EfemenaXY:


My dear, I'm not adverse to asking question oooh!

If he wanna sell his "magic oil", we need to see some sort of demonstration that it works, but also ensure that it won't work it's magic in the "wrong" areas.

EfemenaXY:


You still don't get it. It's got nothing to do with "buying into an idea of generalization", but asking you not to make sweeping statements about certain cultures / tribes.

I'm not Benin, neither is any member of my family married to a Benin person (in case anyone's wondering about my stance on this issue), and I think it's unfair for you to assume that just because her man is Benin, then it automatically translates into the fact that he must or will be cheating on her. Cheating isn't the exclusive preserve of any tribe but dependent on the makeup / personality of the individual in question. Meaning, you do have Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa, Urhobo, Benin, Ghanian, Arabian, European, Asian, Eskimo, etc men who can and have played the field.

Tell me this: If your female relative had kept to marrying someone from her village, would that be 100% guarantee that her marriage would be one long street paved with gold and nothing but entire martial bliss?

Another important point is that women can also play the field too. So strictly speaking, it isn't a one-way street. Be that as it may, every tribe has got it's faults but that notwithstanding, it's no cause to tar everyone from a particular culture with the same brush. It's extremely short-sighted.

Additionally, I did mention in my post that even if the families can't travel to each other's place (I still don't see why that's an unachievable feat), they can make concerted efforts to meet half way. Either way, it is important they meet so they table and discuss their misgivings. And yes, I still think that if they'd done that, there wouldn't have been any need to turn up at what ought to be a joyful occasion and treat it like a funeral (your words)

laykhorn:


Its not really something I like to talk about but Ill try to talk a little on it.
I remember it happened in 2002. My Dad used to work in the Ministry of Education back then. He simultaneously holds the post of an interim Headmaster in a private school -- which I was a Primary5 pupil of as at the time -- so he was very busy.
Sometimes in August, my mum gave birth. I recall the baby's health was a cause to worry so she was still in the hospital for like 13days. Myself and my brother would stay with our neighbor till my Dad returns late at night.
One of those days, our neighbor's daughter --who usually picks us from school and I can be sure of being atleast 8 years older than I am -- bullied me to off my cloth, massage her breast, she played with my willy for a while such that it became painful and I was crying but she was someone I fear so much and my she could report me to my dad of obstinacy.
It didnt take long to brush the memory aside but my mum and siblings know I resent her so much that If she comes around, I always find excuses not to come in contact with her or to greet her. Its something I rarely remember, sometimes not in a year so I dont see it to be a problem since its not an obsession.
BTW, I think this is the first time I'm telling someone about this.

EfemenaXY:


Just 365 days of marriage and you already feel like this?

I think you need to ask yourself why you married this man in the first place. Was it due to peer / family / societal pressure? Or did you marry him because you felt time was running out on you, so you just had to "manage" anyone who asks your hand in marriage? Incidentally, which brings me to ask: how old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

On the other hand, have you gone through any life changing experiences of recent? Like giving birth to a baby for example? Or getting pregnant, hence your feeling trapped?

You need to give us a bit more about your circumstances.

ichidodo:
Why must we make concerted efforts to meet halfway?..there are more than a million igbo families and ours have to make concerted efforts to meet halfway?!.. by the way what is it exactly is this your meeting on halfways....can you care to elaborate...and yes we prefer the risk of our daughter maltreated in our area than the lottery of her being taken care of in the middle of nowhere far from her comfort zone, at least here we have cultural checks and balances to curb any misunderstandings.. Now imagine the free for all in an intertribal marriage.

babyosisi:


Please be very frank and sincere,since you are newbie,you can always deactivate and come with a new name if you choose
Is there now a new man in the picture
Tell us the whole truth
These kind of feelings usually come after you have met someone else

ikechizoba:
am currently pregnant and i just clocked 26 on the 12th of dis mnth

ikechizoba:
pls am for real here, i hvnt met anyone,i just feel lik am living with d wrong man,i dnt feel complete,a [b]friend told me it might b d effect of the bby am carrying[/b]l

edwife:


Why did you marry him in the first place?what attracted you to him?how long did you know him before tying the knot?
and lastly what makes you think you married the wrong person?

EfemenaXY:


So why did you lot "allow" her marry an outsider if you all feel like this? Better still, why attend the marriage ceremony if you couldn't be happy for her?

EfemenaXY:


Ahhh!! So there's a bun in the oven like I suspected.


My advice to you is not to sweat it. Pregnancy is a "funny" period and sits differently with different women. Your hormones are all over the place at the moment (which is normal), but you need to relax and take things easy. Focus on your baby and try not to stress yourself too much. It'll all settle eventually, I promise you that.

Congratulations, mami.

ikechizoba:
6mnths b4 tying d knot,wat attracted him to me was his good heart and nature bt after d wedding i found out some faults in him which i didnt notice then nd i cnt tolerate them,its as if those faults in him has made him less d man i desired we dated for

ikechizoba:
6mnths b4 tying d knot,wat attracted him to me was his good heart and nature bt after d wedding i found out some faults in him which i didnt notice then nd i cnt tolerate them,its as if those faults in him has made him less d man i desired we dated for

Babymama1:


I love my husband greatly but at pregnancy at some times I couldn't stand him
There were some days everything he said or did was Wrong
Even asking me to get his dinner,I will just shout

" must you command me like that,am I your maid"?

Any attempt to clarify he didn't mean it that way I will start crying and accusing him of not being loving
I hope that makes you feel better

EfemenaXY:


Ahhh!! So there's a bun in the oven like I suspected.


My advice to you is not to sweat it. Pregnancy is a "funny" period and sits differently with different women. Your hormones are all over the place at the moment (which is normal), but you need to relax and take things easy. Focus on your baby and try not to stress yourself too much. It'll all settle eventually, I promise you that.

Congratulations, mami.

mutter:


She has been feeling this way all along, even before the pregnancy.

Probably now she feels more trapped in a situation that she does not want to be.

The Op is not content and thinks she could have got something better.
That is a great danger in a marriage because the ground is ripe for cheating. You could easily get tempted.

This is one folly women have and it is human. Wishing to be like the other woman. Looking at what the others seem to be enjoying in their marriage.
You should try and appreciate your husband and what you have. The grass is not greener on the other side.

ikechizoba:
my dear,u are right and am trying to appreciate my husband bt on the other hand i want him to b exactly wat i want him to b,PERFECT,dats y i feel someone out there might b beta in being dat

mutter:


She has been feeling this way all along, even before the pregnancy.

Probably now she feels more trapped in a situation that she does not want to be.

The Op is not content and thinks she could have got something better.
That is a great danger in a marriage because the ground is ripe for cheating. You could easily get tempted.

This is one folly women have and it is human. Wishing to be like the other woman. Looking at what the others seem to be enjoying in their marriage.
You should try and appreciate your husband and what you have. The grass is not greener on the other side.

cococandy:
no it is not your fault.
Even when you don't do anything,as long as he's formed the habit of beating on you, He will always find reasons to continue.
For some simple silly reasons as laughing too hard in front of guests, what? Are you trying to seduce them? . He will beat you when they are gone.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT O.

My sisters pls have some self esteem bikonu and walk away with your body and pride intact.

MojAyo:
dear,its like u knw my husband vry much,becos what u said here is synonymous to what he do,imagine,laughing with a guy infront of him,he will say me and d guy re into something together,he once slapped me becos of dis issue,bt I think I'm going to do all my best to make it work for my baby sake,nothing like a perfect relationship

ephee:


if i knew he was such a person i wunt even touch him wit a ten feet pole.he lied about everytin only to find out later but i stil endured his silly habits until d very last incidence dat made make up my mind to leave wit my child before i end up dead one day.


i gave him a long string of chances to see if he wuld change but he didnt instead it got worse . asides from love,the fear of God in a man matters a lot

cococandy:
I wish you the best of luck

MojAyo:
tanx my love,u knw men can be vry complicated,bt u can't say becos of dat ,u won't get married,becos society won't favour u at all with d stigma of a single old woman

moca:


At times we plan on doing something and we find out it doesn't go d way we had planned it.
Have u been to the ttc thread?
Go there and read a page only.

All of them had plans but it didn't work out the way they wanted it.
So d earlier d better. If there is a problem,it should be discovered and tackled early.
I'm being realistic.

And remember,how many nigerian men will accept to adopt

moca:

I'm not arguing or debating with u.
I stated real facts of life and those who will understand it will,trust me.
Let's not over flog it.
Adults don't spill it all most times.

carefreewannabe:


Which facts?

bukatyne:


Don't let go till the very end

My fellowship president waited about 5yrs before the parents agreed he married his wife.

The lady even had a terrible accident which which they claimed was a sign yet it did not deter him.

They are happily married today.

Sometimes, our parents try to live their lives through us and We must know when to stand our ground and say no

bukatyne:


Don't let go till the very end

My fellowship president waited about 5yrs before the parents agreed he married his wife.

The lady even had a terrible accident which which they claimed was a sign yet it did not deter him.

They are happily married today.

Sometimes, our parents try to live their lives through us and We must know when to stand our ground and say no

Hotstepper:

Please, don't you have parents or relatives? And why won't u allow u to take ur children ? Is he home 24/7? Plan your escape and run until matter is settled nd he's a changed person