I used to get very excited whenever someone would tell me: “you’re a really nice guy”. I thought it was a fantastic compliment to receive.

Then I started noticing in my own life and the life of other “really nice” people that this label often came with less than favourable consequences. The more I noticed the patterns unveiling, the more being seen as “nice” began to trouble me and shock me.

So I began to change some of my nice guy persona and get more of an edge. It was one of the best moves I have ever made.

Eventually, as a communication coach, I also began teaching others how to be less nice.

Today, my close friends and I have an insiders joke about this. Whenever we say about a person “he’s a really nice guy” or “she’s a really nice girl”, what we actually mean is “this person gets used and abused in all imaginable ways for being a people pleaser”.

What Does “Nice” Mean, Anyway?

To be fair, I think that when someone calls you a “nice guy”, “nice girl” or “nice person”, there are two different meanings.

Sometimes an individual can’t find the more accurate positive word they want to use to describe you, so they use a conventional positive word. They want to say that you’re interesting, or funny, or kind, or a good conversationalist, but it comes out as nice, cool or OK.

If this is the case, you have nothing to worry about. The word nice is a poor choice to describe an overall positive trait you have. Embrace it and forgive people for their vagueness in communication.

However, I came to the conclusion that more often than not, the label “nice” reflects something that might appear positive initially, but it will in fact work against you. Here’s the thing:

People will frequently refer to a person who is very accommodating and focused on pleasing others as being

This topic has recently started receiving serious attention in the world of psychology, where phenomena such as the nice girl or nice guy syndrome are now being studied vigilantly.



what does being 'nice' mean anyway?


To be fair, I think that when someone calls you a “nice guy”, “nice girl” or “nice person”, there are two different meanings.

Sometimes an individual can’t find the more accurate positive word they want to use to describe you, so they use a conventional positive word. They want to say that you’re interesting, or funny, or kind, or a good conversationalist, but it comes out as nice, cool or OK.

If this is the case, you have nothing to worry about. The word nice is a poor choice to describe an overall positive trait you have. Embrace it and forgive people for their vagueness in communication.

However, I came to the conclusion that more often than not, the label “nice” reflects something that might appear positive initially, but it will in fact work against you. Here’s the thing:

People will frequently refer to a person who is very accommodating and focused on pleasing others as being “nice”.

So the word may sound, well, nice, but it’s a dangerous label to have because it reflects the presence of personal attitudes and behaviours that in the long run will sabotage you.

THE PERILS OF BEING A 'NICE ' PERSON

Most of us have learned that it’s good to be nice, that we should put others first, that we should always help them and have a reputable image in front of others. If you’re frequently seen as a nice person, this is probably the sign that you’ve internalized this way of thinking a bit too well.

I’m not against helping others or being kind. I do think however that many people take this too far and end up sacrificing their own needs in order to please others, thinking that this will solve everything in their lives. And unfortunately, that’s very far from the truth.


And the perils of being seen as the nice person are becoming apparent. Here are some of the key ones:

1. EXHAUSTING YOURSELF JUST TO PLEASE OTHERS

As almost any nice guy or nice girl is fully aware, trying to please everybody and hold on to that nice reputation is a huge burden. Most nice people dedicate huge amounts of time, energy and resources to helping and accommodating other.

2. IGNORING YOURSELF

Obviously, if your focus is on others all the time, you have little time or energy to take care of yourself and enjoy yourself. This probably explains why the nicest persons I know are out of shape, stressed out and bordering multiple illnesses.

3. WE EXPECT PEOPLE TO BE NICE TOO

Most of us have believed a dangerous lie: that if we’re nice to others, others will also be nice to use. In practice, this only happens on and off. Many times, niceness invites people to use you, demand increasingly more from you without giving back and take everything for granted.

4. GETTING STOCK IN THIS FRAME

Whenever as a coach, I work with a nice person and they turn more assertive, others are typically shocked by their new behaviour. They’ve become so used with this person pleasing them all the time that when they start putting their foot in the door, it seems like pure treachery.

Fortunately, a nice person reputation can be changed, and the best way to do so is by changing how nice and compliant you really are.

There are three specific action steps to keep in mind:

1. GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR NEED

The first step to putting your needs forward is to become more aware of them. Although people who tend to be very nice often think their only need is to help others and be liked, they actually have a lot of more self-centered needs. They just lost touch with them and need to re-connect.

2. BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE

In my coaching practice, I often find that nice guys or girls struggle with self-esteem and self-confidence issues. They need to weed out their limiting beliefs and sometimes to master overcoming shyness or anxiety. If this is your case as well, definitely give a lot of attention to the inner change process.

3. PUT YOUR NEEDS FORWARD MORE

This can imply spending more time doing what you enjoy, asking more for what you want, saying no to others, being more spontaneous, expressing unpopular opinions or ending toxic relationships. It may not be easy at first, but this is the crucial behavioural step.

As you move from people pleasing to an assertive approach to life, people will see you differently and treat you differently.

You may not be told that you’re “really nice” anymore; you may sometimes be told that you’re “rude” or “selfish”, but you know what? Beyond those labels, you will have healthy relationships with people and a fulfilling life.

Please Help to Spread the Word

Source: copied and paste.
This is so true. What do you think? Happy sunday all

Too much of a certain quality is bad. Personally, I don't like a "too nice" person. He/she would be taken advantage of.

Op too long

I wil continue to be who I am despite wat ppo say of me thanks. Cuz I am unique nd different.

Seen

InZA:
There's nothing wrong in being nice...However there's everything wrong in being a wimp...The classic "nice guy" is a wimp, I say this because even the "bad boy" personae that most stupiid girls fall for, still has niceness as part of their character, the key is learning to balance the divide between being a wimp and being a nice guy.

Being too nice isn't all that good, people might see it as your weakness and take advantage of it

kevinberry:
Op too long

I have modified

Good to be nice... Just not up to the point of mumuness...

classicB:

Being too nice isn't all that good, people might see it as your weakness and take advantage of it

This is a by the way question - were you that girl that was talking about being an introvert and stuff?

So how are things now with you and your guy

InZA:


This is a by the way question - were you that girl that was talking about being an introvert and stuff?

So how are things now with you and your guy

We are fine o. Tnk u
AM reading stuffs to improve myself.

classicB:

We are fine o. Tnk u
AM reading stuffs to improve myself.

Nice to know

•

Too much of EVERYTHING is bad!

Being to nice to people all the time makes them look at you as a weakling. There is one simple rule on how to stop being too nice.. that is putting your needs before any one else. You do that, they may call you wicked but one thing is sure, u gonna get your respect. They might even start treating you nice just to please you.

@op, u jxt described my trait, i luv dis piece, wil be more apy 2 knw u beta

Nice gal/guy syndrome Or phenomenon......psychologist sha, so up 2 date....

I dnt knw if m even nice
U do well to me i do well to u.. U Bleep up nd i treat u lyk u aint $hit, no mata who u r...

I think we are all nice... It depends on how U treat people, take advantage of someone because he/she is nice and U might end up regretting ur actions .

YUSUPH1986:
@op, u jxt described my trait, i luv dis piece, wil be more apy 2 knw u beta

So u r a too nice person?

op, 1bottle of orijin for u

classicB:

So u r a too nice person?

yes. Bt am moving away from it now

InZA:
There's nothing wrong in being nice...However there's everything wrong in being a wimp...The classic "nice guy" is a wimp, I say this because even the "bad boy" personae that most stupiid girls fall for, still has niceness as part of their character, the key is learning to balance the divide between being a wimp and being a nice guy.

Exactly. Being nice is good but you must draw a line between being nice and having your personality trampled upon.

There should be a balance else people would take you for a ride and disrespect you.

and why is ur profile showing "F"

classicB:






2. BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE

In my coaching practice, I often find that nice guys or girls struggle with self-esteem and self-confidence issues. They need to weed out their limiting beliefs and sometimes to master overcoming shyness or anxiety. If this is your case as well, definitely give a lot of attention to the inner change process.

This is so true. What do you think? Happy sunday all

Nice people are actually very very very confident people.
Niceness is one thing, subservience is another.

To be nice sometimes means you have put the fear of being hurt aside and decided to forge ahead anyway.
I can live with being hurt but I can't live with intentionally hurting anybody. It's not lack of self confidence it is having a large and strong heart.

I have been in positions where people wanted to cheat me but I still did them good anyway. It's called the 'coals of fire' treatment.

i belong to the school of thought who believe in not changing who you are because of someone,but change who you are because you want to change you. people might take advantage of the nice person in you, but the good side of it is that it makes you a trustworthy person. we all cannot be buhari and we all cannot be jonathan as well. just be you

Nice is an insult.

OGeeKush:
I dnt knw if m even nice
U do well to me i do well to u.. U Bleep up nd i treat u lyk u aint $hit, no mata who u r...

E nor pass like that.

I used to get very excited whenever someone would tell me: “you’re a really nice guy”. I thought it was a fantastic compliment to receive.

Then I started noticing in my own life and the life of other “really nice” people that this label often came with less than favourable consequences. The more I noticed the patterns unveiling, the more being seen as “nice” began to trouble me and shock me.

So I began to change some of my nice guy persona and get more of an edge. It was one of the best moves I have ever made.

Eventually, as a communication coach, I also began teaching others how to be less nice.

Today, my close friends and I have an insiders joke about this. Whenever we say about a person “he’s a really nice guy” or “she’s a really nice girl”, what we actually mean is “this person gets used and abused in all imaginable ways for being a people pleaser”.

What Does “Nice” Mean, Anyway?

To be fair, I think that when someone calls you a “nice guy”, “nice girl” or “nice person”, there are two different meanings.

Sometimes an individual can’t find the more accurate positive word they want to use to describe you, so they use a conventional positive word. They want to say that you’re interesting, or funny, or kind, or a good conversationalist, but it comes out as nice, cool or OK.

If this is the case, you have nothing to worry about. The word nice is a poor choice to describe an overall positive trait you have. Embrace it and forgive people for their vagueness in communication.

However, I came to the conclusion that more often than not, the label “nice” reflects something that might appear positive initially, but it will in fact work against you. Here’s the thing:

People will frequently refer to a person who is very accommodating and focused on pleasing others as being

This topic has recently started receiving serious attention in the world of psychology, where phenomena such as the nice girl or nice guy syndrome are now being studied vigilantly.



what does being 'nice' mean anyway?


To be fair, I think that when someone calls you a “nice guy”, “nice girl” or “nice person”, there are two different meanings.

Sometimes an individual can’t find the more accurate positive word they want to use to describe you, so they use a conventional positive word. They want to say that you’re interesting, or funny, or kind, or a good conversationalist, but it comes out as nice, cool or OK.

If this is the case, you have nothing to worry about. The word nice is a poor choice to describe an overall positive trait you have. Embrace it and forgive people for their vagueness in communication.

However, I came to the conclusion that more often than not, the label “nice” reflects something that might appear positive initially, but it will in fact work against you. Here’s the thing:

People will frequently refer to a person who is very accommodating and focused on pleasing others as being “nice”.

So the word may sound, well, nice, but it’s a dangerous label to have because it reflects the presence of personal attitudes and behaviours that in the long run will sabotage you.

THE PERILS OF BEING A 'NICE ' PERSON

Most of us have learned that it’s good to be nice, that we should put others first, that we should always help them and have a reputable image in front of others. If you’re frequently seen as a nice person, this is probably the sign that you’ve internalized this way of thinking a bit too well.

I’m not against helping others or being kind. I do think however that many people take this too far and end up sacrificing their own needs in order to please others, thinking that this will solve everything in their lives. And unfortunately, that’s very far from the truth.


And the perils of being seen as the nice person are becoming apparent. Here are some of the key ones:

1. EXHAUSTING YOURSELF JUST TO PLEASE OTHERS

As almost any nice guy or nice girl is fully aware, trying to please everybody and hold on to that nice reputation is a huge burden. Most nice people dedicate huge amounts of time, energy and resources to helping and accommodating other.

2. IGNORING YOURSELF

Obviously, if your focus is on others all the time, you have little time or energy to take care of yourself and enjoy yourself. This probably explains why the nicest persons I know are out of shape, stressed out and bordering multiple illnesses.

3. WE EXPECT PEOPLE TO BE NICE TOO

Most of us have believed a dangerous lie: that if we’re nice to others, others will also be nice to use. In practice, this only happens on and off. Many times, niceness invites people to use you, demand increasingly more from you without giving back and take everything for granted.

4. GETTING STOCK IN THIS FRAME

Whenever as a coach, I work with a nice person and they turn more assertive, others are typically shocked by their new behaviour. They’ve become so used with this person pleasing them all the time that when they start putting their foot in the door, it seems like pure treachery.

Fortunately, a nice person reputation can be changed, and the best way to do so is by changing how nice and compliant you really are.

There are three specific action steps to keep in mind:

1. GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR NEED

The first step to putting your needs forward is to become more aware of them. Although people who tend to be very nice often think their only need is to help others and be liked, they actually have a lot of more self-centered needs. They just lost touch with them and need to re-connect.

2. BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE

In my coaching practice, I often find that nice guys or girls struggle with self-esteem and self-confidence issues. They need to weed out their limiting beliefs and sometimes to master overcoming shyness or anxiety. If this is your case as well, definitely give a lot of attention to the inner change process.

3. PUT YOUR NEEDS FORWARD MORE

This can imply spending more time doing what you enjoy, asking more for what you want, saying no to others, being more spontaneous, expressing unpopular opinions or ending toxic relationships. It may not be easy at first, but this is the crucial behavioural step.

As you move from people pleasing to an assertive approach to life, people will see you differently and treat you differently.

You may not be told that you’re “really nice” anymore; you may sometimes be told that you’re “rude” or “selfish”, but you know what? Beyond those labels, you will have healthy relationships with people and a fulfilling life.

Please Help to Spread the Word

Source: copied and paste.
This is so true. What do you think? Happy sunday all

Being a Nice guy or girl (people pleasing person) never ends well

Be in between,,,Be 55% good and 45% bad.

Nobody is perfect