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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / Crude Lines (2515 Views)
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Crude Lines by McSterling(m): 1:49pm On Dec 24, 2014 |
The Queer One In this tiny cubicle, Was born the queer one. They say they sang him a canticle, As soon as he was born. In this little village, Grew the eccentric one. Some say he set on his life's voyage, Ere he had even begun. In his own little world, Lived the weird one. All he sought did evade him. All he fought did defeat him. He would toil, And he would moil. He would try, And he would cry, But things would yet go awry. He would scratch, And he would search, But yet for life he stood no match. Still he couldn't stop. No sooner had he left than he would return. His was a frantic search for meaning, A futile scouring for essence, Another way of saying, He knew not his own essence. Cc: Texanomaly, Everestdebliu, Laykorn, Donifez, Leki10, Cisse7575 1 Like |
Re: Crude Lines by Nobody: 8:20am On Dec 26, 2014 |
Sorry Mc that nobody has reviewed yet. I'll do that now. Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Crude Lines by texanomaly(f): 4:26pm On Dec 26, 2014 |
McSterling: I really like this. Is there a reason the last stanza is so big compared to the others? |
Re: Crude Lines by McSterling(m): 4:51pm On Dec 26, 2014 |
texanomaly:Not really. I intended to make it short but it just kept coming to me, and I kept writing till it stopped. Thanks for the review. Compliments of the season. |
Re: Crude Lines by donifez(m): 9:20pm On Dec 26, 2014 |
McSterling:i like the picture painted with your poem..from a child through youthful age and finally adulthood, I pray he finds his essence later,Brilliant poem..Keep it up. |
Re: Crude Lines by McSterling(m): 9:24pm On Dec 26, 2014 |
donifez:Several of us can relate to this poem somehow. Thanks, chief. |
Re: Crude Lines by donifez(m): 9:31pm On Dec 26, 2014 |
McSterling:You are welcome...but please am not a chief ooh ![]() McSterling:You are welcome...but please am not a chief ooh |
Re: Crude Lines by McSterling(m): 10:36pm On Dec 26, 2014 |
donifez:I meant chief colloquially not literally. But you're still my oga sha ![]() |
Re: Crude Lines by donifez(m): 10:39pm On Dec 26, 2014 |
McSterling:Funny dude..you win. |
Re: Crude Lines by texanomaly(f): 7:57pm On Dec 27, 2014 |
In this tiny cubicle, Was born the queer one. They say they sang him a canticle, As soon as he was born. In this little village, Grew the eccentric one. Some say he set on his life's voyage, Ere he had even begun. In his own little world, Lived the weird one. All he sought did evade him. All he fought did defeat him. He would toil, And he would moil. He would try, And he would cry, But things would yet go awry. He would scratch, And he would search, But yet for life he stood no match. Still he couldn't stop. No sooner had he left than he would return. His was a frantic search for meaning, A futile scouring for significance, Another way of saying, He knew not his own essence. Just a suggestion If you wanted to break up the last stanza and a word replacement to keep from unnecessary repetition. ![]() Take it or leave it. This is your creation. 1 Like |
Re: Crude Lines by McSterling(m): 9:46pm On Dec 27, 2014 |
texanomaly:Oh, thanks. You've made it better. ![]() |
Re: Crude Lines by McSterling(m): 5:06pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
Was trying to write me an iambic pentameter sonnet as assigned to us by texanomaly. Wasn't coming easy, so I wrote this in the meantime: Morning hush: Unruffled. Fill me with rare tranquility. Chirping fowl: Musical. Permeate my soul with nature's song. Blooming bud: Beautiful. Inundate my nares with sweet smells. Flighty fly: Colourful. Imbue my world with thy beauty. Mighty ace: Elegant. Sustain the globe with raw-pure strength. cc: Texanomaly Laykorn Everestdebliu 1miccza Donifez Leki10 Cisse7575 Dannidom Mynd44 Royver |
Re: Crude Lines by texanomaly(f): 5:52pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
This is good. I really like it. ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Crude Lines by McSterling(m): 6:26pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
texanomaly:Thanks. |
Re: Crude Lines by 1miccza: 10:15pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
McSterling: Well as for a sonnet I can describe but I just can't figure out what you mean by an iambic pentameter,can you describe that to me? |
Re: Crude Lines by texanomaly(f): 10:27pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
1miccza: 1micca did you not see this? McSterling: |
Re: Crude Lines by 1miccza: 10:33pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
texanomaly: This is officially welcoming the teacher *bows and takes off his hat* *moves close and whispers* so what is an iambic pentameter and what exactly was McSterling trying to do... |
Re: Crude Lines by texanomaly(f): 10:35pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
1miccza: This is it.. ![]() https://www.nairaland.com/2045307/poetry-classes-beginners-npc-signup/27#29286636 |
Re: Crude Lines by 1miccza: 10:45pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
texanomaly: See?told you I wasn't good ![]() texanomaly: See?told you I wasn't good |
Re: Crude Lines by Nobody: 10:57pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
1miccza:You've got mail sir. Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Crude Lines by 1miccza: 12:01am On Jan 04, 2015 |
laykorn: Yes boss and I've replied sir |
Re: Crude Lines by texanomaly(f): 3:01am On Jan 04, 2015 |
1miccza: Don't try to hide your talent. I see right through you sir. |
Re: Crude Lines by McSterling(m): 7:43am On Jan 04, 2015 |
1miccza:This poem isn't one. |
Re: Crude Lines by 1miccza: 12:53pm On Jan 04, 2015 |
McSterling: Show me one then... |
Re: Crude Lines by 1miccza: 12:56pm On Jan 04, 2015 |
texanomaly: What?You're putting on a binoculars or what? 1 Like |
Re: Crude Lines by McSterling(m): 2:21pm On Jan 04, 2015 |
1miccza:Like I said earlier, I attempted writing one but didn't find it easy. But if you just wanted to see an example, here's the one texanomaly posted in her class: He turned the fourteenth glass and said, “Begin.” and I had fourteen minutes left to live; and I had fourteen unrepented sins, and fourteen people whom I would forgive, and fourteen unread books upon my shelf, and fourteen loves I knew I’d loved in vain, and fourteen dreams I’d kept within myself (the fourteen I’d most wanted to explain.) But fourteen minutes quickly passed away. I filled my pen with fourteen drops of ink- the fourteenth glass had offered one delay; and fourteen final grains retained the brink. This sonnet flowed like fourteen final breaths- the fourteenth line, the fourteenth grain, then death. ~“Death of a Sonnet writer” by Scott Ennis |
Re: Crude Lines by 1miccza: 3:58pm On Jan 04, 2015 |
McSterling: Were you trying to create yours or memorise this? |
Re: Crude Lines by texanomaly(f): 9:05pm On Jan 04, 2015 |
Re: Crude Lines by 1miccza: 12:12am On Jan 05, 2015 |
texanomaly: When I get that tongue of yours? |
Re: Crude Lines by texanomaly(f): 2:25am On Jan 05, 2015 |
Re: Crude Lines by McSterling(m): 5:20pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
1miccza:To create mine. |
Re: Crude Lines by 1miccza: 5:24pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
McSterling: Ok pick the word that would be repeating itself,determine the number of verses and then try weaving meaningful sentences around the word in such a way that it would be in between the sentence |
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