Are you okay. You better respect your self in your own interest

bennyrazz:
@ohwhy, that particular vegetables you use to cook for your fiance while you were dating, have you stopped cooking it? you know those vegetables you cooked for him for 6yrs before tying the knots and he accepted you the way you are, have you forgotten if yes, start recooking it again. And everything will return back to normal


CC: sambarry take lecture notes

okotv:
ohwhy,

a little advice for you. Watch Mr and Mrs, the one acted by Nigerians. That's all from me.

Nice and very educative movie. Timidity is not humility.

They have a submissive, humble, shy and simple woman. Real African "non feminist" woman. Just what they claim they want. Now, they want her to be more assertive??

NL men; oblivious of what they want since the days of Adam.

And who are those making first year of marriage seem like a war zone?? Please stop! It's an insult to some of us.

If I didn't know better. . .

Phema:
And who are those making first year of marriage seem like a war zone?? Please stop! It's an insult to some of us.

If I didn't know better. . .

Phema, congrats on the new born. I forgot to drop a message when you gave birth, "daily hustles" should be blamed...lol


How is the young man doing? May he grow in grace, wisdom, knowledge and fear of God.

bellong:

Phema, congrats on the new born. I forgot to drop a message when you gave birth, "daily hustles" should be blamed...lol

How is the young man doing? May he grow in grace, wisdom, knowledge and fear of God.

How you go remember, when you still dey owe me wedding gift?

Amen and amen. Thanks bro.

@ohwhy
was the pregnancy something you guys planned? could it be that he is under pressure because of the child y'all are expecting?

another question, this "friends wife" that he is pointing to as someone for you to emulate, does she have kids? I get the feeling your hubby feels you don't have what it takes, his unkind words are a rather childish way of trying to ginger you to act. Be that as it may, being a girlfriend and being a wife/mother-to-be are worlds apart, you need to show him that you can raise his children (a man will still think of the unborn baby as his child even though you carry it for nine months... ).

I agree with the other folks saying he isn't handling the situation properly but would you rather wait for him to come to his senses or will you hunker down and see what you can do to turn things around?

P.S.
I kept seeing references to your other thread and I went looking for it and saw your story...you've changed as well. You weren't the same throughout the entire 6 years y'all were together. Heck it seems it's only sometime in the last two years that you committed your self fully into this relationship.

Phema:


How you go remember, when you still dey owe me wedding gift?

Amen and amen. Thanks bro.

Phema, upon all the Ferrari and Lamborghini I sent to you... Diaris God ooooooo

bellong:


Phema, upon all the Ferrari and Lamborghini I sent to you... Diaris God ooooooo

Not enough. Add a Bugatti.

Regards to your family.

Ohwhy

is the character the husband doesnt like your gentility and meekness?

Phema:


Not enough. Add a Bugatti.

Regards to your family.

You should have told me since...

Are you still there or back? If you are still there, a customised Bugatti will be delivered to you within 24 hours.... But if here, it will take 30 days

Thanks sis.. Enjoy motherhood..

bellong:

You should have told me since...
Are you still there or back? If you are still there, a customised Bugatti will be delivered to you within 24 hours.... But if here, it will take 30 days
Thanks sis.. Enjoy motherhood..

You can make mouth eeeehhh. .

Not back yet. Soon. Thanks

I was unavoidably called away just as this thread reached it's crescedo. It's gone a bit quiet, but I'll make a few comments;

Ohwhy, hope all's well and you have gained some encouragement from what's been said. Please update us with good news

Alutacontinua, thanks, appreciated and well recieved, but we are not even 2 weeks in yet. Anyway, I'm sure I've made better submissions already this year - please follow me more closely !

Ihedinobi, thanks for coming to my defense, but at best they are as worthy as attention - and have as much content - as spittle in the noonday sun. One gets used to the pained shrieks of the damaged and "past-their-expiry-date" harridans on this forum. When I find their time, they will know pharisee !

CocoCandy, for what it's worth, I think you make really insightful points and I've been a fan since day 1 - when you posted your wedding pics. However, I agree with 5minutesmadness in this instance. I was actually about to touch on the same thing before I was called away.

Even generically, I think we should steer away from the 'D" word as much as possible. And after 6 years courtship and barely 2 months of marriage? And with no evidence of abuse, adultery or abandonment? And yes I know hubby had been loose with the word, but the OP was clear that divorce was simply not an option. Even talk of separation would be premature here.

5minutesmadness, I totally got you and admire the way you seek expansive discussion without playing identity politics or forming SJW. Please take this in your stride. I know you get me. Thanks.

Shirley07, missed me huh. You know there's a queue for my attention . That last paragraph to Coco was for you as well, you'd be more thorough in your analysis if you were'nt so baleful. Please, what is the genesis of this anger that's so strong you literally chomp down on words and crunch your sentences . Do you splutter when you speak ? Happy new year and please do let me know if I may be of assistance in anyway; theology, ideological deconstruction, relationship dynamics, spousal hunt etc. We need to sort you out before you implode !


TeeVee

@TV, It was a dull morning jare. Needed some stimulation.

Amhappy:


Nice and very educative movie. Timidity is not humility.

at least someone agrees with me. Yes o..n

LordReed:


I like that you guys spent alot of quality time together but you do realize that not many people can do some of the things you did without loosing focus (I mean the sleeping over part). I do agree that with no forming part though, I mean what use is forming for the person you want to marry?

I 100% wonder

Thanks

2sExy1:
question you should have ask byvan is: "is she married herself?" people who aren't have divergent views to those who are

The earlier people stop classifying plain wickedness by their spouse as 1st year marital whatever, the better for them. The question is not if am married or not, the question is "Is she familiar with the Nigerian concept of 1st year animal husbandry " .

byvan:




The earlier people stop classifying plain wickedness by their spouse as 1st year marital whatever, the better for them. The question is not if am married or not, the question is "Is she familiar with the Nigerian concept of 1st year animal husbandry " .

Lol!

I just burst out laughing!

What made you think of animal husbandry?

That was perfect!

bukatyne:


Lol!

I just burst out laughing!

What made you think of animal husbandry?

That was perfect!

Lol,howdy Maam?

byvan:




Lol,howdy Maam?

I am good and family?

Nigerian Animal Husbandry

NAH

bukatyne:


I am good and family?

Nigerian Animal Husbandry

NAH

They are all well, real NAH, nah there you go fear association .

byvan:




The earlier people stop classifying plain wickedness by their spouse as 1st year marital whatever, the better for them. The question is not if am married or not, the question is "Is she familiar with the Nigerian concept of 1st year animal husbandry " .

I think that the question really is if you are. Because people who talk flippantly about certain things generally have no experience of them and tend to misjudge them.

ihedinobi2:

I think that the question really is if you are. Because people who talk flippantly about certain things generally have no experience of them and tend to misjudge them.

.....that am not dancing to your popular opinion about NAH marriage classifies as talking flippantly? if your experience about your first year of marriage is of a spouse acting like a complete demon with no conscience or whatsoever because she/ he wants to live up to the popular opinion of crazed 1st year of marriage, sorry sir, I do not agree with you.

Phema:
And who are those making first year of marriage seem like a war zone?? Please stop! It's an insult to some of us.

If I didn't know better. . .

Am glad you wrote this, it's a real insult! They now make it seem like people acting crazy in their 1St year of marriage is the new normal. If they are talking of character adjustment issues in the 1st year of marriage , that might make more sense.


How is LO doing dear?

byvan:



.....that am not dancing to your popular opinion about NAH marriage classifies as talking flippantly? if your experience about your first year of marriage is of a spouse acting like a complete demon with no conscience or whatsoever because she/ he wants to live up to the popular opinion of crazed 1st year of marriage, sorry sir, I do not agree with you.

No, disagreeing with a popular opinion does not classify as talking flippantly. What does is talk of ending marriages because people are treated badly for whatever reason. The first year thing is a reality some people face. In fact, a large number of people face it because many people today marry for all the wrong reasons. That is a fact. But to react to that with destroying the budding relationship is childish, to put it mildly.

All relationships have difficulties. All manners of people come with all kinds of baggage. The difference is only in degree. Marriage is no different. In fact, it is the one place where every effect is exaggerated because sensitivity is practically at its peak.

Again, does it really make sense to you that people make their marriages hell just to live up to some "popular" notion that the first year of marriage is hard? That's the sort of talk I call flippant - talking just because you can. What sane person would want to measure up to such an "ideal"?

Finally, like I said, the correct question really is, "is byvan married?"

ihedinobi2:

No, disagreeing with a popular opinion does not classify as talking flippantly. What does is talk of ending marriages because people are treated badly for whatever reason. The first year thing is a reality some people face. In fact, a large number of people face it because many people today marry for all the wrong reasons. That is a fact. But to react to that with destroying the budding relationship is childish, to put it mildly.

All relationships have difficulties. All manners of people come with all kinds of baggage. The difference is only in degree. Marriage is no different. In fact, it is the one place where every effect is exaggerated because sensitivity is practically at its peak.

Again, does it really make sense to you that people make their marriages hell just to live up to some "popular" notion that the first year of marriage is hard? That's the sort of talk I call flippant - talking just because you can. What sane person would want to measure up to such an "ideal"?

Finally, like I said, the correct question really is, "is byvan married?"

Is byvan married?

Her marriage or lack of it affects your ability to advice the poster in a manner you think is godly and suitable for her ?

byvan 's marital status stops your connection from working?

Keeping drumming, would like to see people dance.

byvan:




Am glad you wrote this, it's a real insult! They now make it seem like people acting crazy in their 1St year of marriage is the new normal. If they are talking of character adjustment issues in the 1st year of marriage , that might make more sense.


How is LO doing dear?

@bold, this is why you were answered the way you were by DukeNija. If you've really been reading and paying attention, what else have people been talking about regarding the difficulties of the 1st year of marriage? Matter of fact, what was the OP here complaining about if not character adjustment issues? Or did you mean to write something else? That's another example of the flippancy I alluded to.

ihedinobi2:

No, disagreeing with a popular opinion does not classify as talking flippantly. What does is talk of ending marriages because people are treated badly for whatever reason. The first year thing is a reality some people face. In fact, a large number of people face it because many people today marry for all the wrong reasons. That is a fact. But to react to that with destroying the budding relationship is childish, to put it mildly.

All relationships have difficulties. All manners of people come with all kinds of baggage. The difference is only in degree. Marriage is no different. In fact, it is the one place where every effect is exaggerated because sensitivity is practically at its peak.

Again, does it really make sense to you that people make their marriages hell just to live up to some "popular" notion that the first year of marriage is hard? That's the sort of talk I call flippant - talking just because you can. What sane person would want to measure up to such an "ideal"?

Finally, like I said, the correct question really is, "is byvan married?"

Is this what you have been typing for more than half an hour? Your reality is yours and yours alone to live, you don't judge the entire world by your experiences. What ever the correct question should be remains your worries, I do not agree with your NAH concept of marriage and 10 pages of your epistle can't change that.

bukatyne:


Is byvan married?

Her marriage or lack of it affects your ability to advice the poster in a manner you think is godly and suitable for her ?

byvan 's marital status stops your connection from working?

Keeping drumming, would like to see people dance.

No, it does not do any of that to me. I have advised the OP. I am interested in you because marriage is a sensitive matter and bad advice regarding it can ruin the society as a whole.


[i]Edit: I'm sorry, I thought I was responding to byvan. That was why I said, "...interested in you..." It should read "interested in HER".

ihedinobi2:

No, it does not do any of that to me. I have advised the OP. I am interested in you because marriage is a sensitive matter and bad advice regarding it can ruin the society as a whole.

Then give your sincere advice and leave her married status alone.

You cannot force everyone to give 'good' advice according to ihedinobi2's standard.

Good night

ihedinobi2:

@bold, this is why you were answered the way you were by DukeNija. If you've really been reading and paying attention, what else have people been talking about regarding the difficulties of the 1st year of marriage? Matter of fact, what was the OP here complaining about if not character adjustment issues? Or did you mean to write something else? That's another example of the flippancy I alluded to.

I think you gave flippancy a whole new meaning and no OP's post isn't about character adjustment, is about a tyrannical spouse who has no regard for his wife, his unborn baby or marriage, hence he throws around divorce like it's some car key because he knows his wife will simply jump onto the bandwagon of " its the first year of marriage after all" Reserve your experience about 1st year of marriage for those who want to buy, am not buying, i must not agree with you.

byvan:




Is this what you have been typing for more than half an hour? Your reality is yours and yours alone to live, you don't judge the entire world by your experiences. What ever the correct question should be remains your worries, I do not agree with your NAH concept of marriage and 10 pages of your epistle can't change that.

I've other things I'm doing.

You could address the above post to yourself as well. Besides, as I have said to others, you are not required to accept or agree with anything I say. You are free to agree or disagree with anything as you please. But you are not free to push an idea of yours in the public arena and demand that it not be challenged. Rest assured it will be.