2CatWoman:


A lot of African parents put most emphasis on getting good grades and not answering back to them over everything else. Culture is at the bottom of the list. Few diasporian raised kids speak the native language or know much about their ethnic heritage, some don't even carry native names. Good manners should be a universal thing.

fabulous, seems we r on the same line

Lousy parents in diaspora would also have been lousy parents at home.

When you have african friends, belong to an african community and possibly attend an African church or mosque your children get exposed to their culture and tradition.

As regards the upbringing that depends on the parents.
Training a child starts virtually from the day it is born. Children need love, encouragement and also boundaries.

When I compare my kid`s that I raised out of Nigeria I must say I am very pleased with the result. Not just academically but also behavior wise. I did not do it the African or the European way but our way. Each child is different and needs to be treated as an individual first. I want my children to understand why they have to do or omit doing something and not just do it because I said so. I want my kid`s to be able to confide in me, no matter what they did.
There are some aspects about the african way that need to be changed.

mutter:
Lousy parents in diaspora would also have been lousy parents at home.

When you have african friends, belong to an african community and possibly attend an African church or mosque your children get exposed to their culture and tradition.

As regards the upbringing that depends on the parents.
Training a child starts virtually from the day it is born. Children need love, encouragement and also boundaries.

When I compare my kid`s that I raised out of Nigeria I must say I am very pleased with the result. Not just academically but also behavior wise. I did not do it the African or the European way but our way. Each child is different and needs to be treated as an individual first. I want my children to understand why they have to do or omit doing something and not just do it because I said so. I want my kid`s to be able to confide in me, no matter what they did.
There are some aspects about the african way that need to be changed.

the question is: how many parents deem it fit or have the time to discharge their duties to these children just like you(as you claimed)

teeghurl:
So because they are not in Africa, they should throw away their manners and culture. They should forget their origin?

Soooo if I get you right.. African way is the ONLY Right way? My kids for example are only African in their schools, we don't attend Nigerian church, NO SINGLE NIGERIAN in their extra curricular activities(skating/hockeyetc) ... ETC...SO does that mean they'll lack manners and not do well??

I thought you're here to learn from diasporean parents and not attack people's POVs but Seem you have an agenda...Not worth my time abeg. I'll rather watch

Ewuro4:


Soooo if I get you right.. African way is the ONLY Right way? My kids for example are only African in their schools, we don't attend Nigerian church, NO SINGLE NIGERIAN in their extra curricular activities(skating/hockeyetc) ... ETC...SO does that mean they'll lack manners and not do well??

I thought you're here to learn from diasporean parents and not attack people's POVs but Seem you have an agenda...Not worth my time abeg. I'll rather watch

thanks for your contribution ma'am and that i said something contrary to your POVs doesn't mean i'm attacking anyone. if you read the post well you'll see whr i wrote african way is ONE of the best ways. tnx again

And do you have to quote everyone?

Ewuro4,

I would have really liked to read your views on this topic. It seems like you have something very interesting and maybe insightful to say. Please share your views on this topic, if you don't mind.

Carefree, what would you like to know, I'll gladly answer your questions.

Op just don't like unAFRICAN kids ( which my kids are by the way) and I honestly don't share her beliefs .

2CatWoman:


A lot of African parents put most emphasis on getting good grades and not answering back to them over everything else. Culture is at the bottom of the list. Few diasporian raised kids speak the native language or know much about their ethnic heritage, some don't even carry native names. Good manners should be a universal thing.

You know this for a fact or just reaching??

Ewuro4:
Carefree like what would you like to know, I'll gladly answer your questions.

Op just don't like unAFRICAN kids ( which my kids are by the way) and I honestly don't share her beliefs .

Thanks for the openness

Where do you live?
What languages do your children speak? Who teaches them?

Do you think there is something like THE African way of raising kids? What is it like? What makes it distinct from THE "Western way of raising kids", if there is such a thing?

mutter:
Lousy parents in diaspora would also have been lousy parents at home.

When you have african friends, belong to an african community and possibly attend an African church or mosque your children get exposed to their culture and tradition.

As regards the upbringing that depends on the parents.
Training a child starts virtually from the day it is born. Children need love, encouragement and also boundaries.

When I compare my kid`s that I raised out of Nigeria I must say I am very pleased with the result. Not just academically but also behavior wise. I did not do it the African or the European way but our way. Each child is different and needs to be treated as an individual first. I want my children to understand why they have to do or omit doing something and not just do it because I said so. I want my kid`s to be able to confide in me, no matter what they did.
There are some aspects about the african way that need to be changed.

100 000 likes!

Ewuro4:
Carefree, what would you like to know, I'll gladly answer your questions.

Op just don't like unAFRICAN kids ( which my kids are by the way) and I honestly don't share her beliefs .

By the way, how are your kids "unAfrican"?

Ewuro4:


You know this for a fact or just reaching??

I live in the UK. A lot of Nigerian parents here believe that if the kids speak African languages then it will ruin their english accent thus making them sound more like immigrants (i'm not joking) thus affecting their kids job prospects.

Why must they be raised in the African way? And what is this African way to raise children? Is it another excuse to abuse children in the name of discipline?

Can you categorically say people who grow up in Nigeria are better behaved than people who grow up abroad?

The agberos, aristos, kidnappers, armed robbers etc werent they raised the African way?

carefreewannabe:


By the way, how are your kids "unAfrican"?

There lies your answer.

raumdeuter:
Why must they be raised in the African way? And what is this African way to raise children? Is it another excuse to abuse children in the name of discipline?
Can you categorically say people who grow up in Nigeria are better behaved than people who grow up abroad?
The agberos, aristos, kidnappers, armed robbers etc werent they raised the African way?

Thank you sir or madam.

I'd rather raise Godly and well mannered kids than GOATS.

raumdeuter:
Why must they be raised in the African way? And what is this African way to raise children? Is it another excuse to abuse children in the name of discipline?

Can you categorically say people who grow up in Nigeria are better behaved than people who grow up abroad?

The agberos, aristos, kidnappers, armed robbers etc werent they raised the African way?

I think the OP's decision to make corporal punishment as the "African way" is wrong on so many levels, since it's more of a universal phenomenon. And it used to be prominent in Western societies (and still is, in a lot of places), with an origin from the Judeo-Christian faith, in which western civilisation was built on. The "spare the rod and spoil a child" thingy. You live in America's South, and I believe most parents, across all racial lines still indulge in it over there. Is it right or wrong? - I'm not in a position to answer that since you can't raise the next person's children.

Err, I'll expand the topic, to make it sound more reasonable:

I believe the OP would've done a better job, by presenting a case which has more to do with raising African/black kids from cultural values perspective. Thus making them cognizant of who they're and the realities of the world in general. You've to raise black/African kids to be culturally who they're. You can't raise black kids to be white, else you'll end up doing them a disservice later in life. Thus creating "squares" who wouldn't be able to fit in anywhere, and a disconnect between their mentality and their reality. Around white people, they will always be the odd ones out, albeit they also won't be able to relate to black people. Out here we call people like that, "neeks"/"coconuts." Even white mothers, with black kids (mixed race kids) always endeavour to raise their kids to be culturally black - so as to enable them have a personal connection with who they're and their reality.

I'll buttress my point with people you can relate to. Take Obama for example: he transferred to Columbia University and moved to Harlem just to integrate into his blackness culturally (Dreams from My Father) - Harlem was the black mecca back then. Then subsequently moved to South Side Chicago - another predominantly black area. And that was just to get him acquainted with an experience he missed in his childhood. Another classic example is kobe Bryant and the disconnect between him and the black community cos his formative years were as an upper middle class kid in Europe. But despite how he has tried since he get in the NBA - he still gets a lot of critique for his utterances, and folks still question if he understands the experience and his identity. And it's so glaring that it gets to him all the time. It's evident in his eyes and how he keeps himself to himself, without being able to socialise that much. Heck, most folks view Lebron James as more of a "voice" than Kobe.

P.S: I veered off a bit cos I just wanted to make it more interesting since corporal punishment isn't just an African/black thing.

carefreewannabe:

Thanks for the openness
1.Where do you live?
2.What languages do your children speak? Who teaches them?
2. Do you think there is something like THE African way of raising kids? What is it like?

3.What makes it distinct from THE "Western way of raising kids", if there is such a thing?

1. North America

2.They fluently speak Engish and French. They pretty much understand our dialect in command but Can't speak fluently. Work in Progress. iPad Yoruba Application works great too. grandparents pretty much speak Yoruba to them mostly. And we both teach them ofcourse.

3. No I dont. Especially if you reside outside Africa. There's NO such thing. Fact.

4. Most of my kids friends are church goers and handy at home ( my tween daughter pretty much knows when moinmoin needs more water) and as far as I'm conserned, theyre mostly held accountable for their mistakes. I don't condone rubbish and I don't see that as an African way. Most Whites don't take bull too and this apply to Africans as well. Pleases and thank yous are mandatory, No boyfriends till high school , there're rewards for good grades etc. These are basic home training every parents should know regardless of Nationality.

I really don't get the "African way" besides The glorified Corporal Punishment.

5. And N to the O.. I DO NOT spank my kids.

Tenk.

I like this.

Ewuro4:


1. North America

2.They fluently speak Engish and French. They pretty much understand our dialect in command but Can't speak fluently. Work in Progress. iPad Yoruba Application works great too. grandparents pretty much speak Yoruba to them mostly. And we both teach them ofcourse.

3. No I dont. Especially if you reside outside Africa. There's NO such thing. Fact.

4. Most of my kids friends are church goers and handy at home ( my tween daughter pretty much knows when moinmoin needs more water) and as far as I'm conserned, theyre mostly held accountable for their mistakes. I don't condone rubbish and I don't see that as an African way. Most Whites don't take bull too and this apply to Africans as well. Pleases and thank yous are mandatory, No boyfriends till high school , there're rewards for good grades etc. These are basic home training every parents should know regardless of Nationality.

I really don't get the "African way" besides The glorified Corporal Punishment.

5. And N to the O.. I DO NOT spank my kids.

Tenk.

I do not believe in raising kids the African way. I believe in raising them in the best way. I also do not believe in spanking. Hence I do not spank mine. I would like my kids to be able to speak my language though. Can anyone share a good way to teach them our native language?

babygirlfl:
I do not believe in raising kids the African way. I believe in raising them in the best way. I also do not believe in spanking. Hence I do not spank mine. I would like my kids to be able to speak my language though. Can anyone share a good way to teach them our native language?

In as much as my plan is to raise my unborn sons as my closest buddies, I'll spank them whenever they get out of line - the fear factor is always necessary when it comes to boys. For the girls: I'll leave them with their mum.

Male children need some bootcamp-esque scolding from time to time, to toughen them up. But no scars though.

Ewuro4:


1. North America

2.They fluently speak Engish and French. They pretty much understand our dialect in command but Can't speak fluently. Work in Progress. iPad Yoruba Application works great too. grandparents pretty much speak Yoruba to them mostly. And we both teach them ofcourse.

3. No I dont. Especially if you reside outside Africa. There's NO such thing. Fact.

4. Most of my kids friends are church goers and handy at home ( my tween daughter pretty much knows when moinmoin needs more water) and as far as I'm conserned, theyre mostly held accountable for their mistakes. I don't condone rubbish and I don't see that as an African way. Most Whites don't take bull too and this apply to Africans as well. Pleases and thank yous are mandatory, No boyfriends till high school , there're rewards for good grades etc. These are basic home training every parents should know regardless of Nationality.

I really don't get the "African way" besides The glorified Corporal Punishment.

5. And N to the O.. I DO NOT spank my kids.

Tenk.

Thanks a lot for both posts. Very interesting and insightful.

We can debate on spanking but the truth is that at an age it does not bring anything. As a teenage my dad would flog us brutally if we did certain things like going out. After a certain age I just made sure that I committed that offense to the fullest to justify the beating!

If you teach a child right from birth how to heed to you you don`t need to spank the kid. Just watch babies when they are born. A child may come to the world and be so peaceful but then so many visitors, carry here and there and some even swinging the baby and working around, before a few days the baby does not fall asleep without a roller-coaster drive on the mothers hand. Then you have the other extreme of parents who want to hear a pin drop when baby is asleep, very soon the baby gets scared at the slightest sound.
So right from day one you can have an influence on the child.
Some parents make the big mistake of waiting too long before trying to take up their duties as regards this. Sometimes I see parents stuffing their 4 year olds with snacks in church just to keep them quiet In many cases I think it is the parents and not the kids that have the problem and need training- This has nothing to do with race. The fact is that people all over the world are moving away from an antiauthoritarian system of raising the kids but are just overdoing it and do not realize that a child needs boundaries. Without boundaries a child is insecure and confused, it has to carry a heavy load because it no longer has the yardstick- if mum and dad would get angry then this it is wrong.

Another very important thing about kids is this. WE ALL WANT OUR KIDS TO B THE BEST but this dream rarely comes true. Stand by your child especially when it is down, has made mistakes and is on the wrong path. No matter how impossible it seems never give up on kid`s because as long as you don't ´say no, God will never say no. Keep praying and talking and offering help and scolding but whatever you do, don`t tamper with the dignity of the child, don`t humiliate the child or make it loose self esteem. You would be destroying something you can never build up again.

Thank you all for your beautiful contributions, I believe we r all learning from this. Thanks to the good parents here. Brutality, spanking, corporal punishment r not limited to Africans, it happens everywhr but when people hear of African way, the first thing that comes to their mind are all these. Africans still correct their children with Love too, I'm not saying African way is necessarily the Best way, I said it's one of the BEST. I don't expect you to agree with my POVs, that's why we r here to interact and learn from each other. No one is here to judge anyone as per how you raise your child. I believe so many single ladies n men r viewing this topic to learn more from the people with experience. The crux of the matter is 'how do you raise your child in a way that will bring glory to you @ d end of the day in that settings you are?. Will your children be able to stand on their feet wherever they find themselves? Will they be able to look back and say 'Thank You Mum and Dad for raising us well'. Do you have the time for them? Sirshymex, that's a wonderful contribution. Thanks

teeghurl:
Thank you all for your beautiful contributions, I believe we r all learning from this. Thanks to the good parents here. Brutality, spanking, corporal punishment r not limited to Africans, it happens everywhr but when people hear of African way, the first thing that comes to their mind are all these. Africans still correct their children with Love too, I'm not saying African way is necessarily the Best way, I said it's one of the BEST. I don't expect you to agree with my POVs, that's why we r here to interact and learn from each other. No one is here to judge anyone as per how you raise your child. I believe so many single ladies n men r viewing this topic to learn more from the people with experience. The crux of the matter is 'how do you raise your child in a way that will bring glory to you @ d end of the day in that settings you are?. Will your children be able to stand on their feet wherever they find themselves? Will they be able to looking back and say 'Thank You Mum and Dad for raising us well'. Do you have the time for them? Sirshymex, that's a wonderful contribution. Thanks

We need to teach our children that even more important that social competence is just as important than qualifications.
we need to take time out to be involved in school activities, attend meetings be active. Enroll your kid`s in activities like sports, music or something else. This builds up socila competences and gives the child a place outside school to socialise and get acknowledgment.

Something else I noticed is that when teachers complain some African parents brand it as racisim. Yes Racisim is a major issue but look into the issue , cooperate with the teachers and above all learn to get your child to apologise.
The sad reality is that the way a teacher feels about a child has a great impact on the child`s progress, so we have to support our kid`s there too.
When one of my son?s started primary school last year the teacher complained that the class outings were difficult with him and that some other children and that the might not take them along in future if it continues. At the next parent meeting when the asked for volunteers to go along I raised my hands. The outing went very well, my son behaved himself and i tried to focus on all kids and help them where I could or sing with them in English . The teacher was so happy and asked me if I could do it permanently. I take of one monday every month to accompany the class. This has also helped my son integrate properly in the class. On the first outing the kid`s were to gather leaves from various trees, one other african child did not gather anything because he forgot to bring a bag for the leaves and the other kid`s left him out. I helped him gather leaves and diplomatically attached him to other kids. This time is worth it because I can help not just my kid but also others because since I started these outings there has been no issue of some kid`s being difficult. The problem was that some parents when they went along were only paying attention to their kids and their friends kids, thus leaving out the others and this was contributing to the difficulty.
So especially as an immigrant you need to put in extra time and effort to make sure that your kid is integrated in the class.

SirShymex:


In as much as my plan is to raise my unborn sons as my closest buddies, I'll spank them whenever they get out of line - the fear factor is always necessary when it comes to boys. For the girls: I'll leave them with their mum.

Male children need some bootcamp-esque scolding from time to time, to toughen them up. But no scars though.

I will discipline mine without spanking them

babygirlfl:


I will discipline mine without spanking them

Lol, I'm old school, and I don't have time for idi.otic liberal tosh that's about to make the whole world go nuts. With young men turning phaggots; women with willy and more testosterone than men; and weak men everywhere. If my sons ever get out of line, finna spank that ar.se, and put fear in them - but no scars though. My parents never raised no fool nor soft kid, and there's no metrosexual numbnut with confused sexuality/identity in my bloodline - and I definitely won't be the one to start it.

And they all will be raised to be supremely black and proud, so as to enable them understand the harsh realities of this world. I view the world through my father's eyes. Eff the society/government and the useless ultra-liberalism that's about to destroy the planet - the status quo can't raise my children. If the status quo wants to raise people's children - it might as well grow some balls, and start making its own children.

SirShymex:


Lol, I'm old school, and I don't have time for idi.otic liberal tosh that's about to make the whole world go nuts. With young men turning phaggots; women with willy and more testosterone than men; and weak men everywhere. If my sons ever get out of line, finna spank that ar.se, and put fear in them - but no scars though. My parents never raised no fool nor soft kid, and there's no metrosexual numbnut with confused sexuality/identity in my bloodline - and I definitely won't be the one to start it.

And they all will be raised to be supremely black and proud, so as to enable them understand the harsh realities of this world. I view the world through my father's eyes. Eff the society/government and the useless ultra-liberalism that's about to destroy the planet - the status quo can't raise my children. If the status quo wants to raise people's children - it might as well grow some balls, and start making its own children.

Lol, all this for my one short sentence?

babygirlfl:


Lol, all this for my one short sentence?

Lmao!

You know when it comes to kids - the blood of ya blood, flesh of ya flesh, and bone of ya bone - you gotta be passionate. I just gave you an insight into the master-plan. By painting a picture that would make Picasso jealous, and also make Mona Lisa look like fake art - in the same breath.

I just dey feel mutter on this thread
What a wonderful new year

teeghurl:
Personally, i believe raising a child in African way is one of the best when it comes to behavioural aspect which i believe a lot of people can also agree with me. Being raised in African way can go a long way in a child's life later in life, though it may seem as if your parents don't love you but one gets to understand and realise the benefits of one's parent's instruction, rebuke and punishment as adulthood sets it.
Having thought of how civilization and technology has turned children and even adults into nowadays, it really gives me concern as per the level of moral decadence in our society. Being a parent in African setting can at least give one the privilege to rebuke/ scold your child if they behave in ways contrast to the norm of the society. There's a very huge limit to what you can do as an African parent in Western Countries if you don't want Social services to get involved in your case. Though some parents try their best but a very low percentage of these children yield positive result. please, is there any way forward?

the should try visiting africa as much as possible.i think that will help

SirShymex:


Lol, I'm old school, and I don't have time for idi.otic liberal tosh that's about to make the whole world go nuts. With young men turning phaggots; women with willy and more testosterone than men; and weak men everywhere. If my sons ever get out of line, finna spank that ar.se, and put fear in them - but no scars though. My parents never raised no fool nor soft kid, and there's no metrosexual numbnut with confused sexuality/identity in my bloodline - and I definitely won't be the one to start it.

And they all will be raised to be supremely black and proud, so as to enable them understand the harsh realities of this world. I view the world through my father's eyes. Eff the society/government and the useless ultra-liberalism that's about to destroy the planet - the status quo can't raise my children. If the status quo wants to raise people's children - it might as well grow some balls, and start making its own children.

I love the phrase, "supremely black and proud"
In other news....can an African woman who wears weaves (fake hair eg Brazilian or Peruvian) be ever termed "supremely black and proud?"
It might not ring true, I guess

Okay....you guys continue....
I just had to ramble a bit

MMotimo:


I don't know which "diaspora" has formed your views but I can assure you that Social Services do not just show up and/or take drastic action for no reason. Hiding behind discipline, a lot of parents practise parent brutality, subjecting kids to punishment that is inhuman once you loosen your mental shackles and think of it properly. People usually get into trouble with Social services when discipline becomes borderline or actual torture or delivery of gross physical discomfort to the child. There are exceptions but most times, that is the case.

A common example is spanking. I don't have any problem with reasonable spanking, not "flogging" o and not "beating." If that is what your child understands, fine but if that doesn't get through to him/her and you want to turn to brutality, then you deserve all that Social Services has to offer. It is no longer spanking when you descend on a child with weapons like your belt, or you are delivering ten strokes of whatever. If Getting through to the child is taking all that physical toll on you, you need another solution. You have resorted to brutality in order to intimidate and you are simply letting loose your own frustrations. When you administer physical torture and suffering, it is no longer about discipline, you are only fooling yourself.

I have spanked my kids in the past but I can count the number of times because I realized the spanking is just a physical lash out at the child, it is not necessarily about correction. I find that when you spend time getting to know your children, living your own life as an example and deliberately influencing their behavior through your words and actions, backed up with good moral reinforcement, the odds are high that they will receive the values you impart.

So, when it comes to raising the African way, all I can say is that your children's behavior are a reflection of their upbringing and their upbringing directly reflects how you have discharged your duties and obligations to them as a parent. Whether in or outside Africa, these rules hold the same. You do not have to be in a African setting to enjoy the privilege of "rebuking or punishing" a child. Parents outside of Africa rebuke and punish too but parent brutality is not tolerated by the authorities - that is the difference.

Moral decadence happens everywhere, in and out of Africa. When you choose to birth a child, you are signifying a willingness to set that child in the right path. If you have no inclination towards raising a well formed child, you are doing said child a disservice. The problem is people want to have children but not be accountable for raising them properly so it's easier to blame it all on moral decadence and the environment as if the same things are not happening in Africa.

With all that I have seen, I am not convinced that the African way is necessarily the best. Any system that turns out children with the correct value system and who can think beyond themselves is the best IMO.

With regards to "a very low percentage of these children yield positive result" I am curious to know the specifics of this assertion maybe because I know many families raising great kids with a solid value system and with their heads screwed on straight even without parent brutality.

Ooops! I can't believe how much I wrote!

You couldn't have said it better. Some of the things read here coming from Nigerians raised in Nigeria shock the hell out of me.