pickabeau1:


So in a thread your statement that not all men have ambition is not linked to this thread

OK..whatever you say ..it is

If you are looking for versus...continue looking

So everything said in a thread MUST relate to the OP?

Interesting

bukatyne:


So everything said in a thread MUST relate to the OP?

Interesting

OK..you win

aisha2:


I agree he should leave her and get his esteem back. However the general consensus has been he should snap out of his depression and stop being lazy.

I see this for what it is abuse.
1. She alienates him from his family
2. She doesn't encourage him to grow
3. She transfers the abuse to his son
4. She has made him feel worthless and like nothing
5. She can call him useless yet finds his money useful

He is depressed and lacks esteem he needs to get away from her she is toxic he can't grow around her

You may be right.

I just have the impression that his wife is not the only issue. Anyway.

pickabeau1:



OK..you win

I did not know you were in a competition

Congratulations on YOUR success.

bukatyne


Next time be circumspect when making statements and remember all situations are unique
Not everything is a versus thing..you brought that to this thread

Have fun

You are the one paying all the bills in the house, you are the one that gave her the springboard to start her business, So you should
Man up and be a Man that you're suppose to be. You are suppose to be the heavy weight in the house and not the makeweights,
giving the fact that you meet all your responsibilities as a Husband.


Your wife is suppose to worship you for making all the finance available at her disposal. My advice for you is, don't involve her in
any business plan you have or intend to venture into.let it be a surprise to her and also an avenue for you to go out of the house.
To be frank, you need to take your position as a man of the house because from what am reading from your post, your wife has
really taken over and has crushed your Ego in the process. This domination is just too much.

Tooo many emotional arguments.... smh

Every thread na so so fight.
Post your comments and move on!!
Gadammit!

Thankyou very much. I have appreciated all your messages. Whether positive or negative, and since I know you don't know me, you were coming from a place of help. I have decided to work on my business plans, and execute all my deliverables without fear. On the note that I am a weakling, I am not. I just put too much faith in women. I believed that if I was a good person, supported my wife fully and did everything I had to do as a provider, plus I remained faithful, then I wouldn't have to now go looking for respect. I thought by that respect would be automatic, regardless of what I decided to do with my life. I thought that was irrelevant, as long as I fulfilled my manly duties. But let me tell you something, women are suckers for peer pressure. They cannot handle it. Even indirectly, you are always trying to compete with your friends and their rich boyfriends/husbands. Is it too much to ask that you leave me alone to do my business as I have empowered you?. What if I am a late bloomer? I really thank you for all your comments. You don't know how clear is it what I have to do STARTING TOMORROW MORNING. Thanks people.

MrNiceGuy79:
Thankyou very much. I have appreciated all your messages. Whether positive or negative, and since I know you don't know me, you were coming from a place of help. I have decided to work on my business plans, and execute all my deliverables without fear. On the note that I am a weakling, I am not. I just put too much faith in women. I believed that if I was a good person, supported my wife fully and did everything I had to do as a provider, plus I remained faithful, then I wouldn't have to now go looking for respect. I thought by that respect would be automatic, regardless of what I decided to do with my life. I thought that was irrelevant, as long as I fulfilled my manly duties. But let me tell you something, women are suckers for peer pressure. They cannot handle it. Even indirectly, you are always trying to compete with your friends and their rich boyfriends/husbands. Is it too much to ask that you leave me alone to do my business as I have empowered you?. What if I am a late bloomer? I really thank you for all your comments. You don't know how clear is it what I have to do STARTING TOMORROW MORNING. Thanks people.

Mtsheeew.

Another "learn from me" bullock.

180million naira ni
18naira ni
OP. Abeg go find work

MrNiceGuy79:
Thankyou very much. I have appreciated all your messages. Whether positive or negative, and since I know you don't know me, you were coming from a place of help. I have decided to work on my business plans, and execute all my deliverables without fear. On the note that I am a weakling, I am not. I just put too much faith in women. I believed that if I was a good person, supported my wife fully and did everything I had to do as a provider, plus I remained faithful, then I wouldn't have to now go looking for respect. I thought by that respect would be automatic, regardless of what I decided to do with my life. I thought that was irrelevant, as long as I fulfilled my manly duties. But let me tell you something, women are suckers for peer pressure. They cannot handle it. Even indirectly, you are always trying to compete with your friends and their rich boyfriends/husbands. Is it too much to ask that you leave me alone to do my business as I have empowered you?. What if I am a late bloomer? I really thank you for all your comments. You don't know how clear is it what I have to do STARTING TOMORROW MORNING. Thanks people.

Goodluck. I had also imagined that she was competing with friends on "same level" but didnt mention because you didnt voice it.

I know someone who married into money, became arrogant to her friends and family, started bossing the easy going husband even slapped him in public, he moves out and meets some other lady now this same wife is running around blogs forming scorned wife begging his same family who have intervened severally in their crisis. The guy has moved on, his father was even advising that she just accept the other as second wife the guy doesnt even want her as any wife at all. Now she is forming victim but us who know them know their history she is all over blogs so people can curse out the man and the babe while she was the one who saw money she hasnt seen before and went mad

Your wife and an abusive tyrant and you are a lazy, over grown baby. I'm not sure why you let her get away with all she does but I suspect that it is because secretly you believe that you are useless and you are not going to feel less useless if you cannot even hold down a simple job or have a steady stream of income. Do you plan to raise children in a home were you are constantly belittled and ridiculed? Your children will learn that behavior and carry it to their own homes. Grow a pair and get control of your home. She might feel like she earns a living and does not need to behave like a human being anymore. Maybe she needs to feel what it's like to have all the money in the world but not husband to help her out around the house. Let her spend only her own money for a while. SMH

Interesting comments
Theres a thread here about a lady who was about to marry her husband so she could use him to further her own goals
She also says he is not ambitious but she can use him,..


Some women...

https://www.nairaland.com/1935277/making-choice

MrNiceGuy79:
Thankyou very much. I have appreciated all your messages. Whether positive or negative, and since I know you don't know me, you were coming from a place of help. I have decided to work on my business plans, and execute all my deliverables without fear. On the note that I am a weakling, I am not. I just put too much faith in women. I believed that if I was a good person, supported my wife fully and did everything I had to do as a provider, plus I remained faithful, then I wouldn't have to now go looking for respect. I thought by that respect would be automatic, regardless of what I decided to do with my life. I thought that was irrelevant, as long as I fulfilled my manly duties. But let me tell you something, women are suckers for peer pressure. They cannot handle it. Even indirectly, you are always trying to compete with your friends and their rich boyfriends/husbands. Is it too much to ask that you leave me alone to do my business as I have empowered you?. What if I am a late bloomer? I really thank you for all your comments. You don't know how clear is it what I have to do STARTING TOMORROW MORNING. Thanks people.

You did a lot of things right and the fact that your wife didn't appreciate some of those things, should not change your positive attitude.

However, no person, man or woman, married or not, should live their lives for others but ALWAYS have something for themselves, whether it is a business, a dream, charity work or a hobby they pursue with a passion.

I am sorry you learned the hard way but I think you learnt your lesson now and I am happy to hear you are starting a new chapter tomorrow.

After going through this thread, I thought been nice is good, now I know better. I have thrown niceness out and taking on the hard part.

A man provides for his family yet he is called lazy, At least the poster has learnt his lessons, Move on and achieve and you surely would get your respect back.

Men also get abused whether you have money or not. #fact.

MrNiceGuy79:
Thankyou very much. I have appreciated all your messages. Whether positive or negative, and since I know you don't know me, you were coming from a place of help. I have decided to work on my business plans, and execute all my deliverables without fear. On the note that I am a weakling, I am not. I just put too much faith in women. I believed that if I was a good person, supported my wife fully and did everything I had to do as a provider, plus I remained faithful, then I wouldn't have to now go looking for respect. I thought by that respect would be automatic, regardless of what I decided to do with my life. I thought that was irrelevant, as long as I fulfilled my manly duties. But let me tell you something, women are suckers for peer pressure. They cannot handle it. Even indirectly, you are always trying to compete with your friends and their rich boyfriends/husbands. Is it too much to ask that you leave me alone to do my business as I have empowered you?. What if I am a late bloomer? I really thank you for all your comments. You don't know how clear is it what I have to do STARTING TOMORROW MORNING. Thanks people.

Now you're talking. Good for you.

Please do me one big favor. Next time your wife asks you to get out of the house, please lock her trifling ar*se outside will ya? It would give me great satisfaction to hear you did that. Tenk.

aisha2:


So by nagging and insulting him is how she will motivate him abi! Am I missing something isn't marriage supposed to be about building up? She is living in a free house has money to run her business he pays the bill yet he is still good for nothing na wa oh.

Abeg I don't buy the argument that the next wife may be worse thats what is said to abusive wives, next one may be calm and motivating pushing the right buttons saying the right words and helping him overcome what ever fear it is that keeps him from growing.

How are we even blaming this man for his wife's lousy attitude. Ungrateful wrench she is

Your man is lucky.

Out of one reported or unreported physical abuse towards a woman, there are ten men being psycologically, verbally and emotionall abused.

Chinekeme! Chai! Op you mean that woman is still in your house? Throw her sorry a5s out immediately. That is actually the FIRST thing you should be doing tomorrow. Let me tell you about witches . They are enemies of progress. They feed off your misery. For you to succeed in your endeavor that woman must leave that house empty handed! Let her go and live in her own fathers house.
And please, please,please get her arrested prosecuted and jailed for child abuse! Separate your handsome son from that woman before it is too late. She should be cooling her heels in jail while you focus on your business. Best of luck!

And apparently a man who has lacked a strong parental prod and presence of a father.you can never over emphasise the importance of one.worse still an insecured wife without the emotional intelligence to support her man.And nothing like a woman with one.ill take her over a degree holder without it.

troy20:
And apparently a man who has lacked a strong parental prod and presence of a father.you can never over emphasise the importance of one.worse still a wife without the emotional intelligence to support her man.And nothing like a woman with one.ill take her over a degree holder without it.

You nailed it

aisha2:


So by nagging and insulting him is how she will motivate him abi! Am I missing something isn't marriage supposed to be about building up? She is living in a free house has money to run her business he pays the bill yet he is still good for nothing na wa oh.

Abeg I don't buy the argument that the next wife may be worse thats what is said to abusive wives, next one may be calm and motivating pushing the right buttons saying the right words and helping him overcome what ever fear it is that keeps him from growing.

How are we even blaming this man for his wife's lousy attitude. Ungrateful wrench she is

thank you so much, you are blessed!

cococandy:


Even if he divorces this one and attracts the next one with his money and family wealth,it will only be a matter of time before the next woman discovers his lack of ambition and the cycle will continue.

hmm, are you trying to tell us that all women are the same?

There are gaps in this story or maybe it's just exaggerated -

I am familiar with Naija's real estate market. In which part of Naija could a N180m house be rented for N400k and in which part of the country would a wealthy son live in a N100k abode? A house worth N180m would be in one of the biggest cities with potential rent in the millions and none of those cities could offer a befitting, comfortable abode to a man of means for a paltry N100k. You're basically saying you were slumming before you got married?

I would be curious to know your wife's background if the story you have told is complete. This story has holes IMO

The truth is that Op's wife is devilish.
If not how can she be putting down all his business plans? Even if she thinks they are not viable, why can't she be supportive enough to sell a better business idea to him? What's she supposed to be doing as a wife? Sit her butts at home and wait for the "real man" to bring home all the goodies? This is one thing I hate with our Nigerian ladies. They think the man must be the alpha and omega when it comes to fending for the family, yet they refuse to take the back sit.
Would op's wife have committed a crime if she had carried her husband along in her own business given that the man provided the capital? No! But in her selfishness, she decided to take the whole money and still can't contribute to paying the family bills. And not only that she still talks down on the man.
My people have a saying that poundo(manners) easily fall down from heaven for those whose bellies are already filled with food. Perhaps this lady should visit families where Ladies like her are happily winning the bread while their husbands make little or no contribution at all, maybe then she will thank God she has a husband who can afford to give her 10m to start up a business.
Ladies get it into your heads: Not every man is raised to be the kind of "real man" you always make reference to viz being all macho and all dominating, some are raised to be passive or at best partially passive. If life joins you with such kinds of men, take the lead in the relationship and stop complaining. After all, the same you women would still complain when the man wants to relegate u to the back sit in the home.
When you keep ranting and calling the weakling because of his passive nature, you are at risk of making him act fake and that would be disastrous to you and the society at large.

MrNiceGuy79:
I am 37 years old. We got married 6 years ago and had two children. I come from a well off family so life wasn't difficult. I have always been able to get money from handouts from my family as well as some rental properties that I inherited. As a wedding gift my parents bought us a house that is now valued at about 180m Naira. To be honest, I haven't really been working very hard to chart my own financial path and I don't really know why. I have no motivation to do business, start any business or even work in the family business. I've started to believe it is because the person who is supposed to be supporting me the most, is always putting me down. Any time that I come up with a new business idea she crushes my dreams, telling me how bad that idea is. My father passed away a few years ago and everytime I tell my wife I have gone to do business with my mum, or I want to buy a piece of land with my mother and brother, she gets upset. Now here comes the abuse: when we argue and she tells me to get out of the house, I refuse and tell her its my house. She quickly replies "No it's your mothers house" "A real man works hard and struggles to make it" I have been called all types of names e.g. 'youre lazy" "you're not a good dad (mind you she's always screaming and beating on my son)" "you're not a real man", "Bleep is more of a man than you", etc. I got tired of all that so I decided to empower her, so a couple of years ago, I sold a piece of land worth 20 million Naira and gave her 10 to start a business. I spent my 10 on debts, paying bills, running the house etc. That 10 million has spawned 3 other businesses on her part while I am still stuck with no business of my own. She has never shared or offered to share any profits of those businesses with me, which is ok by me as I really don't need her money. I am still called all types of names, despite the fact that I pay all the house bills, school fees, electricity, DSTV etc. She pays for nothing. When she shops for items from the supermarket, vegetable market etc, she will give me a detailed bill of what she has spent and I HAVE TO REFUND. Refund? we are all eating the food, I don't ask for help every month, and I have to refund? She constantly reminds me that is what a man is supposed to do, pay all the bills in the house, and that I get my money for free while she has to work hard for it. But my question is, do I need this treatment? am I too nice? Please help.

Here I am with loads of business ideas wasting without capital to invest in my ideas, but you have all the opportunities in terms of cash, why waste it??

francizy:


Here I am with loads of business ideas wasting without capital to invest in my ideas, but you have all the opportunities in terms of cash, why waste it??

bro mi too need job abeg ooo, ideas dey na capital be problem

Candidly, bros hit the road and 4get her b4 its too late for u. U will be better off without her. She is not only using u manipulating u for her selfish interest.

MrNiceGuy79:
I am 37 years old. We got married 6 years ago and had two children. I come from a well off family so life wasn't difficult. I have always been able to get money from handouts from my family as well as some rental properties that I inherited. As a wedding gift my parents bought us a house that is now valued at about 180m Naira. To be honest, I haven't really been working very hard to chart my own financial path and I don't really know why. I have no motivation to do business, start any business or even work in the family business. I've started to believe it is because the person who is supposed to be supporting me the most, is always putting me down. Any time that I come up with a new business idea she crushes my dreams, telling me how bad that idea is. My father passed away a few years ago and everytime I tell my wife I have gone to do business with my mum, or I want to buy a piece of land with my mother and brother, she gets upset. Now here comes the abuse: when we argue and she tells me to get out of the house, I refuse and tell her its my house. She quickly replies "No it's your mothers house" "A real man works hard and struggles to make it" I have been called all types of names e.g. 'youre lazy" "you're not a good dad (mind you she's always screaming and beating on my son)" "you're not a real man", "Bleep is more of a man than you", etc. I got tired of all that so I decided to empower her, so a couple of years ago, I sold a piece of land worth 20 million Naira and gave her 10 to start a business. I spent my 10 on debts, paying bills, running the house etc. That 10 million has spawned 3 other businesses on her part while I am still stuck with no business of my own. She has never shared or offered to share any profits of those businesses with me, which is ok by me as I really don't need her money. I am still called all types of names, despite the fact that I pay all the house bills, school fees, electricity, DSTV etc. She pays for nothing. When she shops for items from the supermarket, vegetable market etc, she will give me a detailed bill of what she has spent and I HAVE TO REFUND. Refund? we are all eating the food, I don't ask for help every month, and I have to refund? She constantly reminds me that is what a man is supposed to do, pay all the bills in the house, and that I get my money for free while she has to work hard for it. But my question is, do I need this treatment? am I too nice? Please help.

Still searching for the right adjective to describe this f**kr

donpeey22:
The truth is that Op's wife is devilish.
If not how can she be putting down all his business plans? Even if she thinks they are not viable, why can't she be supportive enough to sell a better business idea to him? What's she supposed to be doing as a wife? Sit her butts at home and wait for the "real man" to bring home all the goodies? This is one thing I hate with our Nigerian ladies. They think the man must be the alpha and omega when it comes to fending for the family, yet they refuse to take the back sit.
Would op's wife have committed a crime if she had carried her husband along in her own business given that the man provided the capital? No! But in her selfishness, she decided to take the whole money and still can't contribute to paying the family bills. And not only that she still talks down on the man.
My people have a saying that poundo(manners) easily fall down from heaven for those whose bellies are already filled with food. Perhaps this lady should visit families where Ladies like her are happily winning the bread while their husbands make little or no contribution at all, maybe then she will thank God she has a husband who can afford to give her 10m to start up a business.
Ladies get it into your heads: Not every man is raised to be the kind of "real man" you always make reference to viz being all macho and all dominating, some are raised to be passive or at best partially passive. If life joins you with such kinds of men, take the lead in the relationship and stop complaining. After all, the same you women would still complain when the man wants to relegate u to the back sit in the home.
When you keep ranting and calling the weakling because of his passive nature, you are at risk of making him act fake and that would be disastrous to you and the society at large.

First of all she has one butt not two . Secondly, she's not the one sitting at home, he is. He has said he lives of handouts from his family and rental property he inherited. I am assuming that there have been times he could not make ends meet because they needed to get handouts from his family. Do you think that she would really want to go out everyday and run her businesses and raise kids if she had the option? She's does not feel financially secure in that relationship and so she knows she has to go out and work while he stays home because as he admitted, he has no desire to work. The problem her comes from her very abusive nature. Her husband clearly has low self esteem and rather than look at that part, she has focused on him being this "poor little rich kid". She sees her husband as a spoiled brat and treats him like an unwanted child. I don't think that people like the OP's wife can change. Abusive people are just toxic. They need a separation to reevaluate but if the OP rushes into another relationship without fighting his demons he might regret it. He needs to live like he has no mummy to run to when the going gets tough.

soulglo:


First of all she has one butt not two . Secondly, she's not the one sitting at home, he is. He has said he lives of handouts from his family and rental property he inherited. I am assuming that there have been times he could not make ends meet because they needed to get handouts from his family. Do you think that she would really want to go out everyday and run her businesses and raise kids if she had the option? She's does not feel financially secure in that relationship and so she knows she has to go out and work while he stays home because as he admitted, he has no desire to work. The problem her comes from her very abusive nature. Her husband clearly has low self esteem and rather than look at that part, she has focused on him being this "poor little rich kid". She sees her husband as a spoiled brat and treats him like an unwanted child. I don't think that people like the OP's wife can change. Abusive people are just toxic. They need a separation to reevaluate but if the OP rushes into another relationship without fighting his demons he might regret it. He needs to live like he has no mummy to run to when the going gets tough.

Thank you for the correction and may I officially appoint you my Editor in chief on Nairaland even though you made many obvious errors in your own post.
Back to the topic. Op's wife knew that her hubby never had a business of his own but depended on family wealth yet she went ahead to marry him only to turn around and mock him for that after marriage.A good wife would lovingly help her hubby start up a business but no! op's wife in her selfishnesas was only able to collect a whooping 10mil from him to start up her own business, yet she still can't help her hubby in family financing but would rather continue to talk him down and make him feel less a man. She must have caused op too much emotional pains hence he opened this thread.That's why I said she is devilish.

donpeey22:
Thank you for the correction and may I officially appoint you my Editor in chief on Nairaland even though you made many obvious errors in your own post.
Back to the topic. Op's wife knew that her hubby never had a business of his own but depended on family wealth yet she went ahead to marry him only to turn around and mock him for that after marriage.A good wife would lovingly help her hubby start up a business but no! op's wife in her selfishnesas was only able to collect a whooping 10mil from him to start up her own business, yet she still can't help her hubby in family financing but would rather continue to talk him down and make him feel less a man. She must have caused op too much emotional pains hence he opened this thread.That's why I said she is devilish.

Thank you. I will make a name tag and wear it. Donpeey22's editor in chief

Here's the thing about running a business and I'm pointing this out because I see this all the time on this website. You cannot start a business for somebody and hand it over to them. Chances are it will be over before it starts. I always hear people advising men to open a small business for their wives to keep her busy etc and I just wonder if people even understand what it takes to get a business plan and then actually put that into action and then actually keep it going. If most people understood that then we would not be talking about what she could do for her husband as far as helping him with businesses. Let's assume the OP is 35(based on the 79 on his name), do you think it is a good idea to even encourage him to depend on his family? The best thing he can do for himself and his children is to fix his issues. No one is absolving her of anything and I really believe that the OP needs to be apart from her but I get the feeling that they have had financial issues in the past and she sees the need for them to make their own money rather than depend of family. I think OP thinks he loves his wife but he might just have Stockholm syndrome add to that the fact that he is a man and most men would not admit that they are victims of domestic abuse.

Anyway I hope you know I was joking about the butts. It's still butt and not butts though