Ugggh

.

RoyalRoy:


Merry Xmas Teespice Darling. Hope u are fine and well?

Happy new year in advance!!!

I am fine, just about to sleep again.

same to you as well.

RoyalRoy:


You want some darling?

no thanks Roy I don't eat duck legs

zeb04:
no thanks Roy I don't eat duck legs

Turkey Legs?

RoyalRoy:




Turkey Legs?

hahahaha thanks roy now you talking.I would forward your pounded yam and ewedu soup this minute.

RoyalRoy:


Lollz... Sleep tight ....wake up early to unwrap the present I have for you o!!!

I am awake.

What present do you have for me?

Your present is here.





Enjoy Teespice.....

RoyalRoy:
Your present is here.





Enjoy Teespice.....

thanks hun.

Much appreciated.

mwuah.

Teespice:


thanks hun.

Much appreciated.

mwuah.

When are you inviting us.

Ilovenigeria:

When are you inviting us.

for?

Teespice:


for?

Traditional marriage.

Ilovenigeria:

Traditional marriage.

loool


no wedding bells.

deleted

Lashawn,
Compliments of the season. Hope mummy daddy sisters brothers are fine.

Now pull yourself da f**k together.


I don't always use french.

In as much as I want to dismiss this outright as an emotional outburst that has no place in a mature marriage, this perception of things is your reality so it has to be entertained.


Why does everybody have to like you ? Is that an attitude to go through life by ? A whole evening happened and the highlight for you is that an extended uncle called you and said you had to love their family more and call more often? Jeeez that's really what shattered everything for you? Tarnished everything irrevocably? Pull yourself together!

Marriage 101.1 learn to manage your expectations as your level of influence wanes.

Everybody cannot like you it is has simple as that, it seems trivial to say but heck you need to hear it. Have you done right by yourself and by your husband ? Does he like it , yes? Has he complained you don't call his relatives?
So if your husband understands where you are from and what you are about you EXPECT an extended uncle who is probably set in his 60 's ways to understand what Lashawn is all about?



Then you get pearls of wisdom from someone else who has been there and is living it, 'schedule calls for them ' if that's what they like. Since your interest is that they like you that should not be hard no?


Am not one to be quick to judge but my dear you need to grow up in the space that is called marriage.
Which one even consign me self.

Chrisbenogor:
Lashawn,
Compliments of the season. Hope mummy daddy sisters brothers are fine.

Now pull yourself da f**k together.


I don't always use french.

In as much as I want to dismiss this outright as an emotional outburst that has no place in a mature marriage, this perception of things is your reality so it has to be entertained.


Why does everybody have to like you ? Is that an attitude to go through life by ? A whole evening happened and the highlight for you is that an extended uncle called you and said you had to love their family more and call more often? Jeeez that's really what shattered everything for you? Tarnished everything irrevocably? Pull yourself together!

Marriage 101.1 learn to manage your expectations as your level of influence wanes.

Everybody cannot like you it is has simple as that, it seems trivial to say but heck you need to hear it. Have you done right by yourself and by your husband ? Does he like it , yes? Has he complained you don't call his relatives?
So if your husband understands where you are from and what you are about you EXPECT an extended uncle who is probably set in his 60 's ways to understand what Lashawn is all about?



Then you get pearls of wisdom from someone else who has been there and is living it, 'schedule calls for them ' if that's what they like. Since your interest is that they like you that should not be hard no?


Am not one to be quick to judge but my dear you need to grow up in the space that is called marriage.
Which one even consign me self.

I totally agree.
She took it too personal

Dear Lashawn,

I'm sorry you are so upset..please wipe your tears ok?
If I were to judge your post by what you wrote,it doesn't seem so serious..looks like you are working yourself up over nothing but i'm trying to read between the lines and see what has caused you to cry..Pull yourself together my dear ok?
Perhaps the tone of voice sounded like he was reprimanding you or being critical and then ontop of it,your fiance feels it's not a big deal?Is that part of it? Are you feeling like true colours are coming out already as per they are already pouncing on you without provocation and placing expectations?

Remember you need to study the family well.How have they been towards you?Have they been kind,nice and accepting of you?Who is this Uncle?You need to know that sometimes all these uncles run their mouths and say stuff for the sake of saying it.It's even possible no one said anything to him or discussed you with him.I feel maybe he was just saying all these stuff people say when they come for intro to families.The comments he made are normally the sort of things they say.You can't let a yellow teeth bow legged uncle frustrate you ooo.Habba!! You should also consider that he felt he was giving you advice on how he feels you should foster a loving relationship with your intended family.


Some pastor called by my MIL to 'pray' told me i should forget my whole family because they are not important and I should stick to my DH and things will go well for me,he even said i should stop little little arguments with DH,that if i continue i will be in trouble..all these he said to me but turned and heaped praise on my hubby,no word of caution for him.Note that this was infront of everybody oo.I smiled like an angel but in my mind,i was saying thunder fire you there..As if that was not enough,he conducted prayer and was trying to turn me round and make me dizzy so i'd fall under the anointing,i stood like iroko and he eventually gave up.Trust my MIL to jump on what he said and call me to give me motherly advise..I listened and said ok,truth is i didn't hear half of what she said cos i focused my eyes on her lip movement and this caused me to blank out..i do this when i don't want to get angry. Ofcourse i told my DH off after the whole saga.Have i thrown my family away?NO. Do DH and i argue?Yes ke!!

My dear,people can say anything they feel like,what matters is your reaction to what is said.That you should love your hubbys family more than yours ? You agree naaa. Call them every second ??Tank Sah..You smile and let him talk but ultimately you know yourself and what you can and cannot do.There's nothing bad in what he said.Will he be there like a monitoring spirit to check your call log? If you are not the calling type,you do what you can and leave the rest.

Don't wait for ruggedy uncle to tell you welcome and greet you & congratulate you.Don't expect too much from people.That way,you don't get too disappointed.

Please don't be all primed up for battle for no just cause..that's why I have asked you to study closely the family you are getting into.Watch how they interact,watch how your hubby acts towards you with them.Watch how they treat the other SIL.Everyone is different and want to be related with differently..Watch and see each of them for who they are and arrange yourself accordingly.Do NOT start doing anything you will not be able to sustain.If you are not the calling type,don't start calling unnecessarily cos if after marriage you revert to your normal self,wahala don start.Be who you are and let them also see you are just like the way you've described.If they are wonderful,they will embrace you and you'll seee that with time you will start relaxing around them and getting along pretty well.

However,if they are end time inlaws you know the position to put your face.
If your other SIL is already telling you they are picky,study for yourself and see..then arrange ya dross accordingly.Treat everyone with respect even uncle yellow teeth.Don't over analyse stuff or cause yourself unnecessary pain.Let your DH handle them.Remember that everyone must not like you.If you want everyone to like you,you will start people pleasing and get frustrated along the line.There's no need.

I understand that somethings can be very hurtful especially if you are an emotional person but believe me when I say an old cranky uncle is the least of your worries..You have started a journey to begin a life with a man you love,don't let anyone ruin it for you..Save your energy for the challenges that come with being married,for the quarreling and kissing and making up..For the beautiful times that lie ahead of you and your man..
Good luck

Thank you all for the advice. I really appreciate from the bottom of my heart.
It seems really s.. .

And the guy is enjoying the relationship with my family. They've made him feel very welcome and he has no qualms with anyone.

The thing is, It's not just this uncle they are complaining to. They are making this complaints anywhere and everywhere and even to friends.
If it was such an issue, why not talk to me about it? Do you want to turn the tide of public opinion against me or What?

All in all, I wish I had read this thread in and out before delving into all this. Maybe I wouldn't have my expectations so high.

In Africa, when a woman marries her man, she is not just marrying the man but the family. @Lashawn, you should have not made that call or sent that text in the first instance. I would advice be yourself and when they know this is how she is they would only talk and nothing else, save your energy for the fight and kissing in marriage.
Please, do not call again.

@ lashawn It looks little now but after marriage it becomes monumental.
If you bring these up 3yrs into marriage,the ist question anyone will ask is did you see it coming.

When you are in a not so serious r/ship,you let some things slide but when its leading to marriage,you have to consider all sides.at that moment love is no more blind.

Reality check,when you marry a mam in nigeria, you marry the whole family.you don't just whisk him away.

My advice.if you are so troubled about it then sort it out before marriage. People get good inlaws why should yours be any different.

My dear crying ke? What for?
So there is someone who can cry more than me

On a serious note first of all dismiss the iyawo ile who called you to one side. If she has issues, then thats her cup of tea. Dont let anyone rope you into existing beefs.
You are joining that family on a clean slate. Dont put anyones food on it.

Now back to uncle. People are all different and some people are very blunt and abrupt and dont know how to "fa ayon mora"
He probably is a very nice man when you get to know him. You will be surpised.
Now that I know my husbands family very well, its surprising to see that the ones I was "scared" of the most are the ones closest to me now.

Be yourself. Treat them with love and respect. Call them and ask after them as you will do your own family even if not for their sake but for your husbands sake. . . .He loves them too remember.

Marriage is not a bed of roses and Yes, there will be the odd frictions here and there with your Inlaws. Which family doesnt have that? Even within our own families we have our moments . . .. .Thats life. Everything cant be honky dory 100% of the time.

This is the time to just watch and learn ans understand the dynamics of the family and fit in where you can
I come from a very laid back family. I am a Yoruba woman but dont kneel to greet my mum. I just Hello mum and hug and kiss her when I see her, I however dont call my husbands cousins by name, even the ones I am older than by a few years. I respect them and they respect me. Every family is differeent.

Call them from time to time and try to genuingly care for them. The ones that will warm to you will. At least you have tried your best and your concsience is clear. Dont do eye service but be genuine in your dealings with them. They will soon understand who you are and what you stand for and deal with you on that level.
If you have issues with any of them, let your husband know about it and let him deal with it

All the best.

@LaShawn,

Compliments of the season

1st, forget that new iyawo, she might have existing issues with them and is looking for whom to win to her side

2nd, is your hubby to be sensitive to your feelings whether genuine or not?

3rd, wipe your tears; some husband's family like to be a pain in the neck and start to try themselves; if you need to learn to be polite without becoming a pushover.... Anything you will not take/accommodate after marriage, please start rejecting from now. Call them when you can and when it seems they do not appreciate your calls, kindly let them be.

Also discuss with your parents to let them know your fears and try to research their culture and way of life if need be...


P.S.: I think I remember you from the Abused wives thread... Are you still marrying the same guy?

@LaShawn i want u 2 rmve d taught dt u ar avin ds problm cos u ar gettin marrd in2 a diff tribe, avin inlaws cms wt diff issues no matter d tribe. Am a yoruba woman married 2 a yoruba man, any tym i call my husb stepmom her response is alwyz 'so u can call 2day', i there4 decided nt 2 call again except wen necessary. Pls b careful of d SIL advise u ar nt yet sure of her true colours. Above all knw hw ur fiance relate wt dm, d ones he holds in high regard & d one does nt. It is well