Dear Taiwo,

Please, help me and advise me on how go about this dilemma I am in. Some people might see this as trivial, and feel it is not my business, but I believe it is mine because I am a witness to everything that is going on with my parents.

I know how my mother works herself almost to death to make sure we have the good things of life, including good education. I also know that most of the times, she finances my father’s business and almost all the time, whenever my father borrows money from her, instead of returning the money he would quarrel with her and not come back home for weeks and sometimes for months until my mother begs him.

Now I know why my father cannot make ends meet, he is always broke and why he doesn’t want us to come to the Southern part of Nigeria. Whenever we mention the fact that we want to come home on holidays and stay with my father, would prefer to come and meet us in Abuja.

My parents are Ibadan indigenes, but they resided in Lagos until my mother was transferred to Abuja, she works in a ministry. My younger sister and I were very young then, so we had no choice than to follow her. My father is a businessman, he stayed back in Lagos and later he decided to move to Ibadan; according to mum, the then governor of the state, happened to be a good friend of his and he believed he would be able to get contracts from him.

The house we lived in Lagos belonged to my mother; so as not to leave the house unoccupied, they both decided to rent the house out since daddy moved to Ibadan. After my secondary school, I gained admission into one of the private universities in Lagos. I am in 300 levels now and daddy has never for once taken me to his house in Ibadan. Whenever I raised the issue, he always said it would be too inconvenient for me.

Anytime, mum had to come down south, she stayed in Lagos because majority of her family members stay in Lagos and instead of daddy insisting that she comes over, he too would join us in Lagos. I don’t know if they had ever quarreled over the issue of another woman, I am so sure if they had my mother would have me. Majority of their quarrels is over the way daddy wastes mum’s money and how he never returns the money he borrowed.

With what happened in my room when I resumed school this session, I want to believe I know why daddy behaves the way he does.

When we resumed, I was the first to be allocated a space in my room as a 300 level student. Later, two 200 level students who were obviously friends joined me and they took a corner, leaving an empty bed space in my corner. After I had settled, I went out to see some of my friends and to help my friend who has a challenge. It was a little late by the time I returned to the hall. I met one of my 200 level roommates at the entrance and she told me that I have a corner mate who incidentally looks like my younger sister.

I smiled and made to move on, she said she was serious and in fact we both have the same surnames. I became curious and walked quickly into my room. I was shocked at the uncanny resemblance. I had no choice, but to ask her about her family.

She told me her family resides in Ibadan; she is the first of her parents’ children with two younger male siblings. Her father she said has a business outfit in Lagos and Abuja. Initially, I didn’t ask for her father’s first name, but my curiosity got the better of me the more I looked at her. I eventually learnt that her father’s first name happened to be my father’s too.

The coincidence is too much to be ignored. Two days after I met her, I called and told my mother, she said the girl could be a cousin of mine as my father has an extended family. That settled it. I liked her, and the fact that people call her my sister.

Something happened three weeks ago, she fell ill. She is asthmatic; incidentally, my father and younger sister are too, so I know what it takes and how to take care of them when they suffer an attack. I have always been of help to her and I taught her a lot of tricks against the ailment. In fact, I gave her some of the recipe for the traditional medication my mother uses for my sister.

She fell really ill and was diagnosed to have severe chest infection. The school clinic had to invite her parents to come. As usual, I went to the school clinic to see her that evening after my lectures. Thank God, my other roommates were not there with me.

One of the nurses came to inform us that her parents were around and they would see her in a minute. Her mother rushed in first, greeted and thanked, then hugged her daughter. Her father also walked into the ward with the doctor and I do not need to be told it was my father, even though I had my back to the door, the moment he spoke.

I turned round and our eyes met. That minute, we were both quiet; he pretended as if he didn’t know me when his daughter introduced me as the one who has been taking care of her and the fact that we share the same surname, imagine, my father had the guts to ask who my father is and where I came from.

He then excused me outside. I couldn’t say anything other than to ask him why? He pleaded with me to please keep this from my mother. I couldn’t say a word, I walked away. They had to take their daughter or should I say my half-sister home. She hasn’t returned to school. My father had been calling to plead with me to keep this from my mother since then. I have stopped picking his calls and I still haven’t told my mother.

This is a man who doesn’t know how my sister and I go about our education, talk less of visiting us in school. He has visited my half-sister several times. I haven’t met him because most of the time, its either they stay in the car or they talk at the school’s cafeteria. I am so unhappy and this is really beginning to affect me.

Please, advise me, should I tell my mother?

Eyinade.

http://www.tribune.com.ng/heartcopy/item/29324-should-i-tell-my-mother-i-met-my-father-s-other-family

Please tell.

Yes, pls don't keep it from her but make sure your mum is not hypertensive o. Calm her down and in a quiet environment, explain everything to her. She has suffered enough to be ignored. She deserve to know d truth.

I think it's best you tell your mother. Sorry excuse of a husband and father. SMH

If I was in those Shoes, I wouldn't tell a Soul.

Instead I will give my Dad a chance to face his mistake by standing up to it himself. I'll argue him to tell both wives of either family existence. A family reunion.

Or sadly, I will.

This things is getting rampart ; a colleague just narrated how a man that has a house in Idimu and yet has another family in Magodo; the woman that told me is a friend to the first wife..............Things are happening oh. You dont even know who to trust.

See I'm sorry o... but if he had the heart to have an affair outside his marriage to ur mom, have and nuture a kid Datz now in the university (To tell you how long he has been cutting shows), take money from ur mom to cater for his other family... the you shouldn't pity him coz of a few calls.
Then again, if you love ur mom, u'd tell her ASAP.

asadike:
Yes, pls don't keep it from her but make sure your mum is not hypertensive o. Calm her down and in a quiet environment, explain everything to her. She has suffered enough to be ignored. She deserve to know d truth.

She needs to tell her mother; because incase the mother dies; the man will claim all the properties for his other family;let her know so she can do her WILL fast! Men wicked sha Jeremaih 17

..and the truth shall set you free.

She was very fast to tell her mother when it was was just suspicions, now that it's not just an allegation, she is asking for advice.
If it's me ehn, I will tell my mother, tell that girl, and if possible, tell her own mother seff.
Why should I have to carry his burden when he isn't such a good father and husband to my mum?

He should tell her mother



The woman needs to.know the truth because the man is such a jackass.

And he still have the mind to collect money from her to finance his family in Ibadan....... That man no get common shame at all

Mum would certainly find out but it might b late if u dont tell her.

Telling her wuld certainly destroy d home, y not tell an elderly one close to mum nd see if it would be ideal disclosing it to mum since dey know beta abt ur family.

Yoruba men nd having secret family is something i dont understand....

Tell him to bribe you with a huge sum of money, i mean a very huge sum. After successful collection of the money, you can then let your mum know about everything.

am sorry to say my frd, u dont av a father n dat man doesnt love ur mother. He is only using ur mother as money purse where he takes money when he want it. I cant say if u shd tell ur mother because i dont knw her n how she will react to such news, but if am d one in dis situation i wont tell my mother she wont be able to hold. Doubt,if she wont give up. To tell ur mother or nt depends on who ur mother is? If u think telling her will lead to her being on d hospital bed better watch it dude. For a father to deny his firstborn n first son dat tells it all,u dont av a father.

From experience I will advise you to call your mom sisters and let them take it from there cos its better she knows and starts to prepare you guys. My mum changed her will and she passed on later. That was a life saver for I and my sisters

Since your mother already has the upper hand IN YOUR EYES, why bother with a LOZA?
You think she does not know already?

Whatever she is doing is for the benefit of the children. . . not the husband.
You need to sit back and learn, for YOUR TURN will come someday!

Yeah! MIND YOUR BUSINESS. . . .there is more you may not know between your father and mother.

menix:
Mum would certainly find out but it might b late if u dont tell her.

Telling her wuld certainly destroy d home, y not tell an elderly one close to mum nd see if it would be ideal disclosing it to mum since dey know beta abt ur family.

Yoruba men nd having secret family is something i dont understand....

There is nothing Yoruba about her father's life style. This happens everywhere. There is a female friend of mine whose family is going through exactly this and the man is not a Yoruba man.

Let her tell her mum. The relationship has been destroyed about 20yrs ago. There is nothing much they can do now to amend. Please tell ur mum immediately.

menix:
Mum would certainly find out but it might b late if u dont tell her.

Telling her wuld certainly destroy d home, y not tell an elderly one close to mum nd see if it would be ideal disclosing it to mum since dey know beta abt ur family.

Yoruba men nd having secret family is something i dont understand....

The thing is not limited to a tribe;every evil men does it,white inclusive not to mention indians

KanwuliaJara:
Since your mother already has the upper hand IN YOUR EYES, why bother with a LOZA?
You think she does not know already?

Whatever she is doing is for the benefit of the children. . . not the husband.
You need to sit back and learn, for YOUR TURN will come someday!

Yeah! MIND YOUR BUSINESS. . . .there is more you may not know between your father and mother.

She needs to tell her mum fast;this man may be planning evil to eliminate her.

Why am I humming

This is super story

A secret that was never yours to begin with, is not yours to share.

The man has to be the one to reveal his double life, give him an ultimatum if necessary.

crackhaus:
A secret that was never yours to begin with, is not yours to share.

The man has to be the one to reveal his double life, give him an ultimatum if necessary.

If you are in her shoe;you keep mute!

Omooba77:

If you are in her shoe;you keep mute!

Yes, but at the same time give him an ultimatum to tell my mother himself.

I hold all the cards in this situation and determine which direction the game is played thereon out.

crackhaus:

Yes, but at the same time give him an ultimatum to tell my mother himself.

I hold all the cards in this situation and determine which direction the game is played thereon out.

And whats the end game?

crackhaus:

Yes, but at the same time give him an ultimatum to tell my mother himself.

I hold all the cards in this situation and determine which direction the game is played thereon out.

Please don't try that,the man will just drop you,desperation can make him do anything,giving him ultimatum is an invitation to your own death!

Seun please read this story and let others learn too

Omooba77:

The thing is not limited to a tribe;every evil men does it,white inclusive not to mention indians

Well i know 3 families in same shi.t nd dey same tribe, datz d reason i went to dat direction.

thou i quite agree wiv u....

menix:


Well i know 3 families in same shi.t nd dey same tribe, datz d reason i went to dat direction.

thou i quite agree wiv u....

I understand you;it is more pronounced in Yoruba land because of religion inclination of being a christian;an Hausa man has nothing to hide because he can marry 4 wives

pickabeau1:


And whats the end game?

The end game will be both women finding out, which in reality is the only end game - the cards I hold only determine how quickly we get to that point.

It's left to him to go reveal his secret as soon as possible or delay while I hang it over his head as collateral in continuously having my way ( my first request - every single penny he borrowed and now owes my mother must be paid back in full, after which he must never ask her for any more financial assistance).

Omooba77:

Please don't try that,the man will just drop you,desperation can make him do anything,giving him ultimatum is an invitation to your own death!

Lol...

I seriously doubt he be capable of that.

crackhaus:

The end game will be both women finding out, which in reality is the only end game - the cards I hold only determine how quickly we get to that point.

It's left to him to go reveal his secret as soon as possible or delay while I hang it over his head as collateral in continuously having my way ( my first request - every single penny he borrowed and now owes my mother must be paid back in full, after which he must never ask her for any more financial assistance).

First paragraph.. OK.. makes sense though the mum may know already and obviously the second woman knows


Second.. why is that any of your biz

pickabeau1:


First paragraph.. OK.. makes sense though the mum may know already and obviously the second woman knows


Second.. why is that any of your biz

The woman I call mother painstakingly supports a man who has another family elsewhere with her hard-earned money, is none of my business?

Why do you assume the woman knows, and will still be comfortable lending him money?