IdiAmin1:
My dear, you sound too nice to be an American lady and I commend you for that. I advise you as a Nigerian man living in US, your husband seems to have so much on his head right now. His responsibilities at home, I mean Nigeria, and since, according to you, he doesn't have working permit yet which means he is not a permanent resident, he may also be regretting why he left his good paying job and relocated to US. Call him and cry sincerely on phone and I bet you, if he is truly an Igboman, he will come back to you. When he does, let him have his way in certain things for a while, I bet you, he will make some mistakes and see reasons to consider your contributions. Shalom

Well said bro!

sounds so much like someone i know on fb.....wish u goodluck anyway

thank you much for your good and gracious comments. I will try that definitely.

No my husband doesn't have a facebook page, he did, but someone took it over and so he just decided he didn't need it.

ggratia1:
No he was raised in Nigeria. he just came to US in August last year. Yes I know you all like to be in charge. And he didn't move in with me until after we were married. this is his second marriage my first. He is a good man. We just don't communicate well. He says I don't understand him because of his accent, and sometimes he does have to repeat himself, but he says I talk too fast. I try to slow it down. we are both educated. and he left a top paying job in Nigeria to be with me. We love each other.

That accent is a serious issue. Having to repeat everything you said and me not hearing you well the first time..

ggratia1:
No my husband doesn't have a facebook page, he did, but someone took it over and so he just decided he didn't need it.

Most likely you are married to someone who needs a green card to stay in the US

OR

Married to a man still trying to get his feet on the ground, so a little distracted trying to do that.

If it's the former, please get ready to endure the ups and downs till he eventually dumps you

But the latter, there might be a green light at the end of the tunnel.

However , judging from how you met , to what's you've said so far , higher chances are , you are being used as a means to an end.

By the way , I hope you know there are different classes of visa, so the fact that he has a visa doesn't rule out the fact that he might not be genuine.

Just have PATIENCE , I wish you GOODLUCK

jennyomalicha12:
Dear the problem is that u met him on a social network
Is it not better for you to find any man who loves u for real
Social network is just for fun, he is 100% fake and he is hiding a lot of things
He believes on material things- leave him and find the true love

@bolded, most people don't behave as we do here on Nairaland... So you mean to say that once people meet on any social network that relationship will fail?

ggratia1:
Maybe coming here was a mistake. I just thought some Nigerians could help me understand my husband and what he sees as my role in our marriage and how to better approach him with issues. His ex wife was a violent woman she stabbed him and cut him several times during there marriage. tell he finally left when she yelled at him and embarrassed him in public, but I would never do that to him. I'm not a violent person.

I think coming here was a BIG mistake... Some Nigerians (especially the females) think that Nigerian guys only marry for the papers when in a foreign land (cos they only marry for the cash anywhere they are)

ggratia1:
Maybe coming here was a mistake. I just thought some Nigerians could help me understand my husband and what he sees as my role in our marriage and how to better approach him with issues. His ex wife was a violent woman she stabbed him and cut him several times during there marriage. tell he finally left when she yelled at him and embarrassed him in public, but I would never do that to him. I'm not a violent person.

U might not be. Violent in action,maybe otherwise, as nigerians, we always want to be in-charge, emotionally,financially and otherwise. As u clearly stated, he desperately needs a job(that fact that he is jobless alone nd can't cater for his family s driving him nuts) he just want to be away from u so as to get himself settled. As much as u want him to be patient, u also need to be patient with him as well(allow him get a job). Please and please, never ever remind him were he is coming from. It hurts a lot and we don't forget that in a haste.

passionate88:
I think coming here was a BIG mistake... Some Nigerians (especially the females) think[b] that Nigerian guys only marry for the papers when in a foreign land (cos they only marry for the cash anywhere they are)

Not think, I know so. I've seen this kinds of scenario way too many times. A lot (not all) of Nigerian men marry for papers. The OP claimed she's American, but I'm having a hard time believing that. The story itself is so disjointed and not adding up. How will a man who obviously doesn't have papers and is married to you.... a USC, just up and leave like that? Weird.

OP said she speaks to his family? Darling, if the story itself is true then talking to the family of a Nigerian man does not mean jackshit! They know their son, brother, nephew, uncle or whatnot is stringing you along yet they pull you in for a ride. Especially when they know what their person stands to gain from marrying you.

I've seen many Nigerian/White, Nigerian/African American marriages and all are with language barriers of itself, yet they are surviving. Saying he left you cos of the language barrier is weird. And you haven't even been married for that long o. So many loopholes in the story, it makes my head ache

I dont have any idea about this, but may your marriage be sorted soon.

passionate88:
@bolded, most people don't behave as we do here on Nairaland... So you mean to say that once people meet on any social network that relationship will fail?

Don't mind them. That's why most unreasonable ladies treat people badly just because they met on social networks. Imagine her statement: "social network is just for fun"! What a miserable mentality! Let them Keep playing 'fun' and let good men keep eluding them...

@ggratia. It's always good to go for someone with the same GOAL ,ASPIRATION, AND INTEREST

jennyomalicha12:
Dear the problem is that u met him on a social network
Is it not better for you to find any man who loves u for real
Social network is just for fun, he is 100% fake and he is hiding a lot of things
He believes on material things- leave him and find the true love

The problem u have, is lack of good advice, how did what u typed here pattern with with the topic? why would have come with such tirade conclusion typing crap? ( Social network is just for fun, he is 100% fake and he is hiding a lot of things
He believes on material things- leave him and find the true love) that gat no point because u had been heartbroken by a wayward guy online doesn't gives u the silly right to come online and spit rubbish!!!

I have read through all your comments OP. First he was browsing on a dating site on his wedding night?! because he is bored- off all the days in his life to be bored it is on his wedding night?! haba? Someone took over his facebook page? He had a good paying job with a so called company callled Purple Rain- i bet such company doesn't exist. Never heard of it. From my observations you are sooooo in love you cannot read in between the lines. The man's story is simply not adding up at all. You are just ready to believe any story he throws at you hook line and sinker. As a citizen, Once you are dating someone without work permit/ papers you have to be extremely careful and cautious so you don't allow yourself to be used for papers. You said you dated this guy for weeks only before marrying. In my opinion i believe you are being lied to and being used. He doesn't love you as much as you love him. If he did he wont be treating you this way. That man is not truthful, honest or even straightforward. If you had dated him longer you would have seen this traits. Sorry for what you are going through.

tosomaju:
sorry if I am rude....in Nigeria there is what they call wife material....treat your husband right and he will reciprocate the gesture. Action and reaction are equal and opposite.

so many years ago in Nigeria, a wife was having the same problem you are having..... she went to the priest to collect charm so that her husband will love and cherish her again. the priest asked her to come with the breast milk of a lion for him to prepare the concoction for the love charm.

There was one lion in the village forest at that time, everyone was scared to entered the forest because of previous cases of the lion killing people.

This woman took meat, stood at the extreme end of the forest call out to the lion and ran away. the lion got to the meat and ate it.

She did the same thing the next day and every other day, but in each preceding day, she got closer to the lion. and after a thousand days she was able to sit with the lion.

While the lion was sleeping one day, she extracted it milk and took it to the priest.

The priest was amaze at her..he ask her to go home and treat her husband the same way she treated the lion that if lion could calm down and be friend with her after many days of love and care, why not her husband.

So, my beloved Americana, if you treat a Nigeria man right, he will treat you better, find time to read about his culture and let him know you know. learn at least one word of his local dialect, and let that word be "Love". call him that as a pet name. if you can, learn how to cook a Nigeria ditch.

In Nigeria we appreciate women that spend money on men but we adore women that love and respect their husband.

Mtchewww

ggratia1:
Maybe coming here was a mistake. I just thought some Nigerians could help me understand my husband and what he sees as my role in our marriage and how to better approach him with issues. His ex wife was a violent woman she stabbed him and cut him several times during there marriage. tell he finally left when she yelled at him and embarrassed him in public, but I would never do that to him. I'm not a violent person.

ur coming here isnt a mistake,jux get close to ur bible n tlk to GOD abt it.....let him know you ve changed n wnt him home.

ggratia1:
My husband did not marry me for papers. He already has a visa. he had a Job with a Good company in Nigeria Called Purple Rain in Lagos. and they are constantly begging him to come back I hate when people think that just because my husband is Nigerian he just married me for papers . I have met alot of his family here and I talk daily to his sister . Im 44 and my husband 42. I appreciate the comments, but no one is going to turn me against my husband no matter what. I love him.

I'm sorry but the above post made my lips twitch.

On a more serious note...since you have a good relationship with his family; they should know him more...ask them for help...or more still Pray and Pray some more. I pray things turn out fine

ggratia1:
Amen Prayer is good advice and good medicine. I wish people would stop being so judgmental about my husband. we married because of love. Just like any good man he wants to provide for his family. we just come from different cultures and see things differently. Im just trying to understand his thinking so I can communicate better and not fight with him.

I pray he comes back 2u. Please when he does, do treat him as a king and you will be treated as a queen. Your situation is normal with most marriages, but during this turbulence what you need is prayers and humility to get things back.

ggratia1:


I wish I knew. He is in California staying with family there. so I can't sit him down he won't answer his phone. I emailed him so I hope he will answer me back. I have not talked to him in a few days.

Sorry. The tangled webs we weave. It sounds like you have done your bit.

Step back now. The ball is in his court. Do not let that man drive you to early grave. Not worth it.

Btw: did you rush things? I mean did you spend some time getting to know the real him? You may have missed some red flags. It happens. Just saying......

Problem 1: you married someone you met on the net and only knew only for a few weeks
Problem 2: you married a Nigerian
Problem 3: you married someone you met on the net and knew only for a few weeks
Problem 4: you married a Nigerian
Problem 5: you didn't take the due diligence to familiarize yourself with his customs, principles and beliefs

My dear Nigerian men believe in submission for him that's "good wife material" if you are not the type then you are honestly wasting your time. Your husband's actions show he does not love you and was probably using for a visa. Tip for next time: an African man if he truly loves you and is serious about you will first introduce you to his family before marrying you.

ggratia1:
Maybe coming here was a mistake. I just thought some Nigerians could help me understand my husband and what he sees as my role in our marriage and how to better approach him with issues. His ex wife was a violent woman she stabbed him and cut him several times during there marriage. tell he finally left when she yelled at him and embarrassed him in public, but I would never do that to him. I'm not a violent person.

No what you wanted was people to fuel your fantasy. You know the truth but are deliberately blinding yourself. We can only tell you how we honestly see your situation. You obviously love the man and for your sake I hope he finds it in his heart to eventually love you. You remind me of an ex who married a german woman. He told me he eventually divorced her because he could no longer live a lie. The worst was when they went to bed and the times she tried to be loving to him. He always found excuses to be away from her because he couldn't stand her. 3 months? That's still honeymoon phase, you two should be making your friends and family sick with your love but instead you are miserable and lonely. Be honest with yourself, also think about the example you are setting for your son. A man acting like this is just not cool and it has nothing to do with culture. Your husband is a coward and a douche plain and simple (I apologise if I sound rude). A real man never runs away from his family no matter what.

Hi grattia, I've been following your post for some time now. At first, all I noticed was "My Nigerian husband" and after some pages I saw "My Nigerian Igbo husband". Believe you me, I'm not surprised at all. I wouldn want to sound cynical or bias, but I must say this, igbo husbands are very egocentric, Not all of them though. But most of them are.

I'm speaking fact here, I have heard even igbo ladies say this plus 70 percent of my friends are igbo.
You share in the blame
1. You didn't know who you got married to. Mind you, when I said 'know' I meant really getting to know someone. His habits, temperament, eccentricities, personality, edges and much other stuffs.

2. I guess you guys didn't lay a solid godly foundation for your relationship.

But it still boils down to ego. There's nothing too big for God to handle. Commit your marriage to the hands of God.

Bonne chance!

DieeDiee:


No because he couldn't stand her. 3 months? Your husband is a coward and a douche plain and simple (I apologise if I sound rude). A real man never runs away from his family no matter what.

Mmm hmm. Yup yup. Couldnt have said it any better. Capital douche bag IMHO. The truth (should) sting sometimes.

ggratia1:
Maybe coming here was a mistake. I just thought some Nigerians could help me understand my husband and what he sees as my role in our marriage and how to better approach him with issues. His ex wife was a violent woman she stabbed him and cut him several times during there marriage. tell he finally left when she yelled at him and embarrassed him in public, but I would never do that to him. I'm not a violent person.

A problem shared is a problem solved
I can teach you everything you need to do to make a Nigerian man happy,there are many ways to a man's heart.
Message me

Justfollowit:


Mtchewww

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tosomaju:


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What's that

M sorry honey bt i doubt dat u r realy american coz yo grammar just aint american sugar, bt if u r answer these questions and lets try come up with a solution 4 u. How long have u guys been married? U said he was in texas wen yal met, bt u later said he left his lagos job for u, where is the truth in dat? U said he was blaming u bcoz he wasnt getting his visa and all, bt u later said he has a visa? Dnt make sense to me. Okay how long did it take after yo marriage for him to get the visa? If all wat u r saying is true, i think u better accept dat brother man might have married u for the green card and now he dnt need u nomore. How is he taking care of his parents in nigeria if he aint working? Is he the only child dey got? Sister girl, there is a possibility dat dis man might actualy b taking care of his wife n kids in nigeria. Aint noway a 42 year old man who had a good job in nigeria can nt b married.honey face it, u r nt needed anymore. Cut yo losses and go back to the dating site.

The man doesn't love you. A man that really loves you won't punish you this way.
Don't allow anyone to deceive you, or fuel your fantasy (like someone said earlier).
It's quite obvious that the man is hiding something, why do you think he left you, you think it's your fault? It is not your fault dear.
My guess is that he thought he might fall in love with you, and for that to happen, he would have to trick himself into believing that. So all the love and care he showered on you during the 3 months of your marriage prolly means he ie trying to love you and when he figured that its not working, he left.
You sound like a nice person ready to sacrifice all for her marriage but I'm sorry to say dear, your husband ain't worth the stress.
He met you, liked you, saw that you are nice and could possibly help in some ways, married you thinking he will eventually love you, figured the whole thing is not working and left.
Why do you think he was flirting online on your wedding night?
He's not bored dear, he's lying.
Everything he told you don't just feel right, you said his facebook account got hacked or something.
Sweetheart, that's a big lie.
Don't be too blind by love to see all these flops dear.
Count your loss and move on.

Justfollowit:


What's that

try use Google translator.

tosomaju:


try use Google translator.

But it is an image now

Justfollowit:


But it is an image now

really? then use Google map