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Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by pxjosh(m): 10:44pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me. Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading. I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all. Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy? Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad. Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget. My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.” It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family. My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one. No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?” Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish. But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and anguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul. I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better. To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love. And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered. Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others. credits: http://www.faithit.com/ 11 Likes 3 Shares
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Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by Celebrimbor(m): 11:15pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Wow..... Beta food for thought 1 Like |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by babygirlfl: 12:10am On Jan 15, 2015 |
Lovely |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by Richy4(m): 2:15am On Jan 15, 2015 |
Nice. it sound more like Jehovah's witness message. 1 Like |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by laplace12(m): 3:53am On Jan 15, 2015 |
Nice one. mods fp. farano pasqal09 Ishilove |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by Nobody: 5:45am On Jan 15, 2015 |
Never thought about it that way before. Makes so much sense! |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by Nobody: 5:57am On Jan 15, 2015 |
Marriage is overrated.. |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by Nobody: 6:29am On Jan 15, 2015 |
noted..in summary, don't go into marriage by expecting what to gain,but what you can give. 2 Likes |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by tpiah11: 6:44am On Jan 15, 2015 |
not everybody wants to marry. |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by Nobody: 6:57am On Jan 15, 2015 |
Some people don't realize that when they get married, they will form a joint identity with their partner. There would no longer be an "I" but a "we". Anyone who isn't aware of this, or is, yet refuses to accept it has no business being married. The end goal is always your partner and children's happiness. This is similar to how utilitarianism works. You will have to make sacrifices that will lessen your own happiness and when children are in the picture, it is a must. For some, this is a tough pill to swallow. 2 Likes |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by bukatyne(f): 10:47am On Jan 15, 2015 |
Beautiful beautiful post A husband is supposed to look out for his wife while the wife look out for her husband When one looks out for himself/herself and still expect the other to look out for them, there is a terrible strain on the marriage. That's why I detest all these mainstream advices |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by KanwuliaJara: 10:50am On Jan 15, 2015 |
It is for me. . . .BUT NOT TO A BLACK MAN!!!! Too late now. . . .na manage I go manage till I quench na. . . how for do? Thank my H-AGNOSTIC GAAAAAD FOR SEPARATE BEDROOMS, HOUSES AND VACATIONS. |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by 5minsmadness: 1:13pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
@pxjosh. Beautiful piece |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by Samiceman: 1:21pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
Wow! Nice piece Op. Ope is definitely the right girl for me |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by Nmeri17: 8:58pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
My dad giving his response to my concerns was |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by lilmax(m): 10:35pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
Marriage is for everybody,depends on the person you marry |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by Oahray: 4:52pm On Jan 16, 2015 |
lilmax:bros talk true, you no read the post before you comment 1 Like |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by Haywhymido(m): 7:45pm On Jan 16, 2015 |
Nice one.Gat ur message |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by chineloSA(f): 8:17pm On Jan 16, 2015 |
Good piece |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by NickiRoman: 8:05am On Jan 17, 2015 |
Me likey |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by tpiah11: 2:13pm On Feb 03, 2015 |
lilmax: Not everybody wants to get married. |
Re: Maybe Marriage Isn’t For You by Nobody: 11:12pm On Feb 03, 2015 |
Dis is rily deep and tot-provoking. Hmm! When I think abt wot dis poster just sed it kinda reduces ma fears of getting married. Wow! Nice one doe! |
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