yungryce:

u are working n u still hv a curfew?

Yes.

with all her over-protectiveness, r u still a virgin? No

correctguy0900:


Gaining freedom from parents is something one builds with time. it even more childish informing ur parents da u no more a kid. However, I have found out da parents systematically watch ur maturity as per ur actions and inactions, ur mental contributions to family and external issues. when dey ultimately get convinced abt ur mental strength, dey tend to leave u with more responsibility to handle independently. more so, dere would be numbers of time wen either dad or mum would walk inside and strike up a matured convo with u as if dey v forgotten ur age.

I got independence from my parents wen I was 18 even before my other siblings. at da age, my dad was already seeking my opinions abt real issues concerning his life.

I didn't wait to be reminded da I would read, I didn't wait for d jamb form to be picked for me, didn't wait to be picked to school wen I got my admission, didn't v to put a call across to dem even with d littlest issues at school, once home, washes d cars and other chores during weekends. to a point wen I face some challenges, my dad would confidently tell mum da I knew wot to do.

I represent dad at times when I became 20. dey trusted my judgements, didn't v to stress to get permission anymore.

on d whole, dere r things we do at times which further reinforce our immaturity to mum and dad, and hence, absolutism in dia exercise of power. bless u.

Thanks dear.

Nice opinion.
My parents and i do have maturd conversation attimes.
Infact,my dad cld tell me something mom did and wld seek my opinion in handling it or my mom once had a misunderstanding with someone and she was kinda reporting d situation to me,i had to calm her down and said some sensible tinz.

So i tink in d aspect of conversation,we discuss maturly.

But the thing is were yo parents also allowing yo sisters(if u have any) do kinda those travles u did wen dey wanted to? Coz i'm talking abt d parents restricting movement

correctguy0900:


Gaining freedom from parents is something one builds with time. it even more childish informing ur parents da u no more a kid. However, I have found out da parents systematically watch ur maturity as per ur actions and inactions, ur mental contributions to family and external issues. when dey ultimately get convinced abt ur mental strength, dey tend to leave u with more responsibility to handle independently. more so, dere would be numbers of time wen either dad or mum would walk inside and strike up a matured convo with u as if dey v forgotten ur age.

I got independence from my parents wen I was 18 even before my other siblings. at da age, my dad was already seeking my opinions abt real issues concerning his life.

I didn't wait to be reminded da I would read, I didn't wait for d jamb form to be picked for me, didn't wait to be picked to school wen I got my admission, didn't v to put a call across to dem even with d littlest issues at school, once home, washes d cars and other chores during weekends. to a point wen I face some challenges, my dad would confidently tell mum da I knew wot to do.

I represent dad at times when I became 20. dey trusted my judgements, didn't v to stress to get permission anymore.

on d whole, dere r things we do at times which further reinforce our immaturity to mum and dad, and hence, absolutism in dia exercise of power. bless u.

Thanks dear.

Nice opinion.
My parents and i do have maturd conversation attimes.
Infact,my dad cld tell me something mom did and wld seek my opinion in handling it or my mom once had a misunderstanding with someone and she was kinda reporting d situation to me,i had to calm her down and said some sensible tinz.

So i tink in d aspect of conversation,we discuss maturly.

But the thing is were yo parents also allowing yo sisters(if u have any) do kinda those travles u did wen dey wanted to? Coz i'm talking abt d parents restricting movement not just mature reasoning

Emodeee:
with all her over-protectiveness, r u still a virgin? No

Guy u funny sha.
U asked a question and u come answer an yoself.

Slickest:
What I did was I made sure I forced the distance, nd I needed to show dem I was old enough to tk care of ma slf (apart from d finance sha)...after my bsc I made sure I served in lagos, way far away from dem... Nd sinz den...its bin

you are lucky na lol

iykofias:
@op, u no kno sey if boy touch u u go carri belle eh?

Really?

abeg wetin be belle?


I never hear that word before o,na French?

That2:
Don't worry when you are 30 am no husband she would start chasing you out of the house, She will be the one bothering you to go out more often.

Not my portion in Jesus name!

spiceemman:
You should be glad you've got a mom that's concerned about your whereabout dear. Some people become very sad in their latter lives because they didn't have parent(mom) who were concerned about them, who wanna be involved in their lives regarding the places they go to. Sometimes our parents can see things(trust me) we don't see even if we stood on a mountain. Sometimes we gotta do things for our parents after the years of sacrifice and investement they've done for us.
No wise parent would sit, fold their hands unperturbed by their kids going to the North with the current security states.
That said you're a 22-year old lady and at this point you've got to be on the driver's seat of your life. You're old enough to make certain(if not entirely all) decisions that affect your life.
Parents can sometimes take decisions that favours them and them alone but they do see it in their eyes as the bigger good for the family.
Conclusively, do what makes you happy but don't neglect the happiness of the people that have made you come this far.

Were u eavesdropping on our devotion this morning?

The topic just centred on me eh.
I'm grateful to them.

Thanks!

1. No matter how grown a child is, he/she can never outgrow their parent

2. As long as you are still under their roof, they have 100% right over you irrespective of your age or academic level. Whatever leverage you get as solely at their discretion.

3. It is the obligation of every parent to protect their children as to say you stay in the north and the school has been turned into a one-religion school, it is the more reason why they should keep a close eye on you.

4. Is their attitude towards you alone or to your other siblings also? If it is to you alone, then there's an issue of trust. Perhaps they are scared of the unknown- you can't quite trust some kids these days with all the filt on tv and internet.

5 at 22, you are still young: atleast here in Nigeria you are still a child. Forget about all these, "once you are 18, you are an adult mumbo-jumbo"

6. Call you friends and simply apologise to them, stating the reason why you can't come- you were not allowed to. As for the gift, once it has not been handed out, it is still your personal property so do whatever you want with it. But I won't advise you to go bother your folks over the matter again else they might begin to suspect you have an ulterior motive.

I want us to understand how parents generally act: whatever they do, they do with good intention even though some of these decisions are needless or frustrating. No right thinking parent does anything to wicked his child just that sometimes, their methods are so crude it looks like wickedness.

Mentality is also another factor influencing their actions. A lot of parent(from the other generation) believe this generation is corrupt morally and otherwise and the best way to keep their wards "safe" is to be "protective" but that doesn't always work out well because curiosity and rebellion have pushed some kids into what the folks wanted keeping them from.

Religion and culture also play a big role. In the african culture, females particularly are more vulnerable and so need to be more in the safety of the home- whether their parent's home or husband's home. Also, when a single lady is independent, society view on her(through the eyes of culture and religion) are mostly in negative light. This is why most parent don't like it when their grown up single daughters, choose to live alone. They'll rather she live with them even if she is working, until she gets married.

Truth is, it is the duty of parent to protect their children because they'll account for them before the society and before God. This is why they employ whatever means they feel will help achieve this(though some of these means are not cool or necessary)

Finally, your parents Love you: whether they show it often or not, they do Love you. Don't ever hold grudge or get angry at your parent for any reason even if their decision was a wrong one.

H

My dear you have the answer already. You stay in the north and schooled there?
Your school no longer admits christians?
Yet you wish to go? Even if mumsy won't stop you, you need to think for your self and wisely


Security situation presently is bad.I my self and I believe most of nairalanders will not go.do you actually feel that even whilst in school your mum was not full of fears for your safety?

Your mum still sees you as a child because my dear you still are.she's protecting you as she would normally do to a child.

Start making decisions as if you are the madam when she's not around or in her presence but make sure you are respectful.its not everything you disclose to your mum no matter what.learn to deal with things maturedly

When you start behaving and acting like one she will. The risk of this is that she might make decisions for you in ur marital home as she feels you might be clue less

yungryce:
Take dis advice at ur own detriment.


on d said day, jst get dressed and go. if questioned, jst say u are going out wen u come bck, u can now hv dat matured convo with ur pple. i bet u, next time, dey will trust u to make d right choices cuz if not ....

Hahahahhahahha

If i do that one eh,till 2099 dem go stil dey preach ''the punishment of disobedience'' for me o

Pls i can't fit shout lol

Ezibless:
Something happened last night that really got me thinking.

I know some parents can be very protective of their children,especially female children, by restricting their movements.
Some would just allow them visit few selected friends and others would be limited to just church,market,school,home,that's all. I kinda fall under the latter sha

It didn't really bother me while growing BECAUSE i felt with time,the level of restriction would reduce.



(did i just say it really didn't bother me I been just dey endure o, as per say i be one obedient child )

we're well brought up o,don't get it twisted.




Fast forward>>>

I graduated from school of midwifery early this year and i've been at home waiting for our MSS service.
Apart from a secondary school female friend which i seldomly visit,it's stil been the usual church,market... Stuff.

I got a call from my fellowship in school that they'd be having the sent forth of probably the last christian set in the school (did i tell you i stay in the north and the school stopped admiting christain students?...well,that's a story for another day).

Back to story...

The remaining christain students are just TWO. And they're two of my three very good friends.
So attending the sent forth is not an option for me because;

1. I am not doing anything at the moment,as in, work.
2. They are my very good friends.
3. I bought them jaw dropping gifts with the last cash on me because i felt they deserved it.
4. I have no other means of delivering it, except i go.
5.
6.
7.
8............100000000000

I don't wanna bore you with the reasons.

I hinted the news of the sent forth to my mom few days back,she didn't say anything and her countenance didn't even change.

I come feel say i get hope say i go go ooo.

Last night around 10:30pm or so,my mom and I were gisting and laughing in my room then i remembered that i haven't gotten a definite answer from her about my journery to school(about 2 and half hours journey). Then this conversation ensued between us...

Me: ehen...mom,i'd be going to school on saturday for the sent forth i told you about.
Mom: No!

(no be even question i ask o,na just statement i make )

me: but y?
Mom: nothing. You're through with school nothing should take you there again!

I opened my mouth to talk,but nothing came out.
That was how our sweet discussion turned sour.
My mouth was agape til she got up and left my room without a word.






A soldier walked pass me that moment and i gave him 3 dirty slaps!!!




#it happened in my mind sha.

That was how vexed i was!


Since then til now i've been thinking of how to convince her to let me go to the extent that all my prayers this morning was centered on it.

I just wonder if she didn't realise that i'm no longer 2year old. I'd be turning 22 in 5 days time for crying out loud!

Don't get me wrong,my mom is very sweet and loving,we're like ''5 and 6''. It just this her ''over protective'' attitude that i don't like.

So guys, how did you handle similar situations like this?
All parents are strict,just that some get degree

Those ladies won't forgive me if i don't come. Plus,i don't wanna return the gift i bought.

And please, at what age should parents stop this movement restriction thing

Puleeaaaseee help!!!!!!!!!!!
;( ;(

Well Ezi (if I can call you that) I relate perfectly well with your situation.

Parents often forget that they have adults on their hands and not kids.

The thing is parents still see their children as that baby that was born many years ago. It doesn't matter if you are already a grandfather or a grandmother. You still remain that baby to them.

So how do you deal with this?

First of all I want you to note that a female at 22 is still pretty much very naive and can do with some of those restraints. It is a good thing for you. You wouldn't understand it now but in future you will. I know becos I was once there. And I was a guy for that matter. I'll tell you how I went about mine and the results that it yielded. Suffice to say, now that I am older and run my own home, I will forever remain grateful to my parents that they kept a hold of the tight leash. I could have been a little but more outgoing than I am now if they didn't but at the same time who says I couldn't have gotten into trouble.

Now back to the question of dealing with this. In my own time I rebelled against my parents. I'm not proud of it but that was what I did. I would sneak out from under their noses and go have a good time. I would sneak back in and hope to God that they don't get me. Sometimes I did manage to scale through but often times I got busted. Then comes the repercussion. Believe me at 22 I still got flogged. YES!! At 22. It was humiliating.

Then one day things took a turn I was 24 going 25. I went out and came back in well before dark. Lo and behold my dad was there waiting for me and the following ensued:

Dad: Where are you coming from?
Me: From Ikeja
Dad: To do what?
Me: I went to buy some components to build my computer system
Dad: What Computer?
Me: The one I've been working on for the past 3 weeks
Dad: Have I not warned you not to step out of this house
Me: Dad, perhaps you dont realize that I am now 25. I am no longer a kid. I think I deserve some breathing space to do my own
things my own way. Afterall you used to tell us how you would not come home untill 11pm when you were my age. Its only 5:30
and I'm home already. Besides I wont forever remain under you roof.

At this point my dad was already livid with rage. He dashed off to the closet and retrieved a Kpankere that he kept there. My siblings were shocked. They could not believe that my dad was about to flog his 25 year old son. I was shocked myself. I knew he was angry but I didn't think he would dare use the cane at that stage. I waited for him with an already prepared plan of action. As he came with the cane raised I side stepped him a little so that he missed me. While the cane came down at an angle I swiftly seized it from him and actually broke it in a rage of my own. I threw the pieces to the ground and the following ensued

Me:DAD! How long do you want to carry on like this? It is utterly shameful that you would still resort to this at my age. I may be your
son and I may be living under your roof, but I am not a slave in my fathers house. I deserve some respect too. If you want to
kep breathing down my neck, fine, I'll leave the house. But I will not be treated in this way.
Dad: You dare take away that cane from me. What were you going to do? Flog your father?
Me: No Sir, you did not bring me up that way. I can never and will never raise my hand against my parents.

My Mum and siblings were speechless. My Dad was livid with rage but I sensed he knew I spoke the truth.

To end the long story, I was never bothered again from that time. I never really used the freedom I had earned because most times I was indoors, but I never had to worry about asking permission to go anywhere so long as I informed them where I was going and I returned in a respectable time. It cascaded down to my siblings as well.


Now I'm not saying you should stand up to your parents. But a very good place to start will be to ask why they always restricted you Just start up a normal conversation with your Dad or Mum and ask why. Don't ask when you have just been turned down. Ask on an ordinary day when you dont have any need to go out. Perhaps you parents may have good reasons. And then let them know that you understand their fears but that you feel some allowance would be in order.

Try that. If that doesn't work, my sister you have no choice oooo. Continue enduring. They are your parents.

Rhozabeth:
You will need to have a heart to heart talk with your mum! You will sit her down and start asking her questions and you should be the one doing the talking and don't let her shut u up! Pls am not saying u should disrespect ur mum o! Just begin to remind her of the way she brought u up, then let her know that throughout your stay in school u had the freedom to mess around but u did not just because of the way she brought u up let her know that you are not going to start messing around now! Ask her if she has ever heard any negative thing about you in the neighborhood or in school, let her know it is because of the way she brought u up! I can assure you she will ease off gradually! Mind u even if u become 40 years old you are still a baby to ur mother and she will not stop treating you as one! In my own opinion if parents have brought up their children well when they are 21yrs they should no longer be treated as babies and protected unnecessarily! If you can conquer your mum this way, you have also conquered ur dad! Good luck.

U deserve a cheque of 5million for this opinion.
I've bookmarked this,i'l read it again before i do the discussion with her.
Thanks bro

pak:
@OP, I won't type my advice here because it would be seen as bad advice.
but bottom line is you're 22 and a full fledged adult.
The only reason why you're still dependent on your parents is in all likelihood financial.
I do not think they should take undue advantage of that.

I concur!

Ezibless:


Guy u funny sha.
U asked a question and u come answer an yoself.

i knw xay u nor be virgin lah except u wan lie.
sheee u nor knw xay na ur type dat tin dey itch pass and any available opportunity, u go utilize am sharperly sharperly.

iykofias:
nna eh see ds guy o, mak she inbox u for wetin again? Abi u wan speak to ha mama?

Ezibless bia answer am...

arabbunkum:
Blessing, please we need to talk.

Hahahhahahahha

oya lets talk na

watching carnival from balcony ke? Chai!!! Ano fit laugh. Una dey live for 7 storey building? These parents eehh.

fpeter:
Choi! I remember those days my mum would have me and my sister watch the carnival from our balcony
The annoying thing was that all our friends and even little kids from the neighborhood would be there o
Even during festive seasons my mum would still ask us to stay at the balcony and watch merrymakers from
there, it was so embarrassing and then i would ask why i couldn't be the one in the streets being watched by
people also from their balconies....I feel you girl just prayerfully tell her that you're now an adult.

JEITO:
1. No matter how grown a child is, he/she can never outgrow their parent

2. As long as you are still under their roof, they have 100% right over you irrespective of your age or academic level. Whatever leverage you get as solely at their discretion.

3. It is the obligation of every parent to protect their children as to say you stay in the north and the school has been turned into a one-religion school, it is the more reason why they should keep a close eye on you.

4. Is their attitude towards you alone or to your other siblings also? If it is to you alone, then there's an issue of trust. Perhaps they are scared of the unknown- you can't quite trust some kids these days with all the filt on tv and internet.

5 at 22, you are still young: atleast here in Nigeria you are still a child. Forget about all these, "once you are 18, you are an adult mumbo-jumbo"

6. Call you friends and simply apologise to them, stating the reason why you can't come- you were not allowed to. As for the gift, once it has not been handed out, it is still your personal property so do whatever you want with it. But I won't advise you to go bother your folks over the matter again else they might begin to suspect you have an ulterior motive.

I want us to understand how parents generally act: whatever they do, they do with good intention even though some of these decisions are needless or frustrating. No right thinking parent does anything to wicked his child just that sometimes, their methods are so crude it looks like wickedness.

Mentality is also another factor influencing their actions. A lot of parent(from the other generation) believe this generation is corrupt morally and otherwise and the best way to keep their wards "safe" is to be "protective" but that doesn't always work out well because curiosity and rebellion have pushed some kids into what the folks wanted keeping them from.

Religion and culture also play a big role. In the african culture, females particularly are more vulnerable and so need to be more in the safety of the home- whether their parent's home or husband's home. Also, when a single lady is independent, society view on her(through the eyes of culture and religion) are mostly in negative light. This is why most parent don't like it when their grown up single daughters, choose to live alone. They'll rather she live with them even if she is working, until she gets married.

Truth is, it is the duty of parent to protect their children because they'll account for them before the society and before God. This is why they employ whatever means they feel will help achieve this(though some of these means are not cool or necessary)

Finally, your parents Love you: whether they show it often or not, they do Love you. Don't ever hold grudge or get angry at your parent for any reason even if their decision was a wrong one.

My dear I agree with you and by the op's narrations, her mum is loving and protective. She should thank God for this as its a blessing. but do note that a lot of parents are not.

It will surprise you to know that what you assume is being protection is not.they might have selfish reasons

The way some parents behave, or speak is devastating. I have come across a lot and work in an ngo presently as a volunteer.

Am presently also trying to be avolunteer counsellor for teenagers.when I was discussing with one of the counsellors. If I start relating stories to you of mental abuse alone not even sexual, I swear even if you are hard, you must shed a tear.

Yes, this is the ideal scenario of a good parent as you penned down but...........believe it or not most are not.

kennygee:


Yes.

u are on a looooong thing. i wonder wat she will say if u tell her u want to move out

MizRachel:
All these 'talkings' that you pple are doing.. Diariss God ooo! Chai

sweet sis,help me tell dem o lol

fpeter:
Choi! I remember those days my mum would have me and my sister watch the carnival from our balcony
The annoying thing was that all our friends and even little kids from the neighborhood would be there o
Even during festive seasons my mum would still ask us to stay at the balcony and watch merrymakers from
there, it was so embarrassing and then i would ask why i couldn't be the one in the streets being watched by
people also from their balconies....I feel you girl just prayerfully tell her that you're now an adult.

Thanks!

But prayer ponits needed ASAP

yetseyi:
OP try to get ur mum's permission, mothers can be so protective @ times and I dont blame them.
Since u re in the north her fear may be from the security situation and the fact that you re going to a christain gathering can further fuel the fear.

But if she says you should not go please dont. Call your friends and apologise .

I strongly believe its security issue thats making her a big reluctant.

Do not think just because u re 22 your mum doesnt have a say .

ok ma

Pamcrest:
Op, I understand your plight...my mum was like that. My saving grace was my dad who, though he doted on me as his only daughter, yet he gave me free rein to come n go as I pleased. It was his level of trust in my ability to always do d right thing, he tells me often that he knows he brought up his children well.
However I join your mum to say No to this trip....is it not to d North? With the insecurity level around that area pls scrap this trip. But try and secure your mum's trust, that's d only way u can break free from her apron strings. I do tell parents that they need some balance with these restrictions because I have seen cases where it became counter productive. A parent needs to show trust in their wards, advise them often but allow them to be responsible n make their own mistakes, that's d way to learn fast. At a certain age, talk alone is not enough, let d child make his/her own experiences. If he falls, he learns d lesson and learns to move on!
My humble submission

And d submission's well accepted.
Thanks!

eminentme:
cos ur still very young from what I'm seeing from ur dp

I look younger than my age jo
doesn't mean i'm still ''dat'' young na

repogirl:
Well.... I guess your mom isn't used to the idea of you moving around yet.

My own parents, were strict but they also gave us space, so from time, I always dey miss from house and they wouldn't even bother cos dey know I will turn up even if its by 1 am.

My parents are soooo free, besides I attended skl far away from them, and they couldn't know what I was up to over there, so where was the sense in restricting my movement when at home?

Anyway, I guess your mom wants you to be safe, the send forth thing to her isn't important and that's why she doesn't see why you shld travel all the way for it.
As a mother, I understand her view.

So, its not like she's restricting you from visiting a friend a few minutes away, she just doesn't want you travelling around for something she doesn't see as important.

Wow,Repogirl,i suspect it's you that put this idea in my moma's head o.

That's d same thing she's just saying.....diaris God o;(

change her mind pls na

arabbunkum:
Blessing, please we need to talk.

ezibless beware, be wise

Acidosis:
We need to talk Blessing

Ezibless:


Hahahahhahahha

If i do that one eh,till 2099 dem go stil dey preach ''the punishment of disobedience'' for me o

Pls i can't fit shout lol

my maale don shout for my sister taya soote she don gif up. na mind tin jor n its obvious u dnt hv d mind & frm experience talking bout it is not going to chsnge a no to a yes.
wen i choose the university i am in, i got a very strong no with d excuse dat it was too far. wen dey knw wat was happening was wen i carry bag say i dey go post ume. today, all dat is history, but things hv changed ever since then. my life, my choices, my consequencies. jst as one poster said, if u are scared to break free, u will eqully not be able to do anything with d freedom wen it is given to u.
disclaimer: dis post is not in any way advicing u to go meet dem BH pple or to put urself in harms way o

Chinoble:
I'm 22 too but my own case is different frm urs.
My mom ve no probs, my Dad ve retired frm army/bossy kind of life(he reighned during my big sis nd bros era).
My probs now is my big brothers(disadvantages of having 3 or 4 not smiling big brothers).
Always afraid of them(wat dey will say nd wat dey will do) i dnt go out wit guys, dnt comment anyhow on social networks especially facebook, dnt go out like dat even @ schl(my lodge).
Dnt let ppl visit me, dnt talk more dan necessary wit their friends, e.t.c. Z Not as if dey r watching my every move, but itz now second nature for me to not do anytin i knw dey will not like wether dey r dia or not.
Dnt knw wen i will break away frm the spell.

My dear,i reallt understand.

Just read through the comments and replace all the ''mom'' and ''dad'' with ''bros'' and ''sis''.

I pray it help.
Just know that they all want the best for us.

freezyprinzy:
It happens u said u and mumcy are lyk 5 and 6 call her nd talk lyk paddies let her tel u her fears y shes so overprotective den u'l know wat step 2 take 4rm diya

I'l sure do dat