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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? (15692 Views)
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Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by babygirlfl: 3:50pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: It's not fair play then because you are judging people you have not even listened to. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by babygirlfl: 3:53pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: I don't think so and are you trying to say that showing your wife respect or love is weakness? |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by babygirlfl: 3:56pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: same thing can be said too of the black man who emigrated. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 3:57pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
babygirlfl: Though I don't have interactions with them cos there's nothing much to talk about. What's there to talk about? Nigerian music? - I don't listen to it too tough. Nigeria?- I only do that on here, and it's mostly about politics and what I've read, and most women don't like politics anyway. So, what's there to talk about since most of them can't relate to my world? However, I see things. I know how those who get kicked out all the time. I know about those who have curfews set by their Nigerian wives. I know about how every mistake is a fashion to them. I know the mentality, and how uncouth they're, hence I try my best possible to stay away from it. Even on here, it's so glaring. So, I think I can speak from that space. We've no interaction close interesting but I know the behavioural pattern based on what I see. I'm very observant. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 3:59pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
babygirlfl: I agree with respect, support, and care - but women in general always take love for granted. There has to be check and balances. Once you show a woman you're in love, she'd make you a su.cker. Anyway, I'm not into love - it's an emotion for suckers. There are rules to this shiit. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Missy89(f): 4:01pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: Most Africans abroad are usually interested in relationships that would benefit them either financially or what not. The men are not the only one struggling abroad. The story is the same for every immigrant regardless the gender except for very few. If half breed Africans are looking for a cultured black woman and a shoulder to cry on, the should encourage their fellow half breeds abroad to teach and maintain African values among their kids growing up overseas. The mentality of the ones migrating will always be different for many reasons like you mentioned. If you think your experience is the same with an African that migrated overseas then that is a BIG FAT LIE. You cant compare because you dont see things the same way and they still have to join thru few hoops unlike you. That said, there are good people out there, just very few. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 4:01pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
babygirlfl: Most black men acclimatise quicker due to the stigma, and maintain the blackness. However, with the women, it's like they just got released from doing a 25-year bid in prison, and it's time to explore/exploit everything counter-productive. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by babygirlfl: 4:02pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: Well some of our black men lack the bolded yet expect to be worshipped. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 4:07pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
Missy89: The bold just added credence to everything I've been saying. So, they're basically opportunists, no? The struggle is real and I can't knock their hustle. Personally, I don't have a problem with that, hence I don't really venture into their world. However, what I've have a problem is when people start peddling something that isn't organic, and was induced by what they see as a leeway out of their misery - as the model everyone has to accept. Then it becomes problematic. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 4:08pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
babygirlfl: Hence it's always necessary to treat people how they treat you, and not by preconceived notions. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by babygirlfl: 4:10pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: I disagree, In fact the opposite is the case, most black men who migrate abroad just want to live the same way they live in Nigeria. They want to dominate and control their wife. They want a master slave relationship. Some want to beat their wife and get away with it. Please please, until you listen to these women, do not judge them. I just wish I could explain it to you. That said, there are a few women who are like you described. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by babygirlfl: 4:14pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: You said it and I agree. Now extrapolate the imaginary graph and see that these men could just be getting what they dish out. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Missy89(f): 4:17pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: Right,they hardly roll together anyway. The gender is always not the issue but the upbringing. Better to stick with your kind abroad anyways. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 4:18pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
babygirlfl: The master-slave relationship is so medieval, and I doubt most Nigerian men who migrated here do that since it's tough to survive based on one person's income. Once you get into the system out here, relationships/marriages become partnerships. Also, black men are the same everywhere. And in western societies are also patriarchal, with judeo-christian nucleus/foundation. So, it's normal for men to always want to be in control, as the authority. However, the problem with naija women is that: they don't like that, since most of them think with the welfare system, they can survive without the man. And that creates a leeway for them, to explore/exploit the freedom, they never had when they were in Nigeria. There's nothing to talk about with folks who have no knowledge/understanding of anything. It's better to keep them at bay, and let them do their thing. I know more than enough already. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Missy89(f): 4:19pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
babygirlfl: Exactly!. 1 Like |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 4:20pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
Missy89: That's the truth. Forcing it will always cause a conflict of interest and a clash of two different worlds/experiences. Hence you'll always see me tell certain folks to move over on here from time to time. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Missy89(f): 4:25pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: This is not true o. I have seen many naija couples here and the story is always the opposite. You are way off on this one. Why do you think most Nigerian men kill their wives abroad? A typical African man do not understand how to deal with a woman that earns considerable income and has the power to enforce laws that gives her equal rights. Most of them do not understand how to deal with this issue. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 4:30pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
Missy89: Well, I can't really speak about the US, and how Nigerians out there ingratiate themselves with the society/system. My observation is about the UK, a country with a welfare system, single mothers can always exploit, and laws which favour them. Nigerians out here don't kill their wives. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by babygirlfl: 4:33pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: Most don't believe in the bolded. The problem is even with both partners working, some black men still want the master slave relationship and when you as a black woman in diaspora disagree, the man accuses you of being unsupportive. In fact, what you just wrote proves what we have been saying. SirShymex: I personally hate the world control and do not think it should exist within the marriage. I prefer partnership.I have read this many time. The welfare is not the only reason why these women divorce. Have you not seen women who are working divorcees? SirShymex: Do not judge them then. I am a black woman that migrated. Talk to me |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Missy89(f): 4:36pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: Ah i see. The story is not the same everywhere. They might not be killing their wives out there but they are not changing their mentality because they live in a more civilized society. Patriarchy or not, they want subordinates not partners everywhere. Cant deal! |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by babygirlfl: 4:41pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
Missy89: Exactly, their mentality is the same. 1 Like |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 4:50pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
babygirlfl: I don't think the society is even conducive for a master-slave relationship - it's tough. So, even if they desire it subconsciously - consciously they'll have to adapt, to survive. Averagely, you can't do it all by yourself out here, especially if you're a man with kids. You need the support system women provide. However, most of these women aren't loyal/supportive, and it has to always be about them. And once they have leverage, it's time to start exploiting everything. What type of supportive woman gives her husband a curfew? What type of woman kicks her husband out of the house? They all want emasculated men cos there's a certain weakness in men that the society/system exposes in black men. I personally hate the world control and do not think it should exist within the marriage. I prefer partnership.I have read this many time. The welfare is not the only reason why these women divorce. Have you not seen women who are working divorcees? Control in this context is about being the team leader, and exerting authority in decision making. Not the master-slave type of control. Working divorcees still get a lot of perks for being single mothers, and that's something most women like to exploit. The kids are ace, and you know how this country care so much about minors. Dads don't really get that. That's how skewed everything is. Thank God things are changing now. Do not judge them then. I am a black woman that migrated. Talk to me Not judging anyone, but it's always better to stick to those who can connect with, and in your comfort zone. If you're as cultured as my mum, then we can talk - at least I can relate to her. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 4:51pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
Missy89: Is that why you're into 'em white boys? |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Missy89(f): 4:58pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: I wont comment on that! |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 5:01pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by babygirlfl: 5:02pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: The problem is that most of them don't adapt. That's why they turn around and blame the society and women. I agree with you on the bit about sticking around with the people you can connect with. 1 Like |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 5:04pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
babygirlfl: Nah, most do adapt. But what you can't adapt to as a man is being emasculated and bossed around by a woman, with curfews and shiit. |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by babygirlfl: 5:08pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: Ok then, I guess we leave it at that. 1 Like |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 5:09pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
babygirlfl: Thanks for your understanding. 1 Like |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by babygirlfl: 5:10pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
SirShymex: 1 Like |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Nobody: 5:15pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
Re: Bride Price; What Purpose? Who Benefits? by Misogynist2014(m): 7:41pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
Now the whole topic winds down with no change/difference, same old story. I just laugh at how people waste precious time on internet all to no avail. This whole junk of five pages won't stop Chiamaka01 and Remi02's BP from being paid on Saturday. |
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