yungryce:

u are on a looooong thing. i wonder wat she will say if u tell her u want to move out

Lwkmd, she go cry no ni.

But I don't see myself moving out, unless i get a job out of town tho.

Ezibless:


Thanks dear.

Nice opinion.
My parents and i do have maturd conversation attimes.
Infact,my dad cld tell me something mom did and wld seek my opinion in handling it or my mom once had a misunderstanding with someone and she was kinda reporting d situation to me,i had to calm her down and said some sensible tinz.

So i tink in d aspect of conversation,we discuss maturly.

But the thing is were yo parents also allowing yo sisters(if u have any) do kinda those travles u did wen dey wanted to? Coz i'm talking abt d parents restricting movement

mind u, parents r more often tough on females talking abt security policy sha. yes, our first daughter also gained da confidence from dad. and her opinions and travel decisions were respected.

wen I used d word (matured convo), it was only part of
host of other things dey based ur mental assessment before u r cut some slack as regard ur freedom. trust me, dere r ways u relate with ur mum or dad eh, she will kinda forget ur age wen u need something. for example, wen I wanted to travel, d first thing I work on during d intro hint is their fear.

no parent even want her children flying on d road especially during dis Emba months. elucidate on ur objectives for going, remember dey r matured, so dey only work with reason and not just sentiment, remind her dat u v never reneged on ur promise once & so u will come back da same day. da u understand her position, u will behave dere as if she were with u. tell her u trust her judgment but again it will make u very happy to fellowship with ur friends once more.

wait o, did u just say for north? her mind fit just go dey reason boko insecurity. if das her fear, wahala owa o. me self go say make u chill.

u hav been too obedient! dats very good though! but u gats start disobeying safely. but u might pay a lil price like, ur pocket money will be withheld for a long while but mum will later adjust to ur new ,u. take safe n calculated risks.wen u return home n she sees ur safe, she will begin to trust u ,dat ur mature to handle d wild world. she may scold u but she will cope. if u hav a safe accommodation in sch, then go. but getready for d heat! however! after d heat or rain comes sunshine. be safe. will like to know u.call me on 07034930579

emiraty:


My dear I agree with you and by the op's narrations, her mum is loving and protective. She should thank God for this as its a blessing. but do note that a lot of parents are not.

It will surprise you to know that what you assume is being protection is not.they might have selfish reasons

The way some parents behave, or speak is devastating. I have come across a lot and work in an ngo presently as a volunteer.

Am presently also trying to be avolunteer counsellor for teenagers.when I was discussing with one of the counsellors. If I start relating stories to you of mental abuse alone not even sexual, I swear even if you are hard, you must shed a tear.

Yes, this is the ideal scenario of a good parent as you penned down but...........believe it or not most are not.

really I don't deny that a number of them might be selfish and abusive(if you study those parents closely you'll discover majority of them had family challenges early in life or are experiencing one form of mental challenge or the other). No right thinking parent will abuse their children.

You can say they are insecure or don't know how to effectively communicate their care for their children but I know the average parent, wants what is best for their own kids( some might be indifferent about other peoples children though)

Like I said, their approach might not be the best and may seem cruel, but if only you can see into their intent, You'll understand with me.

I can tell you that even though some parents might not love or relate with the kids the way the kids expect them to, it doesn't mean they don't Love them in the way that they could.

kennygee:


Lwkmd, she go cry no ni.

But I don't see myself moving out, unless i get a job out of town tho.

mummy pikin. i guess she doesnt want those guys to dey eye u at certain times of d day but shey go slow no dey dat ur area?

yungryce:


mummy pikin. i guess she doesnt want those guys to dey eye u at certain times of d day but shey go slow no dey dat ur area?

No, not at all.

Ezibless:


Ok. But did you read the part where i said we're well brought up?
Some parent would stil restrict even if their children is the pope

True story babe.
If you want freedom, you've got to take it. I have a dad like that...he'll be happier if I spent 24hrs in my house on a weekend and restrict movement to just work. Doesn't happen though because I made it clear that I have every plan of meeting human beings outside my house
Bit of friction at first ....no that's lie. LOTS of friction at first, but I set personal curfews for myself to earn his trust and over time he has come to respect that I am a woman, not a child of 5
Oh there's still the occasional, "you came home by 8pm thing lol, but I always apologize if I went to see friends. And if not I just say I was held up in traffic Just to make him feel in charge and ease up so I get my way.


Point is, if you want it then you have to take it. It's easier to ask for forgiveness that to ask for permission
And err bring one friend home once, let your folks meet her. If she's good, they'll trust your judgement more

kennygee:


No, not at all.

dazzall
enjoy ur hostage situation

Nansense... my mum was also strict but, she didn't do all those. Although I love staying indoor. But, I also love making frnds, and mingle with them. I start going out boldly when I'm 17. Thats when I start going to church,joined choir, and as a senior girl in sec sch. She will want me to stay indoor buh I convince her that I am not a kid, even though I'm only 17. I don't just go out but, I do go out and she already knw the kinda girl she have. Infact, sometimes U need to lie so that you can achieve ur aim

MICOBIN:
u hav been too obedient! dats very good though! but u gats start disobeying safely. but u might pay a lil price like, ur pocket money will be withheld for a long while but mum will later adjust to ur new ,u. take safe n calculated risks.wen u return home n she sees ur safe, she will begin to trust u ,dat ur mature to handle d wild world. she may scold u but she will cope. if u hav a safe accommodation in sch, then go. but getready for d heat! however! after d heat or rain comes sunshine. be safe. will like to know u.call me on 07034930579

I don't quite agree with you here. So you would advise a 21 years old to leave the house without the permission of either of the parent just to prove a point that she's matured? That is called sneaking out and matured people don't sneak out of the house.

It is not compulsory that she attends. Truth is, she doesn't owe those friends of hers, her presence no matter how much she thinks she does. She is under authority and the authority has passed a verdict. Maturity will teach her to obey that verdict and even if she wants to complain about it, she should do it after the event. That shows respect for her folks.

Even in the Law, You don't break rules to prove a point even else you will pay dearly for it. Sensible discussion is what make sense.

Let's view it from your angle, let's say she goes on to attend without permission and unfortunately, something negative happens? Who will take responsibility for it?

The fact that the parents refuse to grant her permission, yet leave the gates open, shows they trust she'll obey them. That shows they know she has attained some level of maturity. It is only a matter of time before she begins to enjoy freedom in wider areas. Nothing will happen if she doesn't attend this event, and there'll be many more events to attend so why the rush.

It is only when you are faithful in little, that you'll have bigger ones committed to you.

Btw, the op didn't say if this attitude is towards her only or to all her siblings(or atleast I didn't hear her say so)

I support your mother .

Ezibless:


Wow,Repogirl,i suspect it's you that put this idea in my moma's head o.

That's d same thing she's just saying.....diaris God o;(

change her mind pls na

lol, I thought as much, the only thing you can do is to let her know how much this person means to you... And promise her u will be safe.
You have been praying about it also, which is good. I hope she lets you go but if she doesn't, just accept it. Its all good anyway, your friends will just havta understand.

JEITO:
really I don't deny that a number of them might be selfish and abusive(if you study those parents closely you'll discover majority of them had family challenges early in life or are experiencing one form of mental challenge or the other). No right thinking parent will abuse their children.

You can say they are insecure or don't know how to effectively communicate their care for their children but I know the average parent, wants what is best for their own kids( some might be indifferent about other peoples children though)

Like I said, their approach might not be the best and may seem cruel, but if only you can see into their intent, You'll understand with me.

I can tell you that even though some parents might not love or relate with the kids the way the kids expect them to, it doesn't mean they don't Love them in the way that they could.

I can agree with you but not on love aspects. Some parents have actually revealed they do not love their kids and gave reasons as to how or why they had them.

It took me over 3 months to harden my heart on some cases. I was too emotional and was advised at work but now am okay. I mean its not advisable for me to be a counsellor and be crying right?

I just want to give my bit on helping kids. Adolescent year is the most challenging and lots of trouble kids out there

Ezibless:


Really?

abeg wetin be belle?


I never hear that word before o,na French?

inbox me so dat i cn send u a pdf file of belle analysis.

I'm too hungry to give advice.


Mehn this #0-0-1 me and my men dey do, no be small thing o, for afternoon like this, e go be like they do me turn turn turner....aeroplane turner for more than 10mins

Make maga pay make men smile small.
Chai

princefunmi:


Well Ezi (if I can call you that) I relate perfectly well with your situation.

Parents often forget that they have adults on their hands and not kids.

The thing is parents still see their children as that baby that was born many years ago. It doesn't matter if you are already a grandfather or a grandmother. You still remain that baby to them.

So how do you deal with this?

First of all I want you to note that a female at 22 is still pretty much very naive and can do with some of those restraints. It is a good thing for you. You wouldn't understand it now but in future you will. I know becos I was once there. And I was a guy for that matter. I'll tell you how I went about mine and the results that it yielded. Suffice to say, now that I am older and run my own home, I will forever remain grateful to my parents that they kept a hold of the tight leash. I could have been a little but more outgoing than I am now if they didn't but at the same time who says I couldn't have gotten into trouble.

Now back to the question of dealing with this. In my own time I rebelled against my parents. I'm not proud of it but that was what I did. I would sneak out from under their noses and go have a good time. I would sneak back in and hope to God that they don't get me. Sometimes I did manage to scale through but often times I got busted. Then comes the repercussion. Believe me at 22 I still got flogged. YES!! At 22. It was humiliating.

Then one day things took a turn I was 24 going 25. I went out and came back in well before dark. Lo and behold my dad was there waiting for me and the following ensued:

Dad: Where are you coming from?
Me: From Ikeja
Dad: To do what?
Me: I went to buy some components to build my computer system
Dad: What Computer?
Me: The one I've been working on for the past 3 weeks
Dad: Have I not warned you not to step out of this house
Me: Dad, perhaps you dont realize that I am now 25. I am no longer a kid. I think I deserve some breathing space to do my own
things my own way. Afterall you used to tell us how you would not come home untill 11pm when you were my age. Its only 5:30
and I'm home already. Besides I wont forever remain under you roof.

At this point my dad was already livid with rage. He dashed off to the closet and retrieved a Kpankere that he kept there. My siblings were shocked. They could not believe that my dad was about to flog his 25 year old son. I was shocked myself. I knew he was angry but I didn't think he would dare use the cane at that stage. I waited for him with an already prepared plan of action. As he came with the cane raised I side stepped him a little so that he missed me. While the cane came down at an angle I swiftly seized it from him and actually broke it in a rage of my own. I threw the pieces to the ground and the following ensued

Me:DAD! How long do you want to carry on like this? It is utterly shameful that you would still resort to this at my age. I may be your
son and I may be living under your roof, but I am not a slave in my fathers house. I deserve some respect too. If you want to
kep breathing down my neck, fine, I'll leave the house. But I will not be treated in this way.
Dad: You dare take away that cane from me. What were you going to do? Flog your father?
Me: No Sir, you did not bring me up that way. I can never and will never raise my hand against my parents.

My Mum and siblings were speechless. My Dad was livid with rage but I sensed he knew I spoke the truth.

To end the long story, I was never bothered again from that time. I never really used the freedom I had earned because most times I was indoors, but I never had to worry about asking permission to go anywhere so long as I informed them where I was going and I returned in a respectable time. It cascaded down to my siblings as well.


Now I'm not saying you should stand up to your parents. But a very good place to start will be to ask why they always restricted you Just start up a normal conversation with your Dad or Mum and ask why. Don't ask when you have just been turned down. Ask on an ordinary day when you dont have any need to go out. Perhaps you parents may have good reasons. And then let them know that you understand their fears but that you feel some allowance would be in order.

Try that. If that doesn't work, my sister you have no choice oooo. Continue enduring. They are your parents.

I don't think i'd have the mind to do sneak outs sha.

The thing is if she doesn't let me,i'l just endure. Because it's traveling out that they mainly don't approve of.

donodion:

Ezibless bia answer am...

Nna i con tire o lol

Emodeee:


i knw xay u nor be virgin lah except u wan lie.
sheee u nor knw xay na ur type dat tin dey itch pass and any available opportunity, u go utilize am sharperly sharperly.

Thanks for your analogy and stereotyping.

#no comment.

iykofias:
inbox me so dat i cn send u a pdf file of belle analysis.

Thanks, i'll pass

Don't worry, very soon they'll be chasing you outta the house and you will still be complaining

Ezibless:


Thanks, i'll pass

u dy run 4rm knowledge? very 4ny

A 22yr OLD IS AN ADULT FOR CHRISTS SAKE!

I have noticed majority lack survival skills even after tertiary education, especially girls because of this protection bullshit.

If at the age of 22, you can not differentiate right from wrong on your own and needs parental guidance, your parents have failed you!

Boy or girl, by 18, they should be allowed to make decision concerning little things like going out, even business decisions.

Backward mentality being celebrated as care.

After WAEC, my choice of higher institution, course, when I come home, where I go etc I even traveled out and called home after I have picked up my boarding pass in 200L , all on my own. I just told my parents after secondary school "withdraw all these privileges the moment I get into trouble with the law''

And I have noticed all very successful people left their comfort zone very early in life. Your parents are not helping you build the required network for proper societal integration as an adult (22yrs old)

emiraty:



I can agree with you but not on love aspects. Some parents have actually revealed they do not love their kids and gave reasons as to how or why they had them.

It took me over 3 months to harden my heart on some cases. I was too emotional and was advised at work but now am okay. I mean its not advisable for me to be a counsellor and be crying right?

I just want to give my bit on helping kids. Adolescent year is the most challenging and lots of trouble kids out there

I can understand with you. Being a counsellor can be demanding physically, mentality and emotionally. I have been a counsellor for a few years now(4 precisely) and I know what I am saying.

I don't know the kind of people you have met, but I guess they are mostly single parents or those that got married out of circumstance(s) beyond their control or those that got into marriage for the wrong reasons. But the percentage of such is not much compared with those who have feelings for their kids.

All the same, i appreciate your decision to work with young people especially in their formative years. I pray grace and wisdom richly abound for you.

iykofias:
u dy run 4rm knowledge? very 4ny

see me see wahala o.
I no wan learn,na by force ni?

JEITO:
I can understand with you. Being a counsellor can be demanding physically, mentality and emotionally. I have been a counsellor for a few years now(4 precisely) and I know what I am saying.

I don't know the kind of people you have met, but I guess they are mostly single parents or those that got married out of circumstance(s) beyond their control or those that got into marriage for the wrong reasons. But the percentage of such is not much compared with those who have feelings for their kids.

All the same, i appreciate your decision to work with young people especially in their formative years. I pray grace and wisdom richly abound for you.

4 years wao!!!!. Hope you will be available when I need to rub minds on a case.

Still learning how to crawl would love to have an experienced person to guide me . I do have them at the voulunteer centre but.............

Have a blessed day ahead

Never had that issue with my parents and we never misused the liberty we had with them, at 22, one is supposed to be mentally prepared to survive alone, how will you face the world on your own if you still need permission to attend a function from your parents? Ofcourse you have to inform them of your whereabouts and then be back home at a reasonable hour, that's how I see it.

rman:
A 22yr OLD IS AN ADULT FOR CHRISTS SAKE!

I have noticed majority lack survival skills even after tertiary education, especially girls because of this protection bullshit.

If at the age of 22, you can not differentiate right from wrong on your own and needs parental guidance, your parents have failed you!

Boy or girl, by 18, they should be allowed to make decision concerning little things like going out, even business decisions.

Backward mentality being celebrated as care.

After WAEC, my choice of higher institution, course, when I come home, where I go etc I even traveled out and called home after I have picked up my boarding pass in 200L , all on my own. I just told my parents after secondary school "withdraw all these privileges the moment I get into trouble with the law''

And I have noticed all very successful people left their comfort zone very early in life. Your parents are not helping you build the required network for proper societal integration as an adult (22yrs old)

Mahn, you just said it all

emiraty:


4 years wao!!!!. Hope you will be available when I need to rub minds on a case.

Still learning how to crawl would love to have an experienced person to guide me . I do have them at the voulunteer centre but.............

Have a blessed day ahead

sure! with all pleasure. Have a wonderful day ahead also.

Stillfire:
Your parents will never ever change if you don't stand up to them.
Trust me I've been there. My sister had to do a big breakaway from their clutches, now my dad respects what she did.
It's going to be tough because they will surely fight back, but you would find out they will change and think twice before treating you like a baby.
Unless you are still a teenager, it's not every damn thing you seek permission for.

please ignore this advise. try to find out the reason why she don't want to let you go but in a friendly manner, but if you know trying to force yourself to go for graduation party just to present gift will ruin the lovely relationship you have with your mum, don't just bother going because you might regret it. if you as I dey take protect my sisters wey no be my pikin no matter her age eeeh, you go know say your parents na learner for protection.

Nashoji:
please ignore this advise. try to find out the reason why she don't want to let you go but in a friendly manner, but if you know trying to force yourself to go for graduation party just to present gift will ruin the lovely relationship you have with your mum, don't just bother going because you might regret it. if you as I dey take protect my sisters wey no be my pikin no matter her age eeeh, you go know say your parents na learner for protection.

learner? lol. Ok ma

ottizz:
Pick a time that she is really happy, or create the atmosphere (you should know, since you two are like 5 and 6), and find out from her, in a non-confrontational way, her reason(s). You mentioned you schooled in the North, so it is possible she is worried about insecurity. If you still feel strongly about going despite the security issues (if that is the case), then make your case to her on how you were able to survive, all alone, during your school years. You do need to assure her also that your accommodation is sorted out.
I have a 15 year old daughter, and I am not sure I will have much issue with her going to a party with her friends, when she turns 22. She will be an adult by then, you know, and there is not much I can tell her at that age that will prevent her from doing what she wants to do. I can only offer her some safety tips. Good luck dear.

thumbs up

Ezibless:


My dear,i reallt understand.

Just read through the comments and replace all the ''mom'' and ''dad'' with ''bros'' and ''sis''.

I pray it help.
Just know that they all want the best for us.

my sister, itz not easy o