My friend's child has a low self esteem. She feels inferior when she is with other kids her own age. At first I thought maybe she was an introvert but I later realized it has more to do with a low self esteem. I think the mother maybe contributing to it but how does one help a child with low self esteem. What do you do that does not make her feel more inferior.

Buy her attractiv clothes nd shoes and thinhs dah wil mk her frnds envious.

Giving her clothes and attractive stuffs won't really help cos she'll feel even more inferior. Make her feel loved, tell her mama to refrain from using hurtful words on her. How you talk and behave to a child goes a long way in shaping their esteem.

At any given opportunity, commend and praise her for what she is doing right. Even when she has made a mistake, gently and lovingly point this out and never compare her with her peers. Try to make her feel good about herself. Tell her regularly that she is pretty and smart.Some parent think that by condemning or criticizing a child frequently, they are motivated to do better. Well, for some children this may work but for many, it may break their spirit and make them feel inferior with the mindset that they can never match up with others.

And why do you think the mother is contributing to this?

Cutehector4u:
Buy her attractiv clothes nd shoes and thinhs dah wil mk her frnds envious.

This may not be the best way to go. It is not only about what she wears i.e cloth and shoes, self esteem comes from within. That is why some adult can only feel good with materials things. They keep buying shoes, bags, cars etc to feel good with themselves but inwardly they are empty.

Chaulay1:

At any given opportunity, commend and praise her for what she is doing right. Even when she has made a mistake, gently and lovingly point this out and never compare her with her peers. Try to make her feel good about herself. Tell her regularly that she is pretty and smart.Some parent think that by condemning or criticizing a child frequently, they are motivated to do better. Well, for some children this may work but for many, it may break their spirit and make them feel inferior with the mindset that they can never match up with others.

And why do you think the mother is contributing to this?



This may not be the best way to go. It is not only about what she wears i.e cloth and shoes, self esteem comes from within. That is why some adult can only feel good with materials things. They keep buying shoes, bags, cars etc to feel good with themselves but inwardly they are empty.

ur right in a way. Buh self esteem comes frm within and no one can mk u hav low self esteem

buy her bobo... 1 carton...

























keeping buying her bobo til she's high on self esteem... that's how they trained me o

Get her enrolled is sports, dancing a choir , church activity or something similar. That helps chidren. The meet new kid`s and open up.

Tell her how special she is.

sophy09:
My friend's child has a low self esteem. She feels inferior when she is with other kids her own age. At first I thought maybe she was an introvert but I later realized it has more to do with a low self esteem. I think the mother maybe contributing to it but how does one help a child with low self esteem. What do you do that does not make her feel more inferior.

Spend time with her, let her do things, for example, let her help you cook and compliment her, let her read out something to you and compliment her, let her draw a picture and show how much you like it. Help her achieve something by teaching her new things and appreciate it.

Tell others how well-behaved, sweet, friendly she is and make sure she can hear it.

Give her attention and spend time with her so she feels that she is important and that you care.

How do you think does her mother contribute to her low self-esteem?

Chaulay1:

At any given opportunity, commend and praise her for what she is doing right. Even when she has made a mistake, gently and lovingly point this out and never compare her with her peers. Try to make her feel good about herself. Tell her regularly that she is pretty and smart.Some parent think that by condemning or criticizing a child frequently, they are motivated to do better. Well, for some children this may work but for many, it may break their spirit and make them feel inferior with the mindset that they can never match up with others.
And why do you think the mother is contributing to this?
This may not be the best way to go. It is not only about what she wears i.e cloth and shoes, self esteem comes from within. That is why some adult can only feel good with materials things. They keep buying shoes, bags, cars etc to feel good with themselves but inwardly they are empty.

The mum contributes to it by the way she refers to her especially when she does something bad. She reports her to anyone and everyone. She goes that is so and so kid, she is already knows how to cook. What can you do? When you tell the mum she is like she is encourage her.

The only solution is involving her in everything both the serious n not serious activities,praise her more,make her feel like the most beautiful,tell her she's just the best gift from God. Do this continuosly,always tell her positive things no matter what she looks like,ensure she's outstanding where other kids are....

Tell her she z very beautiful. Tell her she z smart. Tell her she z very unique. Let her affirm it. Let her repeat it to herself. Let her mingle with other kids with these new words.

My children would never suffer from self esteem like I did. Never.

sophy09:
My friend's child has a low self esteem. She feels inferior when she is with other kids her own age. At first I thought maybe she was an introvert but I later realized it has more to do with a low self esteem. I think the mother maybe contributing to it but how does one help a child with low self esteem. What do you do that does not make her feel more inferior.

Do you know what has triggered this?
This is the first step, after which you can work on that
In the mean time, take time to talk with her. You may have to go down to her level.
Find out what interests her, what she is watching, who her firends are and so on
Find out what she is good at, eg music, crafts, writing etc andencourage her to do that.
Because she enjoys it, she will excel at them
She can enter competitions, win prizes
All this will boost her esteem

If its to do with beauty
let her know that her body is still changing and she is much loved.
Show her pictures of how she has changed over the years

You just have to keep on talking and encouraging her & doing fun things together
Where is her dad?
The dad and daughter relationship is very very important
A lot of a girls self esteem comes from her relationship with her dad
Be also very careful what is said around her. Some kids are very sensitive
Even if she has flaws dont say it in a negative way

sophy09:


The mum contributes to it by the way she refers to her especially when she does something bad. She reports her to anyone and everyone. She goes that is so and so kid, she is already knows how to cook. What can you do? When you tell the mum she is like she is encourage her.

Okay, I just saw this
Yes its Okay to tell a kid off, (as parents we all want them to do well) but we have to be careful how we say it and how we get the message accross. A single wrong word may damage that child for life.

As parents we also need a balance and this is where many parents fall down
When the child does wrong they are quick to tell off and punish but very slow to praise when the kid does well which is very sad.
Some parents also dont know how to get down to the level of the childs understanding and everything is done so high up & rhe child does not understand why.

I dont see the need of reporting the kid everywhere and to everyone. It serves no point.
Yes; to a special aunty or uncle. Sometimes a child opens up more to a "trendy" aunt/uncle and even listens to them . . .. so long as the person is responsible then thats OK

Her mom needs to make a change FIRST .. Once a kid is damaged, regaining confidence after that tween phase (8-12 years) could be tasking to achieve.

Read this incredibly and insightful book and once shared it in fun room 'raising confident kids', it added more tips to my existing knowledge about Tweens challenges.

I'll look for it in my iBooks/kindle and paste it if I find it

Excellent point @ ewuro.
The change and boost had to come from inside the house especially from d parents so talk to d mummy and daddy(depending on whom u r closer to)

It would hv been better if u r one of them.
All children look up to their parents as gods and will take their words more than they do of an outsider.

If d parents don't know how and what to do, u can educate them. Then with their approval befriend the gal.
Make sure that whatever u do with her d parents must see and acknowledge. This is
very important to d gal.
Eg, if she writes d names of past presidents correctly for u and u r done praising her,tell her to take it to d parents to see and let her hear them praise her.
Then watch how she interacts with kids and know if there is a bully around or try to find out what makes her feel inadequate among her peers and take it from there.

Sometimes it's very advising to come to their level so as to know what's really wrong.

Thanks Moca , nice points too.

Was having a talk with one of the kids regarding her repeated nonchalant attitude towards her school papers. She comes home and scatters everything on the table and never cleans up till you call her on it. Everyday I dare not to laugh or joke with anybody ( on the phone/text sef) right after that moment if I want a peaceful evening She's so touchy to everything , that's the phase. I understand & respect that.

Parents need to understand these kids have feeling too. Even though we are still the boss

sophy09:


The mum contributes to it by the way she refers to her especially when she does something bad. She reports her to anyone and everyone. She goes that is so and so kid, she is already knows how to cook. What can you do? When you tell the mum she is like she is encourage her.

She sounds no better than a kid herself.

A kid bringing up a kid. What does one expect?

chaircover:

Do you know what has triggered this?
This is the first step, after which you can work on that
In the mean time, take time to talk with her. You may have to go down to her level.
Find out what interests her, what she is watching, who her firends are and so on
Find out what she is good at, eg music, crafts, writing etc andencourage her to do that.
Because she enjoys it, she will excel at them
She can enter competitions, win prizes
All this will boost her esteem
If its to do with beauty
let her know that her body is still changing and she is much loved.
Show her pictures of how she has changed over the years
You just have to keep on talking and encouraging her & doing fun things together
Where is her dad?
The dad and daughter relationship is very very important
A lot of a girls self esteem comes from her relationship with her dad
Be also very careful what is said around her. Some kids are very sensitive
Even if she has flaws dont say it in a negative way

That is just sooooo true.

You know, looking at my 2 nearly 3 year old, she is just sooooooo full of life, oozes self-confidence, and mingles very well with other children on the outside. But how did she get to be like this? Many of the comments I've read on here point to it.

There are so many little things I/we do at home that build up to it, I wasn't even consciously aware of. Take for example her relationship with her dad. They're very close. To the point where if she's naughty and I say, "I'll tell daddy", she laughs at me as per - tell him now. Early this morning, dad gets up to give her a bottle of milk while tucking her in her blanket as she'd kicked off the covers in her sleep. What does she do? Whines the minute he turns his back, so dad picks her up and places her on our bed, snuggled between us both. The look on her face while sucking on her bottle? Priceless. They eventually both went down to watch cartoons together.

I fix her hair myself on weekends. Earlier during the week, we went shopping together for hair accessories (she's the only that has my time. The boys get bored). Shopping with me is one of her favourite activities as she gets to choose what she wants and I get her to tell me why she makes certain selections. Anyway, I fixed her hair with these and even while doing so, told her mummy will make her hair look like a princess's, would she like that? I also tell her very often that she's our princess and whenever I pick her up, I do say to her, mummy loves (her name). She also gets her goodbye kiss from dad when going to school in the mornings.

Taking your daughter out (playgroups, etc) as often as you can goes a long way to building her interpersonal skills. I take mine swimming once a week and for the past couple of weeks, her swim teacher has used her in demonstrating to the class how to do certain things (e.g star floating on the back with/without a float, swimming and blowing bubbles at the same time, etc) and I can't even begin to say how much it's boosted her confidence.

At home, she knows she's special because she's treated special. She knows whenever she calls me, I'll always be there for her and her older brothers also (sometimes) spend time with her too when they're less busy. She is a very confident child. We never use harsh words on her (no need to) and she does have a lovely personality, albeit being very loud and outspoken too, but that's just her expressing herself.

The reason I've typed this sooo long a post is just to harp on the importance of how the little things you do at home and outside, can go a long way to building a child's self confidence.

Everyone made a valuable point. Personally I think the mum is to blame.To me I think she puts her frustration on her daughter. The way I see it, she expects a lot from her daughter but she does little to help. This is a woman who say she does think she has the head for books but you expect your daughter to read and know every assignment she brings home without trying to assist in anyway she can. It hurts me because this is a smart and brilliant girl who has a very low self esteem. Girls like this can be easily manipulated by men who will abuse them and they see it as a good thing. Is there a way I can make the mother see how she is degrading her child personality? Because there is no way I can help without the mother's input.
Thanks