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Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by ihedinobi2: 10:38pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
bukatyne:As I said, I have. And you should give her the same advice. 3 Likes |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by bukatyne(f): 10:40pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
ihedinobi2: I have given her my piece/asked some questions on first page. |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by edwife(f): 10:42pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
byvan: That's what i was referring to in my post,character adjustment is inevitable in some cases,but then again depend on the level of understanding between the couple.Character can be his personality, nature, disposition, temper, mentality, psyche at that moment.... Hope you cool dear,how the soldiers? |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by ihedinobi2: 10:44pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
byvan:I am not aware how I did. You could enlighten me. That's your call really. And it is a weird one because the very title of the thread said literally that her husband's character had adjusted. And there you go again with the flippant talk. How do you know that he knows that his wife will jump on a bandwagon? Why do you suppose that people who give grief do so because they're monsters who need other people's pain to thrive? As you were told, it's only a two-month-old marriage. On what basis are you calling him tyrannical? How do you know what goes on in the man's heart? Again, I'll repeat, you are not required to buy anything. 2 Likes |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by ihedinobi2: 10:52pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
bukatyne:I don't mean the OP. I meant byvan. Give her the same advice you gave me. She needs it more than I do. Happy new year, btw. I hope you're having a great year already. I'm sorry I vanished on you at Christmas. I was so mentally exhausted then that I could barely react in any sensible manner to the wicked dishes you tantalized me with. That dude you married is seeing something o. Did you have a good holiday? |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by Nobody: 11:01pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
ihedinobi2: Tired of this long gists dude, good night. |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by ihedinobi2: 11:05pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
byvan:Good night to you too. |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by Nobody: 11:06pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
edwife: Exactly, people should get a conscience abeg, no be their character adjust pass . We are all good dear, how are the edwifians? |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by edwife(f): 11:14pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
byvan: Lol at the edwifians,they are good dear-sleeping I am left alone working,old age school no easy o... |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by cococandy(f): 11:17pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
edwife:Person no dey too old for anything o My 50+ yr old auntie is still a student |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by edwife(f): 11:19pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
cococandy: Abi o.... Anyway,as long as i enjoy my course no wahala... Have a great night.... |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by cococandy(f): 11:21pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
edwife:You have a great night . I'm still in my afternoon 1 Like |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by edwife(f): 11:35pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
cococandy: 1 Like |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by bukatyne(f): 11:23pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
ihedinobi2: Will do so when she starts hounding you and other's for your martial status. Thanks. Holiday was not restful joor... did not close for the year. Dude married a gem and girl married a diamond Happy new year to you too. |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by Nobody: 5:12pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
edwife: Old age really edwife ? |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by edwife(f): 5:33pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
byvan: Byvan why you dey spoil my hustle... When i graduated 9 years ago,what do you expect!everything is new to me..... |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by Nobody: 5:55pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
edwife: We had a grandma in my faculty, said she realized she won't be fulfilled if she dies without at least a 1st degree, are you a grandma yet? Definitely everything will seem new but you will get the hang of it , jisike nne. 1 Like |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by prolify: 8:46am On Jan 20, 2015 |
@Op it's a pity the honeymoon didn't last long,although going by statistics d 1st year is usually rough on both parties @ d same tym doesn't mean u guys should go all kung foo on each other,a relationship and Marriage are 2 different ball games,u dated 4 6years u should @least know him 2 an extent and find out were the frustration really lies and see how u guys can work things out.The problem most women have is d fact that we feel what the relationship didn't solve marriage would be a quick fix.@ this point your health and that of the unborn is paramount.Try to relax the tension in ur home cos 2 months is a little too early 4 divorce statements. |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by Thinkr(m): 4:03pm On Jan 20, 2015 |
He knew your character before he married you" OP those kinda character and attitude you girls display during dating can't survive in marriage except the husband is an inmbecile. He is now your husband(head) not some boyfriend or fiance. Think about this I wish you the best 1 Like |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by soulglo: 5:24pm On Jan 20, 2015 |
Ohwhy: What's your definition of "marriage". Have you gone to court to make it legal? |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by Tinyemeka(m): 7:20am On Feb 21, 2015 |
ShirelleBaby: Hmm... I like okpa and I eat it a lot O, though I haven't tasted it in my dream. What's the danger? |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by xavier3(m): 1:52am On Feb 23, 2015 |
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Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by Guests: 2:32am On Feb 23, 2015 |
xavier3: Cc; dinachi, ifyalways, lordreed, aisha2, chaircover, babyosisi, rosarie, bellong, cougar, freecocoa, bukatyne, edwife, byvan, ihedinobi2. Please come oh, the real gist has been revealed. #AprokoMode. |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by bukatyne(f): 9:01am On Feb 23, 2015 |
Guests: Thanks for the mention Back to the thread 1 Like |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by bukatyne(f): 9:04am On Feb 23, 2015 |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by bellong: 11:22am On Feb 23, 2015 |
bukatyne: She has deactivated her account.... I knew there was more to her sob story. Even the devil himself would have done at least 6months honeymoon before unleashing terror.... |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by Onegai(f): 11:25am On Feb 23, 2015 |
I'm not defending the OP. I am going to speak to many newlyweds and young people who are getting married or getting scared of getting married, I'll use the OP's case to explain some bits. Taking charge is a wonderful thing, if God gave you that sort of character. I used to tell my bf "you need to take charge more!" until I married him and even my sister said "you cannot force him to be what you want". And in Nigeria, we value people who know how to scream and shout, I rarely see people who know how to take charge. I used to think I was the Queen of Taking Charge until I was told to my face by a very nice person that I was actually the Queen of Abrasive Naija-Style Giving Orders So, Xavier3, you are judging from outside. I'm saying this because if my husband had come to NL to tell our story, all of you would have asked him to divorce me (yet I was the one wanting to leave). My husband complained so much about me that he even went so far to say "She is trying too hard to please me". Yep. I will repeat it: my hubby complained I was trying too hard to make him happy. He said it to me my face and I laughed and told him to go and open a thread on NL and make this complaint. (our fights had episodes of laughing, shouting, screaming, crying and pleading all in under one hour, that same energy wasted we could have used to become Billionaires). Wisdom kept him quiet. So he started complaining about other things, that would make people side with him. And I did the same. There are things you don't see until you are upclose to a person and that sort of relationship requires years of close friendship or marriage. Pregnancy is hard and I swear your hormones are all over the place. We get so aggressive, omo one of my sisters beat up an okada man (he tried to slap her for hitting her car, she didn't look pregnant. The police had to come and beg her he was on the floor looking dazed, my sis was energetic like a WWE wrestler. Then she came home and wept about it, as if she didn't win the fight). So men, please get ready to be patient when your wife gets pregnant (remember, Christ and that church!) and yes, tell your wives how beautiful they are during that period, because walai, she feels ugly. And ladies, when you see your emotions getting the better of you, walk away quietly so you don't say rubbish. And as for Intimacy Compatibility, I ask you to stand up and show me one woman (particularly during her 1st trimester) who was like the Energizer Bunny in bed. I will even call gynacologists to stand beside me on that issue (parents know that the 1st trimester is lousy for intimacy due to all the hormonal changes, throwing up every minute, constant headaches, people who are spotting, those that need surgery for Appendicitis during 1st trimester which is very common. Smells gave me a headache. I lost my appetite. I woke up with headaches and slept with headaches. I took painkillers and nothing changed. My nether region hurt me and the doctors said it was normal, it's stretching. Worse, all these are common during Pregnancy. Then my hubby will show up and be squeezing his face that I'm no longer Kim K ). OP, go speak to your man, you both need to understand or lower your expectations of each other. You're married and starting a family, you need to learn how to speak up (not shout like a crazy Naija woman, but get your way in a polite manner) and start being responsible for yourself. And the best person to teach you is that man beside you. As for him saying "Divorce, Divorce", don't worry, I said the same thing, I even told him I feel like dying or committing suicide and he swore he couldn't live with me. We called off our wedding. He kissed me on the way out to work this morning and I'm going to carry my pregnant ar.se to the market to make him stew. I'm putting things in context for you, so you know deep-down, you're going to be fine. And let me make something clear: Marriage and fighting in the first year IS NOT NORMAL but 90% of human beings in this world do NOT know how to live with another person, so you're the rule, not the exception. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself and get to work fixing it ! You and your husband are both acting like crazy people (trust me on this, half the time, I wonder what was possessing me and he wonders why he was so determined to prove a point). You need to learn how to fight. And reason and manage your expectations of each other. And please tell yourselves you are BOTH HAVING A BABY. Because it's so scary for both people. So yes, it's hard, but do some chores (some you cannot do any longer, some you can do). Please show him articles on this, and say "bae, please can you help me with this and that and I promise not to slack on these other chores" I know you can handle the cooking, but he can help with buying groceries. Cleaning may be tough for you bending down, but you can certainly dust and if you get a low stool, you can clean the toilet. Carry that man with you to Ante-Natal (my hubby didn't realise how sore my nip.ples were until he came for our last appointment and the GYN told him, he thought I was also not grooming "down there" being "evuls as uzual" and trying to deny him to intimacy). Now he has become Chief Boo.b and Down-South Inspector (he was made to realise I couldn't see past my growing tummy and I'm pretty smallish with this baby) and is constantly inspecting it and caring for it. I'm being very candid with you, because NL is full of so many negative people who make it all about themselves and argue and make you feel bad. Your husband isn't bad, neither are you. You both need to learn how to adjust to each other. You are both wrong. You both need to grow. You both need to realise pregnancy (particularly early in marriage) is hard on couples. There is no such thing as an easy, happy marriage. There is hardwork, and a determined belief that "We will be buried side-by-side". If you need to take charge, sit him down, tell him "how so?" talk, don't try to defend yourself, you're here to learn. And tell your man "you need to accept me as I am, just improve on some parts on me and I will do the same to you" (Men shockingly have HIGHER expectations than women, we ladies can settle for anything, guys struggle to). That's why I wrote this on another thread and will repeat it here: "Your wife is NOT gonna be the Proverbs 31 Woman till you love her like Christ loved the church who crucified him and Stop expecting to change your man/woman, make him a Better Tunde, a Better Adamu, a Better Chike, not a Chike who turned into Emeka or a Bisola who now acts like Funmi". All the best. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by bukatyne(f): 11:30am On Feb 23, 2015 |
bellong: O well Some devils do not wait 6 months o How are you and yours? |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by bellong: 11:39am On Feb 23, 2015 |
bukatyne: We are doing fine.. Thanks.. You? Those devils have to wait 6 months if not for anything but dividends of |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by Nobody: 3:20pm On Feb 23, 2015 |
xavier3: So in other words, oh why was absolutely correct. He knew she had a very passive personality but expected her to magically transform into someone else after marriage? Apart from her not taking care of the house, all those other complaints sound bogus to me. He should stop making the woman's life a living hell because of his own mistakes. You're repulsed by someone's personality, yet you courted them for 6yrs, proposed to them, paid an exorbitant bride price and spent millions on the wedding. Was he held at gunpoint to do all these? 2 Likes |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by bukatyne(f): 4:55pm On Feb 23, 2015 |
bellong: Fine, thanks to God LOL @ dividends The OP sure might have learnt one or two things sha |
Re: He Has Changed.. Almost Completely by LordReed(m): 6:41am On Feb 24, 2015 |
Guests: LoL! If this xavier3 is writing truth then my first assessment is correct, the man has become frustrated in expecting his wife to change by the magic of "you are now husband and wife" while the wife thinks it is business as usual. Well it's not really about who to blame here but as posters before me pointed out they both need to adjust. They share a home now so whatever they need to do to keep it should be done. |
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