Yesterday I decided to have a good conversation with my husband on certain matters affecting our marriage for its good. And it turned nasty. Though i expected it but not to the extent of how it ended. My husband doesn't know how to handle certain issues. He told me my own faults which I agreed to work on and I also told he him his fault but he refused to accept it.

To cut the story short, it turned out to be a heated argument because he always insists he does the right things while I do the wrong ones. And it became a tongue lashing thing. I am not the abusive person but i was surprised at what I said maybe because the issue has been Piling up which I feel bad about. He too said hurtful things to me later on.

I also said I wasn't interested in the marriage if he can't accept his fault and make efforts to change. He told me what am i waiting for that I can leave the next day which is today. I said fine I will leave and to my suprise, this morning, he gave me transport fare to go back to my parents house. I expected him to beg me and say he will change not give me transport fare. He even took my own keys to the house and gave the security to lock the door after I leave

Please I need your advice. Though one of my neighbours who heard the argument said I shouldn't leave but stay and beg. I love my husband but his character is what's putting me off.

Please how do I try and calm him as well as. Clear this mess cos the marriage is still young?
Tnx criticisms and advice are welcome

Please no front page!

Heated arguments does no one any good because we say things we don't mean and sadly can't take it back.

When my husband annoys me knowing how he can like to debate I just send a long e mail stating clearly all my points no accusations, no fault finding infact I bullet the issues so as angry as he may be he can clearly read and understand what I am saying and most times that works as he now understands where I am coming from and we debate on a level playing field and sort out our issues.

You made a threat you didn't mean, he is also doing bragado he may not mean, hoping you will beg because if you self go to your parents and you are both called in you will both feel foolish in the end
Both of you are childish and hot headed talking and acting irrationally without thinking.
You self why threaten to walk out when you can't follow through? Why expect that he will beg you for threatening him? Who told you that works? If you make a threat be ready to follow through especially when you have a marriage situation where your husband has seen you finish and can easily call your bluff.

Anyway, since you self know you can't leave swallow your pride and stay, if you can leave you wont be here asking for advice, swallow your pride, stay and talk when he gets back or send him a message explaining clearly how you feel please no emotional blackmail be straight and concise in your message
Marriage is not as seen on African magic.

Send him a message straight and concise explain how you feel and how hurt the actions you speak about make you feel. Apologise for over reacting and when he comes watch his reaction and sort it out


Lessons learned I hope for you is never to make idle threats else na you go shame

Nne, biko stay jare! You guys should work things out.......he's angry at the moment and just need a little touch on his head to calm him down. Marriage is all about endurance and the willingness to forgive and move. Just apologise to him and you guys will be fine

aisha2:
Heated arguments does no one any good because we say things we don't mean and sadly can't take it back.

When my husband annoys me knowing how he can like to debate I just send a long e mail stating clearly all my points no accusations, no fault finding infact I bullet the issued so as angry as he may be he can clearly read and understand what I am saying and most times that works as he now understands where I am coming from and we debate on a level playing field and sort out our issues.

You made a threat you didn't mean, he is also doing bragado he may not mean, hoping you will beg because if you self go to your parents and you are both called in you will both feel foolish in the end
Both of you are childish and hot headed talking and acting irrationally without thinking.
You self why threaten to walk out when you can't follow through? Why expect that he will beg you for threatening him? Who told you that works? If you make a threat be ready to follow through especially when you have a marriage situation where your husband has seen you finish and can easily call your bluff.

Anyway, since you self know you can't leave swallow your pride and stay, if you can leave you wont be here asking for advice, swallow your pride, stay and talk when he gets back or send him a message explaining clearly how you feel please no emotional blackmail be straight and concise in your message
Marriage is not as seen on African magic.

Send him a message straight and concise explain how you feel and how hurt the actions you speak about make you feel. Apologise for over reacting and when he comes watch his reaction and sort it out


Lessons learned I hope for you is never to make idle threats else na you go shame

pls, i want to be your friend......you're so real, honest and on point. Well said *kudos*

aisha2:
Heated arguments does no one any good because we say things we don't mean and sadly can't take it back.

When my husband annoys me knowing how he can like to debate I just send a long e mail stating clearly all my points no accusations, no fault finding infact I bullet the issued so as angry as he may be he can clearly read and understand what I am saying and most times that works as he now understands where I am coming from and we debate on a level playing field and sort out our issues.

You made a threat you didn't mean, he is also doing bragado he may not mean, hoping you will beg because if you self go to your parents and you are both called in you will both feel foolish in the end
Both of you are childish and hot headed talking and acting irrationally without thinking.
You self why threaten to walk out when you can't follow through? Why expect that he will beg you for threatening him? Who told you that works? If you make a threat be ready to follow through especially when you have a marriage situation where your husband has seen you finish and can easily call your bluff.

Anyway, since you self know you can't leave swallow your pride and stay, if you can leave you wont be here asking for advice, swallow your pride, stay and talk when he gets back or send him a message explaining clearly how you feel please no emotional blackmail be straight and concise in your message
Marriage is not as seen on African magic.

Send him a message straight and concise explain how you feel and how hurt the actions you speak about make you feel. Apologise for over reacting and when he comes watch his reaction and sort it out


Lessons learned I hope for you is never to make idle threats else na you go shame

Thanks for d advice

ammyluv2002:
Nne, biko stay jare! You guys should work things out.......he's angry at the moment and just need a little touch on his head to calm him down. Marriage is all about endurance and the willingness to forgive and move. Just apologise to him and you guys will be fine

Tnx I appreciate

ammyluv2002:
pls, i want to be your friend......you're so real, honest and on point. Well said *kudos*

Lol, am bad most of the time oh

I expected him to beg me and say he will change not give me transport fare. He even took my own keys to the house and gave the security to lock the door after I leave

Haaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha!!!

First off never give someone an ultimatum you can't carry out.....

My dear stay oh!work on your faults and hopefully it will bring him to change too.

5minsmadness:

Haaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Lol can't help it that part was funny.

aisha2:


Lol can't help it that part was funny.

In fact I have a similar issue going on now, not sure if to open a thread about it since they are quite alike. Too many ladies watching 'Mr&Mrs'! Africamagic no be real life oh!




Wait oh op, is your name B****a?

looking at your post history
,

is your husband the same person that called off the engagement after four years?

5minsmadness:

In fact I have a similar issue going on now, not sure if to open a thread about I since they are quite alike. Too many ladies watching 'Mr&Mrs'! Africamagic no be real life oh!




Wait oh op, is your name B****a?

The funny part about making threats is when you dare them and even help them fulfil it story will change.

I knew someone whose husband was always threatening to throw her out and divorce her, when she finally got tired and decided to leave he locked her in for 2 days she had to break out and now its over 3 years he is refusing to appear in court, refusing to sign the divorce papers.
I don't like threats, I would probably do what her husband did lol.
But both of them are young and in love just a little to fast with words and actions. Poster must have been threatening him before this couldn't be the first time lol

pickabeau1:
looking at your post history
,
is your husband the same person that called off the engagement after four years?

Poster please say No abeg.

aisha2:


The funny part about making threats is when you dare them and even help them fulfil it story will change.

I knew someone whose husband was always threatening to throw her out and divorce her, when she finally got tired and decided to leave he locked her in for 2 days she had to break out and now its over 3 years he is refusing to appear in court, refusing to sign the divorce papers.
I don't like threats, I would probably do what her husband did lol.
But both of them are young and in love just a little to fast with words and actions. Poster must have been threatening him before this couldn't be the first time lol




Poster please say No abeg.

@bolded that's why I want to confirm her name o, cos if she's the one she no talk the tori finish!


@op if you are who I think you are then you have to be honest with yourself. You know the kind of man you married. And you know how ya mouth be(no offence). Apologise to bros and don't let this matter escalate. You can do it with play if you are feeling your pride has been hurt but don't use pride to spoil a good thing o!(you know what I mean)

NairalandersBusting bubbles since 2005!!No secrets anywhere sha!


Aisha gave the best advice and I believe there are things you are not telling us....your hubby can't just wake up and be so hostile......Haba!

Lesson no. 1, never threaten your partner hoping that he will fall for it.

The only thing you can do now is to apologize. You better call him and do it on the phone so that he can calm down before he returns home. If he doesn't pick up, send him a sweet message, in which you apologize and tell him that you will be home waiting, so that he is prepared that you will be at home on his return and can take his time to calm down.

I don't think that this is the long-term solution but it might help you for today. Good luck.

contrary to most opinions, it's actually good to make threats whether u have the balls to carry it out or not. I've seen it work many times.The secret is to study the person before making a threat. Anyways, my advice is for you to retain ur dignity and prestige as a wife of value who knows her worth and file for divorce. I'm not saying divorce him. Take ur threat to a higher level let him see that u r serious. he will come begging. If he comes home and still find u in the house, on ur knees, automatically u will become a rag in his sight and he can do wateva he please. But if he comes home, see divorce papers staring him in the face, he'll beg especially when the terms and conditions are not favorable to him.

lofty900:
contrary to most opinions, it's actually good to make threats whether u have the balls to carry it out or not. I've seen it work many times.The secret is to study the person before making a threat. Anyways, my advice is for you to retain ur dignity and prestige as a wife of value who knows her worth and file for divorce. I'm not saying divorce him. Take ur threat to a higher level let him see that u r serious. he will come begging. If he comes home and still find u in the house, on ur knees, automatically u will become a rag in his sight and he can do wateva he please. But if he comes home, see divorce papers staring him in the face, he'll beg especially when the terms and conditions are not favorable to him.

She obviously has no guts to follow through
She may have made this threat several times hence leading to his " go to hell reaction "
The terms it seems favor him as its not even in her plans to leave she was hoping to be begged while she has now turned to the beggee. The secret to playing cards is knowing when to bluff, when to fold and when to pack up, poster obviously didn't know her cards well

lofty900:
contrary to most opinions, it's actually good to make threats whether u have the balls to carry it out or not. I've seen it work many times.The secret is to study the person before making a threat. Anyways, my advice is for you to retain ur dignity and prestige as a wife of value who knows her worth and file for divorce. I'm not saying divorce him. Take ur threat to a higher level let him see that u r serious. he will come begging. If he comes home and still find u in the house, on ur knees, automatically u will become a rag in his sight and he can do wateva he please. But if he comes home, see divorce papers staring him in the face, he'll beg especially when the terms and conditions are not favorable to him.

and what if he signed the divorcr paper


@op, please swallow your pride and beg him, this is marriage, not working enviroment. Such thing is expected in marriage abeg.

lofty900:
contrary to most opinions, it's actually good to make threats whether u have the balls to carry it out or not. I've seen it work many times.The secret is to study the person before making a threat. Anyways, my advice is for you to retain ur dignity and prestige as a wife of value who knows her worth and file for divorce. I'm not saying divorce him. Take ur threat to a higher level let him see that u r serious. he will come begging. If he comes home and still find u in the house, on ur knees, automatically u will become a rag in his sight and he can do wateva he please. But if he comes home, see divorce papers staring him in the face, he'll beg especially when the terms and conditions are not favorable to him.

As in eh, BIG MISTAKE. Op do not try this at home, at work, or anywhere!

Hehe I hope this is real. He handed you a Tfare back to your parents house?? Sorry sweetie but had to get this out of me; Is he MAD??

Chaircover & Co will come over to give soft words... I'm pissed at the mo.

What arrant nonsense..

No he is not.

pickabeau1:
looking at your post history
,

is your husband the same person that called off the engagement after four years?

@Op, the last time a woman in my compound threatened and carried it out leaving 3 kids behind,she met another lady by the time she came back to beg.

Maybe hubby is even tired and looking for an opportunity to send you home.

Some men can form.

If u know he's the hard hearted type and u still want to be with him, beg please.It won't remove anything from your flesh.

aisha2:


She obviously has no guts to follow through
She may have made this threat several times hence leading to his " go to hell reaction "
The terms it seems favor him as its not even in her plans to leave she was hoping to be begged while she has now turned to the beggee. The secret to playing cards is knowing when to bluff, when to fold and when to pack up, poster obviously didn't know her cards well

Well, i made up my mind if he doesn't beg, then i ll leave. I was leaving when i was stopped by my neigbhour and she told she heard our argument and she asked me not to leave like that. That its just a young marriage. Our gate man is elderly and he told me to go back and stay put. I stil have the keys to my parents house and later i though about it and decided to stay.
My main concern is how to calm my husband and ask for forgivness because he hardly forgives

cionon:
No he is not.

Ok

So what advice do you need

From your post you already were on your way out if not for the gateman

Why do u want to beg when you are not remorseful

aisha2:


She obviously has no guts to follow through
She may have made this threat several times hence leading to his " go to hell reaction "
The terms it seems favor him as its not even in her plans to leave she was hoping to be begged while she has now turned to the beggee. The secret to playing cards is knowing when to bluff, when to fold and when to pack up, poster obviously didn't know her cards well

exactly, we're saying d same thing. she didn't know her cards well that's y I'm saying she should not beg immediately. I'm a guy and I know how d mind of guys work. The only thing that will stop him from begging her if she files for divorce is only when he has completely lost every iota of love for her. in that case is there any need to beg?

greatgod2012:



and what if he signed the divorcr paper


@op, please swallow your pride and beg him, this is marriage, not working enviroment. Such thing is expected in marriage abeg.

my dear he won't sign anything, trust me. He'll know his ego has been bruised and he'll go through the papers word for word. A divorce suite sends chilling messages to the hearts of even the strongest men.

What kind of nonsense is that? It takes two to tango regardless whom's at fault. They both said regretful things to themselves. Throwing her out is belittling and disrespectful IMO. Kids parading as grown up men these days... What happened to talking things through? You both have a mission to fulfill ; making it work.

My husband snapped yesterday when I refusedto budge to his idea.. We both took a breather (through church service) and begged EACH OTHER in the end. Marriage takes two. Period.

cionon:
Yesterday I decided to have a good conversation with my husband on certain matters affecting our marriage for its good. And it turned nasty. Though i expected it but not to the extent of how it ended. My husband doesn't know how to handle certain issues. He told me my own faults which I agreed to work on and I also told he him his fault but he refused to accept it.

To cut the story short, it turned out to be a heated argument because he always insists he does the right things while I do the wrong ones. And it became a tongue lashing thing. I am not the abusive person but i was surprised at what I said maybe because the issue has been Piling up which I feel bad about. He too said hurtful things to me later on.

I also said I wasn't interested in the marriage if he can't accept his fault and make efforts to change. He told me what am i waiting for that I can leave the next day which is today. I said fine I will leave and to my surprise, this morning, he gave me transport fare to go back to my parents house. I expected him to beg me and say he will change not give me transport fare. He even took my own keys to the house and gave the security to lock the door after I leave

Please I need your advice. Though one of my neighbours who heard the argument said I shouldn't leave but stay and beg. I love my husband but his character is what's putting me off.

Please how do I try and calm him as well as. Clear this mess cos the marriage is still young?
Tnx criticisms and advice are welcome

Please no front page!

@OP:

Quite sad

I am very worried at the bolded....

If your hubby did not go to the extent of collecting your keys and instructing the security man to lock the door after you are gone (i.e. stopping at the transport fee stuff), waiting for him and apologizing would have worked IMO,

But now, call his bluff, go home and let your parents settle the real issues underneath

It is well

Why threaten to leave when you don't have the liver nor the desire to carry out the threat? Just stay and continue to beg then. Next time allow your brain work faster than your mouth.

ileobatojo:
Why threaten to leave when you don't have the liver nor the desire to carry out the threat? Just stay and continue to beg then. Next time allow your brain work faster than your mouth.

Exactly my thoughts.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.