FOREXMARTS:


Lol that's why I laid out the 4 options for her, the case is tricky.

babyosisi:


Honestly
The latest marriage in my family was by a cousin to a man from adamawa or somewhere there,I guess after the one from my village almost killed that relative,things changed.
There was one relative that brought a man from Tiv,They almost disowned her and bluntly refused and she ran away and came back with belle and his whole family pleading for her hand before they agreed.
Today that man is one of the best inlaws in the family

FOREXMARTS:


Hmmm okay most people fear "I won't have my parent's blessings if I go against their wish, they will cut me off or even curse me". Ehhhhhh I don hear but honestly I don't believe in all that balderdash. I learnt as early as a 13 year old that freedom comes with responsibility. You are responsible for the side of the divide you choose cos right now it's a kerosene/water situation you're in now. Here are the 4 possible outcomes.

1 You marry him in court damning the consequences and luckily marry the best man on earth.

2 You marry him in court damning the consequences and end up marrying the devil but you can't go back to ur parents now

3 You marry the man ur parents prefer and luckily marry the best man on earth.

4 You marry the man ur parents prefer and end up marrying the devil but can still escape back to ur parents.

My dear you must choose oh. Personally I follow my guts, prepare to take responsibility if the isshhhh hits the fan by having plan B,C,D and so on but we're two different people. Personally I go with option one. It's my life, I write my story, I can only be advised and guided by parents and elders but won't be coerced.

You could work with option 3 and 4 conservatively.

#runs out of thread through the window, peeps back in. Ladies am I safe to come in? (lol).

Herzumpther:
Lol @ came back with belle.
Eyah that's so cute...one of the best in-laws...really cute.

I use to think it depends on who we are and not where we come from but my dad keeps hitting on "Yoruba's". Ma'am babyosisi imagine the way I ran like a mad woman at the sight of a ring, people were just looking like is she alright. I wonder how he must have felt. What do I even say happened that made me run like that if I pick his call? Honestly I'm ashame of myself. I feel I didn't behave well, the best I should have done was explain and not run like a mad person.

babyosisi:
I had an assistant ( African American ) at work that told me that when she went to introduce her boyfriend to her father as an intended
Her father excused himself and went into his bedroom and came out with a gun and placed it on the table
The father proceeded to tell the suitor that he lost his beloved sister in the hands of her husband and if he dares lay a hand on his daughter,he will be looking down the barrel of that gun
I laughed so hard ,I thought it was extreme but that is how much men love their daughters
And every husband ought to know that you are very loved by your family and that they didn't throw you away when they gave you away in marriage.
That is very very essential
Every husband ought to get that picture
There is a level of respect he accords you when he knows he wasn't a life saver

prissyluv:

Thanks madam. I am doing my best here. My dad hardly listens to anyone. He prefers doing what is in his mind. My aunties has talked to him and still talking to him but no way. He is even more concerned of what people will say than my happiness. I am really tired,this issue has drained me.

MojAyo:
I think she knw the kind of person her husband was before settling down for him,ve she nt been seeing all dis wicked stuffs before getting married to him,I believe there is nothing like a perfect marriage,u only make it work for the future of ur kids,the one ephee said about her man nt being responsible,many men re like dat today,bt there women re still supporting their man for the kids sake and marriage sake,every women ve their marital problems,bt its just only d way they address it that matters most,only if there is no love in the marriage will a man spank his two month old baby with his wife,I think d guy has some mental issues,sorry to say,with all what ephee mentioned out here

babyosisi:


If you truly love this man and he fits the criteria tell him about your father's misgivings
Ask your father what his fears are
Then let the man go with a relative to meet your father
They may actually sort it out

MojAyo:
maybe I'm doing something dat he dnt like,dats why he is beating,so I'm gonna try to change dat,we do love each other so much

mutter:


My daughter was 26 hours old!

He is on his fouth marriage after me and told me recently he wants to get married again.

Herzumpther:
Lol.

I remember when my elder sister's hubby came for his first introduction my dad gently escorted him to his car, dad was working and heading anti robbery patrol team then. Just last year he told us that he copied the car number he came with and every info my sister's hubby dropped and first located his house with his anti robbery team, went to check every info of the car and digged well before he finally gave his consent. It was not funny as I never knew my dad could go that far.

Herzumpther:
Says Yoruba's especially those from Lagos marry plenty and he can't stand me being maltreated.

Remember I once told you that my mum will say if you are looking for Mr Daniel's trouble or looking for him in anyway just touch Herz and you will end in jail. My dad will follow you and fight you with his last strength and all he stands for in life.

Herzumpther:
Hmmmm. I've been the one giving excuses because my dad said he won't let me marry a Yoruba man....I don't know but... Do I still let him meet my dad on his own?? I mean try his luck? I've not told him my dad has said he won't let me marry from the west.

babyosisi:


What exactly was it
I believe this is the source of the problem

babyosisi:


What exactly was it
I believe this is the source of the problem

babyosisi:


I don't blame him o
Many people are not what they seem.there was a thread here about 3 years ago regarding one Igbo father in law to be that wanted to visit the office of the future son in law and make he works there and is all he claimed to be
People thought it was about tribe
Not at all
Women have married so called business men that were armed robbers
All these 419ers and ritualists no be women dey marry them?
I applaud any father that will go to any length to check out the son inlaw

babyosisi:


This is certainly not normal.
Did you witness abuse as a kid?
Was your father in your life?
Do you have an overbearing mother?

ichidodo:
You see am...If na me, i won't hear pim from you. Infact because of the excuses you make for him i would show you my red eye if ever u broach that subject and prepare my cutlass if dat guy stands near my domot. But i could be impressed if a young man walks up to me (not behind the excuses of my daughter),lays out plans he has for my daughter, calms my fears and wins my trust.Infact if he serenades me any longer...Im go marry me. Tell your man your dad's fears and urge him to go talk to him -even though we cringe at the thought- but if your man won't stand up for himself and you,who will??

babyosisi:


Then in that case,let him tell that to the man and the man will look him in the eye and make him a promise he won't do that
It is all for your own good
There are plenty who marry one wife.
I don't want you to miss out on a good man because of his tribe

striktlymi:


With all those horror stories??

@Bold: You are scaring me shytless. You are saying that even with the 'right person' things can still go wrong?

Mehn..this was worse than I thought.

Here was I trying to make myself believe that the only challenge is finding the 'right person'.

What really makes marriage work if it is not about being with the 'right person'?

By 'right person' I mean one who you can cherish for life, not necessarily mr or miss perfect.

laykhorn:


Its not really something I like to talk about but Ill try to talk a little on it.
I remember it happened in 2002. My Dad used to work in the Ministry of Education back then. He simultaneously holds the post of an interim Headmaster in a private school -- which I was a Primary5 pupil of as at the time -- so he was very busy.
Sometimes in August, my mum gave birth. I recall the baby's health was a cause to worry so she was still in the hospital for like 13days. Myself and my brother would stay with our neighbor till my Dad returns late at night.
One of those days, our neighbor's daughter --who usually picks us from school and I can be sure of being atleast 8 years older than I am -- bullied me to off my cloth, massage her breast, she played with my willy for a while such that it became painful and I was crying but she was someone I fear so much and my she could report me to my dad of obstinacy.
It didnt take long to brush the memory aside but my mum and siblings know I resent her so much that If she comes around, I always find excuses not to come in contact with her or to greet her. Its something I rarely remember, sometimes not in a year so I dont see it to be a problem since its not an obsession.
BTW, I think this is the first time I'm telling someone about this.

Herzumpther:
I met this guy 2 years ago and we started out as good friends. His mum is from Osun state and his dad from Lagos state. He is really nice and humble........I don't know how to describe him. At first I tot he was too good to be true because of the way he behaves...........at a point he took our friendship to another level and by then I already knew he was all I wanted, I was just waiting for him to poop the question lol. He didn't ask me out tho but made me his friend and we got so close that I became very comfortable with him and all of a sudden we just saw ourselves talking marriage and that was it. I told my dad in Jan last year that somebody was coming for me and he asked me from where, I told him Yoruba and he looked at me like...... Eh.....which part and I said Lagos. Daddy said "Herz just remove your mind from there, I will never allow you marry from the west and I won't give my blessings, the earlier you stop seeing him the better for everybody". I became emotionally down and started giving olalekan space. People still come for me and I misbehave along the line, some I just snub. Last year alone i turned down 9 suitors even tho I met another guy from awka and decided to go with him I still misbahaved but went back to him but it seems like it can never work because the communication is not there and I beg even before we see. I already decided to let him go because ......its not just working.

On the other hand the Yoruba guy still doesn't want to let go as he keeps saying I'm too different for him to let go and with me he feels inner peace. Me too my mind is kind of still there. Each time his parent visit Nigeria he will tell me they want to come but I just keep giving excuses.

Last week Saturday he called me to meet him up and pooped the question I was once longing to hear from him and as soon as I saw the ring I took to my heels, entered a bus to a destination I didn't even hear well all because it was the last seat just to run away. He came to Nigeria just for me as he shuttles Nigeria and America where his parent are based.

My problem now i can't seem to get him out of my system. Its weighing me down. I want to be happy again. Please help me. I misbehave and can't get a relationship going again. How do I stop thinking of him and be normal again??

laykhorn:


I think I'm starting to see a better picture but I dont think its still anyhow related. Yeah! Once abused by a neighbor about 10 years older but its been over 12 years now. I've gotten over that a long time ago and I dont even remember till this very moment you mentioned it.
I dont think its the cause.

cococandy:
You gotta be the right person for her too for the relationship to work.

If she's miss right for you and you're not me right for her,guess what? It won't work.

It takes combined effort.

babyosisi:


Now you ate talking.
I am not a soothsayer but drawing from my own experience where I had doubts about my first fiancé even though he was a generally fabulous guy,I knew there must be something that didn't quite sit with you about this man.This problem is a small one.
He should go to a good dentist for a teeth cleaning and some teeth bleaching if it is that yellow.
That will solve that problem
I wouldn't miss a good man because of yellow teeth,there is a solution to that.
If you bring it up nicely and offer to do same with your teeth with him together,it will come out better
Tell him it is towards the wedding so you can both have beautiful smiles for your wedding pictures.

I met this guy 2 years ago and we started out as good friends. His mum is from Osun state and his dad from Lagos state. He is really nice and humble........I don't know how to describe him. At first I tot he was too good to be true because of the way he behaves...........at a point he took our friendship to another level and by then I already knew he was all I wanted, I was just waiting for him to poop the question lol. He didn't ask me out tho but made me his friend and we got so close that I became very comfortable with him and all of a sudden we just saw ourselves talking marriage and that was it. I told my dad in Jan last year that somebody was coming for me and he asked me from where, I told him Yoruba and he looked at me like...... Eh.....which part and I said Lagos. Daddy said "Herz just remove your mind from there, I will never allow you marry from the west and I won't give my blessings, the earlier you stop seeing him the better for everybody". I became emotionally down and started giving olalekan space. People still come for me and I misbehave along the line, some I just snub. Last year alone i turned down 9 suitors even tho I met another guy from awka and decided to go with him I still misbahaved but went back to him but it seems like it can never work because the communication is not there and I beg even before we see. I already decided to let him go because ......its not just working.

On the other hand the Yoruba guy still doesn't want to let go as he keeps saying I'm too different for him to let go and with me he feels inner peace. Me too my mind is kind of still there. Each time his parent visit Nigeria he will tell me they want to come but I just keep giving excuses.

Last week Saturday he called me to meet him up and pooped the question I was once longing to hear from him and as soon as I saw the ring I took to my heels, entered a bus to a destination I didn't even hear well all because it was the last seat just to run away. He came to Nigeria just for me as he shuttles Nigeria and America where his parent are based.

My problem now i can't seem to get him out of my system. Its weighing me down. I want to be happy again. Please help me. I misbehave and can't get a relationship going again. How do I stop thinking of him and be normal again??

cococandy:
Aww. Poor you.
But you guys live in Lagos na where does he expect your husband to come from if not from around Lagos?
I know you're fond of your daddy but you can try stand your ground see it how it works.
It might offend him at first but when he sees your mind is fixed on this man,he may relent a bit.

Herzumpther:


You are getting me wrong. I told my father a Yoruba man wants to come o and he said never. I did not make excuse for him instead I've been scared to tell him my sad has said I won't marry from the west.

I only pre informed my father and since then he has said I should just forget that side o. Na me dey use excuse delay the guy from coming while I sort my dad.

moca:

Was scanning tru and saw this.

Men and sweeping things under the carpet as nothing
Hey guy,what contol all our actions on earth is d mind.
As a kid, ur mind is supposed to see no evil cos it will forever store away in ur memory.
U might decide to blank it off but it will control u without ur consent.

That was why I was not comfy when a lady here said the daughter always wipe her eyes whenever she is crying.

Google the mental capability of a child and u will see that what u r and will be is moulded when u r a kid.

ichidodo:
Your problem isn't difficult..though we also have reservations about these intertribal marriages especially now that divorce rates are skyrocketing, women are getting mistreated in their homes and nobody wants his daughter far away where he can't protect her....we expect your guy to pick up the gaunlet and go meet your father..man to man... and ask for your hand in marriage.That way your dad can unburden his deep thoughts to him and both can delibrate issues like men and come to an understanding..An understanding that should assuage your father's deep fears. A woman should not be sent to do man's job.