I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. - Family - Nairaland
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My Sister Is Married To The Most Chronic Cheat Ever. Please I Need Advice / Heeelllpppppp! Advice Urgently Needed. / What Is Something Crazy That Your Neighbor Has Done? (2) (3) (4)
| I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by mos123(m): 9:04pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
I'm really confused and don't know how to start. I'm not emotionally stable now, pls moderator or people incharge can help me correct any grammatical blunder in my story. I'm into long distance relationship and we've been dating going to 2 years now.But my fiancee was being unfaithful but after so much confrontation she changed drastically, though there's still some traces of unfaithfullness but what pained me most is that she aborted pregnancy without my consent. And as a matter of fact she has been taken me for granted all because it seems I love her more than the way she loves me. But our wedding is in couples of months. I'm really thinking of postponing the wedding or even calling it quit but because of the advance stage we're. But I'm thinking of going for the wedding and pay her back in her own coins after the wedding. Because she makes me feel bad whenever I remember. And she has promised me to be faithful and change a new leaf if I can meet her parents and she meets mine which I granted her. I'm really confused. Pls any advice from mature mind is welcome. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Nobody: 9:06pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Postpone the wedding and sort your issues with her. it's a disaster waiting to happen if you both go into this marriage with this mind set. 8 Likes |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by mos123(m): 9:18pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Chillisauce:Thank you for your response but the problem is that the wedding preparation is at advance stage and if I'm to postpone it, our parents we want to know the reasons for that. Which she didn't want them to know. |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Aybee92(m): 9:24pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
run as fast as ur legs can carry u bro... better a broken relationship Dan a broken marriage marriage is a lyf tym tin don't make a decision that will hunt you for d rest of ur lyf...if she is truly unfaithful better let her go bro or push away 4 Likes |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Nobody: 9:24pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
mos123: Tell your parents you have issues to sort out. Let no one push you to do something desperate. It's either you have forgiven her or not. Revenging on a woman who is meant to be your partner and missing rib? Clearly you have been hurt and you haven't forgiven her, so work that out before adding more problems to yourself . 8 Likes |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Kimoni: 9:25pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
If you are feeling this way, postpone the wedding or and if you are bold enough, just quit. It's better for you on the long run. Marriage is not for vengeance, it's for partnership. 4 Likes |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by elantraceey(f): 9:38pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Work on your relationship before you think of putting that little handcuff on your fingers . Did you say revenge after wedding  That's funny , have you forgotten that after wedding you two are now one and anything you do to her you do to yourself?  To be honest with you , that girl just want to use you to answer mrs because she knows you love her so my dear make sure she loves you as much not on those fake promises before you give her that priviledge. 2 Likes |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Nobody: 9:40pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
You should postpone the marriage. Your relationship is not stable enough. 3 Likes |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by jacabi(m): 9:41pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
mos123:It's your life and not your parents. Do what will make you happy when you can afford it. 1 Like |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Ezibless: 9:49pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
There's no form of miracle that happens on the wedding alter o. The unfaithful lady you took to the alter is the same unfaithful lady you'd take to your house! Buh lemme ask this; was the pregnancy she terminated for you? 2 Likes |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by ryom(m): 10:02pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Walk bro, walk! |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by crackhaus: 10:03pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
- She has been unfaithful - She aborted a pregnancy without your knowledge - She's been taking you for granted Bro you shouldn't even be thinking of getting any revenge, she's so not worth that much trouble considering how you will spend a lot of money on the wedding, and still end up making yourself unhappy in that marriage. I wouldn't say you should postpone the wedding, you should call it off totally - seems to me that the love you have for her is still much more than what she has for you. Get a grip dude and man up, it's about time you moved on...don't you think so? 3 Likes |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Nobody: 10:13pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Op, the people above me have echoed my thoughts. Left to me, you should end that relationship. 1 Like |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by 2CatWoman: 10:19pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
mos123: Think about what you just wrote up there. If I had held such unhealthy thoughts in my head before my wedding, I would have ended the relationship. 1 Like |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by eckersley: 10:27pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Conscience is an open wound only truth can heal. *Spoiler Alert* Things will grow worse for u emotionally before becoming better. From the way u sound, it's like she got pregnant for you and you would have kept the baby. But almost every lady aborts with the consent, financial and moral support of their impregnator. So why is her case diff. Or is the baby for another man and she quickly flushed it to conceal her infidelity 1. Why doesn't she want others to know the truth. The Bible says. [Wo]men love darkness bc their deeds are evil [S]he who covers sin will not prosper. If she's doing evrytn to keep these things secret, then u can be a 100 PERCENT CERTAIN there are a 1001 MORE HEINOUS THINGS SHE'S HIDING THAT YOU WILL DISCOVER AFTER UR MARRIAGE AND YOU WILL BE UTTERLY DEVASTATED and that will either drive u to either incurable insanity or suicide WHY IS SHE PLEADING Her 1st choice lovers hv dumped her and she has returned to her If she had a 2nd, 3rd even 25th option, she wud hv gone to them and not u. But all hv rejected her and she came back to her LAST OPTION - YOU. And u don't wanna live with this poltergeist of being her last resort for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. She's pleading and promising heaven and hell bc she knows her wares are damaged and is tryn to HEALTH CONSEQUENCES OF AN ABORTION ================================== Abortion related complications in LATER PREGNANCIES include 1. Miscarriages 2. Premature birth Ladies who abort their first pregnancies, 66 percent subsequently experience miscarriages or premature birth of their second, “wanted” pregnancies. It is estimated that aborted women lose 100,000 “wanted” pregnancies each year 3. Future complications of labor, and abnormal development of the placenta, are leading causes of HANDICAPS and acquired cerebral palsy among newborns Finally, pregnancy problems pose a threat to the health of the mothers too Hence women who have had abortions face a 58 percent greater risk of DYING DURING A LATER PREGNANCY. So if u don't want to suffer any of the above, STAY AWAY FROM THAT LADY For full details, read http://afterabortion.org/1990/abortion-complications/ SOLUTION ============= DETOXIFICATION ================== This lady has become poison in ur system and u hv to detoxified of her 1. Emotionally, Spiritually and otherwise 1. EMOTIONAL DETOX ===================== a. Severe ALL COMMUNICATION WITH HER. Dissociate from her cold turkey DELETE AND BLOCK her on all social networks-Facebk, Twitter, Yahoo mail, change ur number, it's a new year [don't hurry to renew ur tenancy], if psbl relocate [yes I said it, relocate if u hv the means or go stay wt a friend for up to 3 months-but don't start spilling ur guts to that friend] b. Undergo a fruit fast to cleanse ur system Every weekend [fri-Sun] eat only uncooked fruits and drink plenty of water while taking vitamin supplements esp those rich in Vitamin B12. Do this exercise every weekend for 1 month 2. SPIRITUAL DETOX. ================== Currently, your spirit is as weak a kitten that's why u r a nervous wreck. a. Go to a man of God for counseling and prayers b. As a christian, I suggest u pray fervently esp from mid-night for at least an hour Do same during the fruit fasts. Break every soul-tie covenant u might hv unwittingly entered into wt her [esp thru sex] c. Read ur Bible morn, noon and nite Load an audio Bible [from Genesis to Revelations] into ur phone d. WHENEVER THE THOTS OF HER COME INTO UR MIND, pray fervently, pick ur Bible and read it meaningfully ALOUD until those thots vaporize. e. If u can't do D because u r in ur work place etc when her thots skirt into ur mind, play the audio Bible wt earphones or via loud speakers turned down till those thots r dispelled Gradually u'll regain ur spiritual senses/strenght which will in turn translate into emotional healing and strength. 3. GETTING UR LIFE BACK TOGETHER ================================ a. Keep working at ur job. Tell them to deny ur ex-lady access to you in case she comes to ur workplace. [drop her picture wt security or the secretary] b. Stop going to places common to the two of you so she doesn't 'bump into u' e.g. Go to a diff branch of ur church, gym, etc c. Scramble all patterns/routines in ur life she's aware of d. Change passwords to all emails, social media, bank accounts, ATMs etc You nvr can tell the ones she secretly memorized yl wt u. e. Change ALL locks in ur apartment. [Even while u are looking for a new house] Don't leave ur keys anymore in locations she had access to in ur absence [e.g under the foot mat,] f. DO NOT ENTER INTO ANY RSHIP FOR A FULL CALENDER YEAR This will afford u ample time to heal/gain strength spiritually, physically and emotionally and enable u find u purpose once again Any rship u go into within this period is FALSE and is almost DEFINITELY a rebound g. Download/procure and begin a body work out plan. i.e exercising. This will provide good release for u h. Make new male friends WHO DO NOT DRINK, WOMANIZE NOR ENGAGE IN SOCIAL VICES 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by mos123(m): 10:52pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Ezibless:Yes it's mine. Her excuse for abortion is that her parents are important personality in their church, and the church will not join us together if they find out she's pregnant which I told her not to worry about that I'll take the responsibility but later she told me stories but later she confessed that she eventually did D&C after taken several medications without success. |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Nobody: 10:57pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Go ahead with the wedding..You will soon be in control of things... And you know what... Divorce is always an option.. |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by TV01(m): 11:13pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
@Mos123, I disagree, it's not advice you need, it's heart, and you won't do anything crazy, just something weak - like you've done for the duration of this relationship. It takes balls to do something really crazy. To be blunt you present as pathetic, a wreck of a man. A woman - not your wife - cheated on you and your took her cheating aass back? No dude - you unceremoniously dump her and get yourself a younger, prettier better endowed and more accomplished model - if you're a man. What on earth makes you think the pregnancy she aborted was yours. Weak and thick. Ironically if it was yours, that may have sealed it's fate - women don't want to carry children for weaklings. That's right, she considers you a pathetic weakling - taking a cheating, lying ho back after cheating immediately signals to her that you are spineless - hence her continued cheating. Proposing marriage on top just gives her carte blanche to do whatever she likes. You may have well tattooed "I'm a loser, please cuckold me" all over your forehead - was it even your idea? And that's probably the funniest part of your post, "taking revenge in marriage". Revenge on someone that's been playing you like a 2-chord tune? She will cheat on you, deliver another mans spawn into your care, chop your money and and eventually leave you a stuttering wreck, while she moves on to something better, which by the sound of you won't be too difficult. Revenge? You chump, you don't have the gonads to take revenge - in fact you are already beaten bloody, she's just applying the finishing touches - and with your full co-operation. That's why she's marrying you, she's just wants to toy with you some more and then finish you off. You opened with "confused and emotionally unstable" and you are plotting coup? It's not too long a shot to wonder if you'll make it out alive. Either way, there certainly won't be much left of you when she's done. You are not in any way shape or form ready for marriage yet. You actually sound stuck between puberty and adolescence. Marriage, I don't think you could adequately deal with a kindergarten romance. I'm seriously scratching my head wondering how one gets from unfaithful to proposal - with decent women forming orderly queues and taking tickets to get married Get rid of her - without any sentiment or emotion. Dump her unceremoniously, in fact as harshly as you can without committing a crime. Your healing and growing up starts with you coldly and dispassionately dealing with her - as you should have done ages ago. Then go back to basics. Understand what it means to be a man, a husband and a father. Get some character and life-experience. Find yourself - I always recommend Christ. Avoid any sort of serious relationship for now. Start thinking about marriage when you can look at a woman and clearly consider if she'll be a good wife - and turn away without a second glance if shes not. No matter how nubile, endowed, pretty or accomplished she is. TV I really need to put pen to paper  mos123: 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Nobody: 11:16pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
OP, the mere fact of you continuing a relationship with this woman after her history and behaviour(she will never change) is both bewildering and pitiable at the same time. What, pray tell, are you marrying her for, love, trust, respect? Brother I'm lost trying to make sense of your situation. She, on the other hand, can not believe her luck in finding a cuckold such as yourself to marry her. She has proven to provide no value towards you, yet you are going to wed and make a home with and for her with your own hard-earned money? What does she have to lose when yall get married and you begin to "pay her back", your faithfulness? Your fidelity would hold no value anyway. My advise to you is, don't play yourself, grow a pair and do what you should have when you first found out she was disloyal, exit that relationship. You need to do away with low self-esteem, there really is plenty of fish in the sea. Good luck, monsieur. 2 Likes |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Emaprince: 11:24pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Op,are you a fool or what? Does this sslut feed you? Are you financially dependent on her? Does your whole life depend on her? A woman that doesn't respect you and sleep around during dating/courting will continue doing so even after marriage!!! From your post,I can tell you are one of those men with a very low sewlf esteem..I mean,the men who doesn't trust in themselves and doesn't believe they have what it takes to get another woman when there are moillions of them out there desperate..mr man...men are scarce these days o..and one sslut is playing you and you dey act like mumu..she already know you are a wimp so she do whatever she feels like..after all,she'll apologize and get away with it.. You are even considering postponing a marriage which should be called off...are you wedding for people or for yourself?.. I'll advice you to tell your story(all the truths) to your mom and sisters...bring them women in your house together and go with their advice..forget what you'll see on this thread because women here will not give you the same advice they'll give to their biological brothers and sons. Personally,I'll advice you to QUIT the useless relationship!!! |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by mos123(m): 12:02am On Jan 14, 2015 |
Ezibless:Yes the pregnancy is mine. Her excuse for abortion is that her parents are important personality in their church and the church will not join us together if they discover she's pregnant which I told her I'll take responsibility later she told me stories but later she eventually confessed to me that she did D&C after several medications without success. |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Ezibless: 12:04am On Jan 14, 2015 |
mos123: Aiit, she no longer carries your child. So,do the needful 'cause we don't wanna read another thread about ''how to treat a cheating wife...'' and it likes |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by chineloSA(f): 5:41am On Jan 14, 2015 |
OP, be honest. How did your relationship start?? Were u fully committed only to her in the beginning? Or did u both have partners when u started and later on decided to committ to each other?? Have u ever cheated on her? To me it sounds like you built your relationship on lies and deceit and later decided to build something real on top of a bad foundation. 2 Likes |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by eckersley: 6:50am On Jan 14, 2015 |
chineloSA:Were u fully committed only to her in the beginning? Most times, ladies justify the cheating act of a fellow lady with this hackneyed line. NOBODY, I repeat NOBODY [however FOOLISH or NAIVE], starts a relationship with a COMMITMENT. Man-woman rships usu starts out as friendship. If things are going fine, both partners incrementally take things to the next level until they reach a point of[b] FULL COMMITMENT, TOTAL EXCLUSIVITY[/b] to one another, marriage proposals are made and eventually marriage. Almost no man or lady is just free [except they are dating or getting into a rship for the first time since their birth] Almost every time, Man meets girl [who most times is in one or SEVERAL rships] She weighs/evaluates him for a couple of months or even years[while she's still in other rships] If current offer appears better, more appealing, responsible, rewarding, and marriage-bound [if she has marriage in mind] compared to all others, Lady waits for guy to commit [ or signals him to do so or verbally demands same] and if our guy does so, she gradually severs ties with OTHER boyfriends and commits 'TOTALLY' to new. [Almost d same for the guys] SO STOP JUSTIFYING HER CHEATING WITH THIS BS. GIRLS STOP IT. Have u ever cheated on her? What are u saying. A wrong does not justify another wrong. I do not advocate pre-marital sex. But by the standards of the world, cheating is mostly sxual infidelity with another [I include emotional infidelity/cheating in my definition] You cannot claim one partner is cheating on the other until there's EXCLUSIVITY What u call COMMITMENT. After all, girls advocate DATING MULTIPLE GUYS TO KNOW WHICH ONE IS BEST FOR THEM Hmmm. What a pity But if I'm to go by that same disillusioned standard of MOST ladies, the man shd also b sampling several rshps concomitantly while wt any lady until they both commit to each other. So if he was sxually and emotionally involved wt other ladies before commitment, by the idiotic standard above, it is not cheating on his or her part So can u state at what point u mean by ur question to him on cheating. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Richy4(m): 7:12am On Jan 14, 2015 |
If you wanna add a divorce status to your resume oya go ahead with the wedding. Obviously both of you do not know what marriage is all about. If marriage is about what you have just written down, I guess I would have married 9 times. Long distance relationship, bite me!!!!!!! |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by lilmax(m): 7:26am On Jan 14, 2015 |
Emaprince:op you better follow this advice if you want to live,from your write up it sounds like she doesn't see you as someone worthy, no respect at all |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by ihedinobi2: 7:30am On Jan 14, 2015 |
TV01:You really need to o! Actually, I would have thought that there's a place for forgiveness. What do you think about that? |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Nobody: 7:50am On Jan 14, 2015 |
mos123: In 2 words; Forget it! You are only setting you both up for a short married life of pain and sadness. The LDR may have not helped issues, but that not withstanding Love and Respect and Long term commitment are lacking You are the one getting married, not your parents and they too wont have peace if you and your wife at each others throat everyday, so any bad descsion affects them too, so just go and see them and tell them that she is not the right person for you and put your foot down You cant enter a marriage with so much unresolved hurt and anger 2 Likes |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by anthoniaz(f): 8:10am On Jan 14, 2015 |
No need wasting money on your forthcoming wedding.Postpone it and settle everything first or better still, end the relationship. |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by Emaprince: 10:15am On Jan 14, 2015 |
eckersley:no mind that woman!..this is how they normally justify a sslutty girl/wife...they'll try to shift the blame to the man by asking questions like "have you not cheated on her before?".. |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by TV01(m): 11:02am On Jan 14, 2015 |
ihedinobi2:Absolutely! In fact, a man properly positioned would not even take offence at her behaviour, just deal with it appropriately. Hence my use of the word "dispassionate" - no emotion. And to be clear, not that you don't have feelings or express them - just don't let them cloud your judgement. He can even apologise to her. Seriously, for not applying "CAR" taking Charge, taking Action and taking Responsibility. A man must be clear on where the relationship is going at all points and end it if it becomes untenable for any reason. He let this drag on longer than it should have - no "C" - did not act appropriately or promptly - no "A" - and now we are left with a steaming hot mess. He takes "R". TV **maybe we should start with CAR? Lets just dive in, and discuss free-form, no need to over-engineer it** |
| Re: I Need Advice Urgently Before Doing Something Crazy. by pickabeau1: 11:03am On Jan 14, 2015 |
You cant make a HO a HOusewife |
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