I am 37 years old. We got married 6 years ago and had two children. I come from a well off family so life wasn't difficult. I have always been able to get money from handouts from my family as well as some rental properties that I inherited. As a wedding gift my parents bought us a house that is now valued at about 180m Naira. To be honest, I haven't really been working very hard to chart my own financial path and I don't really know why. I have no motivation to do business, start any business or even work in the family business. I've started to believe it is because the person who is supposed to be supporting me the most, is always putting me down. Any time that I come up with a new business idea she crushes my dreams, telling me how bad that idea is. My father passed away a few years ago and everytime I tell my wife I have gone to do business with my mum, or I want to buy a piece of land with my mother and brother, she gets upset. Now here comes the abuse: when we argue and she tells me to get out of the house, I refuse and tell her its my house. She quickly replies "No it's your mothers house" "A real man works hard and struggles to make it" I have been called all types of names e.g. 'youre lazy" "you're not a good dad (mind you she's always screaming and beating on my son)" "you're not a real man", "Bleep is more of a man than you", etc. I got tired of all that so I decided to empower her, so a couple of years ago, I sold a piece of land worth 20 million Naira and gave her 10 to start a business. I spent my 10 on debts, paying bills, running the house etc. That 10 million has spawned 3 other businesses on her part while I am still stuck with no business of my own. She has never shared or offered to share any profits of those businesses with me, which is ok by me as I really don't need her money. I am still called all types of names, despite the fact that I pay all the house bills, school fees, electricity, DSTV etc. She pays for nothing. When she shops for items from the supermarket, vegetable market etc, she will give me a detailed bill of what she has spent and I HAVE TO REFUND. Refund? we are all eating the food, I don't ask for help every month, and I have to refund? She constantly reminds me that is what a man is supposed to do, pay all the bills in the house, and that I get my money for free while she has to work hard for it. But my question is, do I need this treatment? am I too nice? Please help.

Start your own business without letting her know.

you have really fallen apart with your woman, try your possible means to bring back the love you guys once shared by so doing she will realize the mistake she has been doing and also try to correct the fault you have.

am not sure who is the man of the house here, ur wife treats u like a weaklin
& u re not helpin matters, why the hell will u use 10milla in payin off bebt
honestly, no mata how rich i become, i will make sure my children work hard for their own success

Look at your Moniker now......mr nice guy
You must not stop being nice
My simple advise is generate your own bizness ideas and go ahead with them dont even wait for her discouragement....like you are even having too much idle time to listen to her complains. Maybe when you are becoming like Dangote you ll earn back your respect

You guys obviously have communication issues. You will need to work on that.

But then, you need to get something doing! Part of your problem is that you are losing your self confidence as a man and ur wife is not helping issues but you can't continue to blame her for your inability to do nothing all this while. No woman will truly like it if her man sits at home everyday just relying on family wealth. And stop letting let her put your business ideas down, even if you are starting it off with your parents or siblings. Guess she doesn't like the fact that you want to involve your family in your business start up but if that is the only way you can start up on your own, pls do.

Bottom line, MOTIVATE yourself enough to start something of your own. Then make every attempt to improve the communication btw you guys. Enough of putting each other down or throwing needless blames around.

let her know you're the man of the house and pls start a business of ur own

Get off your ass and do something, your wife sees you as a lazy man, who has never had to work hard for anything, there are people born with silver spoons that work hard and become richer than their parents were, coming from a rich background is no excuse

Consider that the she talks to you and all the bills she presents to you is her own way of inspiring you, motivating you this is how she knows to do it. She does not know another way to inspire you if she knew she would do it not saying the way she talks to you is right just pointing out that this may be the case. You should talk to her and let her know she kills your spirit when she puts you down as she does.

Honestly you don't come across as nice you look like a shadow just going through the motions of being alive maybe that is why she is so angry.

See this OP. Why is it that people who have been blessed keep wasting their opportunity? Your mum,brother, wife etc are also running businesses and your are here whinning. Wait till she becomes richer and give you back the 10m then you will hear nwiii. Arrange yourself and start your own business. Met good business consultant for help. If you sit down depending on others to work for the money then you are making a big mistake. The bills you are paying where do you get the money from? Hope you are not collecting money from your mum.

Thanks for the comments, really. That is exactly what I needed: A reality check.

O my God ! What is this? Divorce her immediately and look for a gud humble woman who will appreciate you for who you are. Women plenty nyafu nyafu that are praying day and night to get a man half as gud as you...She doesn't deserve you, period. Why why why did you give that ungrateful wife ten million? Collect your money back Asap! Meanwhile what are the things you have passion for? What ever business ideas you have should be based on your passion. Best luck!

As you can see from a few responses so far, Nigerian women who think and behave like your wife exist - make no mistake about it.

How can you be coming up with business ideas and she keeps shutting them down...but when you gave her free 10m Naira that she did not work for, she quickly used it to start a business which in turn spiralled into three other businesses.
She still had the devil's mind to tell you that it's your sole duty to pay bills, when all the money she now glories in was given to her from your own pocket.

I honestly don't know how some of you don't pay attention and really know the kind of woman you want to spend the rest of their life with.
Even if she did succeed in throwing you off her vampiric scent, I wonder why you are still cowering around and letting her dictate the tunes you dance to.

Bro if your story has an iota of truth in it, I advise you take back the reins of leadership in your home - the moment she started disrespecting/insulting you is the moment you should have reminded her who is boss.

Go into a business you are sure of, you seem to have a knack for real-estate...why don't you start with that.
As for your wife, deliver yourself from her emotional hold on you pronto - she can't put you down unless you permit it.

To think that the money she now parades around as hers, started off with a 10m Naira capital from you - darn, I just can't get past this...smh!

LOL...


The females here did not read that the woman's seed capital was from the man

Women and entitlement choi

OP

Your wife is not only a user but a dream killer
As advised, start your own buisiness and move it up
You should let her start giving account of her businesses to you
Let her start getting more involved with the domestic bills

dinachi re u married?mr man to b frank u re lazy n filled with procastinations.no woman appreciates a lazy man.how can u say six years u do not ve a means of living.u live of family who is encouraging your laziness.if u want to set up bis must it b wit ur family?hw canu use a whole ten m to settle debts.!is not like d debt wos invested.are u a boy dat ur wife n family manipulates u n den u start getting jealous of ur wife sucess n u re looking for whom to blame for ur failure.dnt allow ur kids see u as a failed father cos ur wife already sees u dat way.go n dust ur cert n get a job wit ur family influence.cos wit ur laziness if u enter business it will crumble

OP Na Jazz?
Pls don't tell me you have all that money,made her rich and comfortable yet can't do the same for yourself and worse still let her treat you like dirt.
Pls this is not normal.

Rosarie, what if I told you that I never wanted to move into that expensive house? I begged her to allow us to stay in my rented house which I was paying 100,000 Naira and receive rent from the new house of almost 400,000? She flatly refused and made us move into a house that honestly wasn't of our class (yet). Let me also add that out of that 10m I gave my mum about 1.5m and my bro about 500,000. I also gave my wife a further 250,000. I also had to pay her father 250,000 that SHE had borrowed from him. I also spent some on our new baby who was born that year etc etc. I didn't waste the money my dear. I haven't told the full story.

Rosarie:
dinachi re u married?mr man to b frank u re lazy n filled with procastinations.no woman appreciates a lazy man.how can u say six years u do not ve a means of living.u live of family who is encouraging your laziness.if u want to set up bis must it b wit ur family?hw canu use a whole ten m to settle debts.!is not like d debt wos invested.are u a boy dat ur wife n family manipulates u n den u start getting jealous of ur wife sucess n u re looking for whom to blame for ur failure.dnt allow ur kids see u as a failed father cos ur wife already sees u dat way.go n dust ur cert n get a job wit ur family influence.cos wit ur laziness if u enter business it will crumble

MrNiceGuy79:
Rosarie, what if I told you that I never wanted to move into that expensive house? I begged her to allow us to stay in my rented house which I was paying 100,000 Naira and receive rent from the new house of almost 400,000? She flatly refused and made us move into a house that honestly wasn't of our class (yet). Let me also add that out of that 10m I gave my mum about 1.5m and my bro about 500,000. I also gave my wife a further 250,000. I also had to pay her father 250,000 that SHE had borrowed from him. I also spent some on our new baby who was born that year etc etc. I didn't waste the money my dear. I haven't told the full story.

Dude... its enough

No need to justify yourself to strangers

Take charge of your home, your finances and your family

She complains about you lazying around all day but she crushes every business idea you come up with? - she's a witch.

MrNiceGuy79:
Rosarie, what if I told you that I never wanted to move into that expensive house? I begged her to allow us to stay in my rented house which I was paying 100,000 Naira and receive rent from the new house of almost 400,000? She flatly refused and made us move into a house that honestly wasn't of our class (yet). Let me also add that out of that 10m I gave my mum about 1.5m and my bro about 500,000. I also gave my wife a further 250,000. I also had to pay her father 250,000 that SHE had borrowed from him. I also spent some on our new baby who was born that year etc etc. I didn't waste the money my dear. I haven't told the full story.

You've been blaming your wife for everything from beating your son while you have no particular ideas on child raising yourself to "she made us move into" then she does not inspire you when you have no concrete plans on ground. You have abdicated responsibility to her so she is dealing with it how she knows to. You sound lost i hope you find yourself so you can give directions to yourself and your family.

Still trying to figure out if the op is a man or a weakling

You need to start up your own business and do something with your life.
You're comfortable being bossed around, she saw that and is using it perfectly.
If not how on earth will you have money and not use it to start a business,gave it to her and yet don't make her accountable to the family. Isn't it supposed to be family money?
Plus you let her call all the shots from the beginning and she's doing just that in her own way.
In every relationship each partner should have a say. So try and get your say back

Read this.

She's right about you and you need to start proving yourself to gain the respect you deserve

MrNiceGuy79:
Rosarie, what if I told you that I never wanted to move into that expensive house? I begged her to allow us to stay in my rented house which I was paying 100,000 Naira and receive rent from the new house of almost 400,000? She flatly refused and made us move into a house that honestly wasn't of our class (yet). Let me also add that out of that 10m I gave my mum about 1.5m and my bro about 500,000. I also gave my wife a further 250,000. I also had to pay her father 250,000 that SHE had borrowed from him. I also spent some on our new baby who was born that year etc etc. I didn't waste the money my dear. I haven't told the full story.

Broda grow some balls and take charge of your home.....

If u need to start of with mum and bro in a business do it and encourage urself.

Thank God u have money if not ur wife for they mess u up big time...

Op grow some balls
1. Start a business and grow it ignore ur wife's rants
2. Set boundaries in ur home and how it should be run.

I think so many people didn't read and comprehend this gist.

1. He has raised ideas with her which she shuts down
2. She verbally abuses him and his son too
3. He got 20 million used 12 to fund her businesses
4. She still insults him when she contributes

Poster, why did you fall into the trap of being emotionally blackmailed to be who you are not.
I don't even know what to say, you have empowered her too much and accepted so much that you can't actually call her to order now.

For your peace of mind try a temporary separation and clear your mind.
You seem so docile see how a few women here told you off and you just accepted that they were right instead of clearly stating your points.

You need time on your own to gather strength and have some peace, that woman can lead to an early grave

aisha2:
I think so many people didn't read and comprehend this gist.

1. He has raised ideas with her which she shuts down
2. She verbally abuses him and his son too
3. He got 20 million used 12 to fund her businesses
4. She still insults him when she contributes

Poster, why did you fall into the trap of being emotionally blackmailed to be who you are not.
I don't even know what to say, you have empowered her too much and accepted so much that you can't actually call her to order now.

For your peace of mind try a temporary separation and clear your mind.
You seem so docile see how a few women here told you off and you just accepted that they were right instead of clearly stating your points.

You need time on your own to gather strength and have some peace, that woman can lead to an early grave

see he's the one holding himself in bondage. He's been acting an over fed mommy's boy and worse still he gives her the impression that he needs her permission to start anything he wants to do. No motivation,no zeal,no personal decision of his own. It is not surprising she doesn't respect him.

MrNiceGuy79:
I have always been able to get money from handouts from my family as well as some rental properties that I inherited. As a wedding gift my parents bought us a house that is now valued at about 180m Naira. To be honest, I haven't really been working very hard to chart my own financial path and I don't really know why. I have no motivation to do business, start any business or even work in the family business.

cococandy:
see he's the one holding himself in bondage. He's been acting an over fed mommy's boy and worse still he gives her the impression that he needs her permission to start anything he wants to do. No motivation,no zeal,no personal decision of his own. It is not surprising she doesn't respect him.

Isn't that what a wife is supposed to do? Provide back up and support?
In his " overfed mummy's boy" state he provided a house for her, provided money for her businesses abeg wives and husbands spouses are supposed to motivate each other. He comes accross as sheltered, calm and peace loving while she is a trouble maker. My husband was more sheltered than I was, till we married he didn't know how water gets in a house all he knows is there is water when he needs it, me kuma grew up where sometimes I have to get water from the well or even go a.little far and fetch water when there is no water. He laughs at my obsession with gathering water in every available container
I don't mock or nag or use it to insult him, we moved to our house I made and still make arrangements to ensure we always have water.

She is a bad wife no sugar coating being soft and nice is not a crime. He just married the wrong unsupportive woman

Firstly, you need to go for a seminar on personal branding. A friend of mine runs it. You have to discover yourself first. When you do, all these plenty plenty wahala will stop. The thing is, its really annoying seeing a full blooded able bodied man refusing to work. And let me even ask you sef



Oga, why have you refused to work?


From your post, wealth already runs in your family, you just needed a little push to be a multi billionaire and you decided to settle for less(house rent). You better wake up oh. Wake up oh.

aisha2:


Isn't that what a wife is supposed to do? Provide back up and support?
In his " overfed mummy's boy" state he provided a house for her, provided money for her businesses abeg wives and husbands spouses are supposed to motivate each other. He comes accross as sheltered, calm and peace loving while she is a trouble maker. My husband was more sheltered than I was, till we married he didn't know how water gets in a house all he knows is there is water when he needs it, me kuma grew up where sometimes I have to get water from the well or even go a.little far and fetch water when there is no water. He laughs at my obsession with gathering water in every available container
I don't mock or nag or use it to insult him, we moved to our house I made and still make arrangements to ensure we always have water.

She is a bad wife no sugar coating being soft and nice is not a crime. He just married the wrong unsupportive woman

I'm not denying the fact that his wife is not behaving well. I've not even gotten over the fact that he has everything he needs and makes then available to his wife yet allows her to trample him.

But how do we help him except telling him the truth?
Blaming his wife won't help him
Telling him to man up and grab what is rightfully his with two hands is all we can do.

That kind wife will only respect him if he mans up.
In fact his kind of man will not have many women respecting him if he continues like this.

Even if he divorces this one and attracts the next one with his money and family wealth,it will only be a matter of time before the next woman discovers his lack of ambition and the cycle will continue.

cococandy

what does lack of ambition mean

This man is a good provider yet he lacks ambition

cococandy:


I'm not denying the fact that his wife is not behaving well. I've not even gotten over the fact that he has everything he needs and makes then available to his wife yet allows her to trample him.

But how do we help him except telling him the truth?
Blaming his wife won't help him
Telling him to man up and grab what is rightfully his with two hands is all we can do.

That kind wife will only respect him if he mans up.
In fact his kind of man will not have many women respecting him if he continues like this.

Even if he divorces this one and attracts the next one with his money and family wealth,it will only be a matter of time before the next woman discovers his lack of ambition and the cycle will continue.

So by nagging and insulting him is how she will motivate him abi! Am I missing something isn't marriage supposed to be about building up? She is living in a free house has money to run her business he pays the bill yet he is still good for nothing na wa oh.

Abeg I don't buy the argument that the next wife may be worse thats what is said to abusive wives, next one may be calm and motivating pushing the right buttons saying the right words and helping him overcome what ever fear it is that keeps him from growing.

How are we even blaming this man for his wife's lousy attitude. Ungrateful wrench she is

Thing is the wife is not here. if she was, i'm sure by now she would have gotten the lesson of her life.

Is he supposed to keep crying that the wife won't let him do the kind of business he wants to do? On top his own money too not like she's providing the capital
Na wa. He's not ready to do anything. If he is, his wife's disapproval wont stop him since she's not the one providing the capital.


Nor do I think their problem has gotten to the stage of seperation or divorce.

I'm not blaming him for the wife's attitude but simply stating that his solution lies in his hands.

At least he came for solution abi or he came for pity party?
You know how we tell victims of abuse to take their destiny into their hands and stop whining.
Like that girl in the counseling thread?
I think same applies to him here.
And not just for his wife's respect but also for his family to respect him.

How do you think his brothers and sisters and mother see him being that he's the only one who's not doing anything with his life but relying on the family money?

Once he stands up and regains his self confidence, everything else will most likely fall in place.

aisha2:


So by nagging and insulting him is how she will motivate him abi! Am I missing something isn't marriage supposed to be about building up? She is living in a free house has money to run her business he pays the bill yet he is still good for nothing na wa oh.

Abeg I don't buy the argument that the next wife may be worse thats what is said to abusive wives, next one may be calm and motivating pushing the right buttons saying the right words and helping him overcome what ever fear it is that keeps him from growing.

How are we even blaming this man for his wife's lousy attitude. Ungrateful wrench she is