dahmie2013:
OP, u're so so right, I'm writing this 4rm experience. My dad retired, but he's not prudent with money so he lost all his money, luckily 4 him I'm d only investment he had by sending me 2 school & nw I'm working. U can imagine d pressure, my mum is a civil servant & her salary isn't much @ all. I have 3 siblings, 2 are in d uni, one studying medicine, d oda studying law & one is currently doing pre-degree. Sincerely I don't have savings, I spend money b4 it even gets 2 my hand. I try 2 give my sisters good amt as pocket money so dey will not feel inferior in school. Wen dey come home, I see d things dey buy 4 dem selves I'm happy dey always look better dan myself, dis is apart 4rm feeding o! I also feed d house, pay 4 utilities and send money 2 my mum @ times wen she's in need. My broda's predegree gulped abt 200k, which I had 2 carve out of my purse. Dats just predegree&not even admission. I have sacrificed a lot, even my friends dat earn less dan me are living better. I can't even say hw much I earn cos I don't even look it. Thank God @ least I don't pay rent. I can hardly go 4 events cos if I go, I'll spend so much on buying dresses and shoes. Its quite complicated, but all d same I thank God, cos he didn't allow my family 2 be beggers. Sometimes I think abt it& I get so angry @ my dad& I tell myself, "I don't have kids& I'm doing dis, when I have what will I do". It is well with us first borns, I have plans 2 further my educatn, but I have 2 wait till @ least my 2 sisters start working b4 I proceed, so dey can support my broda thru skool& I can take a break @ least. 2 God be d glory dey're both in final year, so by August latest dey'll be thru.

First of all, I will congratulate you for taking up such a huge responsibility. Not everyone will agree to do it. But you also have to realise that you have your own life to live. I'm not saying that you should abandon your family but try n create a balance.
How old are you? You can't just remain stagnant Becos you are taking care of your father's responsibilities. I'm sorry to say this but you are being used unfairly by your family.
Take for e.g my family were almost in the same situation as yours some years back. Our first born was d only one working when my dad retired i.e apart from our 2nd born who just got sth doing then. But my dad made sure he still lived up to his responsibilities. Apart from having to train his children, he also saved some amount of money which he used to open a business. Mind you even as he retired he was still looking for a job which he finally got. He did that cos he knew he had responsibilities. He knew that my 29 year old brother had a life of his own and should not be the one take up from where he stopped. To be cntd.

Chinum:


First of all, I will congratulate you for taking up such a huge responsibility. Not everyone will agree to do it. But you also have to realise that you have your own life to live. I'm not saying that you should abandon your family but try n create a balance.
How old are you? You can't just remain stagnant Becos you are taking care of your father's responsibilities. I'm sorry to say this but you are being used unfairly by your family.
Take for e.g my family were almost in the same situation as yours some years back. Our first born was d only one working when my dad retired i.e apart from our 2nd born who just got sth doing then. But my dad made sure he still lived up to his responsibilities. Apart from having to train his children, he also saved some amount of money which he used to open a business. Mind you even as he retired he was still looking for a job which he finally got. He did that cos he knew he had responsibilities. He knew that my 29 year old brother had a life of his own and should not be the one take up from where he stopped. To be cntd.

I agree with you

dahmie2013:
OP, u're so so right, I'm writing this 4rm experience. My dad retired, but he's not prudent with money so he lost all his money, luckily 4 him I'm d only investment he had by sending me 2 school & nw I'm working. U can imagine d pressure, my mum is a civil servant & her salary isn't much @ all. I have 3 siblings, 2 are in d uni, one studying medicine, d oda studying law & one is currently doing pre-degree. Sincerely I don't have savings, I spend money b4 it even gets 2 my hand. I try 2 give my sisters good amt as pocket money so dey will not feel inferior in school. Wen dey come home, I see d things dey buy 4 dem selves I'm happy dey always look better dan myself, dis is apart 4rm feeding o! I also feed d house, pay 4 utilities and send money 2 my mum @ times wen she's in need. My broda's predegree gulped abt 200k, which I had 2 carve out of my purse. Dats just predegree&not even admission. I have sacrificed a lot, even my friends dat earn less dan me are living better. I can't even say hw much I earn cos I don't even look it. Thank God @ least I don't pay rent. I can hardly go 4 events cos if I go, I'll spend so much on buying dresses and shoes. Its quite complicated, but all d same I thank God, cos he didn't allow my family 2 be beggers. Sometimes I think abt it& I get so angry @ my dad& I tell myself, "I don't have kids& I'm doing dis, when I have what will I do". It is well with us first borns, I have plans 2 further my educatn, but I have 2 wait till @ least my 2 sisters start working b4 I proceed, so dey can support my broda thru skool& I can take a break @ least. 2 God be d glory dey're both in final year, so by August latest dey'll be thru.

don't forget to invest in yourself too.

Pls it's not too late START SAVING NOW!!! no matter how small. God forbid but what if something happens to you today won't your family survive? All I'm saying is that you should strike a balance. Whether you accept it or not you are gradually towing the toes of your father cos:
1. No savings
2. The tendency of settling down late since you have to wait for your siblings to graduate before saving(following your logic). Who knows how many years it would take you to save enough that would enable you to settle down. Then by the time kids start coming you are close to 40/50. By the time they ready for the Uni, you are tired used up n probably retired.
3. Then you'll probably expect your siblings whom you trained to train your own kids forgetting that by then, they would also having their own family. Then anger would start to build in once they say no.

I have a friend whose 29 year old fiance is in the same boat as you. He works n schools outside the country. Despite d fact that he has an elder brother that is still looking for a job, he is the one taking care of the whole family including his retired parents. Every one looks up to him. When such a load is kept on dis young boy why should it come as a surprise when he developed high BP. Of course he is still thr trying to make everyone happy but the girl had to move on. Cos even if they settled down is it nt going to be am extra burden on him? Let's even take that she is working, is it while she takes care of the immediate family his own money goes out for the extended?
N.B Help your family as much as you can, assist them where necessary but try to balance it.

Lateralmaths:
don't forget to invest in yourself too.

Thanks o! By d grace of God I'm a chartered accountant. I just wish I cud do my masters.

dahmie2013:

Thanks o! By d grace of God I'm a chartered accountant. I just wish I cud do my masters.

God will see you through.

Financially, It's a big burden. especially if you have parents who don't plan and when they retire or maybe loose their job....its a nightmare.

Apart from that, last born or first born, lay a good example and make your siblings and parents proud.

Mathematical:
[b]first born are always given certain measure, line to cross, coz You're the eldest. Like the popular Yoruba adage (eshin iwaju ni teyin wo sare )meaning setting a perfect example for the siblings, that's a measure.am born into an average family circle where things aint that bouyant, its always like You're bn punished buh reverse is the case,
And I can’t let it be a negative impact. That’s enough reason to worry about what I’m doing, whether it’s the right thing or not, blah blah. Seriously speaking, I DISLIKE IT! As if I don’t have enough to worry about already! I can’t take a single decision without thinking more than twice about it. Yes, I don’t want to hurt my parents. But I wish they wouldn’t expect so much from me, that they would just let me explore life and live it, even if it means falling down or failing once in a while. With all these expectations, there’s too much on my mind. And there are times when I wish I could just do something to take it all off my head! I’m going through a similar phase right now. And it sucks,
In a hilarious twist of fate, you were taught at a very young age that you would have a great deal to do with your siblings’ upbringing, as those poor, poor children would look up to you as their greatest role models. Sigh..You were blamed for everything because even if you weren’t the one at fault, “you are older and you should know better.”You never know just how much to tell them and how much to hold back because in your eyes they are still these innocent little kids that don’t want to hear anything..
[/b]

Lol

I understand you totally

It was so annoying when my younger ones offend and I haveto over look because I am elder; I offended elder ones and it is why don't I have the sense to do better

Seriously? Aren't my elder ones supposed to overlook these stuffs also?

There is a serious call to duty My mom is happy I didn't get pregnant out of wedlock, finished school, got a good job (praying for better) married a loving hubby . It is an assurance that all will be well with my younger ones.

It is well


When one is from a poor family or a family the mother is lazy or parents think children are money making machines, then it is a call to duty and a burden

bukatyne:


Lol

I understand you totally

It was so annoying when my younger ones offend and I haveto over look because I am elder; I offended elder ones and it is why don't I have the sense to do better

Seriously? Aren't my elder ones supposed to overlook these stuffs also?

There is a serious call to duty My mom is happy I didn't get pregnant out of wedlock, finished school, got a good job (praying for better) married a loving hubby . It is an assurance that all will be well with my younger ones.

It is well


When one is from a poor family or a family the mother is lazy or parents think children are money making machines, then it is a call to duty and a burden

Exactly..

Joavid:
Financially, It's a big burden. especially if you have parents who don't plan and when they retire or maybe loose their job....its a nightmare.

Apart from that, last born or first born, lay a good example and make your siblings and parents proud.

I agree with you.

It's a priviledge!
Nothing burdensome about it

Well it's a whole lot of responsibility. So much expectations as u r expected to set pace.. not just any but good ones.
I thank God I am able to play my part.. I really think it's much easier when God blesses one. I think it's hightime we started praying for more blessing and d wisdom to justify that position.
@ dahmie2013, I understand how it feels. Pls don't be discouraged, keep pressing on, u r almost there. You can't even tell maybe God has blessed you because of the position he puts you. I believe everyone, especially your parents are proud of you and they are praying for you. Nothing beats that in one's quest for success.
However, I encourage you to invest in yourself too. You shouldn't put ur life on hold because of that. Here is what I do:
1. I cut down all unnecessary expenses (perhaps that's y I am so local and boring . from house to work to church. No party!, I would rather wash my car than take it to carwash.. that's like N 1500 savings weekly, I cook so no spending on expensive lunch and dinner).
2. Have a fixed percentage from ur salary say 30% (u really have to be reasonable here) for settling family and pls stay disciplined to it.
3. U need an understanding partner. ..so difficult to comeby.. u need God's favour to find one.. and make sure she's working so that she can at least take care of herself
4. Believe in urself and stay true to ur dreams; invest in ur dreams. . That's what will keep u going in future.
5. Stay close to God as He is the greatest burden bearer (Casting all ur care on him because he cares for u). He makes things so easy.. also, please remember to pay ur tithe

One thing I can tell you is that you'll never miss the reward.

This link could be helpful to this topic too. Here Wanana provides some helpful ideas.


http://www.bellanaija.com/2015/01/24/wanawana-breaks-down-the-elements-of-relatives-responsibilities-on-her-vlog/

To the glory of God it has been a real blessing for me. I have been able to live a life where my younger ones sees something to cherish and i am today happy that the two are in no way a burden to me. Funny enough we are all enginners in thesame field and with all doing fine. All these are made possible with the grace of God upon my life.
To add to this,my both parents are 1st born and my fiancee is also a first born. lol

dahmie2013:
OP, u're so so right, I'm writing this 4rm experience. My dad retired, but he's not prudent with money so he lost all his money, luckily 4 him I'm d only investment he had by sending me 2 school & nw I'm working. U can imagine d pressure, my mum is a civil servant & her salary isn't much @ all. I have 3 siblings, 2 are in d uni, one studying medicine, d oda studying law & one is currently doing pre-degree. Sincerely I don't have savings, I spend money b4 it even gets 2 my hand. I try 2 give my sisters good amt as pocket money so dey will not feel inferior in school. Wen dey come home, I see d things dey buy 4 dem selves I'm happy dey always look better dan myself, dis is apart 4rm feeding o! I also feed d house, pay 4 utilities and send money 2 my mum @ times wen she's in need. My broda's predegree gulped abt 200k, which I had 2 carve out of my purse. Dats just predegree&not even admission. I have sacrificed a lot, even my friends dat earn less dan me are living better. I can't even say hw much I earn cos I don't even look it. Thank God @ least I don't pay rent. I can hardly go 4 events cos if I go, I'll spend so much on buying dresses and shoes. Its quite complicated, but all d same I thank God, cos he didn't allow my family 2 be beggers. Sometimes I think abt it& I get so angry @ my dad& I tell myself, "I don't have kids& I'm doing dis, when I have what will I do". It is well with us first borns, I have plans 2 further my educatn, but I have 2 wait till @ least my 2 sisters start working b4 I proceed, so dey can support my broda thru skool& I can take a break @ least. 2 God be d glory dey're both in final year, so by August latest dey'll be thru.

i am heavily touched by your comments and no doubt abt it yah really trying. but this case apens wen d gap btw d siblings are much and aldo wen d number of children is much. The OP topic comes to individual in dft style. honestly, mine is a blessing. even wen i stl have my great grand parents,i endeavor to gv them what i have even while i was in uni. well, mayb cos i was already opend up frm childhood sha.
i started making money i was in uni. i order fo tins online and sell to ppl wc makes it easier fo me nt to depend totally on my parents and i try as much as possble to settles my siblings in a little way and dwn to my aged parents wc is why i said it comes to us in dft fashion. but all these are nt burden bt a task to build one up fo greater challenges.
moreso, the that yah d 1st born doesnt mks responsibilties to b dawn on . av seen cases where family turns to d last born fo assistance.so,its al joy fo me to b a leader and i wish wen nxt i to ds world to stl b one

weezii:

Exactly my mind.

When a first born is a male child and unfortunately the family loses the dad, all eyes turns to the first born to manage their affairs and stitch it together for everyone.

So first born sons always have a major burden to take care of atyms

yea am a living testimony lost my dad early last year and d journey so far has bin d most challenging and mysterious journey a person can ever imagine. buh i thank God i am still alive

Lateralmaths:
like seriously

yes oo over serious oo. up to d extent that i hv cut all ties wit all extended family members to save my head. its easier and in most cases more successful to fight ur enermies from afar

chuksey1:

yea am a living testimony lost my dad early last year and d journey so far has bin d most challenging and mysterious journey a person can ever imagine. buh i thank God i am still alive

It is well bro. Just keep marching on and don't lose hope.

I lost ma dad in ma 2nd month in 2nd in Medical school but today I've graduated and currently serving. Twasnt easy but with determination and focus its achievable.

I hope my lil testimony will spur u and many others on to greater heights.

The loss of a father in family isn't always easy for the 1st born esp males but its not the end of the road as you can still achieve what you want to in life...only that it might now take longer time

weezii:

It is well bro. Just keep marching on and don't lose hope.

I lost ma dad in ma 2nd month in 2nd in Medical school but today I've graduated and currently serving. Twasnt easy but with determination and focus its achievable.

I hope my lil testimony will spur u and many others on to greater heights.

The loss of a father in family isn't always easy for the 1st born esp males but its not the end of the road as you can still achieve what you want to in life...only that it might now take longer time

thanks boss

Hmmmmm I am the last in the house and I feel previledged though I still have responsibilities oo . I also wish to settle with the 1st or 2nd born, reason are best known to me.

This was my initial thoughts b4 nau, my parent use 2 tro more responsibilities on me even @ my tender age. I taught it was a punishment but it was just a way of making me a man on my own.

Let us not also 4get dat 1st born especially sons get de lion share in d family.

Essaswtcious:
Hmmmmm I am the last in the house and I feel previledged though I still have responsibilities oo . I also wish to settle with the 1st or 2nd born, reason are best known to me.

Hmmmm okay oh. Goodluck!!

I was reading pole comments here n well let mi drop this,IST born sons not easy am one myself and I know as e dy go.well my dad is retired with not one penny def,my mum funds my education wt my sis but higher concentration on my sis leaving me out.well we thank God that I Av not gone astray.i school at contonu....i do odd jobs to survive n sed to my dad even when am in school.my mum get bar Gann cus na Russia she dy but spends on her elder bro children heavily.men let me not talk long story

PS I sleep at d bus park n wake up from dere to go to school.tho Av been tempted loads of tyms to act like bus touts I could not cus my voice sounds like a girl n my looks like ajebo.cnt wait to finish up

hbpeze:
I was reading pole comments here n well let mi drop this,IST born sons not easy am one myself and I know as e dy go.well my dad is retired with not one penny def,my mum funds my education wt my sis but higher concentration on my sis leaving me out.well we thank God that I Av not gone astray.i school at contonu....i do odd jobs to survive n sed to my dad even when am in school.my mum get bar Gann cus na Russia she dy but spends on her elder bro children heavily.men let me not talk long story

PS I sleep at d bus park n wake up from dere to go to school.tho Av been tempted loads of tyms to act like bus touts I could not cus my voice sounds like a girl n my looks like ajebo.cnt wait to finish up

May ur hustle never be in vain bro. I wish you well!!

weezii:

May ur hustle never be in vain bro. I wish you well!!

amen.tnx man

I do not envy my elder brother at this moment. I wonder how I would have coped in his place.

weezii:

Hmmmm okay oh. Goodluck!!

[b][/b] why the hmmmmmmm? Is it going to be a burden considering my position?

Essaswtcious:

[b][/b] why the hmmmmmmm? Is it going to be a burden considering my position?

Nope ma'am I only did that cos of the ..."Reasons best known to me" part you added

[quote author=weezii post=30583912]
Nope ma'am I only did that cos of the ..."Reasons best known to me" part you added

Ok. So hwdy?

what of in a situation where you are the first child, first son and the only son? and you are only two, your younger sister and you.
that's the situation am in. and am not even from a wealthy family.

[quote author=Essaswtcious post=31347915][/quote]
Am cool,
Tryna pave way for maself n family..
1st born no be beans, but to come people na better moin moin

SkinnyDude:
what of in a situation where you are the first child, first son and the only son? and you are only two, your younger sister and you.
that's the situation am in. and am not even from a wealthy family.

What challenges are you facing?