“SO what are you bringing for the Christmas share party?”

I groaned inwardly. I’m not a huge fan of Christmas festivities. If anything, Christmas is one of my least favorite times of the year. Maybe because right from when I was little, I’ve always associated Christmas with one form of disappointment or another. Like one Christmas family funfair that, on TV, was advertised as an absolute must not miss. After bugging my parents no end to take us there, they obliged. Only for us to get there and find out that the “most fun this season” comprised of a bunch of crying children singing Christmas carols off-key, a harassed looking Santa in a Santa suit three times his size, three Teletubbies that looked like they were either suffering an advanced stage of AIDS or severe malnutrition judging from how skinny they were and an overcrowded swimming pool. After several attempts at swimming ended in kicks to various parts of my body, I dragged myself out. Twenty minutes in and I already wanted to go home.

And the absolute worst part of it all was when they dragged us in front of the camera and asked us to say stuff like “I want to give a Christmas shout out to my mummy, my daddy, aunty Tolu, brother Segun…” I mean, those other kids sounded like retards. When it was my turn I absolutely refused to say anything, even if I knew my mother would twist my ears and slap the back of my head after that.

Or when the primary school my father switched my younger brother and I to when we moved promised that Santa Claus was dropping by our school and we would all get to meet him. At least those of us whose parents would cough up N1000. I found it odd because Santa as I remembered didn’t collect money to come give out presents. I didn’t mind anyways. I had never got to meet Santa before and he had never come down our chimney to drop presents under our Christmas tree and in stockings hung over the fireplace. Maybe that was because we didn’t have a chimney. Or a Christmas tree. And if our stockings were anywhere other than in the wardrobe, the defaulter would receive a hot slap from my mother.

After much additional bugging (with the assistance of my brother), my father agreed to pay a thousand Naira for each of us to see Santa and receive a gift from him. I was absolutely ecstatic and couldn’t wait. The school didn’t make it any better. Teachers routinely threatened us with not seeing Santa if we didn’t behave properly (as did my parents). Then a huge banner was placed outside the school gates with a fat, smiling, jolly Santa clutching a big bag that was bursting with presents, probably as a means of showing students whose parents hadn’t paid for them what they were missing. I had paid so I wasn’t bothered. Several times I dreamed of the fat Santa and the Playstation console he would give me. And a bicycle. And a remote controlled toy car like the one Tolani was always bringing to school but never let me play with. Santa was my promises fulfilled. Santa was my dreams coming to pass. Santa would make Christmas perfect.

Till now, I remember Santa’s coming as one of the biggest disappointments I have ever suffered in my entire life. To start with, Santa’s grotto was at the back of the school, right outside the headmistress’ office window. Apparently, last year’s Santa had made away with half the bag of presents after claiming they had finished and the headmistress wanted to keep an eye on this one. It was tiny and hot and even the standing fan did nothing to make it any better. It was nothing like any of the Santa’s grottos I had seen in the movies and I was sure all I needed to do was pull on one of the red and green sheets for the whole structure to come down. And it was inconveniently located close to the school dumpster so occasional wafts of breeze sent students (and even Santa himself) fanning the air away from themselves and covering their nostrils. It was horrible.

Then Santa Claus. The biggest disappointment of all. To start with, he was black. Very black. Blacker than me, and I was quite dark. If he was any darker his second name would be midnight. He contrasted sharply with the white Santa I had seen on the banner. Then his beard. Unlike the banner Santa’s beard that was full and white, this one was thin and stringy like those of guys named White Eagle in Chinese movies. And I could see underneath the white that was only attached to the Santa’s face with the assistance of a piece of string, was scraggly black beard. I wondered years after that why Santa didn’t at least make the effort of shaving his black beard. And those weren’t the only differences. Unlike banner Santa that was plump and looking well fed, this one looked like he had just been rescued from a war torn country where there was a severe shortage of food. His Santa suit looked like it had been worn several times without washing and the white cuffs and collar were turning a disturbing shade of brown. And unlike Santa’s big, black , shiny boots, this one wore Converse sneakers.

It might have been better if it had stopped at his appearance alone. This Santa spoke with an accent, was bad tempered and threatened to slap Seun and Dami if they didn’t stop fidgeting and pose for the “damn picture”. He blew his nose loudly and then wiped it on his sleeve. Then after a while he took a break. Only for us to spot him a short distance away, eating amala and gbegiri then smoking a cigar after he was done. Santa ate cookies and milk, not amala and gbegiri. And Santa certainly wasn’t known for smoking. Or drinking what suspiciously looked like cheap alcohol in a sachet like I thought he just did. What was going on?

After waiting an hour, I finally got to meet Santa – for all of five seconds. First I stood beside him (as against sitting on his lap, which should be the normal thing) and had a picture taken with sweat pouring down both our faces (power supply was gone so the standing fan wasn't functional). Then he handed me a wrapped package that was clearly too small to be a Playstation or a bicycle. But I could feel a box and something flat through the wrapping paper. Maybe I got the toy car! One out of three wasn’t bad. All my earlier disappointments disappeared as I sprinted down to class eager to open my present before others got back too. I went to my seat, placed the package on my desk and started to unwrap.

A packet of St. Louis sugar and an exercise book. What in the world was I supposed to do with a packet of St. Louis sugar and a twenty leaves exercise book? Give myself diabetes and then write a forty page essay about it? I stared at the pair on my desk till tears started pouring down my face. And that was when my disappointment was complete.

So now I was being asked by the HR manager what I was bringing for the Christmas party where everybody’s gifts would be shared at random. I hadn’t brought mine in yet so I decided I would drop by the mall to pick up something on my way home, wrap it then bring it in the following day. It took me barely five minutes to pick out something. I joined the shortest queue I could find at checkout and waited till it was my turn.

Then I reached in my back pocket to fish out my wallet while the cashier scanned the barcodes on the packet of Dangote sugar and forty leaves exercise book.

Who says I should be alone in my Christmas disappointment?


http://tiersays.gidicentral.com/2014/12/25/short-story-submission-christmas-disappointments/


Merry Christmas Everybody!!!

Sebonza don come again o..

Happy Xmas

Eeyah..

Sebonza is SantaPhobic

Now I can relate with everything during my childhood growing up years every Xmas..

Wow... Off to get my own St. Louis sugar and wrapper..

Thanks for the idea

Lol!!!

Senby, Im slightly frustrated o.

Santa ate cookies not gbegiri and ewedu . Epic!

What in the world was I supposed to
do with a packet of St. Louis sugar and a
twenty leaves exercise book? Give myself
diabetes and then write a forty page essay
about it?

Lmao and LOL!!!

^^^

whitemosquito:
Senby, Im slightly frustrated o.

ah....why? sorry i've been offline sef. my phone formatted and i can't remember the number i registered that whatsapp account with

nice

Lolz

senbonzakurakageyoshi:


ah....why? sorry i've been offline sef. my phone formatted and i can't remember the number i registered that whatsapp account with

here's the link:

www.nairaland.com/2060343/white-mosquito-flash-fiction-challenge

senbonzakurakageyoshi:
“SO what are you bringing for the Christmas share party?”


Merry Christmas Everybody!!!

Lmfao! Best story so far! Enjoyed every bit. I'm sharing it

Silkmoth33:





Lmfao! Best story so far! Enjoyed every bit. I'm sharing it

Awww! Thanks a mil!

whitemosquito:
Go jor...
So what do we do now? Do u still use the numbers at least? They are both switched off!

*sighs*

and here's the link:

www.nairaland.com/2060343/white-mosquito-flash-fiction-challenge

I ended up not picking ur brains again. You have a lot to make up for o. Read up and drop comments on the comment thread.

Im watching you in 5D.

Added you on BBM

Maybe you should have packaged gbegiri and amala instead, LoL.

Lwkmd. This hilarious. Lmao.

Senby of life. The one that never disappoints. You show yourself less than often but when you do, tha bomb. Nice one

This right here is the man/woman/nairalander that inspired me with his utterly hilarious stories to start writing comic pieces. Big ups senbon

Nuges11:
This right here is the man/woman/nairalander that inspired me with his utterly hilarious stories to start writing comic pieces. Big ups senbon

Awwww, thank you!!!!!!!

My legendary frnd wey chop my website money go use am buy sugar & 40leaves. *winks*

U shud hav known dere's a big difference btwn their Santa Claus & our Father Christmas naa. Hehehe...