS NOW MARRIED AND NO LONGER A KID. You will need to sit him down to discuss this issue deeply with him when he is in a good mood. He has to understand that in marriage, two people become one and they will need to depend on each other. If one person is doing all the work, the relationship becomes parasitic and would eventually be exhausting physically and emotionally. He is the Head not so? He should act like one and not like a baby. A man is to treat his wife as a queen and pamper her while his wife is to treat him like a king and pamper him. You scratch my back i scratch yours. Iron sharpens iron.

After discussing with him, do not expect him to change overnight. its a gradual process. You will have to stir the direction of the situation by reducing how much you put in. In human behaviour, when we do way too much for someone, we dnt allow the other person to contribute. Do you understand? Allow him to contribute. Continuously depend on him too. Dnt stop. Sometimes, just sit back and watch. Use wisdom in your dealings with him. If there is a need for constructive correction, continue to give it but with love regardless of what he says. With time, he will get used to it. If this doesnt work, counselling will do to help him to change his mentality on marriage. Every woman needs pampering too.

SAMBARRY:
Another supper for you for a perfect point

wifey2014:
Hello Family,
I decided to share my experience here maybe it would help my mood.My marriage to my hubby was not approved by my parents but I went ahead feeling in love, 3 years down the line I have so much mixed feeling, maybe I should have listened.reason is dat hubby expects me to always worship him, pamper him, always say encouraging things to him, never correct him....and I have my down days too but I never get same from this very man.Its kind of childish to me and sick but I need peoples honest opinion should a woman be the one to always be d one to be there

Every marriage / relationship has its challenges.

You would have problems even if you were married to someone else.
I think you should not question who you married even if your family didn't want you to marry this man.
You married him because you loved him and it was your choice and it is good you made your choice and not anyone else.

I see nothing wrong with your husband wanting to pamper and encourage him.
As for the he doesn't want to be corrected part, well, nobody really likes it. And the more sensitive a person is, the more difficult it is for the person to accept criticism, even if it is constructive.

Try this: If you next want to correct him, make sure you use the right words and you do it in a loving way. Whatever you want to correct, correct the decision, behavior or situation, never the person.

If you wish that he does something for you, ask him nicely.

And more importantly, do not forget to appreciate him.
Before you correct him or express any kind of CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, make sure you have appreciated and encouraged him for at least three to four times before criticizing / correcting his behavior / decision. Focus your attention on the things he does right and express your satisfaction.

Please try it. I promise, it will work if you do it correctly.
So think of 3-4 things that you can pay him a compliment for and tell him that you appreciate them.
Space them, don't shower him with compliments on one day. Do this for a week and then ask him nicely for something you would like him to do.

Good luck.

OP, Sophyrocks and Carefreewannabe have given you perfect advice. Please follow it and be strong inwardly, marriage and committed relationships are a constant work in progress.

Oya, 2 questions to everyone!

1. Why it there NO HUG EMOTICON on this forum, so I could have sent it to OP.

2. Abeg, is that fish still remaining?

Sounds like a "typical" AFRICAN NIGGA!
Your job is to "straighten" his tangled knots. . . So his brain can receive the necessary "fressssh h-air" ke!

Na so ALL OF DEM be o!
Get to work and stop whining jor!

Seriously, Kanwulia is right. Typical Nigerian man behavior. That is the expectations they get from their homes on how they are to be treated by society.

You married a typical bushmeat when you are not. You should have looked for a more enlightened man if you wanted equality. Note that education does not equal exposure. Some very educated Nigerian men will surprise you with the most bush meat behavior. Know thyself first and then find a man that you are compatible with. Now that you are in the marriage, you can only try to make the best of it.

Either you suck it up for at least 50yrs or you slowly but surely try to make him see reason. Being forceful with such a man will send him into the arms of a woman that can make him seem like a god. It's funny though how humans can be so selfish and uncaring in such a difficult world. Life is already difficult enough, your spouse should be your rock and vice versa.

wifey2014:
Hello Family,
I decided to share my experience here maybe it would help my mood.My marriage to my hubby was not approved by my parents but I went ahead feeling in love, 3 years down the line I have so much mixed feeling, maybe I should have listened.reason is dat hubby expects me to always worship him, pamper him, always say encouraging things to him, never correct him....and I have my down days too but I never get same from this very man.Its kind of childish to me and sick but I need peoples honest opinion should a woman be the one to always be d one to be there

A man abi?,Nigerian man eh kwa ?
They are all like this o
You berra get prepared
Whenever you start having children,that first child is actually your second born
That your husband is the first
Every woman knows what I am talking about
Just use wisdom and mould him to your taste the best way you can
They are all babies


Even if you married the one your parents hand picked for you,it will be the same
By the time you get too busy in the marriage he will adjust
You will look back in 10 years and remember what babyosisi said

Hmmm, the Yorubas would say what an elder sees sitting down, a child usually needs to climb up a tree to see. Going by the experiences of others, I strongly believe now that our parents ' approval is VERY important in our choice of spouses. This is not to say all marriages they approve of are all smooth sailing. The fact that they are not blinded by love and have your best interest at heart give them objectivity.

Na talk o until he is reset. Take to your mother too. The Lord is your strength.

Gbam gbam gbam.another xmas hampers for you for that excellent post

baby124:
Seriously, Kanwulia is right. Typical Nigerian man behavior. That is the expectations they get from their homes on how they are to be treated by society.

You married a typical bushmeat when you are not. You should have looked for a more enlightened man if you wanted equality. Note that education does not equal exposure. Some very educated Nigerian men will surprise you with the most bush meat behavior. Know thyself first and then find a man that you are compatible with. Now that you are in the marriage, you can only try to make the best of it.

Either you suck it up for at least 50yrs or you slowly but surely try to make him see reason. Being forceful with such a man will send him into the arms of a woman that can make him seem like a god. It's funny though how humans can be so selfish and uncaring in such a difficult world. Life is already difficult enough, your spouse should be your rock and vice versa.

KanwuliaJara:
Sounds like a "typical" AFRICAN NIGGA!
Your job is to "straighten" his tangled knots. . . So his brain can receive the necessary "fressssh h-air" ke!

Na so ALL OF DEM be o!
Get to work and stop whining jor!

perfect o.oya you too . nice supper for you

No na turkey remain o

Onegai:
OP, Sophyrocks and Carefreewannabe have given you perfect advice. Please follow it and be strong inwardly, marriage and committed relationships are a constant work in progress.

Oya, 2 questions to everyone!

1. Why it there NO HUG EMOTICON on this forum, so I could have sent it to OP.

2. Abeg, is that fish still remaining?

SAMBARRY:
perfect o.oya you too . nice supper for you

Nne ya "sushi" dey alive o!
You for kill them first, before you take dem cook na!
Abi na "rotten shrimp" dat?

KanwuliaJara:


Nne ya "sushi" dey alive o!
You for kill them first, before you take dem cook na!
Abi na "rotten shrimp" dat?

roftl they are dead jare.youre too funny. How can live shrimps be moving on froed rice. I have removed the scales na and salted it

SAMBARRY:
roftl they are dead jare.youre too funny. How can live shrimps be moving on froed rice. I have removed the scales na and salted it

Abeg! Go cook anoda pot without "SHRIMP of many colors" technique e jor!

E nor look gooooooood at all!!!
As soon as I see. . . .fasting begin hungry me sharply-sharply!

baby124:
Seriously, Kanwulia is right. Typical Nigerian man behavior. That is the expectations they get from their homes on how they are to be treated by society.

You married a typical bushmeat when you are not. You should have looked for a more enlightened man if you wanted equality. Note that education does not equal exposure. Some very educated Nigerian men will surprise you with the most bush meat behavior. Know thyself first and then find a man that you are compatible with. Now that you are in the marriage, you can only try to make the best of it.

Either you suck it up for at least 50yrs or you slowly but surely try to make him see reason. Being forceful with such a man will send him into the arms of a woman that can make him seem like a god. It's funny though how humans can be so selfish and uncaring in such a difficult world. Life is already difficult enough, your spouse should be your rock and vice versa.

Chai.
Speechless.

KanwuliaJara:


Abeg! Go cook anoda pot without "Shrimp of many colors" technique e jor!

ok ma


this one nko

SAMBARRY:
ok ma


this one nko

No shrimp?

KanwuliaJara:


No shrimp?

shebi I'm trying to satisfy you


you complaimed about the shrimps that's why I didn't put any

SAMBARRY:
shebi I'm trying to satisfy you


you complaimed about the shrimps that's why I didn't put any

Without shrimp. . . .Na "BINI FRIED RICE" be dat o!

KanwuliaJara:


Without shrimp. . . .Na "BINI FRIED RICE" be dat o!

ok so which one do you now want

you will be hard to please o

SAMBARRY:
ok so which one do you now want

you will be hard to please o

With COOKED SHRIMP!
Not ROTTEN shrimp!
Thank you!

KanwuliaJara:


With COOKED SHRIMP!
Not ROTTEN shrimp!
Thank you!

lol . they are fresh shrimps not rotten ones . bought straight from the cold room na haba



these ones are healthy and neat


no be shrimps wey dey swim for gutter

SAMBARRY:
lol . they are fresh shrimps not rotten ones . bought straight from the cold room na haba



these ones are healthy and neat


no be shrimps wey dey swim for gutter

Fresh shrimp taste like early-morning "spermm"!
Please, cook the SYPHILIS first!
HABA!

KanwuliaJara:


Fresh shrimp taste like early-morning "spermm"!
Please, cook the SYPHILIS first!
HABA!

ok o.help me manage either of the two . that's all I have to offer. Bami fife je


you know say fried rice isn't easy to cook . you have to be in the kitchen throughout till its ready

SAMBARRY:
ok o.help me manage either of the two . that's all I have to offer. Bami fife je


you know say fried rice isn't easy to cook . you have to be in the kitchen throughout till its ready

Fried rice is easy to cook my dia!
Abi na ESE ERAN you dey take cook ya own?

KanwuliaJara:


Fried rice is easy to cook my dia!
Abi na ESE ERAN you dey take cook ya own?

well for me it's not easy but help me manage am.the second is with fried chicken not ese eran