To be honest, I dont know whats left to salvage.
How can one ever trust a man like this? You dont play with peoples emotions like that.
This is not an ex gf he left behind and a relationship that was going to fizzle out. . . . . It was a serious enough relationship for him to go back home and marry her.

This is not a one off indiscretion; this is a calculated prolonged motion on his part . . He knew what he was doing from Day one
It was all planned from the start and with his family involvement and support and he probably wasnt expecting his wife to get pregnant which too is very unfair. He should have used protection when he knew that he had no plans of staying long term with his wife.

I dont blame the poster entirely. . Love can come from anywhere at anytime and loves makes you let your guard down and to overlook certain things, thereby thinking that all will be well.

My only advise to ladies especially foreign ladies who dont understand the culture of the man that they are dating or are dating a man who will obtain papers at the end of the day to please please and please do their homework well and over and over. Dont be worried about him thinking you dont trust him.
A man who truly loves you and has nothing to hide wont mind you asking all these questions and doing all these checks on him, becasue he understands your fears.

make sure your child does not leave you for a moment

the next thing will be how to steal your son

there is a cute kid in my old neighbourhood whose father did just that

anyway, its the US [where the law favours women to a fault] , i'm sure you can lawyer up and make his life very miserable. divorce, abandonment etal. by the time you're done with him, he will only be able to work at macdonald's

accept that you have been used and conned - then take your cold revenge. it's sad, but a large number of nigerian men do this, with the full cooperation of their families. most of us see american women as a ticket to green card - and if you can get some free sex from an uninhibited slu-t so much the better. i am not saying american women are sluts, i am just highlighting the mindset.

IDEApro:
Op, I won't mince word with you so I will lay it bare. Every African man particularly a Nigerian outside of his home country believes he is on a journey to return home someday. We all knows that no White woman or a foreigner married to a Nigerian man will willing fully relocate to Africa with the children permanently. African men particularly Nigerians sees their children as 'personal assets' and would want to see them around him when he grows old.

Discuss with him and promise you will relocate permanently to Africa with him and the children and he will open up and dissolve his marriage intentions with his African Bride. The fear is that he will lose the children to you whenever he decides to relocate back home hence the African wife as a backup plan for getting children

DO NOT EVEN THINK OF COMING DOWN TO NIGERIA FOR ANY REASON.

he , his family and his wife will KILL you.

i mean this literally. killing you will solve all the problems - no legal issues, he will be able to bring the wife to the US.

people have been killed for less.

Otuabaroku:



^ You may not understand actions perpetrated by people like this do to genuine good Nigerians. This is one of the reason some took it personal on what he did.

Again any person with a little conscience will be very appalled by this action irrespective of nationality.
In short this action is evil, wicked and callous to the highest degree.

Cant u see the person ure replying is a member of his gang? Peeps like him will come to the guy's defence. That is why he doesnt like the good advice given here and calls them insane. A clear conscience fears no accusation.

goofyone:


Quit your ranting. Most of what you have up there is just pointless. You heard from the man and he clearly told you he didn't give two f**ks about the baby? Just go to bed.

I didn't know he had to spell it out in capital letters, as he spelled out the rest of his evil deeds. By the way actions speak louder than words!

@Find the truth, you will be amazed at how much strength God is going to give you as we speak. Its up to you to curl down and cry or dust yourself up and get rid of this man any legal way you can find.

As it looks he is not done with you, the guy is minting gold on your back. Who leaves a job only to ask someone else to finance his trip?

Nothing will happen to your child, God has built women to be stronger than anything. I have seen pregnant women loosing their husband and children in horrible accidents and guess what they survive.

Just do the needful before its too late!

How well did you know him before marriage, Why did you decide to marry him in the first place? Did you want a life companion? Did you want protection and/or to be financially cared for? Did you fear loneliness? What exactly did you want from this marriage? Honestly answer this question between you and yourself. Then ask yourself if you have attained what you wanted out of this marriage? And most importantly, what are the positives that you gained from this marriage and what are the negatives?
After honestly answering the above questions, then ask yourself what you want to change in your life to make things better.
No matter what I say or anyone says on this issues, matters less pertaining to the true answers of the above posed question, factor in your happiness, your unborn child, and put everything on the table, at the end of the day the answer lies with you, never make any permanent decisions for a temporary problem best of luck

mutter:
finding the truth -

The whole truth is that you met a man that was in a difficult condition. He came to America to fend for himself and his family. This man was in love with a woman and promised her to come back and marry him one day. You do not even know that in some cases the women save up to help the man go. They say no to other suitors waiting waiting for their loved ones.
Then what did you do?
You say you loved him yet you took advantage of his situation, because you knew you had very strong bargaining power.
...and you thus gave him that condition to leave the girl.
Ask yourself the truth COULD you have done that with a guy that had his papers wit such confidence NO!
Then after you agreed that he should let it sizzle off- YOU CALLED THE GIRL! and told her you were the wife. DO you think an african woman feels no love and no pain. Do you know if the woman has had a child for him.

If you want to be fair and tell the truth. You went into a party expecting that the other woman must give way because you have the American power. Is that Love.
Please seen too much of this.
Not to worry African men can be polygamous and so you can share him, there is no problem if you love him.
Congratulations on the baby and the best of luck.
The man is nothing so good looking and has such a big fishing net.

I can't take it anymore, feck you all round mutter, you are just so stup1d it's annoying, like what is inside your brain box for crying out loud? You are disgusting, tufiakwa gi.

findingtruth:
Hello all
I am new here and in need of some good advice. In nov 2013 i married my Nigerian husband (i am American). I have been very good to him and given him anything he has needed to survive and prosper. Saying i love him dearly is an understatement. As i love my husband as if he were part of me. We have had some issues mostly because of cultural differences.
I financially supported him for 8 months while his paperwork was processing to allow him to work here in the USA. Eventually his paperwork went through. He obtained employment but just 3 weeks later quit his job to return to Nigeria for his sister's wedding. I agreed to this because i understood the importance it had and i understood that his father was deceased and he is the oldest son. I understood there was a role he needed to fulfill to his family. I didn't like the idea that after months of assuming complete financially responsibility for our home i would have to continue longer nor the idea of him leaving for 3 weeks but i supported not just our bills but helped him finance his trip.
His trip almost destroyed our marriage as many things went wrong while he was gone. I had reached a point i had considered divorcing him but then i found out i am pregnant. He came back home and our life has went on.
Now 5 months later i found pictures of him and a woman. The comments told me they were getting married. Now i know for sure his sister got married when he traveled and i know for sure these pictures are him.
I have confronted and he has explained that he didn't marry the girl but only done an introduction thing to be able to pass from a boy to a man. However i found these pictures on Facebook from the girls page. Many things he is saying don't add up to the details of the pictures and situation but at the same time because of culture differences i know that there could be things i simply don't understand.
For days i have not slept ate worked nothing. The photos shocked me and upset me enough to go into preterm labor but fortunately i was given medication that has stopped labor for now. But this issue is driving me mad as i can't understand it. I don't know what to believe or who to believe. I have looked at my options and i can either divorce him or remain married. Either way if he didn't marry her or did he has cheated and defiled our marriage.
What do i do? How do i know what's true? How can i can restore peace of mind and happiness? How do i find truth? How do i know if he married her?

I have heard of traditions like this where you have to officially get a woman to be recognized as a man in the locality. To alot of people, this might look like a marriage but it is possibly a manhood and womanhood initiation for them both. The two of them might have never seen each other again. Do a better investigation before concluding. All the best....

freecocoa:
I can't take it anymore, feck you all round mutter, you are just so stup1d it's annoying, like what is inside your brain box for crying out loud? You are disgusting, tufiakwa gi.

Take it easy o..

Akranez:


Take it easy o..

Omo leave me jor, that woman's own is too much.

freecocoa:
Omo leave me jor, that woman's own is too much.

Lolzz
Oya dey vex dey go then

Akranez:


Lolzz
Oya dey vex dey go then

I don vex finish but if she talk any rubbish again, I go give her another round.

freecocoa:
I don vex finish but if she talk any rubbish again, I go give her another round.

stay tuned..
she must talk

Akranez:


stay tuned..
she must talk

I dey wait.

kle4d:

I have heard of traditions like this where you have to officially get a woman to be recognized as a man in the locality. To alot of people, this might look like a marriage but it is possibly a manhood and womanhood initiation for them both. The two of them might have never seen each other again. Do a better investigation before concluding. All the best....

Now this is funny

freecocoa:
I can't take it anymore, feck you all round mutter, you are just so stup1d it's annoying, like what is inside your brain box for crying out loud? You are disgusting, tufiakwa gi.

i know the feeling

kle4d:

I have heard of traditions like this where you have to officially get a woman to be recognized as a man in the locality. To alot of people, this might look like a marriage but it is possibly a manhood and womanhood initiation for them both. The two of them might have never seen each other again. Do a better investigation before concluding. All the best....

. . .but he already has a woman . . .!!! His American Wife!

. . This tradition does not mind that he cons another woman to show off another woman?

. . This tradition does not mind that the guy doesnt even live in Nigeria, so which locality does he need to be recognized in?

Anyway we are all learning, so will like to know which area in Edo state does this.

Someone here said that men keep an African wife back home becasue the foreign wife wont take the kids back home to Nigeria. . . . .I disagree!!!
in many instances, its the mans fault. Many paint dark and scary stories of Nigeria, so the wife is too scared to go. meanwhile some do this so that when they go to Nigeria on holiday they can go alone and be naughty without a wife watching them

Your family is how you run it and how you want it to be. I was at an owambe party a few months ago and the foreign wife was eating Naija food and she had tied her gele herself; nicely fanned for that matter. Later I saw her helping her husbands family to tidy up into black bags. She was very at home
Her hubbys family sprayed her on the dance floor and It is clear that she is married into a family that want her amongst them.

I know of people married to Nigerian women but havent taken their kids back to Nigeria and I know of people who are married to foreigners but both wife and kids go back home. It depends on what you want as the man at the end of the day.

Go to heathrow and you will see heaps of foreign wives with their kids flying down to Nigeria with and without their husbands.

kle4d:

I have heard of traditions like this where you have to officially get a woman to be recognized as a man in the locality. To alot of people, this might look like a marriage but it is possibly a manhood and womanhood initiation for them both. The two of them might have never seen each other again. Do a better investigation before concluding. All the best....

Umm no, nope *shakes head* no!

chaircover:


. . .but he already has a woman . . .!!! His American Wife!

. . This tradition does not mind that he cons another woman to show off another woman?

. . This tradition does not mind that the guy doesnt even live in Nigeria, so which locality does he need to be recognized in?

Anyway we are all learning, so will like to know which area in Edo state does this.

Aunty ooo, no one does this in Edo state, that's sugar coating it or trying to justify wrong doing. Am I the only one who saw the pic of them kissing? That is an example "right of passage" into marriage i.e traditional marriage.

Lepetitechic:


Aunty ooo, no one does this in Edo state, that's sugar coating it or trying to justify wrong doing. Am I the only one who saw the pic of them kissing? That is an example "right of passage" into marriage i.e traditional marriage.

Ah thats what I wanted to know o! . . . .
I was hoping to get my parents a refund from my history teacher

IDEApro:
Op, I won't mince word with you so I will lay it bare. Every African man particularly a Nigerian outside of his home country believes he is on a journey to return home someday. We all knows that no White woman or a foreigner married to a Nigerian man will willing fully relocate to Africa with the children permanently. African men particularly Nigerians sees their children as 'personal assets' and would want to see them around him when he grows old.

Discuss with him and promise you will relocate permanently to Africa with him and the children and he will open up and dissolve his marriage intentions with his African Bride. The fear is that he will lose the children to you whenever he decides to relocate back home hence the African wife as a backup plan for getting children

do me a huge favour

shut the fùck up.

are you that shameless that you are openly justifying evil.

@Findingtruth
This is really heart-breaking, absolutely, however, you really must take it v e r y easy, especially for your baby, your health. Understand this, that God must have revealed it to you at such a time as this for a purpose, trust Him to direct you on how to handle this.

PS: The heart of men is desperately wicked, who can know it!? So, LEARN to cheer up...yes, especially for your baby, pls. Losing a pregnancy could be much more traumatic experience. Best wishes.

As in eh!!! The kill am kill am kill am die' advise in this thread no bi for here.
You advisor forgot one thing, let her kuku abort the baby so she won't have to explain to her child anything about his 'devilish,criminal minded, fraudulent, selfish dad' in the future.

The milk has bin split , is the only way forward breaking the glass too??.
You advisors should please put both parties in your shoe.
Abeg I don tire to talk.
At op it is not an entirely hopeless situation, the guy might actually love u and wanted to fulfill all righteousness at home.
I suggest you talk to him with thE facts you have. And find an amicable way to resolve this,putting your state of health in consideration. Not all nigerian men are killers and con artist. All the best in whatever decision you make.

goofyone:


Quit your ranting. Most of what you have up there is just pointless. You heard from the man and he clearly told you he didn't give two f**ks about the baby? Just go to bed.

Teespice:


do me a huge favour

shut the fùck up.

are you that shameless that you are openly justifying evil.

Sensation and emotion has beclouded your sense of reasoning to the extent you can't read and comprehend a simple write up. Where and how did I support the action of the guy if not offering hints as to the probably cause of action to the Op and how best for her to confront the husband with her suspicions.

Op expressed fear even though it is confirmed and succinctly ask for advice to handle the situation and at this juncture, I offered a probably cause of action and how best to confront hubby on why he took such action, the merit and demerits and if this could be patched up they may decide to work on it. My suggestions explicitly stated this opinion.

Where in the passage did you read my support for the OP or your half bake education is fantasizing with your brain?

W o w

2CatWoman:
IDEApro and mutter should marry each other. Kanwulia should officiate and SAMBARRY should be the MC. O ti pari.

KO PARI O.IDA PRO AND MUTTER SHOULD MARRY KANWUIA WHILE I BE THE M.C.LOBATAN

freecocoa:
I can't take it anymore, feck you all round mutter, you are just so stup1d it's annoying, like what is inside your brain box for crying out loud? You are disgusting, tufiakwa gi.

Its ladies like you that run around nairaland guys based abroad. Have them across all social networking platforms and attend local functions they are involved in just to get acquainted and when you'd succeed, never ask questions on how they were able to make it to foreign land but selfishly bank on the catch to realise your Foreign Dream too.

Op husband has been outsmarted hence the sanctimonious condemnation from you lot and it is wholesomely anticipated. You guys should keep up with the divorce him, sue him, kill him mindset but my advice is that Op should ask hubby why he had to take an African wife and begin from there.

IDEApro:


Its ladies like you that run around nairaland guys based abroad. Have them across all social networking platforms and attend local functions they are involved in just to get acquainted and when you'd succeed, never ask questions on how they were able to make it to foreign land but selfishly bank on the catch to realise your Foreign Dream too.

Op husband has been outsmarted hence the sanctimonious condemnation from you lot and it is wholesomely anticipated. You guys should keep up with the divorce him, sue him, kill him mindset but my advice is that Op should ask hubby why he had to take an African wife and begin from there.

Na sense wey you no get dey worry you so, @ running around NL guys based abroad, if only you know.

My friend try develop common sense, it won't hurt.

IDEApro:


Its ladies like you that run around nairaland guys based abroad. Have them across all social networking platforms and attend local functions they are involved in just to get acquainted and when you'd succeed, never ask questions on how they were able to make it to foreign land but selfishly bank on the catch to realise your Foreign Dream too.

Op husband has been outsmarted hence the sanctimonious condemnation from you lot and it is wholesomely anticipated. You guys should keep up with the divorce him, sue him, kill him mindset but my advice is that Op should ask hubby why he had to take an African wife and begin from there.

Rubbish!!!!!!!!!!!

You have outdone yourself. What good would asking why you marry her story? Trust build relationships not explanations. How will she ever trust him and his mother?

This women is not that desperate (so i think) to hang on to a jerk, that will use his culture to commit adultery with a band of backers that happen to be her mother and sisters? Well who said marriage was a jail? She just got derailed by she just fell for the devil in humanskin. The better the devil you know garbage is just that garbage. Something has been broken, period!

Teespice:


do me a huge favour

shut the fùck up.

are you that shameless that you are openly justifying evil.

I was actually expecting this. When I read all the nice posts here condemning what the guy did, I was surprised that nobody has tried to justify what the guy did. It was just a matter of time till the ones who can find excuses for him will show up.

I guess, these are the ones who know what poverty feels like and would do anything to get out of it.